Stewie Diaper Quotes

Let us hope manufacturers can come up with a diaper that is environmentally sound. To go back to cloth would send us back to the day when breathing and raising a baby at the same time were incompatible. ~ Erma Bombeck

I started taking walks
with my children on trash day just to collect the extra proofs of
purchase. We'd roam the alleys together, stopping at each diaper
box. I learned to swiftly tear the proof of purchase off in a stealth
maneuver I'd refined with practice: pushing the stroller up close
to the box, bending down as if tying my shoe, and ripping off the
qualifier, all in less than thirty seconds. ~ Mary Potter Kenyon

I recommend that everyone have a Diaper Genie. Who can live without it? ~ Kim Kardashian

My role is insignificant. Sure, there's diaper detail and fire watch and general fawning, but aside from keeping our noses above the poverty line, I'm as useful to the kid as a philosophy degree. ~ Gordon Highland

Oh, believe me, you want to know. Why it matters is because someday when Princess is screaming at three in the morning with a loaded diaper, or Junior gets expelled from preschool for punching his classmate, I want to be able to think back to the moment that we created them, and I want to smile and ~ Mia Sheridan

That dude's as guilty as a baby with a soggy diaper! ~ Noah Child

Well, you're all mine now, Blake. We can handle anything; we will or won't be charity cases together. I don't think he's offering to diaper you and buy you a wagon. Maybe just a cup of coffee?" She touched his hair.
He softened. "Together makes this easier to swallow. I guess there's no harm in talking to the man. ~ Debra Anastasia

Vidal gives the impression of believing that the entire heterosexual edifice - registry offices, 'Romeo and Juliet,' the disposable diaper - is just a sorry story of self-hypnosis and mass hysteria: a hoax, a racket, or sheer propaganda. ~ Martin Amis

Ed Cray ruined this class the way an infant with dysentery ruins a diaper. Actually, that's not fair to the infant; the kid has no idea what he's doing. ~ Bryan Bishop

Diaper backwards spells repaid. Think about it. ~ Marshall McLuhan

I wanted to write something that made no linear sense. None. Zero. Something that was 87% pure nonsense, 12% pure alcohol, and 3% orange juice, for a chaser. That formula is accurate, give or take 2% for the milk. In my experience, comedy is 2/3rds tragedy, and one third 33.3 percent. And tragedy started at birth, so humor involving babies is probably the funniest. But even though I didn't write anything about babies, you might laugh so hard that you'll regret not wearing a diaper while reading. ~ Jarod Kintz

Sometimes just walking behind a two-parent family on a sidewalk could trigger feelings of shame from being alone. I zeroed in on them -- dressed in clothes I could never afford, diaper bag carefully packed into an expensive jogging stroller. Those moms could say things that I never could: "Honey, could you take this?" or "Here, can you hold her for a second?" The child could go from one parent's arms to the other's. ~ Stephanie Land

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper ~ Casey Renee Kiser

Mr. Bloemker moved closer. He smelled like a wet diaper. "What is it," he asked, looking over Lenore's shoulder.
"If it's what I think it is," said Lenore, "it's a sort of joke. A what do you call it. An antinomy."
"An antinomy?"
Lenore nodded. "Gramma really likes antinomies. I think this guy here," looking down at the drawing on the back of the label, "is the barber who shaves all and only those who do not shave themselves."
Mr. Bloemker looked at her. "A barber?"
"The big killer question," Lenore said to the sheet of paper, "is supposed to be whether the barber shaves himself. I think that's why his head's exploded, here."
"Beg pardon?"
"If he does, he doesn't, and if he doesn't, he does. ~ David Foster Wallace

And you're headed to a place with no bath and no shower. So you can just imagine how crazy it is to get up there, take your diaper off, have a urine-soaked crotch, and all you can do is wet a washcloth and wipe your skin off. You also have to do it on landing and spacewalks, too. It's not a ride that makes you springtime fresh. ~ Mike Mullane

Damn you, woman!! ~ Stewie

Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~ Jimmy Piersall

You're pretty sexy when you're domestic." I told him, running a hand up the back of his thigh.
"If you think this is hot, you should see me change a diaper."
"I have, actually: why do you think I married you? That and your accent. Oh and your giant penis. ~ Christina Lauren

...if you lose, you'll have to wear a metal diaper to school and call me Lord Hunkyhair from now on."

"Uh... yeah, no," Fitz said as Biana asked, "Hunkyhair?"

"Lord Hunkyhair," Keefe corrected. "What? It's accurate." He tossed his head like he was in a shampoo commercial. "I think we need to make it a thing either way- don't you, Foster?"

"I think you're ridiculous," Sophie told him. ~ Shannon Messenger

Oh what a morning it was, that first morning of Mrs. Sweet awaking before the baby Heracles with his angry cries, declaring his hunger, the discomfort of his wet diaper, the very aggravation of being new and in the world; the rays of sun were falling on the just and unjust, the beautiful and the ugly, causing the innocent dew to evaporate; the sun, the dew, the little waterfall right next to the village's firehouse, making a roar, though really it was an imitation of the roar of a real waterfall; the smell of some flower, faint, as it unfurled its petals for the first time: oh what a morning! ~ Jamaica Kincaid

You will be at your best forever, Even now you have good moments. Occasional glimpses of your heavenly self. When you change your baby's diaper, forgive your boss's temper, tolerate your spouse's moodiness, you display traces of saintliness. ~ Max Lucado

It is a great honor to meet you, young man. Now, here is someone very special that I want you to meet."
And she pulled one of the little girls into her lap, and said, as if she was presenting a wonder of the world, "This is Giulietta."
Romeo stuck the biscotto in his pocket. "I don't think so," he said. "She's wearing a diaper. ~ Anne Fortier

I photographed all kinds of sports - Formula 1, Formula Atlantic. And anybody who knows me knows that, from the day they invented video cameras, I used to lug them around when you had to carry the pack here and the big camera here, plus the diaper bag and a baby and the purse or whatever. ~ Christie Brinkley

Of all the spirits I have seen, only Elvis and Mr. Sinatra are able to manifest in the garments of their choice. Others haunt me always in whatever they were wearing when they died.

This is one reason I will never attend a costume party dressed as the traditional symbol of the New Year, in nothing buy a diaper and a top hat. Welcomed into either Hell or Heaven, I do not want to cross the threshold to the sound of demonic or angelic laughter. ~Odd Thomas ~ Dean Koontz

Tayla stole a peek at the report. "What's fucked up? The Smurfette?"
"The what?"
"Smurfette." Tayla rolled her eyes. "You've never watched cartoons, have you?"
Wraith came around the corner, his leather duster flapping around his boots. He shot Tay a look drenched with sympathy. "E's way too starched to watch cartoons. That's so not happening to Stewie. He's already digging The Simpsons."
"He's three weeks old!" Tayla gaped at Wraith in outrage.
"Almost four."
Tayla huffed. "Good God. I can't believe you are raising a child. Isn't there some sort of demon equivalent of Child Protective Services ?"
"Hey. I have as much right to screw up a kid as anyone else. ~ Larissa Ione

I've been arrested - spent time in lockup with genuinely dangerous guys. I've been in street fights without rules where no one was coming to break it up - and I've won. I've conquered the insurmountable challenge of earning a law degree and dealing with the self-centered jackasses who are my clients without committing aggravated assault. It's a diaper. How hard could it be? I ~ Emma Chase

Everything TSA does is reactionary - first they ban the box cutters, then of course you have to take your shoes off, then you have to take the liquids out, now we have to be patted down in our private areas because of the diaper bomber. ~ John Mica

Seeing their cranky old camp director immortalized in stone, wearing a diaper and spewing water from his mouth, made her feel a little better. ~ Rick Riordan

A book is a writer's baby. With that being said, some writers should take the time to feed the baby and change the shitty diaper. ~ Monique (A Goodreads Reader)

I do splurge on diaper bags. I have a half dozen in different colors and styles. ~ Elisabeth Hasselbeck