Uncle Fred Quotes

It is madness to come to country houses without one's bottle of Mickey Finns. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

Mr. Roddis: [Outraged at the presence of two apparent burglars (actually his in-laws) having tea in his suburban home] - And they've opened a pot of my raspberry jam."
Uncle Fred: [Architect of the above missunderstanding] Ah, then you will be able to catch them red-handed. I should fetch a policman. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

I wish people wouldn't tell me I can't do things. ~ P.G. Wodehouse

I don't dislike life the way you seem to do. But then you may be a fish out of water. I'm not. I'm where I want to be, doing what I want to do. But even so, there's nothing wonderful about it. Most of the time it's like - let's say - living with a lion. One day you can make it jump through hoops, or even ride on its back. But get careless, make a wrong move, and it'll have you in a corner and be tearing an arm off. ~ J.B. Priestley

An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt. ~ Fred Allen

How're we getting to King's Cross tomorrow, Dad?" asked Fred as they dug into a sumptuous pudding.
"The Ministry's providing a couple of cars," said Mr. Weasley.
Everyone looked up at him.
"Why?" said Percy curiously.
"It's because of you, Perce," said George seriously. "And there'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-"
"-for Humongous Bighead," said Fred. ~ J.K. Rowling

No, we've been performing our old songs a little differently each performance. ~ Fred Schneider

I got a lot from my uncle who is a really good ska guitarist. Very ragged makeshift rhythms and intricate lines. ~ King Krule

What do you think it is that drives people to want far more than they could ever use or need? I frankly think it's insecurity. How do we let the world know that the trappings of this life are not the things that are ultimately important for being accepted? ~ Fred Rogers

His Uncle Gaston came around the building, looking impossibly angry as he bellowed his impossibly angry words. "How do the Jacobsons keep cheating death? It's not possible and it's not fair. There is no way that you two should be alive." He peeked back inside and back at us, shaking his head. "Of course. You ascended. Of course!" he yelled. "Lilith, take them out." "I haven't charged," she said and backed away. "What?" he growled. "I thought they were going to die like you said they were. It takes a long time to charge, Uncle Gaston, you know that. I can't help it. I wasn't going to charge up on the off chance that your little plan fell through. You know how bad it sucks." "You ~ Shelly Crane

I don't mind personal insults, but when you insult the jokes that I tell you're insulting Fred Allen, Bob Hope, Burns and Allen, Trevor McGee and Molly Picon. ~ Milton Berle

Precollege program orientation was scheduled for two days after Watson arrived, and I discovered a few things in the meantime.
1. My uncle Leander has a memory like a steel trap. He took Watson and I to the all-you-can-eat Indian buffet around the corner from our flat, to the antiquarian bookshop to look at first editions of Faulkner, to the teahouse painted to look like a starry night, all of which Watson had mentioned in passing that he loved, and whose repetition now left Watson in a state of expansive joy.
2. I should have found this delightful. I did not. As, throughout all of this, Leander referred to Watson as my boyfriend.
2b. Loudly.
2c. He did this as often as he could.
2d. To wit: "A latte for my niece and her young man"; "Charlotte, wasn't that your Jamie's favorite, A Light in August? Faulkner's later work -"; "Child, go and get your boyfriend another napkin, we aren't barbarians/" And then that smile Leander had, something like a wolf after eating a fat peasant child. ~ Brittany Cavallaro

You know what? I'm not going to bother with excuses," she said to Uncle Mort. "I don't know what I just did, but I'm a hundred percent sure I wasn't supposed to do it, so let's just skip over the scolding for now, and you tell me what's going on and we'll all go from there." His stern face didn't go away. "Sound coolsies? ~ Gina Damico

Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything. ~ Fred Allen

Why are you still standing here?"
His uncle leaned back, peering out into the hallway. "I need you to come to town with me," he muttered.
"You're not on my schedule."
His uncle scowled. "I'm not what now?"
"I wrote out a schedule. You're not on it."
"Uh-huh. Can you fit me on the schedule?"
Bo grabbed the notepad off his night table and looked it over. "Well, let's see, maybe I could move-"
Grigori snatched the pad from him and tore it up, throwing the tiny pieces at Bo's head.
Bo stared at him. You don't think I made a copy? ~ Shelly Laurenston

The essence of a software entity is a construct of interlocking concepts: [ ... ] I believe the hard part of building software to be the specification, design, and testing of this conceptual construct, not the labor of representing it and testing the fidelity of the representation. ~ Fred Brooks

Fred Harrison explains in The Power in the Land how land values over time become so expensive that too little wealth is left to pay for goods and services. Real estate speculation allows property owners to demand tomorrow's wealth output today, because they have the power to withhold land from use in expectation of future gains. Artificial constrictions in the supply of land make the price increase at a rate the economy can't sustain. Land eventually becomes unaffordable and recession follows leading to a bust before the next boom commences. ~ Martin Adams

The conjugate expression for a binomial of form a + b is the expression a - b and conversely. ~ Fred Safier

So them who can't learn from a tale about critters, just ain't got the ears tuned to listen."
-Uncle Remus in Disney's Song of the South ~ Jim Korkis

I spent a lot of time lifting my drums into a van, playing to ten people night after night. I can't complain about anything now. That stuff was heavy. ~ Fred Armisen

Being a POW certainly doesn't qualify anyone to be president. ~ Fred Thompson

Imitation is the sincerest form of television. ~ Fred Allen

To say that you are being carried is a declaration of enormous faith and hope. ~ Fred Rogers

I tell people if I want to make a film I just go make it so you can make yours. ~ Fred Seibert

He says when you're smoking a cigarette with someone, and you have a lighter, you should light their cigarette first. But if you have matches, you should light your cigarette first, so you breathe in the 'harmful sulfur' instead of them. He says it's the polite thing to do. He also says it's bad luck to have "three on a match." He heard that from his uncle who fought in Vietnam. Something about how three cigarettes was enough time for the enemy to know where you are. Bob says that when you're alone, and you light a cigarette, and the cigarette is only halfway lit that means someone is thinking about you. ~ Stephen Chbosky

It is certain," exclaimed my uncle in a tone of triumph. "But silence, do you hear me? silence upon the whole subject; and let no one get before us in this design of discovering the centre of the earth. ~ Jules Verne

If your bigs rim run at full speed it not only increases the potential for a quick layup, but opens up court for guards ~ Fred Hoiberg

Paul a smart kid," Hawk said. "I know." "And he pretty strong," Hawk said. "He is." "Got from his uncle," Hawk said. "Uncle Hawk?" "Sho' nuff." "Jesus Christ," I said. ~ Robert B. Parker

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go. ~ Fred Savage

I want to know all of your family - your aunt and her husband and her son and also your uncle the pastor. I anticipate your uncle the pastor! He will try to convert me, maybe?"
"Are you kidding? Uncle Theron couldn't convert a kitten."
"Theron," Pyotr repeated. He made it sound like "Seron." "You are doing this to torture me?"
"Doing what?"
"So many th names!"
"Oh," Kate said. "Yes, and my mother's name was Thea."
He groaned. "What is the surname of these people?" he asked.
After the briefest pause, she said, "Thwaite."
"My God!" He clapped a hand to his forehead.
She laughed. "I'm pulling your leg," she told him. He lowered his hand and looked at her. "I was just kidding," she clarified. "Really their surname is Dell."
"Ah," he said. "You were joking. You made a joke. You were teasing me!" And he started capering around the cart. "Oh, Kate; oh, my comical Kate; oh, Katya mine…"
"Stop it!" she said. People were staring at them. "Quit that and tell me which syrup you want."
He stopped capering and selected a bottle, seemingly at random, and dropped it into the cart. ~ Anne Tyler

As we gain more knowledge about materials and processes in the universe, that could open up benefits that we can't even imagine. But you have to be willing to fund science without knowledge of the benefits. ~ Fred Kavli

Are you so busy fighting you cannot see your own ship has set sail? ~ Uncle Iroh

England's always expecting. No wonder they call her the Mother Country ~ Fred Trueman

For tech, I like the 'DailySearchCast', 'TWiT' and anything Veronica Belmont does on CNET. I think Perez Hilton is a riot, and the rest of my consumption is by people: Folks like Dave Winer, Fred Wilson, Mark Cuban, Brian Alvey, Jeff Jarvis, Xeni Jardin, etc. ~ Jason Calacanis

My Uncle Malky always said the Lord Leto never responded to prayer. He said the Lord Leto looked on prayer as attempted coercion, a form of violence against the chosen god, telling the immortal what to do: Give me a miracle, God, or I won't believe in you! ~ Frank Herbert