Quotes About Spy Humor
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If this were some kind of entertainment, this would be roughly the point where Rupert said, "We don't have any more time, Professor, you must complete your research as soon as possible," but there was no great sense of urgency, no sense that it even mattered. It was just something that Rudi was interested in, for his own reasons. They could be working on this for years and still not understand it, and it wouldn't make a blind bit of difference.
He said, "Look, Professor, a lot of effort went into getting you that information. We'd be grateful if you could make some kind of sense of it reasonably soon.
"There is one thing I can tell you right now," Lev said..."Whoever is running this thing, they're really interested in railways. ~ Dave Hutchinson
No one will ever ask me to sing because it's beautiful. My secret is hiding my musicianship behind humor. ~ Nick Offerman
We've found his lair in a mortal city called York - "
"It's New York," Stelian said with a roll of his eyes, as if he'd explained this before. ~ Kresley Cole
It was this little troublemaker named Ralph Waldo Duffy. Ralph Waldo is the one who really ruined the pageant. He picked up the baby Jesus by the feet, and your mother stood up in front of God and everybody and yelled, 'Joseph, put Jesus down before I smack you.' Even then she had the makings of a good mother. ~ Pamela Todd
One bad thing can often be rectified or overlooked, but several of them can sometimes coalesce into a compound disaster that sprouts tentacles and develops a self-directed will of its own, the kind of thing my dear old dad used to call a cluster fudge bar. ~ Eleanor Druse
What'a wrong, Villa? Man, you look like shit!" Ramirez said from the driver's seat. The laughter in his voice only added to her misery. Great, now they were going to turn her into the butt of their jokes.
Not bothering to reply, she lifted her hand and extended the middle finger. She was too tired to tell him to fuck off. A loud smack drew her attention.
"What the hell was that for?" Ramirez complained, rubbing a hand over the back of his head, a deep frown creasing his forhead.
"She does not look like shit."Trent growled, turned toward her, and winked. "She looks like Sleeping Beauty."
"Yeah, um, I don't remember Sleeping Beauty looking like she got run over by the prince in the story."
Slap. Her lips quirked, and a smile broke free. She knew what trent was doing, and she appreciated him for it. Fatique beat at her muscles. However , she was so horny that if Trent let her hump his leg, she'd find the energy from somewhere.
"What the hell, you know I'm the one driving. Cut it out. I'm sorry, Villa. You know I still think you're hot."
Slap. Erica swallowed the laughter threatening to choke her.
"Now what?" Ramirez protested. "I said she looks hot."
"I know, that's why I hit you." Trent sounded annoyed.
"Oh man, you're in deep shit, bro. Seriously, I know you like her and all, but are you blind? Poor Villa might be hot but she looks like she hasn't slept in a week." He grinned at her through the mirror. ~ Milly Taiden
ART said, What does it want?
To kill all the humans, I answered.
I could feel ART metaphorically clutch its function. If there were no humans, there would be no crew to protect and no reason to do research and fill its databases. It said, That is irrational.
I know, I said, if the humans were dead, who would make the media? It was so outrageous, it sounded like something a human would say. ~ Martha Wells
I was rolling the dead warrior over to steal his cloak, too, knowing it would be far too large on me, when I noticed the blade stashed in the back of his belt. It was solid in my hand, and its blade was sawlike. It would be perfect for gutting the Astonian queen and her traitorous paramour.
- Charlaina di Heyse ~ Kimberly Derting
You're kidding," Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?"
"No," Claire said, "but I'm pretty sure you won't like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So ... ?"
"Right. I've been missing Nutty McFang anyway."
"Stop making up names for him."
"What about Count Crackula?"
"Just stop. ~ Rachel Caine
It just seemed so unmanly – just like his poetry. He'd rather fight the biggest guy in the club than submit to that much scrutiny. ~ Jim Lowe
If you send a damned fool to St. Louis, and you don't tell them he's a damned fool, they'll never find out. ~ Mark Twain
We could have made it to the Arizona border in a few more hours if we hadn't been distracting each other with stupid little arguments. Don't get me wrong; I liked J.Lo fine. I've made that bed. But I'm not sure there's a person in the world I could be with twenty-four hours a day for three weeks without getting a little snippy. If I ever meet such a person, I'm marrying them. ~ Adam Rex
I find love is more of a bacterium than a virus unless you are comparing it to herpes. ~ Amanda Mosher
But see? Then you got all human on me the other night, and it's official. I'm there, Henry. I'm ... I'm ready for the Henry lifestyle. And I know you've only gotten your toes wet in Lake Justin right now, but I want you to come in, take a swim, and build your house out here, okay? ~ Amy Lane
Well, I have one consolation. No candidate was ever elected ex-president by such a large majority! ~ William Howard Taft
Sometimes in life, you either laugh or you cry. And I prefer to laugh. ~ Jim Stovall
It took teams of LEP warlocks to slow down time for a few hours; the magic required to open a door to the tunnel was stupendous. It would be easier to shoot down the moon.
Opal tapped this into her notepad.
Reminder. Shoot down the moon? Viable? ~ Eoin Colfer
I love having to attend the one class that is being taught by a professor who feels that their class is the only class being taught at the University and gives nothing but busy work. ~ Heather Chapple
She hoped the menfolk were having a nice, relaxing road trip in that souped-up man car they were riding in because as soon as they got to the Roberts' house, she was pawning off the woman formerly known as her sister onto the dude whose sperm had apparently turned her into a she-devil. ~ Julie James
Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor. ~ Brittany Daniel
The great Sea God,Poseidon, could not be more pleased with himself.Although he had lost to the young Goddess, he had really won.In theory,his manhood now belonged to Aphrodite,but whenever he visited her cave,he was made to feel even more of a king than in his own palace.All the lovely Goddesses of Olympus came to pay homage to his phallus & would, afterwards, help him to empty his sperm sacs. ~ Nicholas Chong
MOMB - noun - One who can deal with all of the INSANITY of being a MOM ... Because she's the BOMB! ~ Tanya Masse
Hey there, Hallie, welcome to the next place we need a Deer Crossing sign.'
I didn't know that deers could read.'
They can in Cosgrove County. It's part of the No Deer Left Behind program. ~ Laura Pedersen
Stocks may come and stocks may go, but food goes on forever. ~ Beatrice Fairfax
I'm not even sure I'm going to see that Colin Farrell wanna-be again."
"What happened?"
"Walked in on him and the bartender in the bathroom last night at Lotus. Usually, that wouldn't bother me, but the bartender had a mullet. Can you imagine, a mullet in 2012? So sad, Travis obviously has tragically bad taste. ~ Tamara Larson
Blackouts can be fun if approached with the right mindset. You just can't sweat the fact that you've lost a small portion of your life for all eternity. Occasionally, little bubbles of memory will float up like surreal Mylar party balloons at unexpected times throughout the net day and start piecing together a colorful, if incomplete, version of reality. ~ Josh Kilmer-Purcell
What's that around your neck?" asked Emily.
"It's a golden star." Said Reed.
"What did you get it for?"
"Chemistry class."
"What's the star for?" the shadow asked, Usually stars represent a straight A student.
"You get it for having greatness. But Emily doesn't know what that is." He said, answering the shadows question and looking at Emily.
"Greatness, what's greatness?" Emily asked, all wide eyed, and clueless looking
"It's when you do really awesome stuff, and people recognize you for it."
"Oh, no" Emily laughed ."No, I don't know what that is. ~ Rumi Antoinette
If I had a sense of humor, I'd be laughing right now. ~ Christine Feehan
You gotta love an old-fashioned word like "quarrelsome." Today she'd just be a bitch. ~ Deb Caletti
His only mistake was not realizing there was a second car. There's always a second car. Except when there's not. ~ Brian Evenson
The Blue Fairy Godmother knew something about killing. He gave Lazzaro a careful smile. "There is still time for me to kill you," he said, "if you really persuade me that it's the sensible thing to do."
"Why don't you go fuck yourself?"
"Don't think I haven't tried," the Blue Fairy Godmother answered. ~ Kurt Vonnegut
Sure am glad I'm not royalty," I muttered. "I wouldn't want to have to bump uglies with someone I can't stand. On a regular basis. And no one else."
"Ow!" I exclaimed, trying to yank my fingers from Trent but finding them caught. Then I colored, realizing what I'd said. "Oh ... sorry," I stammered, meaning it. "That was insensitive."
Trent's frown turned into a sly smirk. "Bump uglies?" he said, eyes on the table behind me. "You are a font of gutter slang, Rachel. We must do this again. ~ Kim Harrison
What a moron I was to think you were sweet and innocent, when it turns out you were actually college-educated the whole time! ~ Margaret Atwood
I'm writing a book about Siamese Twins that are attached at the nose. It's called: Stop Staring at Me! ~ Zach Galifianakis
No, I don't want you to leave. I'm just grabbing your coat and nudging your toward the door for fun #AHOLE ~ A.O. Storm
Take it easy, Norman. When the psychiatrist goes crazy, it's a bad sign. ~ Michael Crichton
You guys looking for my dad? People are always, like, looking for him, and he's never around. Daddy is so not here. And I mean that literally and spiritually. ~ Eoin Colfer
The wall between writing and painting is just good grammar.
Moderation in moderation.
Fun is scary with a happy ending.
Just love. If love doesn't transform that which annoys you, it will be easier to tolerate. ~ Emily Thornton Calvo
I had received a t-shirt from my best friend Veronica at my police academy graduation. It reads, 'Throw your donut in the opposite direction and the cops won't get you.' I love wearing that t-shirt. ~ Suzie Ivy
If that kind of poetry doesn't make your bosom heave then I fear we shall never be friends. ~ Stephen Fry
Never thought I'd see the day when Death was denied. That leaves taxes as the only certainty. ~ Piers Anthony
I thought you were over it."
"Over it?" I laugh but there's no humor in the sound. "I wish I could put you aside as easily as you seem to be able to dismiss me, but I can't, because I've been loving you so long I don't know how to stop ~ Carmen Jenner
Today's youth has not learned 'to see humor in misfortune,' because they have hardly known what misfortune is. They are being urged to do the opposite: they are being asked to declare a state of mourning and to make sadness and protest the rule in the midst of what must be considered--in view of the true state of the world--an incomparable example of well-being, justice, freedom, and prosperity. ~ Julián Marías
Look, Laszlo. I'll have the dentist with me, and I don't want to alarm her any more than necessary. So take Vanna out of the backseat and stick her in the trunk."
Shanna halted. Her mouth dropped open. Her throat seized up, making it hard to breathe.
I don't care how much crap you have in the trunk. We're not driving around with a naked body in the car."
Oh no! She gasped for air. He was a hit man. ~ Kerrelyn Sparks
No, no, no! I am not giving birth backstage at a rock concert. I need to be in a hospital, pumped full of every drug that they can legally give me!
I was so shocked, my only repsonse was,
'Well, he was conceived backstage at a concert, so it's sort of fitting for him to be born at one. ~ S.C. Stephens
I knew one guaranteed way to remove someone else's smirk; too bad for me I was handcuffed and couldn't reach Owen's face to slap it. ~ J.M. Miller
Get a microscope and some spit. Put the spit on a glass slide and put it under the microscope lens. Now look through the eyepiece. You'll notice, if you look closely, that you can't see anything, because you have no idea how to operate a microscope. But while you're looking, billions of germs, left on the eyepiece by the previous microscope user, will swarm into your eyeball - which to them is a regular Club Med - and start reproducing like crazy via wild bacterial sex. You'll probably need surgery. ~ Dave Barry
Cake and tea or death? ~ Eddie Izzard