Regan Quotes

Because we have viewed other animals through the myopic lens of our self-importance, we have misperceived who and what they are. Because we have repeated our ignorance, one to the other, we have mistaken it for knowledge. ~ Tom Regan

I saw this sign posted once, it said, "Blasting Zone Ahead." Wow. Shouldn't that read: "Road Closed?" What do you mean there's a blasting zone? What am I supposed to do? "Hey-uh, you might wanna buckle up. Blasting zone coming up. Yeah. Just saw the sign. Put the helmets on back there! Yeah I think we're- (Pow!)- Oh! We're getting close! (Pow!)- Oh! This is gonna be a bad blasting zone! Remember that last one-we lost Billy?" ~ Brian Regan

Can you imagine being bilingual? Or even knowing anybody that was? I'm not even unilingual. Actually, I shouldn't say that. I don't give myself enough credit. I know enough English to, you know, get by. I can order in restaurants and stuff. ~ Brian Regan

Advice, then, young yeoman: When referring to the king's middle daughter, state that she is fair, speculate that she is pious, but unless you'd like to spend your watch looking for the box where your head is kept, resist the urge to wax ignorant on her naughty bits." -Pocket
I don't know what that means, sir." -Yeoman
Speak not of Regan's shaggacity, son" [ ... ] -Pocket ~ Christopher Moore

Dale forced me the two steps to the truck and pushed me into the drivers' seat. The moment he started around to the passenger's side I got out and ran. He caught up with me easily and with the barrel of the gun drew me back to the truck. We did that dance three times before he figured out to push me in through the passenger's side ~ Lisa Regan

You were dead, you were sleeping the big sleep, you were not bothered by things like that, oil and water were the same as wind and air to you. You just slept the big sleep, not caring about the nastiness of how you died or where you fell. Me, I was part of the nastiness now. Far more a part of it than Rusty Regan was. ~ Raymond Chandler

A formula for comedy is comedy equals tragedy plus time. A difficult or uncomfortable situation takes place, and then you laugh about it later down the road. ~ Brian Regan

I can still function when I don't have that balance I crave. ~ Laura Regan

Does the person you're throwing those words at have as much strength to catch catch them as you did to throw them? Would you be able to get the pass back just a powerful? ~ Audrey Regan

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible. ~ Judith Regan

I walk home by myself all the time , " Regan snapped at him
"That's different " Levi smiled at her warmly "You don't rock that Little Red Riding Hood vibe. You're scary ~ Rainbow Rowell

Are you telling me you're cooking me dinner?- Regan Its the quickest way, without physical contact, to get a woman into bed. The kitchen through there? ~ Nora Roberts

I think about how the world feels soft and steely at the same time and then not at all. ~ Tessie Regan

I read all these stories that I don't know anything about politics. But I must know something. I've had some good victories in Congress, and I've survived this town for four years. ~ Donald T. Regan

It's common knowledge that a large percentage of Wall Street brokers use astrology. ~ Donald T. Regan

Ronald Regan doesn't dye his hair - he's just prematurely orange. ~ Gerald R. Ford

MOOSEN!!!!!!! There many MOOSEN in the WOODSEN! MANY MUCH MOOSEN! The Meisin wanted and the MOOSEN and ... ~ Brian Regan

Being kind to animals is not enough. Avoiding cruelty is not enough. Housing animals in more comfortable, larger cages is not enough. Whether we exploit animals to eat, to wear, to entertain us, or to learn, the truth of animal rights requires empty cages, not larger cages. ~ Tom Regan

I hate that our world makes it look like everyone is perfect but you. Each and every one of us is human. Why are all the flaw that we all have hidden like they're not real? ~ Audrey Regan

I thought yoga was easy - I went out and I bought a yoga video tape. I bought the beginners' yoga tape. I couldn't do anything on the whole hour - nothing - just fast forwarding: can't do that, can't do that - I know I can't do that. This woman in a soothing voice: 'Simply take the bottom of your right foot and place it on the small of your back. ~ Brian Regan

I would rend anyone limb from limb who tried to come between Regan and me. From now on, the only one who will hear her scream when she comes is me. The only man who will get to taste the nectar between her legs is me. The only cock that will ever pleasure her, from this moment until I never draw another breath, is mine. ~ Jessica Clare

You got to figure out how to eat your snack while your elbows are touching. You got to learn how to twist your little plastic utensil. ~ Brian Regan

Aidan from the past: He took her hands in his bloodied, callused ones. "Accept me?" His eyes glowed, his lashes spiked from rain.
Declan in the present: He gripped her nape. "I fuckin love you, Regin!" Rain spiked his lashes as he gazed down at her, commanding her, "Love me back! ~ Kresley Cole

Don't like when sports interviewers force answers: Are you dedicating this game to your sick grandmother? What's the guy supposed to say? ~ Brian Regan

Regan killing Dennings? What madness! He envisioned her shoving ~ William Peter Blatty

Racquetball is the only sport where simultaneously you can be looking at the ball and it'll hit you in the back of the head at 90 miles per hour. ~ Brian Regan

If I had a razor, I'd cut your throat - just to see what ran out of it."
"Caterpillar blood," I said. ~ Raymond Chandler

I'm honored that other comedians like what I do. That means the world to me. But at the same time when I'm on stage I'm not just trying to make the comedians laugh - I'm also trying to make the audience laugh. I want to make everybody laugh. ~ Brian Regan

I did a lot of musical theater when I was younger, and I really hope to get back there someday. I miss singing a lot. I listen to Broadway show tunes in my car and sing along to them. ~ Bridget Regan

Some people look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why?' I look at creamed corn and ask, 'Why not?' ~ Brian Regan

At dinner parties I sit below the salt now. There are a lot of interesting people there. ~ Donald T. Regan

If reading makes you smart then how come when you read a book they have to put the title of the book on the top of every single page? Does anyone get halfway through a book, What the hell am I reading? ~ Brian Regan

It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny. ~ Brian Regan

I didn't know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that she'd know I'm an idiot and just walk right on past me just as long as I was holding something.

"What do you have there, Brian?"

"It's a cup of dirt. Just put an 'F' on it there and let me go home."

"Well, explain it."

"Well, it's a cup with dirt in it. I call it 'Cup of Dirt.' You should move on now. Just go ahead and move on. Head on down the line there. ~ Brian Regan

I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things. ~ Brian Regan

I just had ... my Farmer's Insurance Chevrolet was the fasted car here. In the first run. We were going forward, just taking our time. Regan Smith was pretty slow. I was under him for a couple of laps. When my spotter cleared me in the center, I just took off, and he was there on exit. It is disappointing to have that good of a car and be out this early. Everybody at Hendrick Motorsports is doing such an awesome job. I've had awesome race cars, and I have nothing to show for it. ~ Kasey Kahne

One of the worst symptoms of HIV is secrecy...if you get HIV? You get secretive. Insular. Paranoid. Your life becomes a giant pretense so no one finds out you have this disease. You don't know what people will do for you because you are too afraid to tell them. ~ Regan Hofmann

I went to the juice isle, I learned something. Cranberries are taking over everything. What do you got, apples? Put some cranberrise in there, make it 50/50. Cran-apple. Grapes? Cran-grape. Mangos? Cran-mango. Pork chops? Cran-chop! ~ Brian Regan

Your mother sucks cocks in Hell. ~ Regan Macneil

I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different. ~ Brian Regan

If you tell a kid not to run to a water slide, he/she will walk for 2 steps, then start running again. ~ Brian Regan

I have a friend who swears by food combinations - have you heard of this nonsense? She's nuts. She's like, 'You know what? You should eat food combinations, and that way you can eat whatever you want. It's just the combinations of how you put the food together.' And then her examples are like, 'You wouldn't want to eat steak and potatoes together, but you could have, like, a lemon rind and raisin skins - not the whole raisin, take the skins and steam them. ~ Brian Regan

Let him grow up, Regan. Quit fighting the inevitable. For Christ's sake, Jeremy's nearly a man."

"Haven't you heard? Twenty's the new twelve."

"Only from overprotective, control-freak mothers. ~ Lisa Jackson

It no longer mattered if it was the chicken or the egg; it was quite simply a nest from which both beautiful and damaged things came. ~ Tessie Regan

It means a lot to me to have my kids like what I do. And that's why I limit them. But I don't want to put that pressure on them to be a fan of mine. ~ Brian Regan

The other animals humans eat, use in science, hunt, trap, and exploit in a variety of ways, have a life of their own that is of importance to them apart from their utility to us. They are not only in the world, they are aware of it. What happens to them matters to them. Each has a life that fares better or worse for the one whose life it is. ~ Tom Regan

You know what's fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 'Just Because' cards. They can't even ask you why you did it. ~ Brian Regan

The truth is that everybody has a past and everybody has an ex. ~ Bridget Regan

A lot of the kind of comedy that I do comes out of real human moments. For them to work, they have to be truthful kinds of things that people in the audience can go, "Yes, I've experienced that myself!" ~ Brian Regan

As long as I can make that audience one thing, one unit, then I'm okay with it. But, sometimes, the bigger the audience, the weirder it gets. ~ Brian Regan

You can't possibly be right for everything. ~ Bridget Regan

You know when you say something but you want to change in the middle? Like one time I was a bout to say take care but changed in the middle to good luck so it sounded like TAKE LUCK.. If you have any luck take care of it. Take luck you now. SHUT UP! ~ Brian Regan

Politicians have a lot to deal with these days. It's a different world. You know who I feel bad for? Arab Americans who truly want to get into crop dusting. Could be their life long dream,
and every time they ask for a pamphlet, all hell breaks loose. ~ Brian Regan

That's why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn't going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours.
First round. "Cat, K-A-T, I'm outta here." Then as he passed you, "Ha! I know there's 2 T's. ~ Brian Regan

You're mine, Regan Porter. You don't get to decide if you die or not. Because if you do, you're destroying me, too. ~ Jessica Clare

The largest and most rigorous study that is currently available in this area is the third one commissioned by the British Home Office (Kelly, Lovett, & Regan, 2005). The analysis was based on the 2,643 sexual assault cases (where the outcome was known) that were reported to British police over a 15-year period of time. Of these, 8% were classified by the police department as false reports. Yet the researchers noted that some of these classifications were based simply on the personal judgments of the police investigators, based on the victim's mental illness, inconsistent statements, drinking or drug use. These classifications were thus made in violation of the explicit policies of their own police agencies. There searchers therefore supplemented the information contained in the police files by collecting many different types of additional data, including: reports from forensic examiners, questionnaires completed by police investigators, interviews with victims and victim service providers, and content analyses of the statements made by victims and witnesses. They then proceeded to evaluate each case using the official criteria for establishing a false allegation, which was that there must be either "a clear and credible admission by the complainant" or "strong evidential grounds" (Kelly, Lovett, & Regan,2005). On the basis of this analysis, the percentage of false reports dropped to 2.5%."
Lonsway, Kimberly A., Joanne Archambault, and David Lisak. "False reports: ~ David Lisak

-I haven't decided if you're the most wonderful man to walk the earth or the craziest.
-A fine line between the two. What I am is crazy about you. And if I have to fire you to love you, I'll do it. But I don't want that. I want us to love each other and to work side by side. I think we make a pretty good team.
-So do I
~Zach & Regan ~ Bernadette Marie

I go in for the eye test, and I don't know about you, but I concentrate like crazy during the eye exam. You don't want to get no 'D' on that thing and end up with these big thick Coke bottle glasses. ~ Brian Regan

A serving size on ice cream is like a half a cup. Is that like a joke some guy put on there? "Hey, come here: look what I put for the serving size. Did you see? I just did it as a joke but they're going out like that." You ever know anybody to eat a half a cup of ice cream? "Hey, you wanna go grab something to eat?" "Ah, no. I had a half a cup of ice cream. Ya, a whole half a cup. I just kept eating and eating and eating. I must've had two spoonfuls. ~ Brian Regan

Joanna wondered if so elegant a man could, in truth, be a pirate.
Still, she could not deny the air of mystery about him or the intense fire in his dark eyes.
'Twas as if Lucifer himself had paid them a visit. ~ Regan Walker

They always say that Albert Einstein was a genius. Then how come when anyone ever calls you that, it's an insult? 'You don't know where you parked the car? Good job, Einstein.' I don't think we're honoring that man properly by using his name in vain in parking lots. ~ Brian Regan

The stars don't have to be perfectly aligned for me to do a good job. ~ Laura Regan

I've noticed that everybody that is for abortion has already been born. ~ Ronald Regan

I was a virgin before you. You woke a sleeping demon, Regan. I tried to sate it myself, but failed. Now you're going to deal with the consequences. ~ Larissa Ione

So, what are you in for? MANSLAUGHTER!!! I SLAUGHTERED A MAN!! JUST LIKE A PIG!!! PUT HIM ON A SPIT AND PUT AN APPLE IN HIS MOUTH!!!! ~ Brian Regan

You ever say a phrase you say all the time at the wrong time, feel like a complete idiot? Something like, 'You, too. You, too.' I was getting out of the cab at the airport, and the driver goes, 'Hey, have a nice flight.' 'You, too. You, too. You have a nice flight, too - in case you ever fly some day. ~ Brian Regan

Regan wasn't even sure what to say. They wanted to give her baby a demon animal that ate people. A furry land shark. it was enough to make her want to hyperventilate. ~ Larissa Ione

I try to be careful and put things in perspective. There are people who have challenging lives and work hard physically and mentally. I consider myself a lucky person because I get to go on stage and tell jokes for an hour. If I miss a connection here and there or my room isn't ready now and then? It's not a big deal. ~ Brian Regan

Regan blamed President Kennedy for not saving Cuba when he had the chance: 'We have seen an American President walk all the way to the barricade in the Cuban Missile Crisis and lack the will to take the final step to make it successful.' Presumably, the 'final step' would have been an invasion to remove Fidel Castro. ~ Robert Pastor

I long for an audience. I ache for it. I think that's one of the hardest things about the television medium is that you don't get that. You don't get that immediate response. ~ Bridget Regan

Hubert's on to happier waters," Penny said. "Bixby and Freya stay. Surely I'm allowed to keep a dog, and Freya doesn't trouble anyone."
Gabriel counted on his fingers. "That leaves Delilah, the kittens, Marigold and Angus, then Regan, Goneril, and Cordelia."
Penny was touched. He knew them all by name? Be still her heart. ~ Tessa Dare

I'm always excited about my upcoming shows. I love what I do; I feel very lucky to be able to do what I do, and I never get tired of it. Every time I'm backstage before a show and I feel the murmur of the crowd, it's just incredibly exciting. And I consider myself very fortunate to be able to do this for a job. It's a great life. ~ Brian Regan

I don't always see humor in things. Especially when I smash my pinky toe into a coffee table leg in the middle of the night. But sometimes I'll see things, or experience things, that make me go, "Huh, maybe that's a bit." ~ Brian Regan

Brian had always had an American name and it would go well with the new American life they envisioned......Their travails would be worth it if everything turned out right, Blanca said. She was surprised when I asked her why she had come. The answer seemed obvious for her. 'I came here to work,' she said, 'and for a better future for my son. ~ Margaret Regan

I don't know what in the hell's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman is for cranberries is doing a great job. He's showing up everywhere. Hey, what do you got, some apples? Put some cranberries in there. We'll call it cran-apple and go 50-50. What do you got grapes? How about cran-grape. What do you got mangos? Cran-mango. What do you got pork chops? Cran-chops. Why don't you back off, cran-man. Why don't you take your sales trophy and have a vacation. ~ Brian Regan

Do not stand directly in front of a cannon ... how true that is. ~ Brian Regan

You've got to give loyalty down, if you want loyalty up. ~ Donald T. Regan

Is there any I could get a glass of water?
[waiter]There is no way ... I toss and turn many a night trying to think up some way some how I could get glasses of water to costomers but I keep coming up empty ... Legend has it there was a waiter here many years ago ... who had figured out a way to do just that but he is long gone and with him the secret. It had something to do with a glass rack and a faucet but no one has been able to put the pieces together so I must say no there is no way. HOW I WISH THERE WAS A WAY!!! ~ Brian Regan

How would we fare psychologically if the walls of slaughterhouses were made of glass? ~ Tom Regan

Brian, relax, man. You've gotta relax when you make the crank calls. ~ Brian Regan

They waited… all real nerves and false confidence ~ Regan Summers

I just always wanted to be an actor. I don't remember ever not wanting to be an actor. ~ Bridget Regan

Sometimes, when we least expect it, we catch a glimpse of someone, a face, perhaps only a smile, and our heart latches on and will not let go. It may not be love at first, but soon and for always. ~ Regan Walker

Be adaptable, flexible and never stop learning. The rate of change will never stop and neither should you. ~ Brian Regan

Sure, I had been through the DARE (Drug Abuse Resistance Education) program when I was a kid. I had seen Nancy Reagan's pasty white ass on TV telling me to, "just say no". But Nancy Regan had never had to worry about paying the rent, or living pay check to pay check, or finding her dad's rolling papers on the shelf above the coco-puffs. So I guess in Nancy Reagan's world it was pretty damn easy to adopt retarded slogans like, "just say no". I wouldn't know, though. I lived in the real world. I had problems. ~ Steven Eggleton

I saw something in the store the other day that I don't understand: that peanut butter and jelly in the same jar. Is there a point to that? I mean, I'm lazy-but I wanna meet the guy who needs that. Some guy going, "You know, I could go for a sandwich-but, uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. Cleaning, who knows how many knives!?" ~ Brian Regan

Hey, lay off the dairy. And uh, no more happiness. ~ Brian Regan

I always hate having to use the gym equipment after these huge buff guys who move, like, the entire rack of plates. Then I get on, and move two plates, you know like: Clank! Clank! I'm the two plate guy! Clank! Clank! Anyone wanna spot me? Clank! Clank! ~ Brian Regan

I took one look at the beautiful morning, staggered back into my house and fell into bed. My preferred method of dealing with mornings is to sleep right through them. When you spend your nights killing vampires and evading your mortal enemy, sleep takes precedence over postcard sunrises." -Regan O'Connell, The Music of Chaos ~ P. Kirby

I recently went for a walk in a state park and found that some of my favorite trees had collapsed. It makes me feel vulnerable, personally and for my children. ~ Laura Regan

You can poke fun at some pretty difficult circumstances, and it's just a way to pop the bubble. I don't do that thing onstage usually, but offstage sometimes I might. ~ Brian Regan

I would encourage them never to forget that they were not always vegans. The self-righteousness of the recently converted hurts, it does not help, other animals. ~ Tom Regan

Why can't we repeat 8th grace five times and call that a high school education? ~ Audrey Regan

You were trying to take care of my sister in all that bullshit. Thank you," I tell her. "Now come over here and kiss me like the hero I am."

This puts a smile on her face, and she clambers onto my lap. I ignore the fierce burn on my side and the one in my shoulder, because who cares about that? I've got a warm armful of Regan Porter in my lap. Fighter. Survivor. Kickass human being. "I tell you I love you?"

"Not yet."

"Love you, babe," I croak out. ~ Jessica Clare

In a perfect world, we would not keep animals for our benefit, including pets, ~ Tom Regan

It is not larger, cleaner cages that justice demands ... but empty cages; not traditional animal agriculture but a complete end to all commerce in the flesh of dead animals; not more humane hunting and trapping, but the total eradication of these barbarous practices. ~ Tom Regan

I just realized I know nothing about you. Do you have a family? Where are you from?" The idea that I just invited a relative stranger, who owns nothing, to live in my apartment gave me a stomachache, but the weird thing was that I felt like I had known him forever.

"I'm from Detroit; my entire family still lives there. My mom works in a bakery at a grocery store and my dad is a retired electrician. I have twelve brothers and sisters."

"Really? I'm an only child. I can't imagine having a huge family like that - it must have been awesome!"

Relaxing his stance, he leaned his tattooed forearm onto the dresser and crossed his feet. Jackson came over and sat next to him. Will unconsciously began petting Jackson's head. It made my heart warm. "Actually, I don't have twelve brothers and sisters. I have one brother and eleven sisters." He paused. "I'm dead serious. My brother Ray is the oldest and I'm the youngest with eleven girls in between. I swear my parents just wanted to give Ray a brother, so they kept having more babies. By the time I was born, Ray was sixteen and didn't give a shit. On top of it, they all have R names except me. It's a f**king joke."

"You're kidding? Name 'em," I demanded.

In a super-fast voice Will recited, "Raymond, Reina, Rachelle, Rae, Riley, Rianna, Reese, Regan, Remy, Regina, Ranielle, Rebecca, and then me, Will."

"Surely they could have figured out another R name?"

"Well my br ~ Renee Carlino

Superhero power ... I probably would just want to fly. I definitely would not want to be able to see through walls. I think walls are there for a reason. People put them up for a reason. You don't want to be looking through them. That would only cause nothing but misery and angst to know what's happening behind people's walls. ~ Brian Regan

The only time I've played a real baddy was when I was Regan in 'King Lear.' ~ Ashley Jensen

You know I could go for a sandwich, but uh, I'm not gonna open two jars. I can't be opening and closing all kinds of jars. And who knows how many knives! ~ Brian Regan