Stripper Quotes

He started with his shirt. Inside he was laughing at himself as he undid each button. Chris Welsh, male stripper. But the look in her eyes made him feel like the most potent, desired man on the planet. ~ Ellen Connor

I stared down into his handsome face while my mouth gaped like a fish. Oh my good God. No wonder I had thought he was a stripper. I had asked him to take his clothes off. If I had been alone I would have beat my head against the wall. An image of Sam stopping his hands fluttered through my mind and my cheeks heated. I really had told him to take his clothes off. ~ Nichole Chase

PS, I want a stripper for my birthday," GQ announces. "Just decided now. Get on it."

"I'll make a couple calls," Garrett promises, but the second his friend wanders off, he confides, "He's not getting a stripper. We all chipped in to get him a new iPod. He dropped his in the koi pond behind Hartford House."

When I snicker, Garrett pounces like a mountain lion. "Holy shit. Was that a laugh? I didn't think you were capable of showing amusement. Can you do it again and let me film it?"

"I laugh all the time." I pause. "Mostly at you, though."

He grabs his chest in mock pain as if I've shot him. "You're terrible for a guy's ego, y'know that? ~ Elle Kennedy

a collection that included, among other items, an Allen wrench set, some pliers, a power drill, several clamps, some hacksaws, an impact-wrench set, a brace of cold-tolerant bungie cords, assorted files and rasps and planes, a crescent-wrench set, a crimper, five hammers, some hemostats, three hydraulic jacks, a bellows, several sets of screwdrivers, drills and bits, a portable compressed gas cylinder, a box of plastic explosives and shape charges, a tape measure, a giant Swiss Army knife, tin snips, tongs, tweezers, three vises, a wire stripper, X-acto knives, a pick, a bunch of mallets, a nut driver set, hose clamps, a set of end mills, a set of jeweler's screwdrivers, a magnifying glass, all kinds of tape, a plumber's bob and ream, a sewing kit, scissors, sieves, a lathe, levels of all sizes, long-nosed pliers, vise-grip pliers, a tap-and-die set, three shovels, a compressor, a generator, a welding-and-cutting set, a wheelbarrow - and so on. And ~ Kim Stanley Robinson

At my bachelor party I had Elton John's "Tiny Dancer" play on repeat, while I enjoyed the spectacle of a midget stripper dressed like jet fuel (Rocket Man). ~ Jarod Kintz

Oh Lord," Shirleen groaned, sitting down. "First she wants to be a rock star now she wants to be a stripper." Then she lifted her hand and snapped her fingers at no one in particular. "Somebody, get her another appletini before we gotta explain to Hector 'Mr. Edge' Chavez why his woman wants to strip. ~ Kristen Ashley

Curious, I asked, "Why do I scare you so much?"

"You don't scare me," she responded immediately, sounding defensive.

"Then why are your hands shaking?"

Jennifer let the spoon fall into the batter bowl and leaned against the counter, her eyes lifting for the briefest of seconds. "You don't scare me, I'm just . . . I'm just nervous."

"Why're you nervous?"

"Because . . . because . . . because you're dangerous. And I have a hard time believing your revenge plan involved anything as benign as a male stripper."

"Make no mistake, George is not benign. He is an eighty-five-year-old committed professional and brings his gun. Well, he brings both his guns. ~ Penny Reid

What do you mean? We have it, we raise it, we send it to school, keep it from getting eaten by wolves or becoming a stripper, and we're good. ~ Jay Crownover

I liken kissing baby cheeks to kissing stripper boobies. They're both irresistible, but you're bound to catch something. Scientists say there's at least an 18% chance that the world's next deadly viral pandemic is brewing in the saliva stew of a chubby baby's cheeks, or a stripper's boobies, at this very moment. ~ J. Matthew Nespoli

I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But it was just a pair of shoes I ordered. Didn't matter, I still made them dance for me. ~ Jarod Kintz

Maybe I should put down fifteen ones. You're probably used to that from your stripper days! ~ J.R. Scott

Where did you get that dress?
I stole it from a homeless person," I say straight-faced. "She was lying right beside the stripper that gave you yours. ~ M. Leighton

Honestly kiddo? You're beautiful. You use your weight as an excuse but you're just all woman. Not every woman has to look like a stripper. Or a model. Or Megan Fox. You're petite, have a tiny waist, a fantastic rack, a devastating ass ... what the hell more do you want? You should know it. Everyone else knows it ... that's why you're getting all these asinine comments. Can't you just see that it's just jealously that's ripping these people apart? ~ Karina Halle

So, I was thinkin' of pickin' up a job as a male stripper . It would be a way to meet women and earn money. Thoughts?" That should refocus his brother if no other way but him pausing to consider it. Quinn had undiagnosed ADHD, Chance was sure of it, and on occasion you had to refocus him. The same worked when Quinn went off on a tangent, you had to flash something bright to get him off the tangent, and in this case, the shiny was Chance becoming a stripper. ~ Alex Morgan

Do you recall telling Dr. Phillips during your appointment on February second of last year that you needed to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases because - let me make sure I get this correct here . . ."
Taylor read out loud from her file,

"Because, quote, 'your weasel-dick husband slept with a skanky whore stripper and the cheating bastard didn't use a rubber'?"

Ms. Campbell shot up in her chair. "She actually wrote that down?"

The jury tittered with amused laughter and sat up interestedly. Finally - things were starting to look a little more like Law & Order around here.

"I take it that's a yes?" Taylor asked. ~ Julie James

Kyle dumped me for some stripper whore who shops at Wet Seal. ~ Diablo Cody

He's probably used to women throwing themselves at him or curling around his massive frame like a sloth in its favorite tree.
I'm closer to a sloth than I am a stripper. Give me a cozy pair of fuzzy pajamas or a onesie instead of a thong and deathtrap platform heels any night of the week. If I had to choose a vice, it would be sloth. Not lust.
Unless the lusting is after cake.
Or Ryan Reynolds.
Or Ryan Reynolds with cake. ~ Daisy Prescott

Quin's smile was open and innocent and as fake as the tits on a stripper. ~ Amy Fecteau

Pumpkin Bunny. Bridget's eyes drifted to the bookshelf where her favorite childhood toy sat propped up in the corner. It had been a gift from her dad from before she could remember, a soft, fluffy stuffed bunny popping out of a pumpkin like a stripper from a birthday cake. ~ Gretchen McNeil

I've decided," he said, now focusing on the other breast, "that tomorrow is a no-clothes day. From now on, every Sunday is Stripper Sunday. The only thing you can wear are stilettos. ~ Lisa Edward

No one expects an eighty-five-year-old Navy SEAL stripper. No one. And that was the beauty of George. ~ Penny Reid

Sometimes, when I'm alone, I put on six inch heels and wear nothing else and dance around in front of the mirror and do my little stripper dance. ~ Tori Spelling

Cara Kim sucked in her breath when she realized a man was standing behind her. God, how long had he been there? Given the sort of lusty, heated look on his face, it was possible he'd seen her putting on her robe. Seen her naked.

Which might not seem like a big deal, since she danced nude for a living, but it had the potential to ruin her night.No man had ever seen her naked without the screen in front of her. Not one man ever, because she was arguably the oddest attraction in all of Vegas - the virgin stripper. ~ Erin MacCarthy

I realize Jubilee is a bit of a stripper name. You probably think I have heard the call of the pole. ~ Maureen Johnson

A punching bag. The guy was pounding on a punching bag. That realization took about a nanosecond to register in her brain before the real important information came to the forefront: LoriSue, God bless her slutty little soul, had been absolutely correct. He was male-stripper material, and he'd been thoughtful enough to strip to a pair of athletic shorts on his very first night in the neighborhood. ~ Susan Donovan

I told him if he pulled my tuition I would gladly get a job as a stripper to pay my way through med school, and he hadn't liked it one bit. ~ Jay Crownover

Oh, did I mention I'm a stripper?
Some dudes prefer "male entertainer" or "exotic dancer," but I call a spade a spade. I spend two nights a week shaking my crotch in happy women's faces and stripping down to a G-string. Ergo, I'm a stripper. ~ Sarina Bowen

Boomer took bites of all six varieties, contemplating each one and "guring out the order in which he would then eat them. "I like the
brown one and the lighter brown one and the almost-brown one. I'm not so sure about the minty one. But really, I think the lebkuchen spice
one is the best."
"The what?"
"The lebkuchen spice one." He held it up for me. "This one."
"You're making that up. What's a lebkuchen spice? It sounds like a cross between a Keebler elf and a stripper. Hello, my name ees
Lebkuchen Spice, and I vant to show you my cooooookies ... "
"Don't be rude!" Boomer protested. As if the cookie might be offended. ~ David Levithan

As a person, [Barbara Stanwyck] was a great deal like the character she played in Ball of Fire, a stripper called Sugarpuss O'Shea. She had a wonderful, free, open quality in that picture, and that's what she was like as a woman. Reclusive by nature, she was happy to just stay home, but she read everything. She got me reading books as a way of life and, if I asked her, would help me out with my acting. We only had one scene together in Titanic - I played her daughter's boyfriend! - so there was a limit to what I could learn by working with her. She taught me what to do with my hands, how to get over my self-consciousness, and how to lower my voice, which I thought was still too high. And she taught me to be decisive with things like entrances. "When you walk in," she told me, "be sure you're standing up straight. Walk in with confidence." She didn't want me to sidle into a scene as if I were ashamed to be in the movie. Make the entrance! Take the scene! But I wasn't going there for acting tutorials. ~ Robert J. Wagner

You can be anything in Pittsburgh, a stripper, a writer, a student, a bartender, or something else, or everything else, all of it at once, and no one cares, or if they care, they mean it, it's love. In Pittsburgh, you are tough or you are not. You write or you don't write. You start hearts or allow hearts to wind down like old clocks. I almost never think about what Pittsburgh means because I know it. ~ Dave Newman

People think that I changed my name. I could've been an actress, a superhero, or a stripper. ~ January Jones

If he's the stripper, then who are you?"
"I'm Cash Davenport. I own the club. ~ Michelle Leighton

Lee threw down the tripod, and Trip dropped the FN MAG machine gun onto it ... Lee hunkered down behind the big weapon. Holly handed me an RPG. The heavy tube was reassuring in my hands. Everyone dug down into the ditch, prepared to fight. Nervous but competent. Scared but professional. We were ready to put some smack down. Not bad for an accountant, a librarian, a schoolteacher, and a stripper. ~ Larry Correia

A few minutes later, a tall, bronze-skinned woman with masses of dark hair, eyes like pale emeralds, and more curves than the Nürburgring racetrack appeared next to my table. My SEAL stood and started to intervene, but I held up a lazy hand, gave a droopy-eyed smile, slurred my words, and waved him off. The stripper sat on my lap with nothing between her and the Lord but a smile and three pieces of strategically placed duct tape. She slipped a glittering arm around my shoulders - she apparently was wearing lotion with metal flakes in it and it felt rough. Then she leaned her décolletage my way, placing her head next to my ear. "You know what you're supposed to do, right?" she whispered, smiling and acting like she had just said something terribly wrong. She was a good actress for Elizabeth City.
Laughing, smiling, and acting wasted, I slurred as loudly and obnoxiously as I could, "Oh, I know exactly what I'm doing, woman!" With that, I reached up and placed my hand on her massive breast, just as I'd been instructed to do - all for the good of my country.
The slap that followed could[…]"

Excerpt From: Jamie Smith. "Gray Work ~ Jamie Smith

You know that girl who sat at lunch with us today, Brittani Monroe?"
"Yep."
"What do you think about her?"
"She's a slut with a stripper name. ~ Alison G. Bailey

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper ~ Casey Renee Kiser

I had seen this exact same expression and movement before - where? In the future I would come to know that look as the beginning of the end of love - the death of a man's trying. It read as Haughty Fatigue. Like the name of a stripper. ~ Lorrie Moore

I got dumped at Taco Bill's today; fell down, split my pants, and generally humiliated myself in front of a complete stranger; went to dinner at a snooty restaurant, found out said stranger is my future step brother; got called a stripper, hooker, and virgin by my mother ... did I leave anything out? ~ Nicole Christie

Christ! He thought we even have a male stripper. What's he going to do, throw his thong at the vampires? ~ Derek Gunn

She was wearing a black pantsuit with a pale pink turtleneck underneath, a painfully aspirational look for a stripper. ~ Gillian Flynn

He wanted to wear sweatpants, because "they tear easier." I asked him if he wanted me to get him some male stripper jeans so he could avoid looking like a Russian gangster from pre-Shift movies, after which he got all offended and put on a pair of regular jeans instead. ~ Ilona Andrews

He planned to stick to her like pasties on a stripper. ~ Gena Showalter

When I was a stripper I realized that men and women are equally fucked over about sex but in such different areas, we're blind to the other's pain. So for certain kinds of guys, women are heartless bitches and cock teases and will bleed you dry before giving you a kiss. And for some women, men are asshole jerks who only want one thing. They'll love you and leave you. I don't see it that way. It's the culture keeping them equally ignorant and feeding them nonsense. And then saying, go of and get married! ~ Nina Hartley

Covered in slivered almonds and soaked in booze, Italian rum cake is everything kids hate about everything. No one even ate it. It just got thrown away. Cake Time is supposed to be the climax of a birthday, but instead it was a crushing disappointment for all. I imagine it's like being at a bachelor party only to find that the stripper has overdosed in the bathroom. ~ Tina Fey

When I asked him for some explanation as to why he wanted to kill me, he said it was because he didn't like his jobs. When I asked him since when had he not liked his jobs, he said since always. When I remarked that he had never told me this, and that I had gotten the impression that he had liked them, he said: "How is that possible? You know me. Do I strike you as stupid or boring?"
"No."
"Then how could you think I would enjoy being an etiquette expert, or a Weight Watchers' counselor, or a stripper? How could you think that someone like me, with my mind, my character, would derive any satisfaction from those things? ~ Amanda Filipacchi

If I can iron out my accent, it opens up another world of possible jobs. Whereas if you have that very strong European accent, it leaves you always being cast as the Hungarian maid or the stripper or whatever. I have voice lessons, and my coach has given me different tongue-twisters to rehearse at home. ~ Birgitte Hjort Sorensen

Are you a stripper?" I ask. "Because you're wearing way too much clothing for a stripper." "And you're not wearing enough," she says, her voice icy. "Well, it would be a shame to hide my best feature," I say, giving her my cocky grin. Women totally dig the grin. It gets me into – and out of – so much trouble. But this girl doesn't. She wrinkles her nose and looks at me like she just tasted something bad. "I'm sorry," she says. "About what?" "I'm sorry that's your best feature," she says, nodding pointedly downward at my cock. "How disappointing. ~ Sabrina Paige

The psychotic clown I sent for his birthday will feel like a feather falling on a pillow atop a cloud. The laxative in my lunch? Child's play. If you think it was bad when I sent that fake resume for his open assistant position and the stripper came for the interview? No. We're talking Defcon Five, Vietcong-level mind fucking, do you hear me, Chloe? ~ Christina Lauren

One can't mount a stripper pole wearing a metal diving suit. ~ Mary Karr

I'm not a whore!" Nico spat.

"Oh, sorry, a stripper who whores
on the side."

"Fuck you, Tate!"

"I'm not interested in fucking you, Bilan,
never have and never will. I only want Kady."

Nico's furious gaze turned my way. "You
can have her," he said, glaring at me over Tate's shoulder, "because I fucking
hate the bitch."

I flinched at his words, the viciousness
in his tone ripping my heart out. I watched in despair at he disappeared out
the door, wanting to cry because the boy I was starting to fall for hated me.

That thought hit me even harder.

I was falling for Nico Bilan. ~ Marita A. Hansen

I need the money, the security, because I might not have the blanket of support and love I have now forever. It could all end, and then I'll find myself at rock bottom, a strung-out stripper like my mother.
I can't let that happen.
I won't let that happen. ~ Toni Aleo

... The shocking thing about any stripper gathering, I discovered, was that you have never heard women talk so fast and so explicitly about money in all your life. They make the guys on the trading floor on Wall Street look like a bunch of pansies. ~ Susie Bright

She tucked a five-dollar bill into my dress strap - like I was a stripper! ~ Dia Reeves

Charlotte, dressed in a very short-skirted policewoman's outfit, was leading a dancing brigade, jumping around at the front of the room, her long red hair flapping up and down like a matador's cape. She was head girl, and she would shows us how to party if she had to.
I wasn't really sure why Charlotte had decided to come to the party as a stripper. I found myself at a loss for words as she complimented us on our costumes.
"You're a..." I tried to find the right thing to say. "Really...hot cop?"
"I'm Amy Pond," she said. "From Doctor Who. This is her kissogram outfit. ~ Maureen Johnson

Jerome sighed and set down his fork. "Are you still doing that, Georgie? Don't I suffer enough without having to endure the humiliation of a succubus who moonlights as a Christmas elf?"
"You always said I should quit the bookstore and find something else to do," I reminded him.
"Yes, but that was because I thought you'd go on to do something respectable. Like become a stripper or the Mayor's mistress. ~ Richelle Mead

During my short college stint, every time I picked up a pen, this grinding, unnamed fear overcame me - later identified as fear that my real self would spill out. One can't mount a stripper pole wearing a metal diving suit. What I needed to write kept simmering up while I wrote down everything but that. In fact, I kept ginning out reasons that writing reality was impossible. I cranked up therapy and drank like a fish. ~ Mary Karr

And vampires never sparkle unless they just ate a stripper. ~ James R Tuck

You're going undercover. You won't actually be a stripper," David said with annoyance.
"Will I be taking my clothes off in front of complete strangers?" I asked as I stared at what was to be my new identity. Raven? Really? ~ D.T. Dyllin

There are also the people too bizarre to ignore, like Kyle Simpson. Future male stripper. ~ Jay Asher

I know. You're a male escort, and you were on your way to your latest…what are female clients called? Not Johns…Jean's?"
He choked on his cracker, and Bree reached over and patted his back until his coughing fit passed. "Afraid not, darling." He wheezed.
"Male stripper?"
He snorted. "I don't know if I should be flattered or insulted by that."
"Some kind of business tycoon, right?" Bree asked. "A pretty Donald Trump?"
"Pretty? Oh dear."
Bree raised her hands. "Handsome. Handsome. Better? ~ E. Jamie

Jesus H. Christ on a stripper pole! ~ Scott Blagden

Joey looked confused and horrified, like a stripper bursting out of a cake only to realize she's been accidentally delivered to a baby shower. ~ Justin Halpern

$16 billion in complex securities whose value ultimately turned on the ability of a Las Vegas stripper with five investment properties, or a Mexican strawberry picker with a single $750,000 home, to make rapidly rising interest payments. ~ Michael Lewis

Luke came to me and took the gun out of my hand. "I need to find a way to erase the last three minutes," he muttered, sounding aggrieved.
"Why?" I asked.
"I just watched my boy's sister strip. There's laws against that," he replied, not taking his eyes off Mace ... but I had a feeling what Luke was doing was studiously avoiding seeing me in sequined undies and stripper shoes.
"No there's not," I said to Luke and he finally looked at me.
"Babe, there are. Trust me," he stated. ~ Kristen Ashley

The one term I don't like to be called is a 'vulture.' Because to me, a vulture is a kind of asset-stripper that eats dead flesh off the bones of a dead creature. Our bird should be the phoenix, the bird that reinvents itself, recreates itself from its ashes. And that's much closer to what it is that we really do. ~ Wilbur Ross

Women, he would say, are not Muses. Muses are Muses. To confuse one with the other is to mistake the Devouring Void for the Seminal Light. Earthly Women and the Muses are ancient, sworn enemies. The battlefield is the Creative Male. On the one side is the encampment of Discordia, of Diana, of Venus located in his Heart and in his Groin. On the other is the Bastion of Calliope, Clio, Erato, Euterpe, Melpomene, Polyhymnia, Terpsichore, Thalia and Urania, in his Brain and in his Mind. The Muses are tolerant and understanding of border raids, skirmishes, and harassing maneuvers. Throughout the history of the Male Light, there have been few painters, few writers, who have not had a She Who Must Be Accommodated. For some it was their mothers. For many their wives, their mistresses, their girlfriends. For many it was their daughters, a favourite waitress, a stripper, a whore. To the Muses, they are all one. Mother, whore, wife, daughter, stripper, waitress, mistress, girlfriend. ~ Dave Sim

It took a lot to render me silent, like learning my grandma had been a stripper in her youth, and that all male Werewolves were hung like horses ... but this was horrific. ~ Robyn Peterman

Rule one when you're working as a stripper, if a guy comes in with a lady, always make eye contact with her before you approach the man she's with. ~ C.M. Stunich

Love is the thing that holds life together. Sort of like rind to a melon, cloth to a stuffed animal, or money to the time spent with a stripper. ~ Jarod Kintz

Did you know Kyle's back?"
"Yes, we saw him earlier, why my panties just dropped at the sight of him. I simply have to get him into my bed faster than a stripper looses her inhibitions. ~ R.S. Burnett

She was no stripper with a heart of gold, that was for sure. A heart of steel, more like. ~ Shannon Celebi

Her full breasts strained against the material as if dying to escape, turning her respectable business suit into a vehicle for a stripper. Horrified at the sudden veer of his thoughts, he quickly imagined nuns in underwear and got himself back in control. ~ Jennifer Probst

I ate the roll, and forced down some more sparkling wine. When your eyes closed against the sun again, and I had nothing else to look at I glanced quickly at your chest, curious, really. I'd only seen chests like that in magazines. I wondered if that's how you'd got all your money ... modeling. I looked down at my stomach. I grabbed at it, seeing how much fat I could lift up in a roll.
"Don't worry," you said, one eye open again like a crocodile, watching me. "You're beautiful." You tipped your head back again "Beautiful," you murmured. "Perfect."
"You wouldn't know. You're built like some sort of supermodel." I bit my lip, wishing I hadn't complimented you like that. "Or a stripper," I added. "Prostitute."
"I wouldn't want you to think I'm repulsive," you said, half smiling.
"Too late."
You opened your other eye to squint at me. "Will you ever give me a break? ~ Lucy Christopher

I like stripper shoes. I like being tall because I'm claustrophobic. ~ Jessie J.

The sun rose like a stripper, keeping its glory well covered by cloud till it seemed there'd be no show at all. ~ Clive Barker

Six month of sitting home, six month of doing absolutely nothing but watching TV, going out, sleeping, getting drunk and sleeping again. Oh no, wait, I was busy with something, I was doing some renovations in my new apartment. Which legally became mine only a month ago. Yep, that's what all my life has been about, spontaneous decisions and living in the moment. Because right now technically I'm a 25-year-old illegal immigrant from Russia, four years in New York, no papers, no work authorization, no work itself. Only a crazy life filled with restaurants, shops, beauty salons, clubs and restaurants again. How is it all possible? Very simple. I used to be a stripper. ~ Ellie Midwood

I'm feeling a low regarding writing. I sometimes think I should finish working on my book of stripper poetry that I started, but other times I feel like it's not worth it. Sometimes I think I should work on my comic book idea, and then other times I want to work on a website, and still other times I think I should be working on this memoir. That's a lot of thinking about writing without a whole lot of writing going on. ~ Sheila Hageman

Yes, it's me, your PA, now your stripper for the evening. How do you do? ~ Kate Meader

For those who don't know, Bunnypocalypse is not about an alien rabbit invasion. It's about zombies. And a stripper. No, seriously. ~ Cain S. Latrani

Parties that ended with stabbing weren't part of the long term plan. Neither was being tied to a man in prison, working as a stripper, or worrying about whether or not I was safe without a goddamned brand across my back like a fucking cow. ~ Joanna Wylde

He's dead now and by dead I mean dating a stripper. ~ Marie-Helene Bertino

Together we kept that machine greased like a stripper in a plastic pool full of baby oil. ~ Jamie McGuire

Six months earlier, my ice breaker concerned a stripper who became a quadriplegic and eventually had her vagina eaten away by bedsores, not the easiest thing to wrangle into a conversation. But if I could pull that off, I figured that a burning mouse should pose no problem. ~ David Sedaris

People know my lyrics; they know the stuff I've written, and it's all about life, love, happiness, and these big euphoric moments. It would always bug me when I'd go to a club, and they're playing some chick on a stripper pole on the monitor behind me. I'm like, 'So that's not what I do - that's the other guy.' ~ Kaskade

Ten Best Song to Strip
1. Any hip-swiveling R&B fuckjam. This category includes The Greatest Stripping Song of All Time: "Remix to Ignition" by R. Kelly.

2. "Purple Rain" by Prince, but you have to be really theatrical about it. Arch your back like Prince himself is daubing body glitter on your abdomen. Most effective in nearly empty, pathos-ridden juice bars.

3. "Honky Tonk Woman" by the Rolling Stones. Insta-attitude. Makes even the clumsiest troglodyte strut like Anita Pallenberg. (However, the Troggs will make you look like even more of a troglodyte, so avoid if possible.)

4. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard. The Lep's shouted choruses and relentless programmed drums prove ideal for chicks who can really stomp. (Coincidence: I once saw a stripper who, like Rick Allen, had only one arm.)

5. "Amber" by 311. This fluid stoner anthem is a favorite of midnight tokers at strip joints everywhere. Mellow enough that even the most shitfaced dancer can make it through the song and back to her Graffix bong without breaking a sweat. Pass the Fritos Scoops, dude.

6. "Miserable" by Lit, but mostly because Pamela Anderson is in the video, and she's like Jesus for strippers (blonde, plastic, capable of parlaying a broken nail into a domestic battery charge, damaged liver). Alos, you can't go wrong stripping to a song that opens with the line "You make me come."

7. "Back Door Man" by The Doors. Almost too eas ~ Diablo Cody

Consider me your candy stripper ... I mean striper. ~ Simone Elkeles

Well, if it's as easy as catching my future from a blood relative, then I guess I'm due to be a drunk, pregnant, dropout stripper any day now. ~ A.S. King

It's like a bad joke over here: a black woman, a Filipino transvestite, and a Korean ex-stripper walk into a gay man‟s house. All that's missing is a priest and a talking dog." - Bobby Dawson ~ Rhys Ford

I did everything, I used to be a drag queen, I used to be a stripper. ~ DeObia Oparei

People expect me to be with some stripper ... That's just the kind of woman I work with. ~ Luther Campbell