Sardonic Humor Quotes

We'll get into the plane and you'll have a cup of coffee, even a sip of brandy is permissible. And you'll think. Think hard. So hard I can hear your brains creaking. And it will be very good if by the time we reach Edinburgh you already know how to get the Crown of All Things. Because we don't have any time to spare. Only twelve hours until the bomb goes off."
"You bastard," I said.
"No, I'm a highly effective personnel manager," Edgar said, with a smile. ~ Sergei Lukyanenko

Sardonic humor is just my way of relating to the world ~ Jughead Jones

Good Samaritans: Truth, justice and the American way–for them it wasn't only a comic book code; it was a way of life. it was admirable, courageous, and inconvenient as shit. -Stefan, CHIMERA ~ Rob Thurman

Antonio stepped into Pax's path and said, in English, "Go back to Lazarus and tell him we'll settle whatever claim he has on Sara. She is Baldoni. Ours. Run tell him that, figlio di puttana."
"He's not from Lazarus," she snapped.
"All the better," Antonio said. "Nothing to stop me from cutting his bollocks off."
"You will leave his bollocks precisely as they are."
"I am your closest male relation - "
"You are my closest male idiot. No-one removes any man's balls on my behalf. I will do whatever castrating is necessary among my acquaintance."
"Children," Uncle Bernadro said midly, "he speaks Italian. ~ Joanna Bourne

The Victorian happy ending– a vision of a huge loving family of three or four generations, all crammed together in the same house and constantly multiplying, like a bed of oysters. ~ George Orwell

Flirting with love can do that."

Vega wasn't ready to admit to such a problematic emotion. ~ Dorothy McFalls

When you're doing comedy on stage, it's great because you have the audience there and they're like another actor in the scene. You feed off of them, laugh. But in film when everyone's quiet, it's all about timing. But the key to that is to be authentic. Be in the moment, and if you play the moment truthfully, the humor will be there. ~ Wendell Pierce

Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing. ~ Joss Whedon

She's wonderful and soulful. She has a sly sense of humor. I've seen her deliver a funnier joke with a single silent raise of her eyebrow than many stand up comedians. She guards a very sensitive heart. Any human suffering brings her to tears. She's smart. Talk down to her and find yourself mentally slapped. She's an excellent judge of character, and seems to know an original spirit from a forgery every time. Cross boundaries with her...in any improper way and suffer the wrath of a lion. ... She's principled and firm. Rude behavior doesn't materialize in her presence. She's a grown-up who fully sees and knows children as citizens, and people, and souls. And because she respects children, all children seem to respect her. ~ Shonda Rhimes

Right." A soft, choked laugh. "Kind of ruins the dramatic effect if I'm storming off in the wrong direction, doesn't it? ~ Kelley Armstrong

My sister wanted a cat for a pet ... I wanted a dog, so they bought a cat and taught it to bark. ~ Chic Murray

Climbing may be hard, but it's easier than growing up. (Thanks Ed Sklar!) ~ Stewart M. Green

A good writer can fake being an expert in anything - even men's underwear. ~ Greg Dybec

She'd met Colin on a Monday.
She'd kissed him on a Friday.
Twelve years later.
She sighed. It seemed fairly pathetic. ~ Julia Quinn

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA. ~ Jen Lancaster

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure. ~ George Bernard Shaw

You cats mind if I make it a trio?' he asked me, and it was not a huge surprise that a dude of his appearance was speaking in Jazz Voice. ~ Jesse Andrews

Smartass Disciple: Master, how could I know that you've told me the whole truth?
Master of Stupidity: Someday. [Never on earth. Otherwise I'd lose you and my job] ~ Toba Beta

Llium snorted. "I look like a damned duck." His words weren't far off the mark. The feathers that had grown over the injured section were soft, white, and delicately ... fluffy. "I hope to hell these baby feathers fall off and get replaced by real ones. They will, won't they?" He sounded worried. ~ Nalini Singh

I was talking aloud to myself. A habit of the old: they choose the wisest person present to speak to ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

We didn't need light & shade, irony or humor. An iconic Daltrey bellow could convey an extrodinary range of human emotion; withering sadness, self pity, loneliness, abandonment, spiritual desperation, the loss of childhood, as well as the more obvious rage & frustration, joy & triumph. ~ Pete Townshend

I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response. ~ Fran Lebowitz

We are designed to feel that the next great goal will bring bliss, and the bliss is designed to evaporate shortly after we get there. Natural selection has a malicious sense of humor; it leads us along with a series of promises and then keeps saying "Just kidding. ~ Robert Wright

Beatrix, do you know what happens to girls who ask such naughty questions?"
"They're ravished in haylofts?" she inquired hopefully. ~ Lisa Kleypas

If you were given the chance to be reborn after your death, buy you could only come back as a squirrel, would you complain? ~ Peter James West

He's just a flash in the pants. ~ Lois Greiman

At one point I thought I broke his face, but he turned out to just be laughing really hard. ~ Vali Chandrasekaran

I don't like doing anything that makes you sweat if you don't come at the end of it. ~ Russell Brand

She shrugged. "As you said, it is a Shakespearean tragedy. Everyone dies; the end."

"Enough." He launched to his feet. "I am ordering the carriage, and we are going home. To bed. And you are going to die no fewer than ten 'little deaths' before I'm through with you. ~ Tessa Dare

They tugged plans and ambitions out their asses and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit. ~ Patrick Bryant

I'm guessing you don't have to share a bathroom at your house,"

I say with the casual tone of someone who isn't waving her half-naked

bottom in the air in front of a hunky, semi-stranger and soon-to-be-

boss. I push myself to my feet and edge my way back to the dresser, this

time keeping my back to the wall.

He snorts a laugh. "No. Nor do I have a back door in my bedroom

or a collection of random people walking around my house. ~ Sarah Castille

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice? ~ Kurt Cobain

They didn't think there was anything very odd in anyone being a little odd. ~ James Hilton

Only criminals and madmen walk into Central Park after midnight...or, occasionally, an actor. (Dark City Lights) ~ Jane Dentinger

That's the problem with this never-ending centipede of lemmings, Beck. You know they're all pussies, each and every one of 'em. They buy these books to get scared because their lives are too easy. How pathetic is that? ~ Caroline Kepnes

I have five boys in the family, and it's constant competition, sport, humor, and practical jokes. ~ Mitt Romney

To find out if she really loved me, I hooked her up to a lie detector. And just as I suspected, my machine was broken. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I've seen your foot up close."
Curran pointed to his chest. "I've seen it here." He moved his hand to his jaw. "Here." He touched the place over his cheek where my kick had cut him. "And here. ~ Ilona Andrews

But I was starving! You know I always forget my lunch - and who expects me to concentrate on Advanced Manga Drawing Level 2 when visions of pork buns and powdered doughnuts dance in my head? Teacher Suzuki acted like it was the end of the world just because I got hungry,
Bunny Lilka ~ Tiffany Fulton

A sense of humor is all you really need to get through life. All ~ Dan Marshall

Are you saying that was real magic?" I said. "That's crazy."
"Well, let's see. Are you telling me you just saw the past in a vision. That a monkey in a top hat was trying to murder my chief costumer and head accountant with the most powerful poison in existence using her makeup jar? If so, perhaps I'm not the crazy one here. ~ Delilah S. Dawson