Twin Humour Quotes

Seamus tossed down two of his cards. "Hell. I'd train her if Tristan asked me. Wouldn't mind seeing that pretty face every day."
I studied my cards, pretending not to hear him.
"Maybe I should offer to work with her," he said. "Free you up so you can get back to doing what you love."
My jaw tightened.
"You go kill things, and I'll show the lass some Irish moves. Win-win situation for both of us, right?"
The cards in my hand began to buckle.
"Ha!" Seamus gave Niall a victorious grin. "Pay up, bro."
Niall's mouth turned down. "You don't even like that album."
"I said it wasn't my favorite one, but you know I like all of Johnny Cash's stuff."
"Since when?"
I stared at the two brothers with a mix of irritation and confusion.
"What are you two going on about?" Chris asked.
Seamus looked at me with a smug expression. "I told Niall you had it bad for the lass. He said she was too young and sweet to interest you. We made a friendly wager, which he just lost."
"You don't have proof he's into her," Niall argued. "He just might not want your ugly mug around her."
Seamus snorted. "You do realize we're identical twins."
"I'm still better looking. ~ Karen Lynch

There are a number of rules that should be observed when one meets royalty, ranging from what one can say and when, to where one should stand, when one can sit, even where one should look. Sindy bobbed a nervous curtsy and, before being introduced, blurted out an invitation to come inside whilst looking John directly in the eye. ~ F.D. Lee

I understand what motivates them. Greed is such a universal thing, especially when combined with laziness. ~ Uvi Poznansky

Fight Apathy! ... or don't. ~ Fallout New Vegas Graffiti

A sharp bolt of hunger hit Luther hard. His knees almost buckled, his poker face almost grimaced. For two weeks now his sense of smell had been much keener, no doubt a side effect of a strict diet. Maybe he got a whiff of Mabel's finest, he wasn't sure, but a craving came over him. Suddenly, he had to have something to eat. Suddenly, he wanted to snatch the bag from Kendall, rip open a package, and start gnawing on a fruitcake. ~ John Grisham

You are my miracle. ~ Truth Devour

Every child should try everything: sport, music, art, mathematics; they can do it all. Copying and competition are now seen as twin evils, but they are both useful tools. ~ Tony Buzan

Oh really?' said Mayes raising a mocking eyebrow which put Rob in mind of a poor man's Roger Moore. 'And what on earth makes you think that you of all people would be allowed anywhere near our board meeting?

Rob's smile widened as he realised that he was about to have one of those golden bombshell moments of the type he'd been on the receiving end of all too frequently over the last few days.

'Because Mr. Mayes, I'm your new chairman. ~ Dougie Brimson

Whoever had created humanity had left in a major design flaw.
It was its tendency to bend at the knees. ~ Terry Pratchett

Come on let's see the degree."
Katherine unrolled her scroll displaying a long declaration in Latin affixed with a red seal proclaiming her a Master of Art.
"Imagine working for years to obtain a piece of paper we can hardly read " Katherine joked.
"And to officially declare you have talent " Suzy returned. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

It's like never hearing a Joy Division album or something. I'm finally watching Twin Peaks, and I'm so into it. ~ Emily Ratajkowski

The world is indeed comic, but the joke is on mankind. ~ H.P. Lovecraft

I'd be honored to be in the same sentence as Tom Hardy. I've been a twin since the day I was born - fraternal, but we look a lot alike - so I've already been mixed up with another man my entire life. ~ Logan Marshall-Green

The concrete floor beneath the airbed was hard and uncompromising, digging into her back and making it difficult to breathe. The stale air reeked of disinfectant and shit. And something else that she couldn't quite place. Death, perhaps? ~ Mark Tilbury

Miss Mapp moved towards the screen.

"What a delicious big screen," she said.

"Yes, but don't go behind it, Mapp," said Irene, "or you'll see my model undressing."

Miss Mapp retreated from it precipitately, as from a wasp's nest, and examined some of the studies on the wall, for it was more than probable from the unfinished picture on the easel that Adam lurked behind the delicious screen. Terrible though it all was, she was conscious of an unbridled curiosity to know who Adam was. It was dreadful to think that there could be any man in Tilling so depraved as to stand to be looked at with so little on...

Irene strolled round the walls with her.

"Studies of Lucy," she said.

"I see, dear," said Miss Mapp. "How clever! Legs and things! But when you have your bridge-party, won't you perhaps cover some of them up, or turn them to the wall? We should all be looking at your pictures instead of attending to our cards. And if you were thinking of asking the Padre, you know..."

They were approaching the corner of the room where the screen stood, when a movement there as if Adam had hit it with his elbow made Miss Mapp turn round. The screen fell flat on the ground and within a yard of her stood Mr. Hopkins, the proprietor of the fish-shop just up the street. Often and often had Miss Mapp had pleasant little conversations with him, with a view to bringing down the price of flounders. He had little bathing-drawer ~ E.F. Benson

He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would wander for eternity in the cold delusion that this was what they wanted. And then Nerys had taken him to IKEA and Clovenhoof realised the humans had once again beaten him to it. ~ Heide Goody

Thatsh prieshts for you," said the old man wetly. "Nothing by torc, torc, torc. ~ Terry Pratchett

Village life gently swirled around them, with the perpetual ebb and flow of people, scurrying in every direction. The village was a living, organic entity, with blood flowing through its veins, and with a definite pulse and heartbeat. It had its own distinct personality and its own dark caustic humour, and was constantly processing and regurgitating information through its winding, meandering streets. ~ Leonardo Donofrio

Aberystwyth (n.)
A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for. ~ Douglas Adams

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention. ~ Orson Scott Card

its bad enough talking to yourself but worse when you realise you aren't listening ~ Tabitca Cope

I hate smug people."
Ros laughed. "That you do. And so you're using his phone. He'll explode, you know."
"Oh, it'll be bad. 'Cause I made all the phone calls on my list."
There was a pause. "No. You didn't."
"I did."
"Fifty-one phone calls on the off-limits phone?" "Yup."
"Did you fall down the stairs or something? What is wrong with you?! ~ Kelly Batten

Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door ~ Benny Bellamacina

Has Solan addled your brain? ~ Carl Sargent

Okay," Cooper says agreeably. "But what if you and Nigel fall in love, and Nigel and I become BFFs, and then you guys get married, and Nigel wants me to be the best man, and you and I have to talk about the wedding plans?"
"That would never happen, because since Nigel would be so in love with me, he would have dumped you as a BFF as soon as we got engaged and/or told you you were not allowed to be best man at our wedding, per my wishes."
"Yes, but - "
"Wait a minute," I say. "Did you just say 'BFF'?"
"Yes," he says. He looks at me and shrugs. "I've been watching a lot of Disney Channel. ~ Lauren Barnholdt

Just because your lover died doesn't mean you can't find another. Besides, if
you don't start dating again your parents will intervene and I've met your parents, they scare the crap out of me."
Anthony shivered at the memory of his parents'
matchmaking skills. "Last time they fixed me up with a fairy."
Steven snorted. "I thought you didn't like labels."
"No. He was an actual fairy, you know, from Faeland."
That got Steven's full attention. "What happened?"
Anthony shrugged. "Let's just say it didn't work out. ~ Amber Kell

Henry Kissinger is possessed of a truly superior intelligence, in addition to which he has two qualities which, unfortunately, many great men lack: he is able to listen and he has a very subtle sense of humour. ~ Mohammed Reza Pahlavi

Tod laughed. He was always able to find the humour in even the creepiest situations. I'd thought that it was an undead thing, until I became a member of the undead. Then I realized it was a Tod-thing. ~ Rachel Vincent

No, General. I'm not your subordinate. And what I'm coming dangerously close to is violence.
-General Wedge Antilles ~ Aaron Allston

When i was 9 I didn't go to Narnia, when i grew 11 my Hogwarts letter didn't come, again when i was twelve my satyr didn't come and now I'll wait till I'm fifty maybe the hunger games will come ~ Javeria My Own Quote

And I ask myself what it is about me that makes this wonderful, beautiful woman return. Is it because I'm pathetic, helpless in my current state, completely dependent on her? Or is it my sense of humour, my willingness to tease her, to joke my way into painful, secret places? Do I help her understand herself? Do I make her happy? Do I do something for her that her husband and son can't do? Has she fallen in love with me?
As the days pass and I continue to heal, my body knitting itself back together, I begin to allow myself to think that she has. ~ Mohsin Hamid

What kind of slut do you think I am?"
Theo bumped his hips against hers. "This might not be the best moment to ask me that. ~ Annabel Joseph

The best thing to learn from any government is that it does not get affacted by what other people talk or think about it. ~ Amit Kalantri

Don't even try to argue with your doctor because he knows you more than you think you know yourself. ~ Euginia Herlihy

The thought of never crossing your path again is to enormous to bare, so for now I'll make dreams in my heart and remind myself to go and sit & remember them every once in a while. ~ Nikki Rowe

I never make mistakes, just the odd error or misjudgement now and again ~ Marilyn L. Rice

Whenever Elliot Norther's wife was nervous she baked. With the murder of Harriet Mason, her husband's close colleague at the Faculty, she had been unable to resist a couple of Victoria sponges. During the frenzied press speculation about the identity of the murderer, a Dundee cake had appeared, followed swiftly by a Battenberg and a Lemon Drizzle. Since news of the Wildencrust murder broke, the kitchen, dining room and study had come to resemble the storerooms of an industrial bakery, every surface heaving with the weight of sponge and cream. Yesterday, having at last been overwhelmed by the fear and rumour that swept the town, she had taken herself off to her mother's house in Hampstead, leaving her husband to soldier on alone. When he had last seen his wife, Elliot Norther noticed that she had been putting the finishing touches to an impressive, triple-tiered wedding cake, beating a batch of royal icing into a sickly paste. ~ Robert Clear

Just recieved my manuscript from the editor and he didn't change a word. The word he didn't change was the. ~ Roy A. Higgins

In three hundred feet, turn right, Darth Vader said. The Darth Vader. I felt like we were friends now. Like I could tell him anything. ~ Darynda Jones

. . . Mrs. Arcanum considered foreign parts only marginally less unspeakable than private parts. . . ~ Terry Pratchett

She probably thinks the spiritual path is a new style of pavers available at Bunnings. ~ Pj Mayhem

It needs to said that Gerard Brennan's The Point is terrific. Scorchingly funny, black humour at its finest and the most inventive car theft ever! ~ Arlene Hunt

The two princes stared at each other, one gold and one silver, one her twin and one her soul-bonded. There was nothing friendly in the stares, nothing human - two Fae males locked in some unspoken dominance battle. ~ Sarah J. Maas

Theocratic and military authorities share one thing: they have no sense of humour. ~ Bassem Youssef