Romantic Humor Quotes

Oh, it's already on Facebook. I didn't feel the need to ask, you are mine... ~ Amy Rachel Thompson

I'm a virgin, okay?"
There was a moment of silence while I assume he was struggling to understand the connection. Then he spoke.
"I'm not prejudiced against anyone. ~ Candice Raquel Lee

People who know me, they know I have a sense of humor, I'm a bit of a joker, a bit of a clown really, and I would love someone to exploit that side of me and send me a romantic comedy. ~ Gary Oldman

Well, you know. Some people are like wolves and some are like bears. And bears and wolves don't go together. You don't see me trying to convince you to be a wolf? So, why are you trying to convince me to be a bear?"
I could hear him blinking on the other side of the line. "Can you translate that into English?"
"Wolves mate for life. Bears hit and run. ~ Candice Raquel Lee

Well, I did tell you I couldn't give you a thing. Maybe you've just realised that Alistair can give the god damn world, and the pleasure of kissing his shiny slap-head every day! ~ LeeAnn Whitaker

If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic. ~ Richelle Mead

Do you even have to ask? There is a party where you'll be half naked. Of course I'm taking you. I can't very well have any other guys on campus trying to get with my girl... ~ Amy Rachel Thompson

I'm a freak,you're a freak. Your house makes rooms disappear. My house makes people disappear. Your shut-in uncle is nuts, my shut-in dad is a lunatic, so i don't know what you think makes us different. -Ethan Wate ~ Kami Garcia

Fine," Jeb said curtly, stowing his gun. "But don't test me. I haven't shot anyone in a real long time, and I sort of miss the trill of it. ~ Stephenie Meyer

She wanted to run her hands over him as he whispered the impassioned corollaries of non-Euclidean geometry. ~ Sherry Thomas

Everything is going to be okay, Princess Eloise," he whispered against her ear. "I promise."
But it wouldn't. She knew better than to ever trust a man who promised happy endings in the middle of a kidnapping. ~ Avery Flynn

A wise woman has already a rite
Where she knows right from left.
She usually writes when she's right
And always leaves before she's left. ~ Ana Claudia Antunes

It's hard to imagine, seeing all of us breathing yet one day each of us shall be gone, leaving memories. ~ Auliq Ice

I'm hitting the shower," Reyes said, nodding to Ubbie.
"Don't hit George." I scowled at him. His shower was magnificent. I'd named him George because he just did'nt look like a Tom, Dick or Harry. "What did he ever do to you? ~ Darynda Jones

Lord Worth: 'I think you may be quite useful to me. The heiress has a brother.'
Captain Audley: 'I am not the least interested in her brother,' objected the Captain. ~ Georgette Heyer

You poor lonely boy,' she cried, 'it's so dreadful for you to have no parents.'
Well, as my mother was a whore, and my father a drunk, I daresay I don't miss much. ~ W. Somerset Maugham

Do you sometimes wish you could fast-forward a week? You know something bad's coming up, and you know you'll get through it, but the prospect just makes you feel sick. I worried for about thirty minutes, and though I knew there was no point in doing so, I could feel my anxiety twisting me up in a knot.
'Bullshit,' I told myself stoutly. 'This is utter bullshit. ~ Charlaine Harris

Thomas' work. Abigail Thomas is one of our wisest, most beautiful writers; a writer whose stories and memoirs I have loved for a long time. She has an equally great eye, and heart, for what is true, and for what holds meaning and hope in our lives. Couple this with a brilliant, dark sense of humor, and you will see why every writer I know waits for each new book. Thomas has written ~ Anonymous

Being amongst rough lives and confusion does not make you less, it only makes your beauty shine out more clearly. ~ Sharon Sant

Mum says be careful of boys who never take anything seriously. Dad says a boy needs a good sense of humor to get through his love life. Jazz says my dad must need a sense of humor to get through his love life if he's living in the shed ~ Cath Crowley

Lady Ponsonby was right. The forbidden fruit isn't shaped like an apple. It's shaped like a banana. ~ Michelle Marcos

I know, believe me, this was not planned!" Elli admitted with a groan.
Everyone laughed as Shea wrapped is arms around is wife and kissed her loudly on the lips. "I promise, last one."
"Damn right it is," she scoffed. "I'm getting my uterus taken out just to be sure your supersperm don't have anywhere to go. ~ Toni Aleo

It's crazy how much I wish I didn't care. I wish, so much, all the time, that I didn't give a shit about this sort of thing - that I could be like Warner, a frozen, unforgiving island; or even like Adam, who's found his happiness in family, in his relationship with his brother - but I'm like neither. Instead, I'm a big, raw, bleeding heart, and I spend my days pretending not to notice that I want more. That I need more.
Maybe it sounds weird to say, but I know I could love the shit out of someone. I feel it, in my heart. This capacity to love. To be romantic and passionate. Like it's a superpower I have. A gift, even.
And I've got no one to share it with. ~ Tahereh Mafi

His last encounter with Wendy... Hell, she'd been the one to hurt his feelings.
The best sex of his life, and she'd kicked him out as soon as it was over, told him not to bother with calling because it was strictly a one-time thing. Told him, actually, while he'd still been inside her.
He groaned at the memory as he slipped behind the wheel, turning on the heat the second he had the engine started.
His day was shaping up to be an ass kicker. Which was saying something, considering that the day before included his arrest, a concussion, and a near drowning. ~ Dana Marton

When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day. ~ Jay Wickre

If you tell me the truth, the truth I'll proclaim.
If you tell me a lie, you'll be fair game. ~ Belva Rae Staples

And poor Mr. Bix!
Every morning at six,
poor Mr. Bix has his Borfin to fix!
It doesn't seem fair. It just doesn't seem right,
but his Borfin just seems to go shlump every night.
It shlumps in a heap, sadly needing repair.
Bix figures it's due to the local night air.
It takes him all day to un-shlump it.
And then ...
the night air comes back
and it shlumps once again!
So don't you feel blue. Don't get down in the dumps.
You're lucky you don't have a Borfin that shlumps. ~ Dr. Seuss

There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree. ~ Josh Billings

Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered. ~ Janet Evanovich

I automatically leaned back, my head fitting into that spot between his neck and his shoulder. Again, the cliched romantic in me wondered how we seemed to fit so perfectly, two pieces of a jigsaw, and have such different, clashing personalities... I didn't care how bad we were for each other or that he'd be off to college soon; I just remembered that I was in love with him. ~ Beth Reekles

I don't know about you, but I practice a disorganized religion. I belong to an unholy disorder. We call ourselves Our Lady of the Perpetual Astonishment ~ Kurt Vonnegut

Leaders are not, as we are often led to think, people who go along with huge crowds following them. Leaders are people who go their own way without caring, or even looking to see, whether anyone is following them. "Leadership qualities" are not the qualities that enable people to attract followers, but those that enable them to do without them. They include, at the very least, courage, endurance, patience, humor, flexibility, resourcefulness, stubbornness, a keen sense of reality, and the ability to keep a cool and clear head, even when things are going badly. True leaders, in short, do not make people into followers, but into other leaders. ~ John Holt

I've been praying to Jesus and the Holy Ghost for patience and I have also mentioned that it would help if I did not have frizzy hair. ~ Margaret Sartor

Men are all the same, they think that because they came out of the belly of a woman they know all there is to know about women. ~ Jose Saramago

She cried the first time she was pulled over by a cop. I explained to her that there is no reason to cry when getting pulled over
unless you're coming directly from from a crime scene. ~ Chelsea Handler

He gently takes the lead, and I trail behind him up the narrow spiral stairway at the back of the kitchen. His hand is warm, and holding it feels like the easiest thing in the world. Too easy. I'm going to get myself in trouble. ~ Lisa Daily

Even though the ball was doubled, they got it anyway. ~ Jerry Coleman

Bursar?"
"Yes, Archchancellor?"
"You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?"
"Me? No, Archchancellor."
"Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head. ~ Terry Pratchett

(Not every doctor can look into a mouse's ear without laughing) ~ E.B. White

You've done her a service to teach her that romantic love is largely made of illusion." [said Mina.]
"Is it?" Alessandra asked, unable to suppress a worried sigh.
Mina looked at her as if she knew exactly what Alessandra was thinking. "I said 'romantic love,' my dear
not true love."
"But how can one know," asked Alessandra, "one from the other?"
"True love," said Mina, "is something that reveals itself only with the passage of time. ~ Barbara Quick

You have more issues than Reader's Digest. ~ Rebecca McNutt

Hannah tells me you're an archeologist," she said. "Drew's father has followed in your footsteps. He spent the whole summer in France, excavating a Roman ruin."
A spark of mischief flared in Andrew's eyes. "Why, it could be the other way around," he said. "Perhaps I got the idea from him."
Hannah gave Andrew a sharp poke with her cane. Luckily, Aunt Blythe didn't notice that either.
"You have the oddest sense of humor," she said to Andrew. "It's a pity you spent most of your life overseas. I'm sure I would have enjoyed knowing you."
To escape his sister's reach, Andrew shifted his position. "It's strange," he said to my aunt, "but I feel like I do know you."
"Isn't that funny?" Aunt Blythe stared at him. "Even though I've never set eyes on you before, I feel the same way."
With a little guidance from Hannah, the conversation changed to Andrew's years in South America. For at least an hour he entertained us with his adventures, which Hannah claimed were highly exaggerated.
"He never tells a story the same way twice," she told me. "You wouldn't believe how much more exciting they've gotten since the first time I heard them. ~ Mary Downing Hahn

There are essentially three types of people: those who love life more than they fear it, those who fear life more than they love it, and those who have no clue what I'm talking about. ~ Neel Burton

Sierra, it's Christmastime. Put a stupid mistletoe over his head and kiss him already! ~ Jay Asher

(on the word "fuck")

'Oh, come on, Mum,' I sighed at her protest. 'It's just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female organ which has been adopted by an inherently misogynist language as a negative epithet. It's the same as "fuck", it basically means the same as copulate, but the latter is perfectly acceptable. Why? Because copulate has its roots in Latin and Latin reminds us that we are a sophisticated, learned species, not the rutting animals that these prehistoric grunts would have us appear to be, and isn't that really the issue here? We don't want to admit that we are essentially animals? We want to distinguish ourselves from the fauna with grand conceits and elaborate language; become angels worthy of salvation, not dumb creatures consigned to an earthly, terminal end. It's just a word, Mum; a sound meaning a thing; and your disgust is just denial of a greater horror: that our consciousness is not an indication of our specialness but the terrifying key to knowing how truly insignificant we are.'

She told me to got fuck myself. ~ Simon Pegg

With great hotness comes great responsibility. ~ Alyxandra Harvey

This guy's testimony is awesome. I hate my testimony. I wish I was addicted to heroin. But no. I had to grow up in a somewhat functional family situation. It's just not fair. Why can't I be a crack addict who robbed Fort Knox using nothing but a can of hairspray and a plastic ice cream scoop? Thanks a lot, God. ~ Tim Hawkins