Tech N9ne Funny Quotes

I love listening to old school stuff. I listen to some new cats out here, but I'm really into, like, Tech N9ne and his clique; I really like Eminem and those guys - cats that got real flow: I really connect with that. But I do love rock. I love a lot of electronica because I love programming synthesizers. ~ Sir Mix-a-Lot

Tech N9ne is worldwide, man, it's the biggest thing ever to me and if it happens to blow as big as I expect, I won't be able to go anywhere. That's what I'm prepared to do, because my goal is to get my music to the world. ~ Aaron Dontez Yates

I recalled my encounter with the sea goddess Ran, who had described her husband as a hipster who liked microbrewing. At the time, the description had been too weird to comprehend. Afterward, it had seemed funny. Now it seemed a little too real, because I was pretty sure the hipster god in question was standing right in front of me. ~ Rick Riordan

You can find tea in a tea cup.. but cannot find world in a world cup. ~ Arjuna Ranatunga

On 'Lab Rats,' I read the script probably three or four times before we ever even do a table read because I want to be completely prepared. And I want to know exactly which beats I have to hit and where I need to make something comical. Some lines need a little more than others do just to get the point across, to get the joke to be funny. ~ Billy Unger

I love playing a dad. It's hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny. ~ Peter Gallagher

What I do know is that I have never found clowns remotely funny. I am not alone in this, I think. More people find clowns disturbing or distressing rather than raucously amusing. Is it that the nature of human existence has changed so radically in the last century or so that what was funny to our grandparents and great-grandparents is now tragic or terrifying? ~ Clive Barker

I used to do a lot of drugs. I didn't stop because I didn't enjoy them; I stopped because I couldn't handle the commitment. ~ Marc Maron

If you get a good comedy once a year, man, that's pretty good. I may be pickier than some, but still, there aren't that many movies that are really, truly, honestly that funny. ~ Michael Keaton

I'm going to photograph every single person to enter and leave this tattoo parlour."
Finbar rolled his eyes. "And they'll hate that, because people who get dragons drawn on their backs are normally so shy about other people noticing them. ~ Derek Landy

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife. ~ Bob Phillips

This is Glesca ... Any time you're confused, take a wee minute to remind yourself of that inescapable fact: this is Glesca. We don't do subtle, we don't do nuanced, we don't do conspiracy. We do pish-heid bampot bludgeoning his girlfriend to death in a fit of paranoid rage induced by forty-eight hours straight on the batter. We do coked-up neds jumping on a guy's heid outside a nightclub because he looked at them funny. We do drug-dealing gangster rockets shooting other drug-dealing gangster rockets as comeback for something almost identical a fortnight ago. We do bam-on-bam. We do tit-for-tat, score-settling, feuds, jealousy, petty revenge. We do straightforward. We do obvious. We do cannaemisswhodunit. When you hear hoofbeats on Sauchiehall Street, it's gaunny be a horse, no' a zebra ... '. ~ Christopher Brookmyre

March isn't the only thing that's in like a lion and out like a lamb. ~ Mae West

Was it just her, or did lovers look more adoringly at each other in this city? Especially in the springtime.
'Die, bastards.'
She sighed. It wasn't their fault that they were bastards who should die. ~ Kresley Cole

Okay, time to get serious. I let my smile fade slowly and lowered my pitch, as no human woman could have. "I'm not joking this time. If I see it, it's mine, and you won't get it back at the end of the school year." I growled, deep and long, savoring the feel of the vibrations in my throat, as if the sound alone could save me. It wasn't quite a cat's growl but it was damn close. And it was his last warning.
Miguel dismissed my threat with an easy smile, and my stomach clenched. Oh, yeah, Faythe. You have Puss shaking in his boots, all right. ~ Rachel Vincent

On this Thursday, on this particular walk to school, there was an old frog croaking in the stream behind the hedge as we went by.
'Can you hear him, Danny?'
'Yes,' I said,
'That is a bullfrog calling to his wife. He does it by blowing out his dewlap and letting it go with a burp.'
'What is a dewlap?' I asked.
'It's the loose skin on his throat. He can blow it up just like a balloon.'
'What happens when his wife hears him?'
'She goes hopping over to him. She is very happy to have been invited. But I'll tell you something very funny about the old bullfrog. He often becomes so pleased with the sound of his own voice that his wife has to nudge him several times before he'll stop his burping and turn round to hug her.'
That made me laugh.
'Dont laugh too loud,' he said, twinkling at me with his eyes. 'We men are not so very different from the bullfrog. ~ Roald Dahl

Mortimer had maxed three credit cards stocking the cave with canned goods and medical supplies and tools and everything a man needed to live through the end of the world. There were more than a thousand books along shelves in the driest part of the cave. There used to be several boxes of pornography until Mortimer realized that he'd spent nearly ten days in a row sitting in the cave masturbating. He burned the dirty magazines to keep from doing some terrible whacking injury to himself. ~ Victor Gischler

Feminist humor raises consciousness. And the reason it's funny is because it stands something on its head. Goodness knows you've got to have a sense of humor if you do feminism full-time, I tell you. ~ Eleanor Smeal

Sometimes the smartest thing to do is to feign ignorance. ~ Zack W. Van

I showed him the Post-it. "You see They're from Lily."

"Who's Lily?"

"Some girl."

"Ooh... a girl!"

"Boomer, we're not in third grade anymore. You don't say, 'Ooh... a girl!'"

"What? You fucking her?"

"Okay, Boomer, you're right. I liked 'Ooh... a girl!' much more than that.
Let's stick with 'Ooh... a girl! ~ David Levithan

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine. ~ Mark Twain

Although the tech industry is very open to change, many people still have a closed-off mentality where, in the interest of protecting their ideas, they keep them hidden in dark caves. ~ Ryan Holmes

Percy yelled. "What's going- Gah! Shrimpzilla! ~ Rick Riordan

I was used and tricked and thrown away, but I cannot be forgiven. It's a funny thing. You go your whole life thinking you're the protagonist, but really, you're just the backstory. The boys shrug and go on, they fight and blow things up and half of them do much worse... and still get a key to the city, and eventually you're just a story your high school boyfriend tells the kid he had with his new wife. ~ Catherynne M. Valente

That's what cricket's all about: two batsmen pitting their wits against one another ~ Fred Trueman

Peter sat as powerless as an overwhelmed female character in a Victorian drama. ~ Edgar Cantero

I particularly like Twitter, because it's short and can be very funny and informative. It's a little bit like having your own radio program. ~ Margaret Atwood

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny. ~ Dick Cavett

I stopped noticing the nit-picky things years ago, My late husband was brilliant, but never figured out dirty cups went in the sink. Used to drive me crazy, but one day I compared it to his good qualities. Supportive husband, hands-on dad. Smart, funny, awesome popcorn-maker. All that versus doesn't put cups in the sink. The latter just wasn't worth mentioning. ~ Donna Gentry Morton

You know, it's funny; when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. ~ Wanda From Bojack Horseman

I wasn't a 'hot chick' in high school. I was 'funny' and a tomboy and probably a little uncomfortable with my amazing boobs. ~ Iliza Shlesinger

At Christmas, individuals are apportioned their roles in the family script - you're either the funny one or the sensitive one; or you either do the cooking or the washing up. And those roles aren't easy to change. ~ Tom Hiddleston