Postcards Funny Quotes

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front. ~ Garry Shandling

I've been lucky enough to play some funny, nasty ladies in my day, and if you can make them foolish, they're even funnier. ~ Kelly Bishop

Don't get any funny ideas
When all is said and done, you're still artificial (a thing) ... Not human. Don't make the mistake of falling in love with one. ~ Shungiku Nakamura

One other thing I just thought of. One time, in this movie, Jane did something that just about knocked me out. The newsreel was on or something, and all of a sudden I felt this hand on the back of my neck, and it was Jane's. It was a funny thing to do. I mean she was quite young and all, and most girls if you see them putting their hand on the back of somebody's neck, they're around twenty-five or thirty and usually they're doing it to their husband or their little kid
I do it to my kid sister Phoebe once in a while, for instance. But if a girl's quite young and all and she does it, it's so pretty it just about kills you. ~ J.D. Salinger

I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman. ~ Craig Ferguson

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish. ~ Steven Wright

Political debate: when charlatans come together to discuss their principles. ~ Bauvard

When I first envisioned 'Funny Games' in the mid-1990s, it was my intention to have an American audience watch the movie. It is a reaction to a certain American cinema, its violence, its naivety, the way American cinema toys with human beings. In many American films, violence is made consumable. ~ Michael Haneke

It's funny, because I don't think of myself as a novelist. I think of myself as a writer. ~ Susanna Clarke

No volleyball play can begin without a serve, and the serve is the only technique that is totally under your control. In other endeavors, you cannot succeed without believing in yourself, and that belief is completely under your control. ~ Karch Kiraly

I love the impatience of New York ... You ever had somebody not ask you for directions, but demand them? You're just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy's like, 'HOLLAND TUNNEL!!!' ... You know, like you were supposed to fax this guy directions. Suddenly, you're wasting HIS time. ~ Jim Gaffigan

How tall is it?" [The Harps]
"according to the sagas, it links through time and space and keeps our world and your world tethered together"
"Pretty big, then ~ Kathryn James

I could pull off a 'man', but never, quite, a 'dude'. ~ Adrian Barnes

Politicians ... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics. ~ Paul Lynde

Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing - the clinical type of sex with labias and clitorises and tongues going everywhere. ~ Susan Breen

Life is funny, isn't it? Just when you get used to something, poof! It changes. ~ Indiblogger

Nobody cared about swimming. You could draw a crowd for basketball. ~ Merlin Olsen

When I die, I want them to bury me facedown and ass up so that the whole world can kiss my ass! ~ Julie Halpern

It may not be as dramatic or funny to make a movie about a woman who loves both her job and her family, but that would be a better reflection of reality. We need more portrayals of women as competent professionals and happy mothers - ~ Sheryl Sandberg

Had your forefathers, Wigglesworth, been as stupid as you are, the human race would never have succeeded in procreating itself. ~ Alan Bennett

There is nudity, of course striptease is an essential component of burlesque but it's much more complex and intelligent than a display of nudity for nudity itself. And its often laugh-out-loud funny. ~ Karen Abbott

I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny. ~ Jennifer Aniston

He needs to be talked to."
"This is funny, but I know how to talk, too."
Brian swore under his breath. "He prefers singing."
"Excuse me?"
"I said,he prefers singing."
"Oh." Keeley tucked her tongue in her cheek. "Any particular tune? Wait, let me guess. Finnegan's Wake?" Brian's steely-eyed stare had her laughing until she had to lean weakly against the gelding.The horse responded by twisting his head and trying to sniff her pockets for apples.
"It's a quick tune," Brian said coolly, "and he likes hearing his name."
"I know the chorus." Gamely Keeley struggled to swallow another giggle. "But I'm not sure I know all the words.There are several verses as I recall."
"Do the best you can," he muttered and strode off.His lips twitched as he heard her launch into the song about the Dubliner who had a tippling way.
When he reached Betty's box, he shook his head. "I should've known. If there's not a Grant one place, there's a Grant in another until you're tripping over them."
Travis gave Betty a last pat on the shoulder. "Is that Keeley I hear singing?"
"She's being sarcastic, but as long as the job's done. She's dug in her heels about grooming Finnegan."
"She comes by it naturally.The hard head as well as the skill."
"Never had so many owners breathing down my neck.We don't need them, do we, darling?" Brian laid his hands on Beetty's cheek, and she shook her head, then nibbled his hair.
"Damn horse has a crush on ~ Nora Roberts

The greatest feeling in the world is to win a major league game. The second-greatest feeling is to lose a major league game. ~ Chuck Tanner

I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here. ~ Dylan Moran

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty. ~ Robert Benchley

I'm a very spiritual person, and I believe in God and all that kind of stuff. So my perfect type of guy would be spiritually grounded, extremely respectful and funny because I love to laugh. ~ Grace Gealey

It's a funny thing - the reality is I have no feelings about school. It's long gone. Funnily enough, the bad memories - of which I don't have any left to be honest, I can just remember a sense of tedium - have faded. And teachers that I liked have remained quite vivid. There are three or four left. ~ Colin Firth

That's the funny thing about old hurts- they just wait for new heartache to come along and then show up, just as sharp and horrible as the first day you woke up with the world changed all around you. ~ Lilith Saintcrow

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children. ~ George Burns

It's funny because I consider myself a musical scavenger. What that means to me is that I usually avoid feeding on the fresh meat. I kinda go for the meat that's kinda been forgot for a while. ~ Colin Munroe

There's also a certain rhythm to the way Jews talk that might be funny. ~ Larry David

Those who do not study are only cattle dressed up in men's clothes. ~ Confucius

She'd been pounding her location and thoughts into a device that would send those things to virtually any human with Internet access and yet looking over her shoulder had been a violation of privacy. ~ Stefan Bourque

I already apologized for that."
"No, you didn't."
"Then I'm sorry.""
"Fuck your sorry."
"Fine. Fuck my sorry. ~ Kenya Wright

I have the street smarts and survival skills of, like, a poodle. ~ Jennifer Lawrence

Funny, she had all that ink on her skin to protect her from ghosts and magic, and he were damn sure doing what he could to protect her outside that, but weren't anything he could do to keep her safe from the memories. He ~ Stacia Kane

I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That's faith in action folks! You know he's got God on his side. ~ Bill Hicks

I love dark humor. I love things that are so grounded in life, but just happen to be just a little bit twisted because my sense of humor is a little bit twisted. I love jokes that shouldn't be funny, but are. Those types of things just really make me laugh. ~ Rockmond Dunbar

I opened the door. He looked down at my shirt and smiled. "Funny," he said.
"Don't call my boobs funny," I answered. ~ John Green