Valentines Day Sux Quotes

It was Valentine's Day and I had spent the day in bed with my life partner, Ketel One. The two of us watched a romance movie marathon on TBS Superstation that made me wonder how people who write romantic comedies can sleep at night.

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall all-the-time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

Then, within the two hour time frame of the movie, the couple meet, fall in love, fall out of love, break up, and then just before the end of the movie, they happen to bump into each other by "coincidence" somewhere absolutely absurd, like by the river. This never happens in real life. The last time I bumped into an ex-boyfriend was at three o'clock in the morning at Rite Aid. I was ringing up Gas-X and corn removers. ~ Chelsea Handler

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? ~ Dorothy Parker

Absolutely, there is a connection between food and love. I always say, when there's love in my heart or I'm feeling particularly good, the food comes out that much better. And so I think Valentine's Day is a special day. ~ Todd English

I love you every day as if it is Valentine's day. ~ Debasish Mridha

Dad told Uncle Seth not to screw things up," she informed me as we washed our hands. "He said even if Uncle Seth is famous, him getting a woman like you defies belief."
I laughed and smoothed down the skirt of my dress. "I don't know about that. I don't think your dad gives your uncle enough credit."
Brandy gave me a sage look, worthy of someone much older. "Uncle Seth spent last Valentine's Day at a library. ~ Richelle Mead

Sex, unlike justice, should not be seen to be done. ~ Evelyn Laye

I hated Valentine's Day even before I was aware of my Duff status. Honestly, I didn't even understand why it was a holiday. Really, it was just an excuse for girls to whine about being lonely and for guys to worm their way into getting laid. I found it materialistic, indulgent, and, with all of the chocolate, completely unhealthy. ~ Kody Keplinger

There's nothing logical about love," Michelle said. "If there was, Valentine's Day cards would be covered in brains instead of hearts. ~ Jay Bell

I Love cherrys alot ~ Cherry Hill

I'd kiss a frog even if there was no promise of a Prince Charming popping out of it. I love frogs. ~ Cameron Diaz

Love asks nothing in return, but seeks those who need it. And who needs our love more than those who are consumed with hatred and are utterly devoid of love. ~ Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Basement smells bad. Look for cat poops, change litter. ~ Martha Stewart

I think it's a reflection of the music business in general, which to me seems very fragmented. ~ Kathy Valentine

I feel you not only on Valentine's day but with every breath of everyday. ~ Debasish Mridha

I'm tired of love; I'm still more tired of rhyme; but money gives me pleasure all the time. ~ Hilaire Belloc

The other day she asked me "Will you forget me?"
I smiled and looked at the sky and asked her: "Can the sky ever forget his moon? ~ Avijeet Das

Love is a courageous device, it gives you the ability to see things in a positive way. Happy Valentines Day. ~ Euginia Herlihy

In the days leading up to Valentine's Day, in addition to the daily letter I also made sure to send her a Valentine's card and a different bar of chocolate. I was buying really nice bars of chocolate, all different flavors and kinds. She was only allowed to eat them right there at mail call, and sometimes she would get several packages at once, so even though it was hard to do, she'd share bites of her chocolate with other people. I also made sure to give extra thought to the regular, daily letter that would arrive on Valentine's Day:

Jamie,
In the beginning of our relationship I criticized your expectations in a boyfriend. I told you that you watched too many movies and lived in a fantasy world. In a way I was asking you to settle. Even through our arguments about what was realistic and what was a fairy tale, I did everything I could to be your prince in a world where I saw you as the princess that you are. I was wrong to ever question you. Your standards never dropped and it forced me to rise up to the level needed to keep you. Like a storybook romance, I've defended your honor, showered you with love, worshipped the ground you walk on, and will faithfully wait for you while you're away. You have made me a better man. Because of you I live a life I am proud of and have become the father, brother, son, and friend my family deserves. Your love has positively affected every aspect of my life. And for that I could never repay you. But I will happily be forever y ~ Noah Galloway

She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash. ~ Milton Berle

Love is a sweet aroma, it fills the room with a wonderful atmosphere. Happy Valentines Day. ~ Euginia Herlihy

They know they're supposed to do something, but they're not sure what. And you know what they do when they're not sure
of course you do: They either do the wrong thing or they do nothing, and it's a toss up as to which is worse. ~ Jill Conner Browne

Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

I mean, there is a reason its initials are VD. I bet you more people contract syphilis on Valentine's Day than on any other day of the year. What a cause for celebration. ~ Kody Keplinger

God wants us to have love. We must be careful not to settle for sex. ~ Max Anders

When I was 19, I celebrated my first Valentine's Day while being in a relationship. I was so excited, but didn't know what the rules were. What should I get him, or was I even supposed to get him something? ~ Carly Craig

I'm not alone, but I am lonely without you. ~ Mary Martin

If you can believe it, Hollywood wanted to change my birthdate. I was born after Valentine's Day, so they wanted to change it to February 14. A Latin lover should be born on Valentine's Day. I said no. ~ Cesar Romero

I don't care about having a lover on valentines day because all that matters to me is having a loving family for a lifetime ~ Akash B Chandran

The phrase was so simple and for most women, so generic. Any other female would have laughed off such a question from a boy she had no interest in. But in my case, it was a landmark moment in my life. Number 23 had gone where no other man had gone before.
Until then, my history with men had been volatile. Instead of a boyfriend or even a drunken prom date, my virginity was forfeited to a very disturbed, grown man while I was unconscious on a bathroom floor. The remnants of what could be considered high school relationships were blurry and drug infused. Even the one long-lasting courtship I held with Number 3 went without traditional dating rituals like Valentine's Day, birthdays, anniversary gifts, or even dinner.
Into young adulthood, I was never the girl who men asked on dates. I was asked on many fucks. I was a pair of tits to cum on, a mouth to force a cock down, and even a playmate to spice up a marriage.
At twenty-four, I had slept with twenty-two men, gotten lustfully heated with countless more, but had never once been given flowers. With less than a handful of dates in my past, romance was something I accepted as not being in the cards for me. My personality was too strong, my language too foul, and my opinions too outspoken. No, I was not the girl who got asked out on dates and though that made me sad at times, I buried myself too deeply in productivity to dwell on it.
But, that day, Number 23 sparked a fuse. That question showed a glimmer of ~ Maggie Georgiana Young

I haven't been approached to do anything, but I would certainly make room for it. It was a really fun time. ~ Kathy Valentine

They invented hugs to let people know you love them without saying anything. ~ Bil Keane

I wish Adam had died with all his ribs in his body. ~ Dion Boucicault

Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday. If I'm wildly in love, I've sent people chicken hearts, which seems to appeal to the kind of person that I've been in love with. ~ John Waters

February is a month of months, and there is one special day: Valentine's Day on the 14th. I know it's still a ways off, but I just can't wait. Janice, if you're watching, will you make me the happiest man in the world and get out of my apartment? ~ Ed Helms

No, nothing has the power to part me from you; our love is based upon virtue, and will last as long as our lives. ~ Voltaire

I love you more than I could ever promise because you take me the way I am. ~ Ingrid Michaelson

I simply regard romantic comedies as a subgenre of sci-fi, in which the world created therein has different rules than my regular human world. ~ Mindy Kaling

Dickensian poverty tends to occur after Christmas in January. For it is then, with pockets empty, diary decimated and larder bare, that the general populace sinks into a collective pauper's hibernation until Valentine's Day. ~ Stewart Stafford

I hate Valentine's Day. I think every day should be a day of romance. Then, on Valentine's Day, you should get to tell whoever you hate that you cannot stand them. There would be one day of hating, and 364 days of love. ~ Ashton Kutcher

On valentine's day every girl should deserve a rose rather than one ~ PureDragonWolf

I hope you feel better about yourself. I hope you feel alive. I hope that good things happen to you, and I hope that when the inevitable bad things happen you can handle them and learn a lesson and move on. I hope you know you're not alone and I hope you spend plenty of time with your family and/or friends and I hope you write more and get a seven-figure book deal. I hope next year no more celebrities die and I hope you get an iPhone if you want one. Or maybe a pony. I hope someone writes a song for you on Valentines Day that's a bit like Hey There Delilah, and I hope they have a good singing voice, or at least one better than mine. I hope that you accept yourself the way you are, and figure out that losing 20 pounds isn't going to magically make you love yourself. I hope you read a lot. I hope you don't have to almost die to figure out how valuable life is. I hope you find the perfect nail polish/digital camera/home/life partner. I hope you stop being jealous of others. I hope you feel good, about yourself and the people around you and the world. I hope you eat heaps of salt and vinegar chips because they're the best kind. I hope you accomplish all your hopes & dreams & aspirations and are blissfully happy & get married to Edward Cullen/George Clooney/Megan Fox/Angelina Jolie (delete whichever are inappropriate) & ride a pretty white horse into the sunset & I hope it's all sweet and wonderful because you deserve it because you did well this year in the fa ~ Steph Bowe

You and Ethan had some kind of something?" "You're fishing. And we didn't have something or anything. We're just bummed it's Valentine's Day and I'm spending it with you guys." "Yeah, well, tone down the magic. You're giving me split ends. ~ Chloe Neill

Sharing oft leaves less.
But with love the more we share,
the fuller our hearts. ~ J. Benson

A broke man's lover doesn't feel 'loved' on her Birthday, Christmas, and, on Valentine's Day. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

Then, Valentine's Day came. There was a dance, and balloons and flowers and cheaply made rings and all sorts of lame teddy bears and stuffed animals, as if teenagers can be wooed with the same shit as five-year-olds. It was the Dietzes' most hated holiday of the year, too, because it dealt with the consumerization of something sacred. Mom and Dad had agreed never to buy each other anything on the day. It was a false, Hallmark holiday. A sham. A moneymaking sideshow for insecure couples who didn't have true love. I agreed with this, for the most part. ~ A.S. King

Half inebriated, he vaulted up the stairs to find them lolling in chairs in the hall outside Maria's door. Gabe clasped a bunch of violets in his hand while Jarret held a rolled-up piece of parchment in his.
"What are you two louts doing here in the middle of the night?" he growled.
"It's nearly dawn," Gabe said coolly. "Hardly the middle of the night. Not that you would have noticed, in your drunken state."
Scowling, Oliver took a step toward them. "It's still earlier than you, at least, every rise."
Gabe glanced at Jarret. "Clearly, the old boy doesn't remember what today is."
"I believe you're right," Jarret returned, a hint of condemnation in his tone.
Oliver glared at them both as he sifted through his soggy brain for what they menat. When it came to him, he groaned. St. Valentine's Day. That sobered him right up. "That doesn't explain why you're lurking outside Maria's door."
Jarret cast him a scathing glance as he got to his feet. "Why do you care? You ran off to town to find your entertainment. Seems to me that you're relinquishing the field."
"So you two intend to step in?" he snapped.
"Why not?" Gabe rose to glower at him. "Since your plan to thwart Gran isn't working, and it's looking as if we'll have to marry someone, we might as well have a go at Miss Butterfield. She's an heiress and a very nice girl, too, in case you hadn't noticed If you're stupid enough to throw her over for a bunch of whores and opera dancers, we' ~ Sabrina Jeffries

So, fall asleep love, loved by me ... for I know love, I am loved by thee. ~ Robert Browning

Ever have that one friend who gets a Valentine's Day gift for their mother? Doens't that freak you out a little? It's like, 'I don't know how to break this to you but I think she's banging your dad!' ~ Russ Meneve