Scaffali Ikea Quotes

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#1. This thing couldn't have fallen apart faster if you'd bought it at Ikea, and - Author: Mick Herron
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Mick Herron
#2. Can you please also give me instructions for dancing?"

"Excuse me?"

"I need instructions for dancing. Like how do I move my body to music in front of other people? Break it down. Step by step."

"Seriously? Dancing isn't one of those things that come with instructions. It's not like putting together Ikea furniture."

"Please help me."

"Well, first of all, this is not the sort of music that will be playing." She motions to the pianist, who is bald and bearded, which I've always found to be a bizarre combination. You would think you would want cranial and mandibular hair consistency.

"No Ravel's Bolero. Got it."

"No classical music, period. They'll probably just play all the crap that's on the radio."

"I amend my original request. I need instructions for dancing to noise."

"You just move your body to the beat. Feel the music." Miney puts her arms up and sways to sounds I do not hear. She closes her eyes, leans on the tips of her toes, and jumps. After approximately ninety seconds, she stops and looks at me. "Your turn."

"I don't think so." Miney doesn't respond. She just waits.

"Fine." I copy her, jump up and down, though I don't actually jump down, which is a misnomer. I let gravity do its job. My sneakers make discordant squeaks along the marble floor.

"No. Stop. You look like you're having a seizure. Think of dancing like having a conversation but - Author: Julie Buxbaum
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Julie Buxbaum
#3. A good horse is the best company in the world. - Author: Katherine Cecil Thurston
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Katherine Cecil Thurston
#4. I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. - Author: Jen Lancaster
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Jen Lancaster
#5. The South Brooklyn seaside neighborhood was now showing signs of finally succumbing to the real estate developers. As the taxi wound through funky little side streets, I spotted a billboard advertising the IKEA warehouse located just off the Gowanus Expressway. Wine bars and condos wouldn't be far behind. - Author: Nancy A. Collins
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Nancy A. Collins
#6. ...It's not that the worm forgives the plough; it gives it no mind. (Pain occurs, in passing.) (lines 37-39 in the poem 'Fantasia on a Theme from IKEA') - Author: Philip Gross
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Philip Gross
#7. He took a trip ... up to ... Elliott's house, his mansion rather. Awful place, twelve bedrooms and swimming pool and media hall and five car garage, but cheap and shoddy all the same, like the one next door and next door to that. A row of Ikea houses, such wealthy mediocrity. His very own son. His big, bald son. Who could believe it. The bigness, the baldness, the stupidity. In a house designed to bore the daylight out of visitors, no character at all, all blonde wood and fluorescent lighting and clean white machinery.
Not to mention his brand new wife, number three, a clean white machine herself. Up from the cookie cutter and into Elliott's life, she might as well have jumped out of the microwave, her skin orange, her teeth pearly white. A trophy wife. But why the word "trophy"? Something to shoot on a safari. - Author: Colum McCann
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Colum McCann
#8. Is your relationship strong enough to survive a trip to Ikea? Is their furniture strong enough to survive a relationship? Have you ever bought a bed there? - Author: Greg Gutfeld
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Greg Gutfeld
#9. I live by fallacy. 'If I get enough nice Ikea furniture, I'll be a grown-up.' Then I catch myself. Or, 'If I get off by myself, away from the stress of modern life, I'll be OK.' Then I catch myself. - Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Chuck Palahniuk
#10. Look at this. A barstool, named Sven? Some old Swedish custom, the winter kicks in, weather gets harsh, after a while you find yourself relating to the furniture in ways you didn't expect? - Author: Thomas Pynchon
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Thomas Pynchon
#11. The majority of things in life are about picking your battles. You'll learn that too. And that will never be clearer than when you're at IKEA. You'd have to visit a Danish vacation village after two weeks of pouring rain and no beer to come across as many couples arguing as you'll hear in the IKEA section for changeable sofa covers on any given Tuesday. People take this whole interior design thing really seriously these days. It's become a national pastime to over interpret the symbolism of the fact that "he wants frosted glass, that just proves he never listens to my FEELINGS." "Ahhhhh! She wants beech veneer. Do you hear me? Beech veneer! Sometimes, it feels like I've woken up next to a stranger!" That's how it is, every single time you go there. And I'm not going to lecture you, but if there's just one thing I can get across then let it be this: no one has ever, in the history of the world, had an argument in IKEA that really is about IKEA. People can say whatever they life, but when a couple who has been married for ten years walks around the bookshelves section calling one another words normally only used by alcoholic crime fiction detectives, they might be arguing about a number of things, but trust me: cupboard doors is not one of them. Believe me. You're a Backman. Regardless of how many shortcomings the person you fall in love with might have, I can guarantee that you still come out on top of that bargain. So find someone who doesn't love you for the person you are, - Author: Fredrik Backman
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Fredrik Backman
#12. My parents, last time we went to Ikea, got into a huge fight, almost got divorced. My dad accidentally put his fist through the wood. I don't know what it was made of. Just going there it's like a maze. My mom makes me go. I get lost. It's very stressful. - Author: Jedediah Bila
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Jedediah Bila
#13. I want to make a positive point of Ikea. It makes income inequality a minor distraction. - Author: Greg Gutfeld
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Greg Gutfeld
#14. I've never been good at following directions. All you have to do is look at my Ikea bureau with the crooked drawers to figure that one out. - Author: Donna Augustine
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Donna Augustine
#15. If you look at the CEOs of some the most successful companies in the world like IKEA, they never fly first class. They always go economy. - Author: Gene Simmons
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Gene Simmons
#16. Well they're pissed off and they're hungry. I was kind of busy trying not to get my brains eaten. They seemed pretty adamant about the brain-eating thing. Then they're going to IKEA, I guess - Author: Christopher Moore
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Christopher Moore
#17. Tom has been having a difficult patch, and we meet at the church of IKEA as often as possible, because it is equidistant from our houses and always cheers us up. Yesterday I asked, 'In your depression, and with so many people having such a hard time, where is Advent?' He tried to wiggle out of it by saying, 'You Protestants and your little questions!' Then, when pushed, he said: 'Faith is a decision. Do we believe we are ultimately doomed and fucked and there's no way out? Or that God and goodness make a difference? There is heaven, community, and hope - and hope that there is life beyond the grave.'
'But Tom, at the same time, the grave is very real, dark and cold and lonely.' 'Advent is not for the naive. Because in spite of the dark and cold, we see light - you look up, or you make light, with candles, or with strands of lightbulbs on trees. And you give light. Beauty helps, in art and nature and faces. Friends help. Solidarity helps. If you ask me, when people return phone calls, it's about as good as it gets. And who knows beyond that. - Author: Anne Lamott
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Anne Lamott
#18. Want to know the key to a long-lasting relationship? Don't go with your loved one to Ikea. One psychologist says the stress of a visit to the popular furniture store can cause serious friction between couples, whether it's disputes over what to buy or spats while you assemble the items that you bought there. - Author: Juan Williams
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Juan Williams
#19. All the design companies together make 10% of what Ikea makes. - Author: Rolf Fehlbaum
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Rolf Fehlbaum
#20. I want to make the IKEA of clothes for fat girls and boys. Cheap, affordable, basic - but ethically made. Basics, you know? Like Spanx - I'm still confused as to why retailers haven't ripped them off yet and done it well. It's because they don't understand the basics behind it. I love Spanx. I'm wearing 'em right now! - Author: Beth Ditto
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Beth Ditto
#21. Cheap objects resist involvement. We tend to invest less in their purchase, care, and maintenance, and that's part of what makes them so attractive. Cheap clothing lines - sold at discounters such as Target and H & M - are like IKEA emblems of the "cheap chic" where styles fills in for whatever quality goes lacking. There is nothing sinister in this, no deliberate planned obsolescence. These objects are not designed to fall apart, nor are they crafted not to fall apart. In many cases we know this and accept it, and have entered into a sort of compact. Perhaps we don't even want the object to last forever. Such voluntary obsolescence makes craftsmanship beside the point. We have grown to expect and even relish the easy birth and early death of objects. - Author: Ellen Ruppel Shell
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Ellen Ruppel Shell
#22. To design a desk which may cost $1,000 is easy for a furniture designer but to design a functional and good desk which shall cost only $50 can only be done by the very best - Author: Ingvar Kamprad
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Ingvar Kamprad
#23. The people I know who used to sit in the bathroom with pornography, now they sit in the bathroom with their IKEA furniture catalogue. - Author: Chuck Palahniuk
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Chuck Palahniuk
#24. You see, Squirt, there's heaven, and then there's hell. Hell is where they send all the bad people, like criminals and con artists and parking inspectors. And heaven is where they send all the good people, like you and me and that nice blonde from MasterChef.

What happens when you get there?

In heaven, you hang out with God and Jimi Hendrix, and you get to eat doughnuts whenever you want. In hell, you have to, uh . . . do the Macarena. Forever. To that "Grease Megamix."

Where do you go if you're good and bad?

What? I don't know. IKEA? - Author: Brooke Davis
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Brooke Davis
#25. He had decided that if he ever returned to his old job he would create a special level of hell, an enormous inescapable shop of attractive but useless and overpriced items that the damned would wander for eternity in the cold delusion that this was what they wanted. And then Nerys had taken him to IKEA and Clovenhoof realised the humans had once again beaten him to it. - Author: Heide Goody
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Heide Goody
#26. It looked rather stylish next to my wife's glass of wine, like a still from a North Korean IKEA catalogue. - Author: Lennard Van Ree
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Lennard Van Ree
#27. One thing had always confused Quentin about the magic he read about in books: it never seemed especially hard to do. There were lots of furrowed brows and thick books and long white beards and whatnot, but when it came right down to it, you memorized the incantation - or you just read it off the page, if that was too much trouble - you collected the herbs, waved the wand, rubbed the lamp, mixed the potion, said the words - and just like that the forces of the beyond did your bidding. It was like making salad dressing or driving stick or assembling Ikea furniture - just another skill you could learn. It took some time and effort, but compared to doing calculus, say, or playing the oboe - well, there really was no comparison. Any idiot could do magic. - Author: Lev Grossman
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Lev Grossman
#28. You know what it's like when you go to IKEA and you can't believe how cheap everything is, and even though you may not need a hundred tea lights, my God, they're only ninety-nine cents for the whole bag? Or: Sure the throw are filled with a squishy ball of no-doubt toxic whatnot, but they're so bright and three-for-five-dollars that before you know it you've dropped five hundred bucks, not because you needed any of this crap, but because it was so damn cheap? - Author: Maria Semple
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Maria Semple
#29. I worked at Ikea as a customer service rep for two years and loved it. - Author: Amber Riley
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Amber Riley
#30. Questing is hard. Fortunately, Thomas is here to spoon-feed them answers. We're one step away from him giving them an instruction sheet by Ikea, with cartoonish diagrams and a little goddess-slaying allen wrench. - Author: Jim C. Hines
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Jim C. Hines
#31. As evidenced during my failed audition, I'm a thorough introvert who would completely hate living in a 'Real World' house. I would have taken my Ikea comforter to the confessional room and never come out. - Author: Andrea Seigel
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Andrea Seigel
#32. The second prong in my revised Trinity is IKEA, the Swedish home store monolith. If you're unfamiliar, they carry every single thing you could possibly ever need to fill your home and garden at low, low prices, but in obscure Swedish sizes so those items won't coordinate with anything else you own, like, say, if you want to put a regular Target lamp shade on your IKEA lamp. Fletch thinks it's Sweden's master plan to make Americans so busy trying to construct furniture with Allen wrenches that we don't notice they've invaded us. (Personally, I think it's payback; the Swedes are pissed that we aren't buying ABBA albums anymore.) - Author: Jen Lancaster
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Jen Lancaster
#33. I only meant, you know, you shouldn't be wasting your time on imbeciles. I know how hard it is to find the right person, but that's no reason to exhaustively work your way through all the wrong people. You seem to be living your romantic life by some kind of process of elimination. It's like matching a Louis Quatorze armchair with one of those plastic patio tables. It simply doesn't work." "Oh, I see," Bel said. "I'm an armchair, is that it?" "A Louis Quatorze armchair," I qualified. "And my boyfriends are patio tables." "Actually," I remembered, "this one's more like one of those self-assembly Swedish wardrobes. - Author: Paul Murray
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Paul Murray
#34. But I am a big believer in "Intelligent Design," and by that I mean I love IKEA! - Author: Tina Fey
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Tina Fey
#35. So I couldn't just pack my blue IKEA sack and go - I had to do the right thing. I had to preserve what was left of the goodness in my soul. But for the record, this was exactly why I never wanted to have friends. So much for being an island. Thanks - Author: Camille Perri
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Camille Perri
#36. I can follow pretty much every programming language out there, I can make a two-hundred-year-old diary out of some really nasty ingredients, I can even make sense out of the instruction booklets that come with IKEA furniture, but I can*not* make heads or tails of this nonsense right here. - Author: Keith R.A. DeCandido
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Keith R.A. DeCandido
#37. We have to still develop the Ikea group. We need many billions of Swiss francs to take on China or Russia. - Author: Ingvar Kamprad
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Ingvar Kamprad
#38. Maybe because I can't even put together an IKEA desk, I've never been tempted to think of my own poems as built objects - but I do sometimes imagine them as mathematical constructs. - Author: James Arthur
Scaffali Ikea quotes by James Arthur
#39. Some people have this sort of built-in GPS, a bit like cats. You can drop them anywhere and they can find their way home. Not me. I get lost in IKEA. - Author: Potter Alexandra
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Potter Alexandra
#40. IKEA is not completely perfect. It irritates me to hear it said that IKEA is the best company in the world. We are going the right way to becoming it but we are not there yet. - Author: Ingvar Kamprad
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Ingvar Kamprad
#41. If there is such a thing as good leadership, it is to give a good example. I have to do so for all the Ikea employees. - Author: Ingvar Kamprad
Scaffali Ikea quotes by Ingvar Kamprad

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