Ron White You Cant Fix Stupid Quotes

We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid! ~ Ron White

You can't fix stupid. You can't fix a neutered dog you can't fix a garage door and hey, you can't fix stupid ~ Si Robertson

If life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade ... ~ Ron White

You can't ride home on a bowl of goat. ~ Ron White

Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks ~ Ron White

I had the right to remain silent ... but I didn't have the ability. ~ Ron White

If you kill someone in Texas, we'll kill ya back. ~ Ron White

My goal is just to become a better comedian. ~ Ron White

His white boots were on fire against Arsenal, and he'll be looking for them to reproduce tonight. ~ Ron Atkinson

I don't do any corporate work. ~ Ron White

I don't even plan things until later, so no I got no plans. ~ Ron White

Stupid religion makes stupid beliefs, stupid leaders make stupid rules, stupid environment makes stupid health, stupid companions makes stupid behaviour, stupid movies makes stupid acts, stupid food makes stupid skin, stupid bed makes stupid sleep, stupid ideas makes stupid decisions, stupid clothes makes stupid appearance. Lets get rid of stupidity from our stupid short lives. ~ Michael Bassey Johnson

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Then find someone who's life is givin' them vodka and have a party! ~ Ron White

I didn't get where I am today by worryin' about how I'd feel tomorrow. ~ Ron White

Everybody I know is a joke writer. ~ Ron White

Diamonds - that'll shut her up ... for a minute! ~ Ron White

I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game. ~ Ron White

It's something that's really fun to do. It's a family business. ~ Ron White

My only goal is to make you laugh, not tell you the truth. ~ Ron White

Identity theft involving these cards is a growing form of white collar crime, facilitating illegal immigration, banking and accounting fraud, tax evasion, and other nefarious activities. ~ Ron Lewis

You can only do two things with your life: give it away or throw it away. ~ Ron White

I don't like being lied to, so I only lie about the stupid things. White lies, basically. ~ Enrique Iglesias

I say stupid white men are always the problem. That's never going to change. ~ Michael Moore

Making an honest mistake is acceptable. Failing to fix it is not. ~ Ron Kaufman

If we destroy the biosphere, then mankind will die. We all waste our time worrying about stupid wars and petty jealousy and greed, and all the time, we're sitting on a time bomb. ~ Ron Moody

Chavo or Kerwin White or whatever his name is! He called me stupid. ~ Maria Kanellis

Memo to White House: Calling voters stupid is not a winning strategy. ~ Karl Rove

You know, my first album, some of those jokes I'd done for twelve years because I couldn't throw 'em out. ~ Ron White

They call me Tater Salad ~ Ron White

You wanna get the truth out of me, get me hammered. ~ Ron White

AP promoted me to the White House beat because I knew Clinton, his family, friends, and staff better than anybody in the national press corps. Those contacts helped me break a few stories and get my career in Washington jump-started. ~ Ron Fournier

I didn't want to be DRUNK. IN. PUBLIC. I wanted to be drunk in a BAR. I was THROWN. into. public. ~ Ron White

I've got a great cigar collection - it's actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn't going to smoke every last one of 'em. ~ Ron White

Making jokes is about the most wrong and stupid thing a bemused, middle-aged, white heterosexual Anglo Saxon sort of Celt Australian male can do these days. ~ Michael Leunig

I was considered by my peers to be a good comedian. So that's all I ever strived to do was get some recognition from my peers. ~ Ron White

If you write something the White House doesn't like, they take you in and say, 'If you ever write something like you did today, nobody from the White House will ever talk to you again,' ~ Ron Suskind

I'm definitely guilty of thinking something is funny but thinking the audience won't. Then three years later I will finally try it and it'll kill them. I got to give them more credit. ~ Ron White

One of my favorites: I feel stupid asking, but I've learned it's more stupid not to ask what I don't know. From the book Magic Numbers ~ Deb Hosey White

I started selling out comedy clubs before I got to town with no advertising. I was selling out theaters just on the rumor that I was going to be there. ~ Ron White

When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range. ~ Ron White

Occasionally problems will occur. When it happens to your customers, fix the problem fast. Make it your speed and generosity that gets remembered, not the problem. ~ Ron Kaufman

I don't have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I'm going to keep talking. I can't imagine a life without doing standup. ~ Ron White

In Texas, we have the death penalty, and we use it. That's right. If you come to Texas and kill somebody, we will kill you back. ~ Ron White

There have been times in my life that I've had a ton of vices, and my demons have run amok for years and years and years. ~ Ron White

I was a huge fan of comedy when I was a child. ~ Ron White

As South Africa has a white population of only 2.8 million or thereabouts, you can see that every other central organization in the world has been out-created. ~ L. Ron Hubbard

RON: I just gotta finish my thesis.
MUTHA WIT: What's a thesis?
RON: It's a long paper I gotta write.
MUTHA WIT: Then what you do after you don write it?
RON: Then I gotta show it to a bunch of white folks.
MUTHA WIT: Then what?
RON: Hopefully I can get paid like one of them white folks.
MUTHA WIT: Then what?
RON: Then nutin. What you mean then what? Then I'm done. I git a job. I live, become fabulously rich and mildly famous.
MUTHA WIT: Then what?
RON: Then I drop dead I guess I don't know. ~ Robert O'Hara

The hardest that I've laughed at a movie was probably Team America. I laughed 'til I thought I was just gonna throw up. I almost had to turn it off. ~ Ron White

The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can't even spell. I don't even have a high school diploma. I'm smart, but you can't prove it on paper. ~ Ron White

There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between. ~ Ron White

The failure of the White House and Congress to seriously address the nation's fiscal situation is certain to broaden the belief among many voters that the U.S. political system is broken. ~ Ron Fournier

The arresting officer-who I had literally known all my life, you know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down from me in a town of less than 400 people. We've met. Anyway, at the station, he asks me if I have any aliases. And I was just being a smartass and said, "Yeah, they call me ... Tater Salad." Seventeen years later, I'm handcuffed to a bench with blood coming out my nose, this cop comes up to me and says, "Are you Ron ... 'Tater Salad' White?" ~ Ron White

It always seemed to me that white people were judged as individuals. But if a Negro did something stupid or wrong, it was held against all of us. ~ Annie Elizabeth Delany

I have had a front row seat to observe Darren's success over the last few years and never fully knew the keys to his achievement. He has unselfishly revealed his secrets with The Compound Effect so that others can learn from his success. In my eyes, it is more valuable than gold! ~ Ron White

The problem of South Africa is different than the world thinks. There is no native problem. The native worker gets more than white workers do in England! [ ... ] The South African government is not a police state. It's easier on people than the United States government! ~ L. Ron Hubbard

The current Republican Party is not really the Republican Party. It's been hijacked by this group that is not just Islamophobic but, really, xenophobic. They believe in sort of white, middle America, gun-toting - it's scary. They're seriously racist, racist people. ~ Ron Schiller

In Boulder, being of narrow mind was a much worse sin than appearing stupid. ~ Stephen White

One of the problems with putting Huck Finn into a movie or on the stage is, you always make the white people stupid and racist. The point is, they don't know they're racist. ~ Hal Holbrook

Now if we can get white population, immigrants and big companies and so on moving into Africa and if we can get with that Scientology well established in Southern Africa, why we can then look forward to a salvage operation base, in case the northern hemisphere's lights go out. ~ L. Ron Hubbard

I can't fix stupid and I can't fix lazy. ~ Ann Bruce

I'll fix it up with Mum and Dad, then I'll call you. I know how to use a fellytone now - "
"A telephone, Ron," said Hermione. "Honestly, you should take Muggle Studies next year ... ~ J.K. Rowling

That boy wouldn't know discreet if it tap-danced on his stupid blond head. ~ Kiersten White

And then I just started muttering stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid over and over again until the sound unhinged from its meaning. ~ John Green

You made a mistake. One fucking enormous, stupid mistake. That's all. Now get over it. Buck up and fix it, and if you can't fix it, keep going anyway. It's the only way to live. ~ Vanessa Diffenbaugh

I'm worried that the government might kill Edward Snowden with a drone.
Ron Paul ~ Ron Paul

In my Comedy Club sets, I just work on what is fresh and try to build that show as long as I can. I don't like to do burnt material on stage. Even though my crowd loves to hear me do old stuff, I don't like to do old stuff. ~ Ron White

I'm a comedian, and I like to work on my live show, and if I'm doing television, I don't have time to work on my live show, and I can become a lame comic, and that sucks. ~ Ron White

When I was young, I despised old people. I was provincial and narrow-minded. It's the reason I stayed stupid so long. If you only get involved with young people you don't learn anything about the world. ~ Edmund White

There were years when I was a beer and tequila guy, then I got real fat. And then I found that you could actually go on a diet and drink scotch. Then I got hooked on scotch, and if you get hooked on scotch, then everything else just tastes wrong. ~ Ron White

We should see the leadership from the White House setting dates certain for certain goals of achieving greater alliance on alternative and renewable energy sources, but we are not. ~ Ron Kind

From the very beginning I started with a beer and a cigarette because I couldn't figure out what to do with my hands. So usually I have a beer and cigarette and that's what I was doing with my hands because that looked natural and felt good. ~ Ron White

The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players to balance things up and give the team some brains and common sense. ~ Ron Noades

I've never been one to look up the ladder. I've always looked down the ladder. As long as there's one guy down there, I'm fine. ~ Ron White

Stretching yourself brings you maximum effort with effortless flow, aligning with spirit and purpose. ~ Ron Broussard

Since 1994, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have considered it politically risky to offer a plan to fix America's broken health care system. The American public, though, has paid the price for this silence as health care costs skyrocketed, millions went uninsured, and millions more grappled with financial insecurity and hardship. ~ Ron Wyden

So, thanks," Vivian said.
"For what?" I looked up at her, confused.
"For being stupid enough to love your crazy, murdering lunatic of a sister and being such a pathetic dork that I couldn't help but love you, too ~ Kiersten White

But I work harder now because I have so much more exposure. And actually the harder you work as a writer, the better you get at it. It's like anything else. It's a muscle you have to exercise. I write more now than ever. ~ Ron White

The less intelligent the white man is, the more stupid he thinks the black. ~ Andre Gide

We will reduce the White House staff by 25 percent ~ William J. Clinton

I responded to this development with the kind of sophisticated language for which I am famous. Crap crap crap crap crap crap crap stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid crap. ~ John Green

Life without her would be an endless succession of purposeless days lived with a heavy hopelessness ~ L. Ron Hubbard

Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing ~ Ron Swanson

Socks is the White House cat. But did you know there is also a White House dog? ~ Rush Limbaugh

The show is 'Fix My Life!' Get it? Life. I do not fix people. ~ Iyanla Vanzant

Homeopathy is the only non-violent health care system ~ Ron Harris

There is something intrinsically, systemically wrong with white, western culture, and if we don't fix it, it won't continue. ~ James Cromwell

Time healed all wounds, but there was nothing you could do to fix stupid. ~ Chrissy Olinger

Unlike yellow and brown people, the white does not usually believe he can get attention from matter or objects.
...
The white goes further. He often believes he can get attention only from whites and that yellow and brown people's attention is worthless. Thus the yellow and brown races are not very progressive, but, by and large, saner. ~ L. Ron Hubbard

He was a drug, and she needed a fix, a huge fix.
A very lengthy fix. ~ V. Theia

I care. They bother me. And that's why I'm stupid. That makes me exponentially more stupid than stupid. I'm stupid to the power of stupid. ~ Kami Garcia

When my lover Hubert Sorin was dying of AIDS, he was always trying to fix me up - posthumously, as it were - with the cute busboy at the hotel. ~ Edmund White

Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!" said Hermione. "We didn't hear stories like that when we were little, we heard 'Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs' and 'Cinderella' - "
"What's that, an illness?" asked Ron. ~ J.K. Rowling

If you are too weak to stand being hit and too stupid to avoid it, then you deserve more pain. ~ Kiersten White

She knows her life is on the line but, believe it
or not, she's never been so excited!
Her husband's a serial killer, and her bodice is wet
with tears, but there's a chance her brothers
will show up like winning lottery numbers.
Which does she want more - her hair wound
in the maniac's hands and her white white throat bared,
or the sound of boots on marble stairs? ~ Ron Koertge

I was born ready, I'm Ron F****** Swanson ~ Ron Swanson

Everyone wants to fix me. My
parents want to fix me. My brother wants
to fix me. My therapists want to fix me.
You're supposed to be the person who
doesn't want to fix me. ~ Katja Millay

I only like the live audience. I don't even like to do standup where it's being filmed. Because it affects the way the audience responds to what you say, because it makes them uncomfortable. You have to perform in a light room, and I prefer a dark room. But I love to perform, and I don't really see myself doing any television at all. ~ Ron White

There's only one thing I hate more than lying... Skim milk. which is water that's lying about being milk. Ron Swanson. ~ Ron Swanson

White folks are not going to come to see a bunch of guys with tattoos, with cornrows. I'm sorry, but anyone who thinks different, they're stupid. ~ Charles Barkley

Ignorance is pitiful! If you are ignorant and stupid, you are sick - white, black, green, I don't care. ~ Willie Wells