Theories Vs Humor Quotes

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One's theories, after all, matter little, it is one's humor that is the great thing. ~ Henry James
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Henry James
When it comes to love triangles and duels to the death, you should always cheat. - Fairy Werewolf vs. Zombie Vampire ~ Charlie Jane Anders
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Charlie Jane Anders
The trouble with you, Charles, is that basically you despise women, whereas I, in spite of some appearances to the contrary, do not."

"I don't despise women. I was in love with all Shakespeare's heroines before I was twelve."

"But they don't exist, dear man, that's the point. They live in the never-never land of art, all tricked out in Shakespeare's wit and wisdom, and mock us from there, filling us with false hopes and empty dreams. The real thing is spite and lies and arguments about money. ~ Iris Murdoch
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Iris Murdoch
Theories look great on paper until reality scribbles all over the page. ~ Richelle E. Goodrich
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Richelle E. Goodrich
Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness. ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Dogs kind of default to making friends unless provoked. Cats seem to default to making enemies unless convinced otherwise. ~ Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick
Last time I saw her, she was peeking out from one of the bookcases next to the fireplace. She's the first cat I've ever seen trying to pretend she's a condensed version of War and Peace. ~ Ellen Hart
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Ellen Hart
I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Science is great for us. But for someone who see the human evaluation for more than one million years, science is a just a one instant and younger than a baby. ~ Muditha Champika
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Muditha Champika
The science, the art, the jurisprudence, the chief political and social theories, of the modern world have grown out of Greece and Rome - not by favour of, but in the teeth of, the fundamental teachings of early Christianity, to which science, art, and any serious occupation with the things of this world were alike despicable. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Thomas Henry Huxley
Pranks vs school= pranks win all day ~ Justin Bieber
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Justin Bieber
My best definition of a nerd: someone who asks you to explain an aphorism ~ Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
BioLogos claims there is no conflict between the theory of evolution and creationism. Huh? Here is where the creationists seem to have the intellectual advantage: they at least see the conflict. Actually, it is not that BioLogos isn't aware of the conflict, but rather, it has come up with the answer to the long-standing conflict between Darwinism and creationism: simply pretend there is no conflict. ~ G.M. Jackson
Theories Vs Humor quotes by G.M. Jackson
The real Machiavellian genius of the First Amendment is that free speech turns out to be mostly harmless - a lot of P.C. nit-picking, dingbat conspiracy theories, tedious libertarian screeds and name calling. The only "free speech" that has any effect in a stable, well-run plutocracy is the kind protected by Buckley vs. Valeo in the form of campaign contributions. ~ Tim Kreider
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Tim Kreider
Gordy," I said. "I need to talk to you."
"I don't have time," he said. "Mr. Orcutt and I have to debug some PCs. Don't you hate PCs? They are sickly and fragile and vulnerable to viruses. PCs are like French people living during the bubonic plague."
Wow, and people thought I was a freak.
"I much prefer Macs, don't you?" he asked. "They're so poetic. ~ Sherman Alexie
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Sherman Alexie
I'm going to stay here and see if he comes back," Wrath said as the double doors opened and V strode in. "I want the rest of you out searching for him in the city, but before you go, first let's get an update from our very own Katie Couric." He nodded at Vishous. "Katie?"
V's glare was the ocular version of a fully extended middle finger ~ J.R. Ward
Theories Vs Humor quotes by J.R. Ward
Extinguished theologians lie about the cradle of every science as the strangled snakes beside that of Hercules; and history records that whenever science and orthodoxy have been fairly opposed, the latter has been forced to retire from the lists, bleeding and crushed if not annihilated; scotched, if not slain. ~ Thomas Henry Huxley
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Thomas Henry Huxley
If you were to tell the thing down at the bottom of that pit it had napped through forty-two presidential inaugurations, eight British coronations, sixteen popes and three number ones by the Danish pop group, Aqua, it would have told you to stop talking nonsense and shut the fuck up. It had slept, somewhat peacefully, through Emmet's Insurrection, World War I and II, Vietnam, and even the Great War of Blur Vs. Oasis. ~ Adam Millard
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Adam Millard
Me Tarz-tosterone; You Estro-Jane ~ Tony Cleaver
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Tony Cleaver
It was a map. A really crudely drawn map of trees, mountains that looked like upside-down Vs, and stick people. Apparently, drawing was not one of Athena's skills. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Jennifer L. Armentrout
I'm a serious sort of fella. But don't tell me your pal up in the sky exists, and mine does not. Then, my middle finger gets offended! For, my buddy up there nowhere, Mr. NOT, too insists without proof, that he is. Same as your god. Is Mr. NOT nuts? If he is, are you not? ~ Fakeer Ishavardas
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Fakeer Ishavardas
Oh, that's right. Missy opens doors. ~ Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Perry Elisabeth Kirkpatrick
From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 - stop humping the toaster! ~ Russell Howard
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Russell Howard
No two dogs are alike. And yet, all dogs have something in common that makes them dogs, and makes them different from cats. The same goes for men and women. The trouble starts when cats don't realize that dogs are different. Dogs think differently, and perceive the world differently, than cats do. I'm a dog. You're a cat. And a dog knows better what it's like to be a dog than a cat does. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Oliver Markus Malloy
-BDB on the board-
Knitter's Anonimous
May 8, 2006
Rhage (in his bedroom posting in V's room on the board)
Hi, my name is V.
("Hi, V")
I've been knitting for 125 years now.
(*gasping noises*)
It's begun to impact my personal relationships: my brothers think I'm a nancy. It's begun to affect my health: I'm getting a callus on my forefinger and I find bits of yarn in all my pockets and I'm starting to smell like wool. I can't concentrate at work: I keep picturing all these lessers in Irish sweaters and thick socks.
(*sounds of sympathy*)
I've come seeking a community of people who, like me, are trying not to knit.
Can you help me?
(*We're with you*)
Thank you (*takes out hand-knitted hankie in pink*)
(*sniffles*)
("We embrace you, V")

Vishous (in the pit): Oh hell no...you did not just put that up. And nice spelling in the title. Man...you just have to roll up on me, don't you. I got four words for you, my brother.

Rhage: Four words? Okay...lemme see... Rhage, you're so sexy.
hmmm....
Rhage, you're SO smart. No wait! Rhage, you're SO right! That's it, isn't it...g'head. You can tell me.

Vishous: First one starts with a "P"
Use your head for the other three.
Bastard.

Rhage: P? Hmm... Please pass the yarn

Vishous: Payback is a bitch!

Rhage: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm so scuuuuuurred.
Can you whip me up a blanket to h ~ J.R. Ward
Theories Vs Humor quotes by J.R. Ward
Ellen rose to her feet. Jack thought for a moment she was going to storm out. Instead, she picked up the pitcher of hot fudge and poured the contents onto Leesha Middleton's pink jeans and fuzzy white sweater.
"Oops." Ellen sat down again and went back to eating her ice cream.
Leesha screamed, a sound that could be heard in Canada. Every eye in Corcoran's was on her. She slid out of the booth and swiped ineffectually at her jeans with a napkin.Then she plucked at her ruined sweater with her thumb and forefinger. "You...you...I can't believe you did that!"
Ellen licked whipped cream from the back of her spoon and looked at Leesha calmly.
Leesha was tiny, but she seemed to expand, like an amphibian taking on air, then she drew herself up and retrieved her pink leather purse from the bench next to Jack. It was smeared with fudge too. "You'll pay for that, I promise you," she said to Ellen in a voice that raised the gooseflesh on Jack's neck. Then she turned and left.
For a moment, Corcoran's was totally silent.
Ellen looked across the table at Jack's sundae. "Are you going to finish that? ~ Cinda Williams Chima
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Cinda Williams Chima
Look for a wave shaped like an A.

An A.

Hmm.

I saw Zs and H's and Vs. I saw the Hindi alphabet and the Thai alphabet. I saw Arabic script. I saw no As.

Finally I gave up, and chose the next wave that would have me, which turned out to be a poor move.

There is a moment, shortly after one accepts the imminence of one's demise, when it occurs that you could be elsewhere: that if you simply left the house a little later, or lingered over a Mai Tai, you would not be here now confronting your mortality. This moment occurred just as I encountered a very large (from my perspective), rare and surprising wave. A wave that was pitching and howling, and it really had no business being where it was - underneath me.

The demon wave picked me up, and after that I have only a a vague recollection of spinning limbs, a weaponized surf board, and chaotic white water, churning together over a reef.

I decided surfing was not for me. I generally no longer engage in adrenaline rush activities that carry with them a strong likely hood of life-altering injury. (p. 138)
~ J. Maarten Troost
Theories Vs Humor quotes by J. Maarten Troost
I'd appreciate a phone call before you try to break into my office again-Matthew Carter ~ Natasha Larry
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Natasha Larry
Pepperidge Farm bread. That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast. ~ Mitch Hedberg
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Mitch Hedberg
Do you know people who insist they like 'all kinds of music'? That actually means they like no kinds of music. ~ Chuck Klosterman
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Chuck Klosterman
Religion, as it is generally taught all over the world, is said to be based upon faith and belief, and, in most cases, consists only of different sets of theories, and that is the reason why we find all religions quarrelling with one another. ~ Abhijit Naskar
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Abhijit Naskar
Though you can live for as much as you like, but your longevity is stupidity if you were leading a worthless life. ~ Michael Bassey Johnson
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Michael Bassey Johnson
Even though I dislike being kicked by others, I do enjoy the feeling of kicking others ~ Yana Toboso
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Yana Toboso
I growl with frustration at my reflection in the mirror. My hair is fifty shades messed up. Why is it so kinky and out of control? I need to stop sleeping with it wet. As I brush my long brown hair, the girl in the mirror with the brown eyes too big for her head stares back at me. Wait ... my eyes are blue! It dawns on me that I've been staring at a poster of Kristen Stewart for five minutes. My own hair is fine. ~ Fanny Merkin
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Fanny Merkin
Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty. ~ Merritt Patterson
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Merritt Patterson
She's talking about when Dimitri was very young, how he used to always beg her and her friends to let him play with them. He was about six and they were eight and didn't want him around." Viktoria paused again to take in the next part of the story. "Finally, Karolina told him he could if he agreed to be married off to their dolls. So Karolina and her friends dressed him and the dolls up over and over and kept having weddings. Dimitri was married at least ten times."
I couldn't help but laugh as I tried to picture tough, sexy Dimitri letting his big sister dress him up. He probably would have treated his wedding ceremony with a doll as seriously and stoically as he did his guardian duties. ~ Richelle Mead
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Richelle Mead
In this nasty-ass strip club bathroom full of pissing dudes and possible rogue ejaculators, Shades is no longer some guy I love fucking. He's some guy I fucking love. ~ Kendall Grey
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Kendall Grey
You called her a Stork
No you did
What did you call her
A Katerina
Why?
That was her name ~ Rick Yancey
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Rick Yancey
We have also set up for them an edifying project for a continuous mitigation of their own tyranny, ascribing to them an unshakeable faith in the triumph of virtue, as well as in the moral justification of their crimes. These are the theories of well-meaning children who see everything in black or white, dream of nothing but angels or demons, and have no idea of the incredible number of hypocritical masks of every color and shape and size which men use to conceal their features when they have passed the age of devotion to ideals and have abandoned themselves unrestrainedly to their egotistic desires ~ Alfred De Vigny
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Alfred De Vigny
Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. ~ Ayn Rand
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Ayn Rand
I don't know if anyone's ever told you this", he begins. He doesn't blush, and his eyes don't dart away. Instead I find myself staring into a pair of oceans - one perfect, the other blemished by that tiny ripple. "You're very attractive."
I've been complimented on my appearance before. But never in his tone of voice. Of all the things he's said, I don't know why this catches me off guard. But it startles me so much that without thinking I blurt out, "I could say the same about you." I pause. "In case you didn't know."
A slow grin spreads across his face. "Oh, trust me. I know. ~ Marie Lu
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Marie Lu
You have alerts set up for me?" I asked before I could consider my words.
Alex stared at me, his expression thoughtful. "Would it freak you out if I said I did?"
"A little, yes."
"Then, no."
I studied him for a beat. "You're lying."
"Correct. ~ Penny Reid
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Penny Reid
Wisdom of the Ages: "Canada" still lobbying to get drinking and driving included as an Olympic sport. ~ Matthew Heines
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Matthew Heines
I guess we'll just sit around here and casually die, then. ~ Olivia Harvard
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Olivia Harvard
You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs. ~ Daniel H. Wilson
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Daniel H. Wilson
Can I help you?" he said, in a manner which indicated very clearly that not only did he not wish to help them, but also that he resented the implication that he ought to ~ Graham Austin-King
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Graham Austin-King
One," said the recording secretary.

"Jesus wept," answered Leon promptly.

There was not a sound in the church. You could almost hear the butterflies pass. Father looked down and laid his lower lip in folds with his fingers, like he did sometimes when it wouldn't behave to suit him.

"Two," said the secretary after just a breath of pause.

Leon looked over the congregation easily and then fastened his eyes on Abram Saunders, the father of Absalom, and said reprovingly: "Give not sleep to thine eyes nor slumber to thine eyelids."

Abram straightened up suddenly and blinked in astonishment, while father held fast to his lip.

"Three," called the secretary hurriedly.

Leon shifted his gaze to Betsy Alton, who hadn't spoken to her next door neighbour in five years.

"Hatred stirreth up strife," he told her softly, "but love covereth all sins."

Things were so quiet it seemed as if the air would snap.

"Four."

The mild blue eyes travelled back to the men's side and settled on Isaac Thomas, a man too lazy to plow and sow land his father had left him. They were not so mild, and the voice was touched with command: "Go to the ant, thou sluggard, consider her ways and be wise."

Still that silence.

"Five," said the secretary hurriedly, as if he wished it were over. Back came the eyes to the women's side and past all question looked straight at Hannah Dove ~ Gene Stratton-Porter
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Gene Stratton-Porter
Commander: What's that?
Foaly: It's a finger, what does look like? ~ Eoin Colfer
Theories Vs Humor quotes by Eoin Colfer
A politician is an arse upon
which everyone has sat except a man ~ E. E. Cummings
Theories Vs Humor quotes by E. E. Cummings
I'm over the hill for come-on lines. On a quiet day, I can hear my liver rotting. For exercise, I fall down. ~ Clete ~ James Lee Burke
Theories Vs Humor quotes by James Lee Burke
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