Watching Tv Funny Quotes

The whole world is watching America, and America is watching TV. ~ Sam Levenson

I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The alternatives in my life went through my mind. Unemployed, alone, despairing, watching daytime TV. That couldn't end well.

Or helping people, like genuinely making a difference. Imagine waking up and doing that every day? ~ Ruth Ahmed

This almost never happens, but what is really relaxing is just being in this house all by myself, sitting quietly and watching TV. But I basically never get that chance. ~ Chris O'Donnell

Football is my profession now. I'm getting married in August ... It's a new experience for me as someone just getting out of college. I still have the same attitude about football I always had. I play hard. I enjoy practice. I'd rather be throwing in passing drills than sitting around and watching TV. ~ Doug Flutie

I remember I prayed to God. I was like, "Just let me be on TV." Let my friends see me on TV in a good thing. I like, if I'm funny a little bit on a commercial and then I don't need to act ever again. "Just let them see me." And then it worked. I got the commercial. I was on TV. My friends all saw me. I was a kind of a star at school for like three days. And then it faded away and I was hungry and I had to like make another deal with God. I remember it still. ~ Jack Black

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV? ~ Bruce Coville

I used to stay up at night and sneak into the TV room, past my parents, who were asleep, to watch Saturday Night's 'Main Event.' That's how I started watching SNL. On accident. ~ Andy Samberg

We've observed that people who stall in their personal growth work often have counterproductive soft addictions that stand in their way of growth and having the life they say they want. It can be a simple thing, such as watching TV instead of finishing a project. ~ Judith Wright

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard. The mailman will get shot, the envelope will not seal, the stamp will be in the wrong denomination. The final payment must be made in wampum. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Our cultures used to be almost hereditary, but now we choose them from a menu as various as the food court of a suburban shopping mall. Ambition, curiosity, talent, sexuality or religion can draw us to new cities and cultures, where we become foreigners to our parents. Synthetic cultures are nimbler than old ones, often imprudently so. They have scattered so widely that they can no longer hear each other and now some have gone so far afield that they have passed through the apocalypse while the rest of us are watching it on TV. ~ Neal Stephenson

Like, I have had moments, which I think most people have, where you'll be watching TV, and it'll be interrupted by some tragic event, and you'll actually find yourself thinking, 'I don't want to hear about this train being derailed! What happened to 'The Flintstones?' ~ Al Yankovic

Good music comes out of people playing together, knowing what they want to do and going for it. You have to sweat over it and bug it to death. You can't do it by pushing buttons and watching a TV screen. ~ Keith Richards

People spend half of their free time drinking alcohol and the other half watching totally sober people on television. And they want to be those people, live those lives. Ever wondered why we rarely see a person actually drinking alcohol on television? It's because they would come across embarrassing sad-assed losers. They just wouldn't be entertaining. They would think they were. ~ Robert Black

You see things vacationing on a motorcycle in a way that is completely different from any other. In a car you're always in a compartment, and because you're used to it you don't realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You're a passive observer and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame. On a cycle the frame is gone. You're completely in contact with it all. You're in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming. That concrete whizzing by five inches below your foot is the real thing, the same stuff you walk on, it's right there, so blurred you can't focus on it, yet you can put your foot down and touch it anytime, and the whole thing, the whole experience, is never removed from immediate consciousness. ~ Robert M. Pirsig

This Network Generation have grown up in a connected world. With Skype, Facebook, Twitter and the Internet, the world is at their fingertips via their smart phone. They find the idea of watching TV programmes at a time to suit the broadcaster quaint and old-fashioned. ~ Douglas Alexander

In their studies, students who successfully acquired one positive habit reported less stress; less impulsive spending; better dietary habits; decreased alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine consumption; fewer hours watching TV; and even fewer dirty dishes. Sustain the discipline long enough on one habit, and not only does it become easier, but so do other things as well. It's why those with the right habits seem to do better than others. They're doing the most important thing regularly and, as a result, everything else is easier. ~ Gary Keller

In high school, I got picked on. It's funny that I got tormented for what I'm doing now - the acting thing. People would see me in a Nickelodeon commercial, and I would hear about it the next day at school. Kids would say, 'Hi, TV Boy.' They heckled. I never got beat up. ~ Jason Biggs

Watching television is another high-risk situation. This might seem counterintuitive, since people often look to TV as an escape - something to take their mind off things. But here's the problem: Most programs are simply not interesting or engaging enough to fully occupy the mind, so it's all too easy for our thoughts to wander off when we're sitting in front of the tube. Add to this the fact that depression impairs our ability to concentrate - including the ability to stay focused on a TV program - and it's no surprise that watching television is often a recipe for disaster. It's one of the most effective ways to usher in an extended bout of rumination. ~ Steve Ilardi

We made satires of everything - news broadcasts and TV shows that we watched. When I look at them now, they are totally amateurish, but I find it quite remarkable that we were so skeptical of the world! My parents watched them and thought they were funny; they really encouraged us. ~ Lev Yilmaz

Listen, dis foreign TV channels dey spoil de image of our country. Dese white stations dey make billions of dollars to sell your war and blood to de world ... We no bad like dis. OK, why dem no dey show corpses of deir white people during crisis for TV? Abi, people no dey kill for America or Europe?"
"You dey speak grammar!" someone shouted. "Wetin concern us wid America and Europe? Abeg, give us cable TV."
"Remove dis toilet pictures!" said another.
"So our barracks be toilet now?" the police answered. "What an insult!"
"You na mad mad police," Monica said.
"Ok, cable TV no be for free anymore!" the police said.
"But it's our pictures we are watching on cable TV," Madam Aniema said. "Why should we pay you to see ourselves and our people?"
The police answered, "Because government dey complain say cable TV dey misrepresent dis religious crisis. ~ Uwem Akpan

As I stepped onto the gloomy landing a word formed in my mind: two syllables, starts with a V and rhymes with dire. I froze in place. Nightingale said that everything was true, after a fashion, and that had to include vampires, didn't it? I doubted they were anything like they were in books and on TV, and one thing was for certain - they absolutely weren't going to sparkle in the sunlight. ~ Ben Aaronovitch

I always had one goal, and that was to be a real funny stand-up comic, and that's pretty much what I'm doing. And everything else is kind of like gravy - TV, movies. ~ Wanda Sykes

A parent spends three hours watching TV and only ten minutes playing with the children. ~ Jim Rohn

Just watching TV as a kid, for a long time I thought, as a young kid, obviously when I was, like, 4 or 5, I thought that people lived in the television. ~ Larenz Tate

He was flying over India now, still making notes. He remembered hearing an Indian politician on TV talking about the British prime minister and being unable to pronounce her name properly. "Mrs. Torture," he kept saying. "Mrs. Margaret Torture." This was unaccountably funny. ~ Salman Rushdie

I'm not against watching myself, but I miss a lot of it. I've got two little kids who we don't let watch TV. ~ William H. Macy

LIZZ WINSTEAD Instead of Jon playing a character - the news anchor, one of the derelicts in a derelict world of media - Jon made a creative decision to take the show in the direction of the correspondents presenting the idiocy, and then Jon is the person who calls out the idiocy with the eloquence that the viewer wishes they had. And he did it in a way that's not condescending, it's not smug. It's funny, it's emotional, it's calling out bullshit. So Jon became the voice of the audience. ~ Chris Smith

I don't like watching myself on TV, I don't like reading about myself. ~ Missy Franklin

This is your life! Do what you love and do it often. If you
don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If
you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking
for the love of your life, stop: they will be waiting for you when
you are doing the things you love. Stop over analysing, life is
simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every
last bite. Open your eyes, open your mind, arms and heart to new
things and new people ~ Russell Strand

I remember as a kid watching TV and seeing Mel Blanc doing his voices and Paul Winchell doing his ventriloquism and thinking, 'Those guys are having a good time. I want to do that.' ~ Jim Cummings

Gypsies at home watching Jerry Falwell on TV, might mean something to you, it ain't nothing to me. ~ Tom Petty

Fame you'll be famous, as famous as can be, with everyone watching you win on TV, Except when they don't because sometimes they won't.. ~ Dr. Seuss

I owe my whole acting career to the fact that I'm a singer. I went out to Los Angeles and auditioned for a TV show called 'Fame L.A.' The original role was for a comedian, but they said I wasn't very funny, so they asked me, 'What else can you do?' So I played a singer. ~ Christian Kane

Since the 1980s, I've been known more for my TV work, I used to host 'Live at Jongleurs' and of course 'Grumpy Old Men,' and so it's really all come from there. It's been a funny career really, there are people that know me now as a TV person, a comedian, an interviewer - I've had people genuinely gobsmacked to find out I am a musician. ~ Rick Wakeman

I didn't grow up watching a lot of TV. ~ Diane Kruger

My one goal when I started was not to actually vomit on TV or run away. ~ Kate McKinnon

My personal beliefs were shaped more by experience and by watching the news when I was young: images of angelic-looking college students in Mississippi crying like the world was ending because black people were being allowed on their campus; the slow mounting horror of Vietnam on the evening news every night; sitting with my parents in front of the TV and being appalled at the way the Chicago police were treating the protesters during the '68 Democratic convention. Being eyed with suspicion because of my age and the way I wore my hair. ~ James Vance

Reading history is like binge-watching the highlight reels from past seasons of current affairs. ~ Visakan Veerasamy

My dad influenced my musical taste. I grew up listening to Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones and a bunch of rock music from the '60s. Now, instead of watching TV, I'll play a record from start to finish. ~ Sarah Hay

I'm not a movie guy, I'm not a TV sitcom guy, but whatever seems to fit and is funny is good for me. ~ Dave Attell

What's great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you can know that the President drinks Coke. Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke, too. ~ Andy Warhol

And there's sort of a moment where everyone's sitting and thinking, you know? Like that feeling when you finish watching a film. You turn off the TV, the screen is black, but the pictures are replaying in your head and you think, what if that's my life? What if that's going to happen to me? ~ Alice Oseman

I don't really find a problem with technology or television, or anything. I'm a product of it. I grew up watching TV, and I don't think I'm too dumb or too crazy. ~ Jason Bateman

I'm exercising my right to free speech, because it used to be obese. For years all it did was sit on the sofa watching TV. ~ Jarod Kintz

I suggest Substituting Inedible Nurturance, or SIN. Don't replace overeating with virtuous work or exercise; instead, make a list of things you love, from watching TV to hanging out with favorite people. ~ Martha Beck

Just as you can't become a marathon runner by watching marathons on TV, likewise for science, you have to go through the thought processes of doing science and not just watch your instructor do it. ~ Eric Mazur

Watching TV on your own is not very inspiring. But meeting people is where you get new ideas and get things done. ~ Richard Rogers

Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' That show kills me. There's some funny stuff in there. ~ Rodney Atkins

In a car you're always in a compartment, and because you're used to it you don't realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You're a passive observer and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame.
On a cycle the frame is gone. You're completely in contact with it all. You're in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming. ~ Robert M. Pirsig

If I see a movie on TV that I'm in, I usually will watch it for that reason: It's like I'm watching another person. ~ Dakota Fanning