Shame Resilience Quotes

I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements: They understand shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them. They practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate. They reach out and share their stories with people they trust. They speak shame - they use the word shame, they talk about how they're feeling, and they ask for what they need. ~ Brene Brown

And if we all have shame, the good news is that we're all capable of developing shame resilience. Shame resilience is the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity, and to ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection as a result of our experience. The first thing we need to understand about shame resilience is that the less we talk about shame, the more we have it. Shame ~ Brene Brown

When we choose growth over perfection, we immediately increase our shame resilience. Improvement is a far more realistic goal than perfection. Merely letting go of unattainable goals makes us less susceptible to shame. When we believe "we must be this" we ignore who or what we actually are, our capacity and our limitations. We start from the image of perfection, and of course, from perfection there is nowhere to go but down. ~ Brene Brown

First thing we need to understand about shame resilience is that the less we talk about shame, the more we have it. ~ Brene Brown

As soon as we become aware of money, we develop beliefs about it-- beliefs we cling to, sometimes for the rest of our lives, often at the cost of our souls. ~ George Kinder

Minding the gap is a daring strategy. We have to pay attention to the space between where we're actually standing and where we want to be. More importantly, we have to practice the values that we're holding out as important in our culture. Minding the gap requires both an embrace of our own vulnerability and cultivation of shame resilience - we're going to be called upon to show up as leaders and parents and educators in new and uncomfortable ways. We don't have to be perfect, just engaged and committed to aligning values with action. ~ Brene Brown

My husband's a pediatrician, so he and I talk about parenting all the time. You can't raise children who have more shame resilience than you do. ~ Brene Brown

Shame resilience is the ability to say, This hurts. This is disappointing, maybe even devastating. But success and recognition and approval are not the values that drive me. My value is courage and I was just courageous. You can move on, shame. ~ Brene Brown

Dear Mia,
What can I say? I don't know all that much about romance novels, but I think you must be the Stephen King of the genre. Your book is hot. Thanks for letting me read it. Anyone who doesn't want to publish it is a fool.
Anyway, since I know it's your birthday, and I also know you never remember to back anything up, here's a little something I made for you. It would be a shame if Ransom My Heart got lost before it ever saw the light of day because your hard drive crashed. See you tonight.
Love,
Michael ~ Meg Cabot

I'm in a band. I don't go to church every Sunday. I love punk rock music. Sometimes I use swear words a lot. I respect and admire gay men and women. I'm obsessed with horror films. I know what shame feels like. And guess what old man? Jesus is still my Savior. ~ Hayley Williams

It is a shame that we so quickly lose that ability to believe in things; it limits the opportunities we have to transform ourselves, to save ourselves, for it puts the awful burden of transforming and saving ourselves on ourselves. Once you stop believing, you cannot pray, or make sacrifices or pilgrimages, or light candles. You are stuck with yourself, in a world without miracles. ~ Peter Cameron

And now I lost my last treasure: the dreaming. For nothing in the dreams took the place of the human warmth I had witnessed. Now I felt utterly poor, because I could not create a human companion.

This hunger which had inhabited her entire being, which had thinned her blood, transpired through her bones, attacked the roots of her hair, given a fragility to her skin which was never to disappear entirely, had been so enormous that it had marked her whole being and her eyes with an indelible mark. Although her life changed and every want was filled later, this appearance of hunger remained. As if nothing could ever quite fill it. Her being had received no sun, no food, no air, no warmth, no love. It retained open pores of yearning and longing, mysterious spongy cells of absorption. The space between actuality, absolute deprivation, and the sumptuosity of her imagination could never be entirely covered. What she had created in the void, in the emptiness, in the bareness continued to shame all that was offered her, and her large, infinitely blue eyes continued to assert the immensity of her hunger. ~ Anais Nin

That's the bruise the ice in the heart was meant to ice. ~ Claudia Rankine

Her mother's quiet disapproval and withdrawal was a death in itself, and Franckline's despair at it was transmitted, she was sure of it, to the child. She transgressed twice, first by making the child, then by giving it her despair, the despair that left it unable to live. ~ Pamela Erens

He dressed quickly in silence, refusing her tissues. He shakily pulled a wad of uncounted notes from his wallet, abandoned them in the no man's land between, and escaped in an indecent haste, leaving the shameful tableau in his wake. ~ Darren White

We should all without shame enrol in the school of contemplative prayer. ~ Richard J. Foster

I think that everyone at any age should ask themselves, 'where do I want to be today, where do I want to be tomorrow, and where do I want to be in a hundred years?' We all have clear answers to those questions. We only have so much time. It's a real shame if we don't spend our lives trying to do that. ~ Jack Antonoff

It is easy to see how quickly expectations become layered, competitive and conflicting. This is how the shame web works. We have very few realistic options that allow us to meet any of these expectations. Most of the options that we do have feel like a "double bind." When Marilyn Frye describes a double bind as "a situation in which options are very limited and all of them expose us to penalty, censure or deprivation. ~ Brene Brown

It's crazy, how similar we are. Here's both of us, working through our stuff, trying to make something positive out of something really bad. ~ Jenny Han

You've got to stay in the game. Your luck's bound to change. Be a shame to miss it, ~ Nevada Barr

Never hide your identity, where it needed. Otherwise, you may feel the shame, pity, and sorry, for that. ~ Ehsan Sehgal

Instead of friends, I see in Washington only mortal enemies. Instead of loving the old flag of the stars and stripes, I see in it only the symbol of murder, plunder, oppression, and shame. ~ Rose O'Neal Greenhow

As far as I'm concerned, it's a damned shame that a field as potentially dynamic and vital as journalism should be overrun with dullards, bums, and hacks, hag-ridden with myopia, apathy, and complacence, and generally stuck in a bog of stagnant mediocrity. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Very strange things comes to our knowledge in families, miss; bless your heart, what you would think to be phenomenons, quite ... Aye, and even in gen-teel families, in high families, in great families ... and you have no idea ... what games goes on! ~ Charles Dickens

Tonight, when the walls started closing in on me, I figured a drive in the country might be nice because I couldn't think of anything else to do. Then I got here, you opened the door, and I thought: Oh crap, he's going to think I'm a total stalker."

"Not at all." Seth raised their clasped hands and grinned. "I merely assumed you wanted to see my big hands again."

Laughing, she gave his shoulder a shove. "You're such a tease!"

His heart lightened. "Admitted without shame."

"Well, I'll forgive you," she quipped, "because you're letting me hold your hand." Drawing their clasped hands closer to her face, she cupped her free hand over them and smoothed circles over his as she assumed a comical expression of amazement. "Oooooooh. So big," she breathed.

Seth laughed. ~ Dianne Duvall

To be honest, I think emotional accessibility is a shame trigger for researchers and academics. Very early in our training, we are taught that a cool distance and inaccessibility contribute to prestige, and that if you're too relatable, your credentials come into question. ~ Brene Brown

Indeed, this life is a test. It is a test of many things - of our convictions and priorities, our faith and our faithfulness, our patience and our resilience, and in the end, our ultimate desires. ~ Sheri L. Dew

We mean business, George Bush, ... and we're going to go to Congress and we're going to ask them, 'How many more of other people's children are you willing to sacrifice for the lies' And we're going to say, Shame on you. Shame on you for giving him the authority to invade Iraq. ~ Cindy Sheehan

Why do you care what happens to her? I thought we humans were vapors to you, here today and gone tomorrow."
"Caspida is . . . different. She reminds me of someone, someone I'd give my life for if I could."
"The queen?" he asks. "The one who died?"
"Roshana. My dear Ro." My voice is soft as a ripple on the water. "She once ruled the Amulens, and Caspida is her descendant. She has Roshana's strength of spirit, and I cannot look at her without thinking of my old friend. If she were to come to harm on my account . . . I could not bear that through the centuries." I already carry a mountain of shame, a constant reminder of that day on Mount Tissia.
Aladdin lifts a hand and brushes the hair back from my face. "You truly are remarkable, Zahra of the Lamp. ~ Jessica Khoury

I realized I had let my own incapacity to recover from my past shrink my world so that it was big enough for only me. It was hitting me now, really for the first time, how being fucked up can turn into a form of narcissism. So that I barely acknowledged that others might need something from me. ~ Koethi Zan

Lord, with what care hast Thou begirt us round! Parents first season us; then schoolmasters deliver us to laws; they send us bound to rules of reason, holy messengers, pulpits and Sundays, sorrow dogging sin, afflictions sorted, anguish of all sizes, fine nets and stratagems to catch us in, bibles laid open, millions of surprises, blessings beforehand, ties of gratefulness, the sound of glory ringing in our ears: without, our shame; within, our consciences; angels and grace, eternal hopes and fears. Yet all these fences and their whole array one cunning bosom-sin blows quite away. ~ George Herbert

There's no shame in reaching your limits, Theo," he says, using a small gust of air to invigorate the weak fire into a full blaze. "It means you've given something your all. ~ Laura Sebastian

It was not our war, but it would be our disgrace, our shame. The West was filling to declare a war over the price of oil, but when it came to the wholesale slaughter of human beings we folded our hands across our chests and tapped our heels, with great anticipation that Sunday's sporting events would be wonderfully entertaining ~ Bill Carter

Within the chaos of our shame and disappointment and rage there is meaning, and within that meaning is the possibility of rescue. ~ Cheryl Strayed

When your whole foundation fractured well past the point of repair, all you could do was glue the pathetic, jagged shards of your life back together and try not to bleed on them. ~ Nenia Campbell

The pain was greater than the shame ~ Bea Turvey

To Harald, may God forgive you and forgive me, too, but I prefer to take my life away and our baby's before I bring him with shame or killing him, Lupe. [Suicide note.] ~ Lupe Velez

Not all shame comes from wrong doing and not all hiding comes from moral failure. ~ Brent Weeks

Some people save the boxes for electrical appliances because they think they can get more money for the appliances if they ever sell them. This, however, is a waste. If you consider the rent or mortgage you pay, turning your space into a storage shed for empty boxes costs you more than what you could earn selling an appliance in a box. You don't need to keep them for moving either. You can worry about finding suitable boxes when the time comes. It's a shame to let a boring box take up room in your house just because you might need it someday. ~ Marie Kondo

But Don you're still a human being, you still want to live, you crave connection and society, you know intellectually that you're no less worthy of connection and society than anyone else simply because of how you appear, you know that hiding yourself away out of fear of gazes is really giving in to a shame that is not required and that will keep you from the kind of life you deserve as much as the next girl, you know that you can't help how you look but that you are supposed to be able to help how much you care about how you look. You're supposed to be strong enough to exert some control over how much you want to hide, and you're so desperate to feel some kind of control that you settle for the appearance of control."

"Your voice gets different when you talk about this - "

"What you do is you hide your deep need to hide, and you do this out of the need to appear to other people as if you have the strength not to care how you appear to others. You stick your hideous face right in there into the wine-tasting crowd's visual meatgrinder, you smile so wide it hurts and put out your hand and are extra gregarious and outgoing and exert yourself to appear totally unaware of the facial struggles of people who are trying not to wince or stare or give away the fact that they can see that you're hideously, improbably deformed. You feign acceptance of your deformity. You take your desire to hide and conceal it under a mask of acceptance."

"Use less wor ~ David Foster Wallace

Tyrus pushed the mummy off him and rose, whisking sloughed bits of dried flesh from his tunic.
"Well, that wasn't at all humiliating," he said. "Please tell me I didn't shriek. And if I did? Remember I am of imperial lineage. Lie to me."
"You didn't shriek," Moria said. "Still, it is a shame Simeon wasn't here to record the encounter for posterity. Prince Tyrus, attacked by a mummified monk. Truly though, it looked more like a monkey. A crazed monkey, clinging to you -"
"Enough," he said with a feigned scowl. "Speaking of monks, did they see ...?"
He looked around. Ivo had sidled off as they opened the box. Now he huddled with the other two a hundred paces away.
"Well, at least they didn't bear close witness," Tyrus muttered.
"You needn't worry," Ashyn said. "Two of them had taken vows of silence."
"Though they might have been tempted to break them," Moria said. "To relay that particular story."
"But I did not shriek, correct?"
She smiled. "You did not shriek. ~ Kelley Armstrong

Entrepreneurship isn't for everyone, and not everyone is going to be an entrepreneur, but women who turn to business, turn to economics, because there are people depending on them, I think that their creativity, their resilience, their spirit, embody what's best about entrepreneurship. ~ Gayle Tzemach Lemmon

Steal not this book for fear of shame
For on it is the owners name
And when you die the Lord will say
Where is the book you stole away
And when you say you do not know
The Lord will say go down below. ~ L.M. Montgomery

I want to own this transition, not to simply swallow the shame of it entire. I will push for every little irony. ~ Suzanne Finnamore

It was a shame, but as Ron said, you couldn't have everything in life.. ~ J.K. Rowling

When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realise that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives. ~ A. P. J. Abdul Kalam

Quite simply, if you're feeling anxious, angry, a sense of shame, whatever it is, breathe in and agree to touch or feel it. Breathing out, offer space and care to whatever's there. If there's blocking to touching it, emphasize the in-breath and stay embodied. ~ Tara Brach

I also know how to ask people for money and I have no shame about doing that. ~ Roma Downey

For years she had lived in a vacuum of emotions, and now emotions boiled in her: love, fear, hope, shame, self-pity, pride; each struggled for supremacy, ruling only briefly, before surrendering to a contender that was sometimes darker and sometimes lighter, but always different. ~ Stephen Lloyd Jones

Look around. Take the tour. Fear hangs on the wall and shame sometimes. Emotional dislocation too. But I am brave in my admission. Are you? When no one is looking, I check to see if anyone seems as scared as me, or lonely, or shy, or insecure. Is it just me? I'm not so sure. Is your heart an onion too? Show me yours, I'll show you mine we used to say. Your turn. Peel away. ~ Nikki Grimes