Virginity Jokes Quotes

So what are you going to do about Brandon's hymen safari? ~ Kresley Cole

Anyone and everyone taking a writing class knows that the secret of good writing is to cut it back, pare it down, winnow, chop, hack, prune, and trim, remove every superfluous word, compress, compress, compress...

Actually, when you think about it, not many novels in the Spare tradition are terribly cheerful. Jokes you can usually pluck out whole, by the roots, so if you're doing some heavy-duty prose-weeding, they're the first to go. And there's some stuff about the whole winnowing process I just don't get. Why does it always stop when the work in question has been reduced to sixty or seventy thousand words--entirely coincidentally, I'm sure, the minimum length for a publishable novel? I'm sure you could get it down to twenty or thirty if you tried hard enough. In fact, why stop at twenty or thirty? Why write at all? Why not just jot the plot and a couple of themes down on the back of an envelope and leave it at that? The truth is, there's nothing very utilitarian about fiction or its creation, and I suspect that people are desperate to make it sound manly, back-breaking labor because it's such a wussy thing to do in the first place. The obsession with austerity is an attempt to compensate, to make writing resemble a real job, like farming, or logging. (It's also why people who work in advertising put in twenty-hour days.) Go on, young writers--treat yourself to a joke, or an adverb! Spoil yourself! Readers won't mind! ~ Nick Hornby

This is not what I had in mind," she muttered to Bill,who was hovering,always,on the rim of the cupboard next to her washtub. She still wasn't used to being the only one in the kitchen who could see him. It made her nervous every time he hovered over other members of the staff,making dirty jokes that only Luce could hear and no one-besides Bill-ever laughed at.
"You children of the millenium have absolutely no work ethic," he said. "Keep your voice down,by the way."
Luce unclenched her jaw. "If scrubbing this disgusting soup tureen had anything to do with understanding my past, my work ethic would make your head spin. But this is pointless." She waved a cast iron skillet in Bill's face.Its handle was slick with pork grease. "Not to mention nauseating. ~ Lauren Kate

Artemis: I am not buoyed by that.
Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized.
Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone. ~ Eoin Colfer

Gray texted me a joke the other day. Want to hear it?"
"Knowing Gray's terrible jokes, probably not. But okay."
He rubs the back of his neck. "What do you call a cow with no legs?"
I caress his waist where muscles ripple. "What?"
"Ground beef. ~ Kristen Callihan

The best jokes in life, are the lies that have come out of your mouth ~ Cut Melinda

Star Wars film is breaking all previous box office records. (Why might we want to revisit those characters, that narrative, those jokes and tropes again, in this way, right now? I wonder what it will turn out to reveal about the economics and politics of this moment.) ~ Laura Mullen

Woody Allen - nobody has been a better joke teller than him - and even in his great films, it's always coming out of the character. If you don't have that, jokes are just empty and I think that people rely too much on jokes. ~ Brett Gelman

I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about this in the way that we make jokes about death - you should be able to make jokes about everything. ~ Caitlin Moran

You can repent of most sins by making restitution, but you can't bring a dead body back to life, and you can't restore your virginity. We are made in God's image, and God is no fornicator. ~ Josh Hanagarne

I tell the most horrible jokes. ~ Emmanuelle Chriqui

And he shall take a wife in her virginity. ~ Anonymous

Horsfall was fond of practical jokes. He once wired up a toilet seat to a battery and waited for a girlfriend to use it. 'The scream that Kath gave when the magneto was turned on was most satisfying,' he recalled. He even wrote a poem to commemorate the occasion.

I gave her time to start her piddle
Then gave the thing a violent twiddle
Before I could complete a turn
She closed the circuit with her stern,
And shooting off the wooden seat
Emitted a most piercing shriek. ~ Ben Macintyre

Audiences of critical thinkers are my favorite kinds of audiences. There are jokes I tell in the show that don't get laughs unless I am in front of an audience of critical thinkers. Put me in front of a crowd of science teachers or astronauts! The guileless aren't our audience - it's the critical thinkers we love. ~ Adam Savage

I joke with my kids, who love history, that I'll be the only governor to be elected twice in his first term. ~ Scott Walker

I want every idea I have to make me money. I want every post I write to have 10,000 Facebook likes. I want every talk I give to have people laughing at all the right jokes. I want everyone to like me all the time. ~ James Altucher

We can not blame Shakespeare for making use of cutthroats and villains in developing his plots, but we might have been spared the jokes which the jailors of Posthumus perpetrate when they come to lead him to the scaffold, and the ludicrous English of the clown who supplies Cleopatra with an asp. ~ William Shakespeare

The joke that you laid in the bed that was me. ~ Alanis Morissette

Credit worthiness is like virginity, it can be preserved but not restored very easily, so it is crazy to play around with it. ~ Warren Buffett

Clotile said, "Will you finally admit you want that girl for more than revenge?"

I hesitated, then nodded. "Doan matter now though, does it?" There was no way in hell I was ever going to be with her. No way.

I would never kiss her, never take her to bed. She'd never tell me silly jokes and laugh with me. I clenched the throat of my bottle.

Clotile sped up to make a yellow light, then said, "Brandon tried to kiss me last night."

"You're serious?" My half brother was used to getting everything he wanted. He had a girl like Evangeline Greene, his for the taking, and he wasn't true to her. I'd always known he was an idiot - this just confirmed it.

Yet she'd called him twice the man I was.

"I barely wriggled out of his grasp," Clotile said. ~ Kresley Cole

If a guy can't handle it when you talk about quantum physics, Manga, or Dungeons and Dragons, then he probably isn't the guy for you. If he gets embarrassed by your bluntness, you're probably not a good match. If he doesn't get your jokes, references, etc., then do you really want to pursue it? We tend to feel flawed and want to change ourselves to be accepted. We are good mimics and we think that we can mimic being the kind of girl that guys will like. By all means work on yourself, but most important, be yourself. ~ Rudy Simone

Sometimes, just for fun, I type some random, silly word in front of the word porn and google it. Just to see if it exists. Because that means people out there are getting off on it. So I googled Nazi porn. Yupp. It exists. Then I googled goldfish porn. Yupp. Found it. Someone out there finds sex with goldfish arousing. Fart porn. Yes, that's a thing too, and it brings someone somewhere great pleasure. Stormtrooper porn. Yes, the force is strong with that one. And it's not even a Saturday Night Live parody. It's literally hardcore porn, featuring men dressed in Stormtrooper outfits. With surprisingly high production values. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

I was making my living from a joke about my appearance that I didn't understand, and in a way still don't, because when I look in a mirror it doesn't seem funny to me. ~ Wallace Shawn

I hate those movies where hundreds of people get blown up and there are jokes afterward. They poison the soul. ~ Rob Reiner

I don't really write jokes. I wait for stuff to happen in life, and then I tell it on stage. ~ Kathleen Madigan

Nostos algos. I want to go home. A phrase that's stuck on a loop, that I hear before falling asleep, waiting in line for my coffee, tapping the elevator button and rising through the sky to my apartment...and yet my desire is not attached to a particular place...I want to go home but what I mean, what I'm grasping for, is not a place. It's a feeling. I want to go back. But back where? Maybe to the first time I heard Stevie Nicks, to watching the snow fall outside the window with a paperback folded open in my lap, to the moment before I tasted alcohol, to virginity and not really knowing that things die, back to believing that something great is still up ahead, back to before I made the choices that would hem me in to the life I live now. A life that I regret sometimes, I think, only because it's mine, because it's turned out this way and not some other way, because I can't go back and change what will happen. ~ Julie Buntin

Today is Veterans Day. Thank you to all our men and women who have served the United States armed forces. In honor of Veterans Day we are marching out a few jokes that have already served. ~ David Letterman

In all of Western civilization, there have been societies that celebrating the homosexuality, the ancient Greeks. But they, in fact, protected the institution of marriage as a union between one man and one woman. They got the joke. And the American people get the joke. ~ Ken Blackwell

When he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth. ~ Mitch Albom

If you think it's easy to write jokes about fried calamari, you've probably never tried. ~ Scott Adams

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh. ~ Malcolm Muggeridge

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody. ~ Garrison Keillor

Jokes are another example of stupidity... we are so wise and so clever and we do stupid stuff, how wise is that?

Jokes on stage of being serious... when you aren't serious what you get is more likely somebody being in state of seriousness. ~ Deyth Banger

I'm against eating a human being alive - I don't do it. Somebody might make cannibalism jokes and laugh it off like it's nothing. I don't agree with that. I want to proclaim a rejection of cannibalism. ~ John Maus

Sure, but I think the traps should work." I set my hands on my hips, not wanting to tranquilize the bears unless absolutely necessary.

"The ketamine isn't just for the bears." Drew gave me a sympathetic look, then promptly turned and left, Roscoe on his heels.

"I think he expects me to use the ketamine on the film folks." I chuckled, knowing Drew wasn't serious. It was pretty darn close to a joke though. I was proud of my boss, he rarely made jokes.

"Or use it on each other." Cletus gulped the rest of his coffee, smacking his lips before adding. "If these movie people are as crazy as Drew thinks they are, we can self-medicate until we pass out. It's always good sense to have an escape plan. ~ Penny Reid

Crusaders have just f-ked me over what a bas-rd joke, excuse my language I'm absolutely furious. ~ Keith Senior

Life must go on, even if it's no joke ... just pretend to believe in the future. ~ Louis Ferdinand Celine

The only time when i realize that i use a car, which is a "Luxury", is when i go to the fuel station to refuel it. ~ Honeya

I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me. ~ Steven Wright

But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could to make the material really pop. And if it didn't, there was something wrong with the material, or with you. ~ Tom Hanks

Whiteness, Fanon asserts, has become a symbol of purity, of Justice, Truth, Virginity. It defi nes what it means to be civilized, modern and human ~ Anonymous

Lawyer's credo: Anyone can sue anyone for anything. ~ James Patterson

Pulled pork jokes never get old. ~ Joel Edgerton