Sarcastic Woman Quotes

I was born in South Africa during apartheid, a system of laws that made it illegal for people to mix in South Africa. And this was obviously awkward because I grew up in a mixed family. My mother's a black woman, South African Xhosa woman ... and my father's Swiss, from Switzerland. ~ Trevor Noah

There is a story they tell, about a girl dared by her peers to venture to a local graveyard after dark. This was her folly: when they told her that standing on someone's grave at night would cause the inhabitant to reach up and pull her under, she scoffed. Scoffing is the first mistake a woman can make.

I will show you, she said.

Pride is the second mistake.

They gave her a knife to stick into the frosty earth, as a way of proving her presence and her theory.

She went to that graveyard. Some storytellers say that she picked the grave at random. I believe she selected a very old one, her choice tinged by self-doubt and the latent belief that if she were wrong, the intact muscle and flesh of a newly dead corpse would be more dangerous than one centuries gone.

She knelt on the grave and plunged the blade deep. As she stood to run she found she couldn't escape. Something was clutching at her clothes. She cried out and fell down.

When morning came, her friends arrived at the cemetery. They found her dead on the grave, the blade pinning the sturdy wool of her skirt to the ground. Dead of fright or exposure, would it matter when the parents arrived? She was not wrong, but it didn't matter any more. Afterwards, everyone believed that she had wished to die, even though she had died proving that she could live.

As it turns out, being right was the third, and worst, mistake. ~ Carmen Maria Machado

I like the collarbone, a very clean collarbone. I think there's something also very delicate and balletic about that part of a woman's body, and I'm not really a cleavage person, but I do like a back or a shoulder; I think there's something very alluring about backless dresses. ~ Gugu Mbatha-Raw

I have never heard about any perfect marriage. They say perfect marriages are made in heaven. Nobody comes back from there so maybe it is true, but what kind of marriage will those perfect marriages be? There will be no tension, there will be no individuality in the man or in the woman. They will never collide, they will never fight. They will be too sweet to each other. And too much sweetness brings diabetes! Marriage is an institution that teaches a man regularity, frugality, temperance, forbearance and many other splendid virtues he would not need had he stayed single. ~ Rajneesh

I don't think the woman in French 'Vogue' was an object. She was always a real woman. ~ Carine Roitfeld

But once a woman stole the initiative, plundered the perquisites and took the lead, what happened to the globe? The fabric cracked ~ Daphne Du Maurier

The most pleasant and alluring curve on a woman is the smile ~ Treasure Stitches

If you can find something that you're really passionate about, whether you're a man or a woman comes a lot less into play. Passion is a gender-neutralizing force. ~ Marissa Mayer

A beautiful garden and a beautiful woman have much in common. They both bring peace and tranquillity to the man who is fortunate enough to possess them."

Rachel was silent. To be possessed by Jeronimo was a dream she could never aspire to, but she would remember his words for ever. ~ Elizabeth Hunter

Of all her siblings, Gabriel was the one to whom Phoebe had always felt closest. In his company, she could make petty or sarcastic remarks, or confess her foolish mistakes, knowing he would never judge her harshly. They knew each other's faults and kept each other's secrets.
Many people, if not most, would have been flabbergasted to learn that Gabriel had any faults at all. All they saw was the remarkable male beauty and cool self-control of a man so elegantly mannered that it never would have occurred to anyone to call him a lunkhead. However, Gabriel could sometimes be arrogant and manipulative. Beneath his charming exterior, there was a steely core that made him ideally suited to oversee the array of Challon properties and businesses. Once he decided what was best for someone, he took every opportunity to push and goad until he had his way.
Therefore, Phoebe occasionally found it necessary to push back. After all, it was an older sister's responsibility to keep her younger brother from behaving like a domineering ass. ~ Lisa Kleypas

Their encounter confirmed what he had been unwilling to admit. Charlotte didn't taste, smell, or feel like any other woman he had ever known. She wasn't like any other woman and never would be. And he would never be satisfied with another woman now that he'd touched her.

Sebastian ~ Ally Broadfield

And in August it will be fifty-two years together."
"Wow," Oliver says. "That's amazing."
"I wouldn't call it amazing," the woman says, blinking. "It's easy when you find the right person. ~ Jennifer E. Smith

One attribute of the human being is the potential to keep on growing, to keep on developing. And I think there's room in each of us. I hate to hear someone say, oh well, that man or that woman is sixty or seventy or eighty or ninety or a hundred, so he's finished. There's always something that can be transformed on the upward spiral. ~ William Segal

I'm not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells. ~ Richard Pryor

Saddest of all are the woman who were brought up to believe that self-sacrifice is the highest female virtue. ~ Jeanette Winterson

Woman absent is woman dead. ~ Walter Bagehot

she was the kind of woman
who only gave herself away in small doses,
leaving men wandering like little children
at all that she was.
she tortured them with the sound
of her fading footsteps,
each one an exclamation mark
to a sentence the world tragically
instilled in her long ago
"find something beautiful, then
let it go. ~ Christopher Poindexter

While walking back to the highway I stop, choke back a sob, my throat tightens. "I just want to..." Facing the skyline, through all the baby talk, I murmur, "keep the game going." As I stand, frozen in position, an old woman emerges behind a Threepenny Opera poster at a deserted bus stop and she's homeless and begging, hobbling over, her face covered with sores that look like bugs, holding out a shaking red hand. "Oh will you please go away?" I sigh. She tells me to get a haircut. ~ Bret Easton Ellis

Just imagine the existence of a man - let us call him A - who has left youth far behind, and of a woman whom we may call B, who is young and happy and has seen nothing as yet of life or of the world. Family circumstances of various kinds brought them together, and he grew to love her as a daughter, and had no fear that his love would change its nature. But he forgot that B was so young, that life was still a May-game to her and that it was easy to fall in love with her in a different way, and that this would amuse her. He made a mistake and was suddenly aware of another feeling, as heavy as remorse, making its way into his heart, and he was afraid. He was afraid that their old friendly relations would be destroyed, and he made up his mind to go away before that happened. ~ Leo Tolstoy

There is no force equal to a woman determined to rise ~ W.E.B. Du Bois

I'm a woman and I'm a backbone ... everybody needs one. ~ Chaka Khan

I don't really have a type of woman. ~ Luke Wilson

To this day, I feel a fierce warmth for women that have the same disregard for the social conventions of sexual protocol as I do. I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it's apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard. ~ Russell Brand

The gun, man. Remember the gun. My woman comes armed, Rush warned. ~ Abbi Glines

I like old bookstores, the smell of coffee brewing, rainy day naps, farmhouse porches, and sunsets. I like the sweet, simple things that remind me that life doesn't have to be complicated to be beautiful. ~ Brooke Hampton

If you have any regard to your future happiness, any view of living comfortably with a husband, any hope of preserving your fortunes, or restoring them after any disaster, never, ladies, marry a fool; any husband rather than a fool. With some other husbands you may be unhappy, but with a fool you will be miserable; with another husband you may, I say, be unhappy, but with a fool you must; nay, if he would, he cannot make you easy; everything he does is so awkward, everything he says is so empty, a woman of any sense cannot but be surfeited and sick of him twenty times a day. ~ Daniel Defoe

Hemingway is overrated,
Twain is even more lost at sea,
And all truths point to the mouth of a woman,
Where both her whispers and her screams,
Are born.
Pour another glass,
Beer, wine, whiskey,
I don't care,
So long as its wisdom is sharp,
And it tells lies instead of promises. ~ Dave Matthes

When laziness attacks a woman, it always avoids her tongue. ~ Evan Esar

If a young man gets married, and starts a family and spends the rest of his life working at a soul-destroying job, he is held up as an example of virtue and responsibility. The other type of man, living only for himself, working only for himself, doing first one thing and then another simply because he enjoys it and because he has to keep only himself, sleeping where and when he wants, and facing woman when he meets her on equal terms and not as one of a million slaves, is rejected by society. The free, unshackled man has no place in its midst. ~ Esther Vilar

A pleasurable woman could cause more harm than miserable one. ~ Santosh Kalwar

There is no freedom that I would grant to any man that I would refuse to woman, and there is no freedom that I would refuse to either man or woman except the freedom to invade ... whoever has the ballot has the freedom to invade, and whoever wants the ballot wants the freedom to invade. Give woman equality with man, by all means; but do it by taking power from man, not giving it to woman. ~ Benjamin Tucker

The problem with these interviews is that there's no sarcastic font. ~ Zach Galifianakis

And though this encounter took place against an African sky, our brief enchantment symbolized the new world's greatest taboo - the hand of a very black man caressing the face of the blackest woman, with no shred of light entering into it, utter darkness alone representing God (71). ~ Kola Boof

The last time I was single the men I was looking at were in their thirties and I still had that youthful image fixed in my head. It was depressing at first, choosing from a pool that's not regarded as desirable or vital in your society. [...] I managed to re-educate myself eventually. Now I'm only attracted to people my age. A young face looks like a blank page to me. ~ Viv Albertine

I thought she was the funniest woman, and I believed being a comedian was the most exciting thing you could be. ~ Maya Rudolph

I think as a pregnant woman we're all looking for stuff that makes us all look cute and fashionable and feel sexy when we're pregnant. ~ Jodie Sweetin

The simple, stupefying truth that, as a woman, I am a minute ocean, in the dark tropic of whose womb eggs lay coded as roe, floating in the sea that wet-nursed us all, moved me deeply. ~ Diane Ackerman

She was simply Asha, a woman on her own. Had the situation been otherwise, she might not have come to know her own brain. ~ Katherine Boo

My role is to embody the Black Opium woman - I suppose you have to be the living embodiment of all the intangible things the brand stands for. ~ Edie Campbell

From I Knew a Woman
I knew a woman, lovely in her bones,
When small birds sighed, she would sigh back at them;
Ah, when she moved, she moved more ways than one:
The shapes a bright container can contain! ~ Theodore Roethke

His presence made me feel self-concious: of my appearance, of the way I was sitting, of my movements and gestures ... It was the behavior of a woman reacting to a man who attracts her. ~ Alice Steinbach

When, as a woman, you make yourself the work of art, and when you are then what everyone looks at, then whatever else, you aren't alone. ~ Claire Messud