Taser Quotes

Nate jumped up and down, voice cracking as he talked. It worked! It worked! My Taser worked! Ha! Oh yeah, oh yeah! I can't believe I got this thing on eBay! ~ Stefan Petrucha

Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi! ~ George Lopez

I want you to know how proud I am. You're doing the right thing, and I don't want you to worry about what's going to happen after. We'll figure it out." She looked back at David and beamed, as happy as I'd ever seen her.
"I have no doubt of that. Although I do have one serious concern."
"Yes?"
"UPARG? It doesn't roll off the tongue in quite the same way IPCA did."
Raquel heaved a why must you joke at inappropriate times sigh, then lifted her chin haughtily. "Well, maybe we won't invite you to be a part of it, then."
I laughed. "Please, by all means, leave me out. I think it's high time I retire."
"Even if we issue you your own custom companion Taser for Tasey?"
I pursed my lips thoughtfully. "We'll talk when I'm done here. ~ Kiersten White

[W]hile the use of non-lethal weapons such as tasers and LEDIs may not necessarily reduce the number of civilian casualties, they have been largely accepted as the humane alternative to deadly force because they make the use of force appear far less dramatic and violent than it has in the past.
Contrast, for instance, the image of police officers beating Rodney King with billy clubs as opposed to police officers continually shocking a person with a taser. Both are severe forms of abuse. However, because the act of pushing a button is far less dramatic and visually arresting than swinging a billy club, it can come across as much more humane to the general public. This, of course, draws much less media coverage and, thus, less bad public relations for the police. ~ John W. Whitehead

When we sat down in the plane, Clare took something out of her pocket and handed it to me. It looked like a tube of lipstick.
I frowned at her. 'Is this really the time to swap make-up?' I asked.
She grinned. 'It's a hand taser. My parents make me carry one.' She took the cap off and pointed to the metal edge. 'If someone attacks you, you press the tip against their skin and it shoots out a charge.'
I looked down at it. 'Does it last long?'
She shook her head. 'It's pretty harmless. Noah and Pat used to play taser tag around the house when I was growing up. ~ Katie Kacvinsky

I once got hit with a taser at a concert and everyone thought I was dancing. Now I have to do that dance, at every show for the rest of my life, or admit that a taser can damage the Thom Yorke ~ Thom Yorke

Thank you for your opinion, but please note that I did not request it. When and if I desire your advice, I will ask you for it directly. Until then? I'm good to go." Then, if they keep on keeping on: "You have now entered an Asshole-Free Zone. You are puncturing my Shut The Fuck Up bubble and violating my personal airspace. As such, you are diminishing my tolerance for people who don't know when to keep their noses on their faces instead of up other people's asses. If you continue down this path, I will be forced to Taser you in the nipples. Each nipple. In turn. One after the other. Bzzt, and then bzzt. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go continue creating awesome shit while you sit here dreaming about tearing awesome shit down. Please enjoy a pair of rigidly up-thrust middle fingers as I walk away unflinchingly, like an action star slow-mo walking from an exploding building, except instead of a burning building, I'm walking away from a flaming pile of human excrement. Boom. ~ Chuck Wendig

Collaborators let down their guards. Successful collaborators still carry a taser. ~ Ryan Lilly

Oh my God. I didn't. I couldn't have. No. no, no. Holy Crap, I did. I just shot Jason Pierce in the chest with a taser. ~ Ashley Stoyanoff

You have to go where I lead you, right?
Unless I taser you. Then you'll have to go where I drag you. ~ Becky Wade

I brought out the most powerful tool I had in my arsenal. "If you resist," I said into Reyes's ear, "I'll be forced to Taser you."
He looked at what I had in my hand. "That's a phone."
"I have an app. You'll probably experience nerve damage. Slight memory loss. ~ Darynda Jones

Ready to have some fun?" She didn't give him time to answer. Weighed down with the chains, she flashed to a busy street in New York - fingers crossed he would be run over - then to a gay strip club in Italy - fingers crossed he would be groped - then to a zoo in Oklahoma - fingers crossed the elephant shit was ripe.
"Enjoy," she muttered with relish.
Anya flashed one final time, back to where she'd begun: his home in Greece. Lucien was still following her trail. Lightning-quick, she hid the chains under the bed and palmed her Taser.
When she straightened he was there, just in front of her. Her breath caught. He was still scowling, teeth bared and sharp, Death glowing in his eyes. He had a bleeding cut on his leg and he smelled like shit.
Her nose wrinkled. "Step in something?" she asked innocently.
"That, I did not mind." He took a menacing step toward her. "What I did mind was being hit by a cab, then landing on the lap of a naked man. With an erection, Anya. He had an erection."
She grinned. She just couldn't help herself. ~ Gena Showalter

Things have been invented because of alcohol. Like the taser, okay? Yeah! The morning after pill, okay? The reach-around. Judge Judy. What has pot given the world? Hackey sack? YEAH! Hilarious ring tones? OH GAH! Ultimate Frisbee Championships? It sucks to be a champion at a sport that can't get you laid. It's an unneeded skill like, I dunno, being the best banjo player. Or a squirter. ~ Dave Attell

I'd offer to take you for a test-drive, but I'm afraid that Supercop over there would probably Taser me with his stun gun. So you'll have to wait until tomorrow, ~ Kimberly Derting

It was then you'd have thought I'd been shot by a Taser, as paralyzed as I was at the sight of her - the perfect feminine form, the image hitting me with the velocity of a Slurpee-like brain-freeze, rendering me again the helpless, hapless male. Any trace of rationality or logic or even common sense that might've been there before is quickly abandoning ship, leaving Dickbrain at the helm and Lust navigating, ~ Jack Dancer

I miss Cindy McCain - she seemed so life-like.
I'm a moderate lesbian - I only hold a grudge for six generations.
Step away from your e-vehicle.
Email is a depressant.
The patriarchy is so Dada.
We've got homomentum!
America was built by affirmative action - for white men.
If they want gay people to stop having sex, let them get married.
I'm on a single prayer health plan: please god, don't let me get sick.
Taser them with love.


~ Kate Clinton

I guess we'll have to get you a Taser too." Meow. "No, I'm not getting you a knife." Meow. "We'll discuss this when I get back. ~ Nick Pirog

Since killing people is illegal, can I have a Taser just for shits and giggles? -Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet ~ Darynda Jones

In one hand I have a restraining order, and in the other I have a Taser. Which would you like to meet first? ~ John Scalzi

It's a hard thing to hold a civil conversation after recalling that one party has used a Taser on the other, so both of them finished the walk in silence. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

She didn't need a Taser; she was more than capable of defending herself without electricity. She'd had an unusual education. ~ Laini Taylor

So this Zealot comes to my door, all glazed eyes and clean reproductive organs, asking me if I ever think about God. So I tell him I killed God. I tracked God down like a rabid dog, hacked off his legs with a hedge trimmer, raped him with a corncob, and boiled off his corpse in an acid bath. So he pulls an alternating-current taser on me and tells me that only the Official Serbian Church of Tesla can save my polyphase intrinsic electric field, known to non-engineers as "the soul." So I hit him. What would you do? ~ Warren Ellis

Chase is playing escort this morning. He gets cranky if we keep him waiting too long."

"We wouldn't want the man with the Taser to get cranky. ~ Amanda E. Alvarez

I am the neurological opposite of a psychopath, in that I feel anxious almost all the time. It must be great to not constantly feel like you've got someone living inside your face, shooting you with a mini Taser. ~ Jon Ronson

See this?" Isa pulled something dark and oblong out of her purse. Chance's mouth twitched.
"Turbo Vagisil?"
"No, it's a taser! ~ Jeaniene Frost

I'd have to be impolite, an inconvenience, and sometimes awkward. But if I could commit, all that discomfort would add up to zap predatory threads like a Taser gun. I'd stun them. They'd bow to me. I'd let my no echo against the mountains.

And better to feel bad for a moment saying no - and stop it - than to get harmed.

I would take better care.

That small word, no. I'd see its deity. ~ Aspen Matis

And what happens when I finally decide to let him in, and he tells me that he doesn't feel the spark that I feel?"
"Then you Taser him and ask him again when he wakes up." She laughed. ~ Sophie Monroe

Nothing says 'I'm not that into you', like taser-fire. ~ Molly Harper

Evelyn?" one asked.
"Yeah," I said, waving a hand dismissively and moving to walk past them. Lend always hung his keys on a ring near the door. I'd get those, and - "
"You're under arrest for violating statute one point one of the International Paranormal Control Charter."
I stopped. "Wait, seriously? Seriously? You guys are here to arrest me?" I started laughing. Wow, you so picked the wrong day. Come back next week, okay?"
Before I could move one of them shoved a shiny silver Taser at me; the last thought that went through my head before I collapsed, shaking on the ground, was that, bleep, being tased really sucked. ~ Kiersten White

Here's the thing about close combat in real life: It's almost always over in a matter of seconds. Not like in the movies, where your hero has the luxury to strategize and maneuver and grapple for minutes on end. Fortunately, when your life is in danger, your brain kicks in. Deep inside your brain this little almond-shaped gland called the amygdala sends out the signal to make your body start pumping out dopamine and adrenaline and cortisol. Time seems to slow, your focus sharpens, you suddenly start perceiving way more stimuli than normal. Neurologists call this tachypsychia. Everyone else calls it the fight-or-flight response. Cavemen who didn't have it got eaten by saber-toothed tigers. So I made a quick decision. I could either be incapacitated by a Taser, or I could put myself within the reach of Bondarchuk's fists. No choice. ~ Joseph Finder

I wanted to be a spy," Olga said, shrugging. "I applied to the CIA. I was turned down. I did not meet the psychological profile. Oppositional Defiance Disorder. Basically, I have a hard time taking orders from idiots."

"Don't think of me as an idiot and I won't give you an idiotic order," Sophia said. "But if I give you one, you'd better do it. Because it's probably going to mean surviving or dying."

"You I don't mind," Olga said. "Or I wouldn't have joined your crew. Don't ask me about Nazar. So I was in Spain with the troupe. When the Plague hit, they shut down travel. And all my guns were in America. In a zombie apocalypse. I was quite upset."

"You should have seen Faith when they told her she had to be disarmed in New York," Sophia said. "Then they gave her a taser and that was mistake. What kind of guns?"

"I like that your family prefers the AK series," Olga said. "I really do think it's superior to the M16 series in many ways. Much more reliable. They say it is less accurate but that is at longer ranges. The round is not designed for long range."

"I can hit at a thousand meters with my accurized AK," Sophia said. "It's a matter of knowing the ballistics. It's not real powerful at that range, but try doing the same thing with an M4. I'll wait."

"Oh, jeeze, you two," Paula said. "Get a room."

"So continue with how you got on the yacht," Sophia said. "We don't want our cook getting all woozy with ~ John Ringo

That hallmark image of cupid as a fat cherub with arrows? I think the real cupid is some kind of psycho juvie with a taser. ~ Lesley Livingston

Go 'head mouth off to me some mo'. I buzz you with my buzzer." Bennett lowered the paper to the table. "For the last time, it's not a 'buzzer.' It's not like one of those party tricks that gives somebody a little zap. It's a Taser. It's for self-defense, not for smacking someone you can't reach, and not for frying the brains out of the neighbor's dog. ~ Dawn Lee McKenna

No one is protecting you. You are all alone, aren't you?" he asks while he lets my elbow drop from his hand.
I can no longer see his face clearly because my tears are making it impossible, but unfortunately for him, I've found what I've been searching for in my bag. "I don't need anyone to protect me when I have this!" I say in a desperate tone.
Pushing the Taser into his side, I release the safety and pull the trigger. The hot, kinetic sizzle of electricity snarls through the gun and into his torso, but Reed doesn't fall down and start twitching like in the demonstration video. Instead, his eyebrows shoot up in an expression somewhere between disbelief and amazement as he asks, "Are you serious? ~ Amy A. Bartol