Sick Humour Quotes

You never know what's lurking in the bloodstream, or skulking under the foreskin, or squatting in the liver, or flitting hither and thither from branch to branch in the bronchial forest. ~ Ian Martin

Ever met a sympathetic doctor? No ways. They're always impatient, glancing at the watch, calculating the price of your sickness against the price of another pair of shoes for the bitch wife with the reluctant cunt. ~ Ian Martin

My mission is to offend and insult the bourgeois defenders of the status quo, and entertain those who enjoy sex, violence and sick humour in their face and without apology. ~ Ian Martin

Captain, you have heard the charges. How do you plead? Before you answer, you should know that if you plead "guilty" you'll be immediately extradited and U.N.S. law will take over."
"Not guilty."
"Also, it's not very nice to lie in court."
"But it beats extradition. ~ Howard Tayler

Do not mislead Perez Anna or malign the people who have sheltered you for over twenty years. We are not - what is the word for eaters of one another?"
"Capitalists," said Anna. ~ Eleanor Arnason

Every day's a negotiation and sometimes it's done with guns. ~ Joss Whedon

...Andrew Feldman put £2,000 behind the bar, and [David] Cameron told a joke about a farmer inviting a new neighbour to come to his house for a party where there might be dancing, drinking and 'rough sex'. When the neighbour asks what to wear, the farmer says, 'It doesn't matter, it's only going to be you and me. ~ Tim Shipman

Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly. ~ Sharon Sant

My employees, there's no deductible in your health care. No deductible, absolutely not. You get paid sick days, as many as you need, personal days. ~ Michael Moore

Telling a person who is depressed to have positive thoughts is the same as telling a sick person not to be sick. It doesn't work. ~ Yong Kang Chan

Why do we wear out so quickly, when the elements of which we are composed are indestructible? What is it that wears out? Not that of which we are made, that is certain. We wither and fade away, we perish, because the desire to live is extinguished. And why does this most potent flame die out? For lack of faith. From the time we are born we are told that we are mortal. From the time we are able to understand words we are taught that we must kill in order to survive. In season and out we are reminded that, no matter how intelligently, reasonably or wisely we live, we shall become sick and die. We are inoculated with the idea of death almost from birth. Is it any wonder that we die? ~ Henry Miller

98% of politicians are either corrupt or corruptible. ~ Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Science seeks the right answer, humor the right wrong answer. ~ Brian Spellman

I can't stand the temptation, wanna touch but I don't know
Shiny bright and squeaky clean - pretty little things I love them so
Pretty things are kind of wicked - make my sick heart feel so glad
I'm sure that nothing so pretty could be bad... ~ Dave Allen

I know about dance, like the creationist knows about science, and typically treat it with a similar contempt ~ Eilian J. Richmond

Tom began screaming, and I wondered if the baby's soft brain was, in this moment, changing shape in response to the violent stimuli. I tried to intellectualize the noise to protect the baby's psyche. I whispered: Isn't that interesting to hear a man scream? Doesn't that challenge our stereotypes of what men can do? And then I tried, Shhhhhhhhh. ~ Miranda July

I believe in work. If somebody doesn't create something, however small it may be, he gets sick. An awful lot of people feel that they're treading water
that if they vanished in smoke, it wouldn't mean anything at all in this world. And that's a despairing and destructive feeling. It'll kill you. ~ Arthur Miller

Don't be afraid to go against the current, when they want to steal our hope, when they propose rotten values to us, values like food that has gone bad-and when food has gone bad it makes us sick, these values make us sick. We have to go against the current! And you, young people, be the first: Go against the grain and be proud of going against the grain. Go on, be brave and go against the current! And be proud of doing it! ~ Pope Francis

You do get to a certain point in life where you have to realistically, I think, understand that the days are getting shorter, and you can't put things off thinking you'll get to them someday. If you really want to do them, you better do them. There are simply too many people getting sick, and sooner or later you will. ~ Nora Ephron

So it was perfectly possible that there were men who liked shopping, men who understood exactly what it was all about, but Mma Ramotwe had yet to meet such a man. Maybe they existed elsewhere - in France, perhaps - but they did not seem to be much in evidence in Botswana. ~ Alexander McCall Smith

Rage and bitterness do not foster femininity. They harden the heart and make the body sick. ~ Marion Woodman

Do you think they'll keep us together?" Pyp wondered as they gorged themselves happily. Toad made a face. "I hope not. I'm sick of looking at those ears of yours." "Ho," said Pyp. "Listen to the crow call the raven black. You're certain to be a ranger, Toad. They'll want you as far from the castle as they can. If Mance Rayder attacks, lift your visor and show your face, and he'll run off screaming. ~ Anonymous

Look,Freddy Krueger, if I thought there was a chance in a gazillion that Alex would even feature you in a nightmare, I might not be saying this so nicely. But I feel sorry for you, so I'm going to give you a tip." The p was sharp,harsh. She leaned in,close enough that I could see the pale,shimmery lipstick caked in the corners of her mouth. "This thing you have for him just makes you look like the world's most pitiful loser. Did you really think you had even the smallest chance with him? Did you?"
I didn't answer.Maybe a no would have satisfied her. Maybe not.
"You are a skank and a freak," she snapped, the hard sounds making me flinch. "You don't belong here. Go back to your greaseball 'hood. The sight of you makes me sick!"
Any girl who has ever been face-to-face with another angry girl, especially one with infinitely more spite and social standing knows to run.It's innate, from bunnies to baboons. Don't mess with the alpha female. She'll tear your throat out. So I ran,but not before I got a glimpse of Anna's face.
In the second before she turned away, she looked like someone had slapped her. Funny, seeing that didn't make me feel any better. ~ Melissa Jensen

Her hair was pulled back so severely, it would have won approval from the Spanish Inquisition as a method of torture. ~ Will Thomas

I don't really like hospitals that much. People are sick; sometimes it can be depressing. There's people going through a lot of pain in there. It has that funny smell. ~ Mekhi Phifer

I didn't cross the line, you drew it in after I traversed it. ~ Russell Brand

I envied many for being happy, successful and content. I wondered how a sick friend managed to look resplendent in her profile picture?
How someone with a dark past post hilarious Facebook status? Until one day ... I realised that while they all were making a conscious effort to grow in life, I simply sat and worshipped the grave of my sufferings.
I sat at one place and did nothing but moan. So, I stopped. I don't dig graves anymore as I am too busy building my empire. ~ Saru Singhal

Being a world traveler, I'm touched and moved by everything that happens, especially to children. It gets me emotionally sick and I go through a lot of pain when I see that type of pain. I can't pretend as if I don't see it. It affects me very much. ~ Michael Jackson

A joke: What do you do with a sick chemist?
Helium. Or curium. Or barium. ~ Weike Wang

It seemed that unbeknownst to her father, the lecherous bishop had chased Clio for the entire previous week and had foolishly cornered her on the staircase, where he stole a kiss and squeezed her small breasts. So when it came time to doctor him, she had smiled sweetly and stitched up his wound in the shape of three sixes, the sign of the devil. ~ Jill Barnett

Focused intensity is required to win. I can't stress enough that people who took control of their finances and worked their way out of debt got mad. They got sick and tired of being sick and tired! They said, "I've had it!" and went ballistic to change their lives. There is no intellectual exercise where you can academically work your way into wealth; you have to get fired up - There is no energy in logic; this is behavior and motivation modification, and it works. ~ David Ramsey

You cannot even imagine how sick I become; it is suffocating. People are so deep in tamas, unconscious; and they do not even know it. ~ Anonymous

When you absolutely don't know what to do anymore, it is time to panic ~ John Van Der Wiel

You wait up for me I don't wake up for you. Would you like the company or are you sick of me. When your love lets you go you only want love more. Even when love wasn't what you were looking for
Speak slow, tell me love where do we go. ~ Tegan Quin

In the desert you always need water,' [Selethen] told [Horace]. 'A wise traveller never goes past a chance to refill his water skins.'
'Is there nowhere else they could do this?' Halt asked. Selethen tapped another mark into the sand with his dagger.
'There are the Orr-San Wells, he said. 'They're smaller and not as reliable. ~ John Flanagan

When you're sick, you can never get your mind straight. But if you're passionate and sick, you'll find a way to write down something. ~ B.A. Gabrielle