Pregnancy Humor Quotes

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Quotes About Pregnancy Humor

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Isn't it wonderful to give birth to your own kind? ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
Children are lovable and adorable. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
Culturally we cherish a pregnant woman ... We say "Congratulations" when we see a pregnant woman, but there is usually an element of scandal associated with it. Pregnant women are either too young or too old, or it's too soon after another pregnancy, or she's going to get in trouble at work. She's too poor, too rich, too successful, too skinny, too fat, too crazy, too busy too single, too married, too too. ~ Jim Gaffigan
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Jim Gaffigan
Enjoy the moment while waiting. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
Nothing says failed lesbianism quite like an accidental pregnancy. ~ Carlie Martece
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Carlie Martece
We did not determine our fate into the world. What we know is we are here in the world. ~ Lailah Gifty Akita
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lailah Gifty Akita
The Count was clearly a fair-minded man. Anyone who didn't think so deserved to die. ~ Terry Pratchett
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Terry Pratchett
Sometimes the most remarkable things seem commonplace. I mean when you think about it jet travel is pretty freaking remarkable. You get in a plane it defies the gravity of a entire planet by exploiting a loophole with air pressure and it flies across distances that would take months or years to cross by any means of travel that has been significant for more than a century or three. You hurtle above the earth at enough speed to kill you instantly should you bump into something and you can only breathe because someone built you a really good tin can that seems tight enough to hold in a decent amount of air. Hundreds of millions of man-hours of work and struggle and research blood sweat tears and lives have gone into the history of air travel and it has totally revolutionized the face of our planet and societies.

But get on any flight in the country and I absolutely promise you that you will find someone who in the face of all that incredible achievement will be willing to complain about the drinks. ~ Jim Butcher
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Jim Butcher
That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know."
"Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind."
"I so wish you hadn't said that. ~ Rachel Caine
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Rachel Caine
Rising up, I kissed Daemon's cheek. "No one trusts him, but you can't threaten him every five seconds."
"Yes, I can. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Jennifer L. Armentrout
I fear you're correct there. Catherine warns me that he has the look of a scoundrel about him."
"Jack has told me that he's not going to let his daughter out of the house until she's forty. ~ Lorraine Heath
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lorraine Heath
Sid and Nancy's relationship forever illustrates the worst part of being in love with anyone, which is that people in love can't be reasoned with. ~ Chuck Klosterman
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Chuck Klosterman
Mmm, tastes like hepatitis! ~ Adam Carolla
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Adam Carolla
I wondered about my inner child. In fact, I was troubled. Did I even have an inner child, I asked myself, given that, in essence, I'd just been born? ~ Sol Luckman
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Sol Luckman
Billie turned back to Geroge. "He's an idiot."
He held up his hands. "You will find no argument here."
"The plight of the younger son," Andrew said with a sigh.
Billie rolled her eyes, tipping he read toward Andrew as she said to George, "Don't encourage him."
"To be ganged up upon," Andrew went on, "never respected..."
George crane his neck, trying to read the title of Billie's book. "What are you reading?"
"And," Andrew continued, "apparently ignored as well. ~ Julia Quinn
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Julia Quinn
Paris answered for him. "Last time he spread the flashing love, Reyes threw up all over his shirt. I never laughed so hard in my life. Lucien, though, has no sense of humor and vowed never to take us again."
"I'm surprised you didn't mention the part where you fainted," Lucien said wryly.
Strider chortled. "Oh, man. You fainted? What a baby!"
"Hey," Paris said, frowning at Lucien. "I told you I hit my head midflash."
Lucien ~ Gena Showalter
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Gena Showalter
Trump/Russia is Far Worse Than Watergate. It's basically Watergate on Russian-made steroids. That would also help explain Trump's man-boobs and crazy mood swings. ~ Ed Krassenstein
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Ed Krassenstein
Dad, I'm in some trouble. There's been an accident and you're going to hear all sorts of things about me from now on. Terrible things. ~ Edward Kennedy
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Edward Kennedy
When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass! ~ Julie Halpern
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Julie Halpern
Whiskey grunted. By his count, he and Patrick had six days to go before he hauled the kid out by his ear on field work and let Fly Bait plan the destruction of all testosterone-based land mammals on general principal. ~ Amy Lane
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Amy Lane
If 50 million people say something foolish, it is still foolish. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Pregnancy Humor quotes by W. Somerset Maugham
Arthur! You're safe!" A voice cried.
"Am I?" said Arthur, rather startled. "Oh, good. ~ Douglas Adams
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Douglas Adams
He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer. I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn't pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I'd been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away. ~ Hunter S. Thompson
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Hunter S. Thompson
On the ground, Cash gave a signal, and all the guys lined up by the pool. In unison, they stripped off their shirts and tossed them onto the grass. An audible sigh- like the ones you hear on a sitcom that is "filmed in front of a live studio audience"- filled the room. It was almost funny, really. Such a strong reaction to a bunch of shirtless boys. ~ Kody Keplinger
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Kody Keplinger
I thought maybe she was trying to be funny but then realized this was impossible to do without a sense of humor. ~ Chelsea Handler
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Chelsea Handler
Love how editing makes you more confident with your book ...but also makes you want to set it on fire at the same time. ~ Kira Hawke
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Kira Hawke
You'd think that it would make them all the more credible to be free of any obvious agenda or emotional bias, motivated only by objective logic. But there's something off-putting about these hyperrational types; they're immune to any appeals to common sense or humor, the for fuck's sake defense. [...] As Kim Stanley Robinson writes, "An excess of reason is in itself a form of madness". ~ Tim Kreider
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Tim Kreider
I know, " she said, flatly. "Antimei warned me that you would 'transform' me. I was hoping it would be into a frog, or a racquiel, or perhaps a bear -- I've always wanted to be a bear! Not a 'proper young lady'!" she said, bitterly. ~ Terry Mancour
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Terry Mancour
Nicholas is gay, isn't he," she says, her voice dripping with dejection.
I shrug, again remembering his proposition from last night. "Not necessarily. The jury's still out. There's hope for a Christmas wedding yet," I tell her. ~ L. H. Cosway
Pregnancy Humor quotes by L. H. Cosway
The people in Miami are so different from anywhere else I've been in America. They're so down to earth, really friendly, and quite self-effacing, with a good sense of humor. I'm not saying other parts of America don't have a sense of humor, but Miami maybe has to have a really good sense of humor for lots of different reasons, and it works. It works for me. ~ Tracey Emin
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Tracey Emin
You don't have to come with me," Ash said. "I only brought you along because you're good with a knife. And got us the uniforms. And the explosives."
Lila snorted. "Sorry I'm not pulling my weight."
"This may not be your idea," Ash said doggedly, "but it's what we're going to do."
"Is it? Are you really going to start playing the prince card after all?"
"Don' start in about my mother the queen, because I don't want to hear it."
"All right, then, as your peer and absolute equal, I can't help thinking this is a really bad idea. ~ Cinda Williams Chima
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Cinda Williams Chima
What then remains, but well our power to use,
And keep good-humor still whate'er we lose?
And trust me, dear, good-humor can prevail,
When airs, and flights, and screams, and scolding fail. ~ Alexander Pope
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Alexander Pope
I don't do drugs anymore ... than, say, the average touring funk band. ~ Bill Hicks
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Bill Hicks
Kyra." Fred caught Kyra's eyes. "I'm not in love with Ariana and I don't want half the kingdom."
"You don't?"
He shook his head. "But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some interesting things in the Kingdom of Mohr."
"Like what?"
"Like a certain funny and extremely talented potioner."
Kyra took a breath. "I have to warn you, Hal isn't that great as a boyfriend. He's pretty self absorbed. ~ Bridget Zinn
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Bridget Zinn
Maybe she was an angel, I thought as she crawled out of bed and headed for the door. Maybe she was stuck on earth, sent here to help those who had passed. What a noble creature.
"Wedgie alert," she said before adjusting her boxer-like underwear. ~ Darynda Jones
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Darynda Jones
Why is S-A-S pronounced S-A-W? It should be Ar-Kansas. Did Kansas object? ~ J.D. Robb
Pregnancy Humor quotes by J.D. Robb
Come to think of it, an Aes Sedai would probably follow a man off a cliff, too, if only to explain to him - in detail - all the things he was doing incorrectly in the way he went about killing himself. ~ Robert Jordan
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Robert Jordan
After a good roll in the hay, when he's all peaceful and serene and he hasn't a worry or a care in the world, and the euphoric calm of release is drifting through his cerebrum, that's when you broadside him with the cold cruel fact that his life as he knows it is over! ~ Benjamin R. Smith
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Benjamin R. Smith
The schizophrenic has no sense of humor. His world is a constantly daunting, unfriendly place. ~ Bob Newhart
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Bob Newhart
I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they
wouldn't have to go so fast. ~ Steven Wright
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Steven Wright
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno! ~ Dave Attell
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Dave Attell
- "What kind of funny?" I asked her. "Funny like a clown onstage? Or funny like a clown hanging around the entrance to a bank?"
-"The bank one. ~ Lemony Snicket
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lemony Snicket
Statistics say that a range of mental disorders affects more than one in four Americans in any given year. That means millions of Americans are totally batshit.
but having perused the various tests available that they use to determine whether you're manic depressive. OCD, schizo-affective, schizophrenic, or whatever, I'm surprised the number is that low. So I have gone through a bunch of the available tests, and I've taken questions from each of them, and assembled my own psychological evaluation screening which I thought I'd share with you.
So, here are some of the things that they ask to determine if you're mentally disordered
1. In the last week, have you been feeling irritable?
2. In the last week, have you gained a little weight?
3. In the last week, have you felt like not talking to people?
4. Do you no longer get as much pleasure doing certain things as you used to?
5. In the last week, have you felt fatigued?
6. Do you think about sex a lot?
If you don't say yes to any of these questions either you're lying, or you don't speak English, or you're illiterate, in which case, I have the distinct impression that I may have lost you a few chapters ago. ~ Carrie Fisher
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Carrie Fisher
Life is like a recycling center, where all the concerns and dramas of humankind get recycled back and forth across the universe. But what you have to offer is your own sensibility, maybe your own sense of humor or insider pathos or meaning. All of us can sing the same song, and there will still be four billion different renditions. ~ Anne Lamott
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Anne Lamott
Very serious, very serious. You can't get in without a reason. ~ Norton Juster
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Norton Juster
It felt like life had thrown a pie right in my face. And that pie was full of bricks. ~ Molly Harper
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Molly Harper
He had a prince's looks but a pirate's eyes. ~ Veronica Rossi
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Veronica Rossi
Right now, do you want to come up and... uhm... I´ve got movies! Or, uhm, a soda. Or... coffee. I´ve got coffee and biscotti! Or...." "Sex, Zach," Sean said soberly. "I think we can skip the preliminaries. We need to have sex. ~ Amy Lane
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Amy Lane
Wow, you know a lot of swear words," Sam commented at one point. "And here I thought I had a dirty mouth."
"What can I say? Apparently candid porn starring my boyfriend brings out the best in me. ~ Gemma Halliday
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Gemma Halliday
Someone had to insert a note of peevishness into this hellishly halcyon Keep Calm and Carry On. Generating some reputable resentment, giving voice to the free-floating outrage that imbued their environs like smoke from a burnt dinner - it was a job to do, as Avery's tireless goodwill was a job. With corresponding self-sacrifice, he'd taken on the less glamorous task of reminding the rest that this sucked, it all sucked, it wasn't fair! ~ Lionel Shriver
Pregnancy Humor quotes by Lionel Shriver
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