Raccoons Quotes

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Quotes About Raccoons

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#1. I don't like raccoons. They look ... shifty, with their little burglar masks and everything. Also, they carry rabies. Can I catch rabies? Probably not. All the same, it sounds gruesome - and I think we all know that cute, fuzzy woodland creatures are not to be trusted on general principle. - Author: Cherie Priest
Raccoons quotes by Cherie Priest
#2. Even if you meet the perfect person, it ain't gonna be at the perfect time. You're married, they're single. That's right. You're Jewish, they're Palestinian. You're a Mexican, they're a raccoon. You're a black woman, he's a black man. - Author: Chris Rock
Raccoons quotes by Chris Rock
#3. Until you have experienced raccoons mating underneath your bedroom at three in the morning, you have missed one of life's sensational moments. - Author: Robert Fulghum
Raccoons quotes by Robert Fulghum
#4. Most of America don't even listen to music probably. They just go raccoon hunting or something. - Author: Graham Coxon
Raccoons quotes by Graham Coxon
#5. I'm fucking done with sadness, and I don't know what's up the ass of the universe lately, but I'VE HAD IT. I AM GOING TO BE FURIOUSLY HAPPY, OUT OF SHEER SPITE.

Can you hear that? That's me smiling, y'all. I'm smiling so loud you can fucking hear it. I'm going to destroy the goddamn universe with my irrational joy and I will spew forth pictures of clumsy kittens and baby puppies adopted by raccoons and MOTHERFUCKING NEWBORN LLAMAS DIPPED IN GLITTER AND THE BLOOD OF SEXY VAMPIRES AND IT'S GOING TO BE AWESOME. In fact, I'm starting a whole movement right now. The FURIOUSLY HAPPY movement. And it's going to be awesome because first of all, we're all going to be VEHEMENTLY happy, and secondly because it will freak the shit out of everyone that hates you because those assholes don't want to see you even vaguely amused, much less furiously happy, and it will make their world turn a little sideways and will probably scare the shit out of them. Which will make you even more happy. Legitimately. - Author: Jenny Lawson
Raccoons quotes by Jenny  Lawson
#6. Great. I'm with the hottest man I've ever known and raccoons have crawled through my hair and settled under my eyes. - Author: Lisa Renee Jones
Raccoons quotes by Lisa Renee Jones
#7. The Mistress of the Manor (Hoyt calls her MOM) has no idea he shoots the skunks and raccoons he traps on her property. She has asked him please to release the creatures in some other vicinity, a "humane" act that only makes them somebody's else's problem. Typical: MOM sees nothing contradictory in driving twenty miles in a gas-guzzling atmosphere-choking SUV to buy organic vegetables. - Author: Sarah Kernochan
Raccoons quotes by Sarah Kernochan
#8. Jason had joked that dust bunnies under the bed were pets he didn't mind keeping: they never whined for food and didn't require a litter box. They also didn't wake you up at night by barking at passing raccoons. - Author: Erik Bundy
Raccoons quotes by Erik Bundy
#9. We inculcate in our children the sensibilities of raccoons, a fascination with shiny objects and an appetite for garbage, and then carp about 'the texting generation' as if thirteen- and fourteen-year-olds who couldn't boil an egg are capable of creating a culture. They grow on what we feed them. It has never been otherwise. The only thing that changes is the food. - Author: Garret Keizer
Raccoons quotes by Garret Keizer
#10. But if you, as an independent filmmaker or a 'serious' filmmaker, think you put more love into your characters than the Russo Brothers do Captain America, or Joss Whedon does the Hulk, or I do a talking raccoon, you are simply mistaken. - Author: James Gunn
Raccoons quotes by James Gunn
#11. He kissed her again, pulling her up against him and running his hands up and down her back. As he deepened the kiss, he became aware of clapping, cheers and catcalls. No doubt Chase had gone into the restaurant and rounded up the whole Fool's Gold crowd to come watch the show. Zane figured they might as well get their money's worth.
He pulled back slightly and took her hand in his as he lowered himself to one knee. He took off his hat and said, "Phoebe, will you marry me?"
Her eyes widened, then filled with tears. "Yes, I will."
Contentment filled him, blending with the love already in his heart.
He pulled the small box from his jacket pocket. While Maya had been busy running to the meeting, Zane had spent some time on Rodeo Drive. The Tiffany's store had a nice collection of engagement rings. He'd chosen a perfect round diamond set on a platinum band that looked like braided rope.
He slipped the ring on her finger, and she gasped.
"It's so beautiful."
"I'm glad you like it. Now keep it away from the raccoons."
"I'll never take it off. Ever." She stared at him. "I really love you, Zane."
He didn't doubt her for a second and knew that he never would. He and Phoebe would be together for the rest of their lives. It was going to be a hell of a ride, and he couldn't wait to see what happened next. - Author: Susan Mallery
Raccoons quotes by Susan   Mallery
#12. This," Cole said, the broomstick braced on the ground beside him, looking like Moses in sweatpants, "is the reason raccoons don't take over the planet. - Author: Maggie Steifvater
Raccoons quotes by Maggie Steifvater
#13. Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area. - Author: Doug Stanhope
Raccoons quotes by Doug Stanhope
#14. What is it," Maestra had asked quite rhetorically, "that separates human beings from the so-called lower animals? Well, as I see it, it's exactly one half-dozen significant things: Humor, Imagination, Eroticism - as opposed to the mindless, instinctive mating of glowworms or raccoons - Spirituality, Rebelliousness, and Aesthetics, an appreciation of beauty for its own sake.

"Now," she'd gone on to say, "since those are the features that define a human being, it follows that the extent to which someone is lacking in those qualities is the extent to which he or she is less than human. Capisce? And in those cases where the defining qualities are virtually nonexistent, well, what we have are entities that are north of the animal kingdom but south of humanity, they fall somewhere in between, they're our missing links."

In his grandmother's opinion, the missing link of scientific lore was neither extinct nor rare. "There're more of them, in fact, than there are of us, and since they actually seem to be multiplying, Darwin's theory of evolution is obviously wrong." Maestra's stand was that missing links ought to be treated as the equal of full human beings in the eyes of the law, that they should not suffer discrimination in any usual sense, but that their writings and utterances should be generally disregarded and that they should never, ever be placed in positions of authority.

"That could be problematic," Switters had said, straining, at the ag - Author: Tom Robbins
Raccoons quotes by Tom Robbins
#15. Is it safe for me to go exploring?" she asked.
"You're not likely to be attacked by raccoons, but you'll probably get lost, fall down a ravine, break your leg and starve to death. But if the watch is that important to you, have at it. - Author: Susan Mallery
Raccoons quotes by Susan   Mallery
#16. The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer. - Author: Dave Barry
Raccoons quotes by Dave Barry
#17. Why is love easy? I don't know. And the raccoons don't say. - Author: Robert Fulghum
Raccoons quotes by Robert Fulghum
#18. The thing to remember about love affairs," says Simone, "is that they are all like having raccoons in your chimney."
We have raccoons sometimes in our chimney," explains Simone.
And once we tried to smoke them out. We lit a fire, knowing they were there, but we hoped the smoke would cause them to scurry out the top and never come back. Instead, they caught on fire and came crashing down into our living room, all charred and in flames and running madly around until they dropped dead." Simone swallows some wine. "Love affairs are like that," she says. "They are all like that. - Author: Lorrie Moore
Raccoons quotes by Lorrie Moore
#19. The dead raccoon's name was Rory. I fell in love with him the instant I saw him because he looked exactly like Rambo, the rescued, orphaned raccoon who lived in my bathtub when I was little. Rory hadn't been lucky enough to be adopted by a small child who'd dress him up in small shorts sets and let him turn her sink into his own tiny waterfall. Instead, Rory had fallen in with a bad crowd and ended up as roadkill, but my friend Jeremy (a burgeoning taxidermist) saw great potential (and very few tire marks) on the cadaver and decided that Rory's tiny spirit should live on in the most disturbingly joyous way possible. - Author: Jenny Lawson
Raccoons quotes by Jenny Lawson
#20. I'm not enthused by these rap dudes.
All in they videos, posin' half nude, with all of them tattoos,
Til I blacken they eyes and have them lookin' like raccoons. - Author: Trife Diesel
Raccoons quotes by Trife Diesel
#21. What did it look like?"
"My watch? It was silver. Not expensive or anything. Just a regular watch."
"I guess."
Determined not to say anything stupid for at least the next ten minutes, she considered his single-word statement. Raccoons? Okay. He probably hadn't started a word-association game, so what did he mean?
Going with the safest response, she cautiously repeated, "Raccoons?"
"They like shiny things. Take off with them whenever they can."
"You're saying a raccoon stole my watch?"
She really wanted to point out that they couldn't possibly tell time, but knew instinctively that was a bad idea.
"Can I get it back?"
"Sure. If you can find it."
Could she? She glanced around at the underbrush, the trees, the stream.
"Is it safe for me to go exploring?" she asked.
"You're not likely to be attacked by raccoons, but you'll probably get lost, fall down a ravine, break your leg and starve to death. But if the watch is that important to you, have at it."
She felt herself deflating. "You don't like me much, do you?" she asked sadly.
She half expected Zane to stalk away, but instead he exhaled and shook his head.
She blinked. "What?"
"I said I'm sorry."
Had the earth stopped turning, or had the taciturn hunky cowboy standing in front of her just apologized?
"I--you--" She paused for breath. "That's okay. I guess it was a stupid questi - Author: Susan Mallery
Raccoons quotes by Susan   Mallery
#22. When the crops were thriving, Squanto took the men to the open forests where the turkey dwelled. He pointed out the nuts, seeds, and insects that the iridescent birds fed upon.
He showed them the leaf nests of the squirrels and the hideouts of the skunks and raccoons. Walking silently along bear trails, he took them to the blueberry patches.
He told them that deer moved about at sundown and sunrise. He took them inland to valleys where the deer congregated in winter and were easy to harvest. He walked the Pilgrims freely over the land.
To Squanto, as to all Native Americans, the land did not belong to the people, people belonged to the land.
He took the children into the meadows to pick wild strawberries. He showed them how to dig up the sweet roots of the wild Jerusalem artichoke. In mid-summer he led them to cranberry bogs and gooseberry patches. Together they gathered chestnuts, hickory nuts, walnuts, and hazelnuts in September.
He paddled the boys into the harbor in his dugout canoe to set lobster pots made of reeds and sinew. While they waited to lift their pots, he taught them the creatures of the tidal pools. - Author: Jean Craighead George
Raccoons quotes by Jean Craighead George
#23. I'd been told, or warned, that when you paint one room, not only will it look nice, but it will also make the room next to it look as if raccoons have been living in it for the past decade. - Author: Christopher Buckley
Raccoons quotes by Christopher Buckley
#24. I'm so hungry, comrade! It has been days since we ate those two raccoons!'
'I know comrade. I'm even beginning to wish we had some of your homemade quiche!'
'Oh comrade! Do you mean it?'
Hey! None of that! If you ever tell anyone I said that, I'll deny it! - Author: Jeff Smith
Raccoons quotes by Jeff Smith
#25. I grew up in New Hampshire. My closest neighbor was a mile away. The deer and the raccoons were my friends. So I would spend time walking through the woods, looking for the most beautiful tropical thing that can survive the winter in the woods in New Hampshire. - Author: Steven Tyler
Raccoons quotes by Steven Tyler
#26. Nothing is more important than saving ... the Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels. The humans? The planet does not need humans. - Author: James Lee
Raccoons quotes by James Lee
#27. You are a major dimwit. Is your brain made out of jello, you spineless twit? A leaf? What do you think I am, one of those magical raccoons? I'm a concept, get it? Con-cept! Concepts and raccoons aren't exactly the same, now are they? What a dumb thing to say ... - Author: Haruki Murakami
Raccoons quotes by Haruki Murakami
#28. In the old house in Miami, I'd wake with the feeling of a hand on my chest, my eyes open to the murky blue half-light of my bedroom. Everything quiet, though still feeling noise all around me, though my ears, behind my eyes, under my skin.

In the cottage, I fall asleep slowly, counting the sounds of the night animals - crickets, frogs, squealing raccoons, a cat in heat somewhere beyond the coco plum trees.

But mine is still a loneliness that shakes me from my sleep.

I can forget my solitude all day, through my working hours, through errands, the evening housecleaning ritual I've made up for the cottage.

Yet night remains a tomb, when I'm most vulnerable, lying down for rest without distraction.

Only this body and that darkness, the whispers of the never-ending noche:

You belong to no one. No one belongs to you. - Author: Patricia Engel
Raccoons quotes by Patricia Engel
#29. The raccoons, foxes, beavers, chinchillas, minks, rabbits, and yes, sometimes even dogs and cats that are killed for fur are not very different from your beloved dog or cat. They all have eyes, ears and hearts. They all experience pain when they are physically maimed. They shake with fear when they experience terror. - Author: Jane Velez-Mitchell
Raccoons quotes by Jane Velez-Mitchell
#30. Cookie had taken her daughter amber to school then walked the thirty-something feet to work earlier. Our business was on the second floor of Calamity's, my dad's bar, which sat right in front of our apartment building. The short commute was nice and rarely invloved rabid raccoons. - Author: Darynda Jones
Raccoons quotes by Darynda Jones
#31. The woods were full of peril - rattlesnakes and water moccasins and nests of copperheads; bobcats, bears, coyotes, wolves, and wild boar; loony hillbillies destabilized by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex; rabies-crazed skunks, raccoons, and squirrels; merciless fire ants and ravening blackfly; poison ivy, poison sumac, poison oak, and poison salamanders; even a scattering of moose lethally deranged by a parasitic worm that burrows a nest in their brains and befuddles them into chasing hapless hikers through remote, sunny meadows and into glacial lakes. - Author: Bill Bryson
Raccoons quotes by Bill Bryson
#32. I'm not really scared of a lot of things. I'm scared of possums. And I'm scared of raccoons sometimes, it depends on how big it is - I'm scared of the smaller raccoons because the bigger ones are slower. - Author: Vince Staples
Raccoons quotes by Vince Staples
#33. My mother said the bizarre name Raccoona had surely been inspired, at least on a subliminal level, by the masks raccoons don't wear but simply have - the ones given them by nature ... [S]he pointed out that Le Guin had suspected all along that Raccoona and Tiptree were two authors that came from the same source, but in a letter to Alice she wrote that she preferred Tiptree to Raccoona: 'Raccoona, I think, has less control, thus less wit and power.'
Le Guin, Mother said, had understood something deep. 'When you take on a male persona, something happens.'
When I asked her what that was, she sat back in her chair, waved her arm, and smiled. 'You get to be the father. - Author: Siri Hustvedt
Raccoons quotes by Siri Hustvedt
#34. You weren't out there that long, were you? I can't bear to think that no one found you right away."
Noah shook his head. "No more than a couple of hours, I'd guess."
"A couple of hours!" Jane and Kate exclaimed. They froze, exchanging horrified looks.
"Maybe a little longer. Hard to tell because the clouds were blocking the sun."
"Longer?" Jane asked. Her hands were clenched into fists.
"And I was wet, too. I guess it must have rained on me. Or maybe the sprinklers came on."
"You could have died out there!" Kate cried.
"Oh, it wasn't so bad. A little water never hurt anyone. The worst part was the raccoon when I finally came to. With the way he kept staring at me, I thought he might be rabid. Then he came at me."
"You were attacked by a raccoon?" Jane looked as though she might faint.
"Not really attacked. I fought him off before he could bite me."
"It tried to bite you!" Kate cried.
"Oh, it's no big deal. I've fought off raccoons before."
Kate and Jane stared at each other with shell-shocked expressions, then turned toward their siblings. Appalled silence reigned before Noah finally smiled. He pointed his finger at them and winked. "Gotcha. - Author: Nicholas Sparks
Raccoons quotes by Nicholas Sparks
#35. That's all a shadow is - and though you might be prejudiced against the dark, you ought to remember that that's where stars live, and the moon and raccoons and owls and fireflies and mushrooms and cats and enchantments and a rather lot of good, necessary things. Thieving, too, and conspiracies, sneaking, secrets, and desire so strong you might faint dead away with the punch of it. But your light side isn't a perfectly pretty picture, either, I promise you. You couldn't dream without the dark. You couldn't rest. You couldn't even meet a lover on a balcony by moonlight. And what would the world be worth without that? You need your dark side, because without it, you're half gone. - Author: Catherynne M Valente
Raccoons quotes by Catherynne M Valente
#36. I have an avocado tree at my place in Los Angeles - it's the smoother-skinned one, which tends to be a little stringy. Often the birds or raccoons get the avocados before I can harvest them. I have figs, too, which are great with prosciutto, of course. I have limes and lemons, which I use to make lemonade. - Author: Kyle MacLachlan
Raccoons quotes by Kyle MacLachlan
#37. one kept me informed on Dad's progress. Or lack of progress. Or how serious it all was - is. You certainly didn't, darling." Yet, was this true? Vaguely I seemed to know that my father was not doing well for some time. Driving on our country roads you see the carcasses of animals - raccoons, deer - lying at the roadside, killed - Author: Joyce Carol Oates
Raccoons quotes by Joyce Carol Oates
#38. To make a forty-inch fur coat it takes between thirty and two hundred chinchilla, or sixty mink, fifty sables, fifty muskrats, forty-five opossums, forty raccoons, thirty-five rabbits, twenty foxes, twenty otters, eighteen lynx, sixteen coyotes, fifteen beavers, or eight seals. - Author: Karen Dawn
Raccoons quotes by Karen Dawn
#39. Jin rejoins us, and we march on. There are tears streaming down my face now, along with the sweat. They're from the physical pain. They're from all the pain. Sometime since we started across, every last shred of my inner fortification has burned away and i feel everything; all the memories, all of my pushed-down, blocked-out joys and sorrows and regrets lick up and down my insides, matching the searing of my muscles, the agony of a forest burned to the ground, the awfulness of the mother and baby raccoons. I weep and walk and climb and stumble, and my arms and shoulders and abs and back and legs and feet scream. - Author: Danielle Younge-Ullman
Raccoons quotes by Danielle Younge-Ullman
#40. I bet she woke up with her hair looking like something out of a Pantene commercial while little bluebirds circled around her head, and raccoons brought her breakfast or something. - Author: Rachel Hawkins
Raccoons quotes by Rachel Hawkins
#41. I should definitely sleep in another room."
"No," she stated firmly. Before she could change her mind, she crossed to the bed, slipped beneath the covers, then looked at him expectantly.
"Where is Jax?" he asked, unmoving.
"Downstairs. He liked to sit on the ottoman at night and watch out the back window for raccoons and opossums. Why?"
"He's the only chaperone available to us. - Author: Dianne Duvall
Raccoons quotes by Dianne Duvall

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