Not Kidding Quotes

I have to admit, for a second it was sort of turning me on, because I kept imagining Georgia in a very positive light. She was donning designer swimwear with fringe or whatever and she was lying on her stomach with the bikini-top straps untied. I was lathering her up with sun block and my hands were getting into all the cracks and crevices. The image got me pretty excited, and before I knew it, I had an erection. At first I thought it would go away, but it kept getting worse, like harder in that painful way. So that's when I did something a little weird – I started barking at it. Like a Great Dane or a pit bull or whatever. I literally barked at my erection! And it worked, I'm not kidding. ~ Adam Rapp

[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding. ~ Dick Van Dyke

Most of my writing is emotionally autobiographical. You've got to pull up the things that mean something to you in order for them to mean anything to your audience. That's how they know you're not kidding. ~ Bruce Springsteen

Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'. ~ Bill Maher

It is my mission to change the world. I'm not kidding: Make no small plans, dream mighty things. I feel if we get enough people engaged in climate change, we will get enough people to change the world. We will revolutionize the way we produce electricity and provide clean water to people. ~ Bill Nye

New Rule: Now that liberals have taken back the word "liberal," they also have to take back the word "elite." By now you've heard the constant right-wing attacks on the "elite media," and the "liberal elite." Who may or may not be part of the "Washington elite." A subset of the "East Coast elite." Which is overly influenced by the "Hollywood elite." So basically, unless you're a shit-kicker from Kansas, you're with the terrorists. If you played a drinking game where you did a shot every time Rush Limbaugh attacked someone for being "elite," you'd be almost as wasted as Rush Limbaugh.

I don't get it: In other fields--outside of government--elite is a good thing, like an elite fighting force. Tiger Woods is an elite golfer. If I need brain surgery, I'd like an elite doctor. But in politics, elite is bad--the elite aren't down-to-earth and accessible like you and me and President Shit-for-Brains.

Which is fine, except that whenever there's a Bush administration scandal, it always traces back to some incompetent political hack appointment, and you think to yourself, "Where are they getting these screwups from?" Well, now we know: from Pat Robertson. I'm not kidding. Take Monica Goodling, who before she resigned last week because she's smack in the middle of the U.S. attorneys scandal, was the third-ranking official in the Justice Department of the United States. She's thirty-three, and though she never even worked as a prosecutor, was tasked with overseeing ~ Bill Maher

Chloe, I'm not kidding. I'm not letting you out of my sight until Christmas." She squinted up at the later afternoon June sun. "Christmas? That sounds a little gimp-in-the-basement for my tastes." "If you're not into that, this relationship might not work after all," I teased. ~ Christina Lauren

I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be anywhere. I'm not kidding. ~ Larry Hagman

Quoting Demosthenes, 'For what each man wishes, that he also believes to be true.' I would rather make money playing a piano in a whorehouse than arguing that no cost is incurred when employees are paid in stock options instead of cash. I am not kidding. ~ Charlie Munger

My advice to American filmmakers is to marry a European. I'm not kidding. Otherwise they don't qualify for international co-production treaties. ~ Jeremy Thomas

The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has - I'm not kidding. ~ J.D. Salinger

I'm totally not kidding ... Life is too short. This is all too hard to do to actually be kidding about the whole thing. ~ Miranda July

You think you have anger issues? I just yelled at a sandwich. Not kidding. ~ Dov Davidoff

I actually had a small kangaroo - and I'm not kidding this time. I was holding a small kangaroo, baby kangaroo ... it was very nice to me this time. Do you know what it did afterward? I gave it some milk, and it just spit it all over me. I was like, Is this a thank-you for just being nice and petting the kangaroo? I got milk all over myself. I guess I deserved that from the story last year. ~ Caroline Wozniacki

Here, I have an opportunity to affect the lives of a lot of young people - and not just on my football team. I'm not kidding myself that that would be true at the professional level. ~ Joe Paterno

Jack prepared another needle with the antibiotics.
"You're not sticking me with that."
"Come on. It'll only hurt for a second, and I'll get to look under that sheet again."
"Jack, I'm not kidding. I don't like shots. Enough already."
"You need the medicine. Now gimme your cheek."
"Ha. Ha. Very funny."
She let him give her the shot and stuck her tongue out when he finished. He loved how easily she made him laugh.
"Smart ass."
"Sore ass is more like it."

-Jenna & Jack ~ Jennifer Ryan

We talked about talking. (We had been interrupting Ms. Diz a lot).
She said that when someone is talking, you listen with your ears.
And save your questions for the end.
Then you use your mouth.
Even if you see something that is a miracle.
Like a squirrel with a blue Matchbox car in his mouth.
Which I saw yesterday.
You are not allowed to jump up and scream, 'MS. DIZ I SEE A SQUIRREL WITH A MATCHBOX CAR IN HIS MOUTH OR MAYBE IT'S AN SUV!! I AM NOT KIDDING MS. DIZ!! ~ Katherine Applegate

To more applause and whistling, Lavinia approached the rostrum and got her new badge of office. She hugged Frank and Hazel, which wasn't the usual military protocol, but no one seemed to care. Nobody clapped louder or whistled more shrilly than Meg. I know because she left me deaf in one ear.
'Thanks, guys,' Lavinia announced. 'So, Fifth Cohort,, first we're going to learn to tap-dance. Then -'
'Thank you, Centurion,' Hazel said. 'You may be seated.'
'What? I'm not kidding -'
'On to our next order of business!' Frank said, as Lavinia skipped grumpily (if that's even possible) back to her seat. ~ Rick Riordan

The irony of it, is how Freemasons have been trying to create and fulfill prophecy, and in their endeavor to hide behind secrecy they have been the catalyst for prophetic fulfillments. Moreover, I have taken the worst excrement ever defecated by mankind and have turned it into knowledge. Therefore, I have made the Thought a Thing and have aided the march of a TRUTH which I have bequeathed to mankind as a personal estate to hold in trust and I have dropped it into the world's wide treasury as an example of a human excellence of growth that shall make the spiritual glory of the human race greater because this endowment has been cultivated from Truth as raw as a diamond in the rough. For what man develops and creates will always be artificial and glorified fabrication that when dismantled, is nothing more than just a lie regardless of how sophisticated the deception. A con artist will never be more than just a thief, and a cubic zirconia will never be more perfect than a diamond. Thus I have written in the same line as Moses and he who died upon the cross, and I have achieved an intellectual sympathy with the Deity himself and since[according to Albert Pike] the best gift we can bestow on humanity, is manhood, then I shall call it:
ANTI - CHRIST ENDOWMENTS
Because I'm the Little Horn with the biggest horn on the field. They were not kidding when they said I would be more stout than my fellows. ~ Alejandro C. Estrada

If you ever get married again, don't tell your husband anything. Do you hear me?'

'Why?' said Mary Jane.

'Because I say so, that's why,' said Eloise. 'They wanna think you spent your whole life vomiting every time a boy came near you. I'm not kidding, either. Oh, you can tell them stuff. But never honestly. I mean never honestly. If you tell 'em you once knew a handsome boy, you gotta say in the same breath he was too handsome. And if you tell 'em you knew a witty boy, you gotta tell 'em he was kind of a smart aleck, though, or a wise guy. If you don't, they hit you over the head with the poor boy every time they get a chance.' Eloise paused to drink from her glass and to think. 'Oh,' she said, 'they'll listen very maturely and all that. They'll even look intelligent as hell. But don't let it fool you. Believe me. You'll go through hell if you ever give 'em any credit for intelligence. Take my word. ~ J.D. Salinger

Note to self: When people say dicks come in all shapes and sizes, they are not kidding. ~ Meghan Quinn

You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding! ~ Jeff Foxworthy

I was a mime. I'm not kidding. I went to Northwestern University and they have a mime company, so we did a lot of training and then a lot of mime shows around Chicago. ~ Kerry Bishe

Like every big organisation these days, the BBC is obsessed with the wellbeing of those who set foot on its premises. Studios must display warning notices if there is real glass on the set, and the other day I was presented with a booklet explaining how to use a door. I am not kidding. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

I'm afraid of the dark. I'm not kidding. ~ Tom Sizemore

You should have seen it. Women were all over him. Nora and Juliette had to beat them off with a stick. I'm not kidding. Juliette picked up a stick and hit a girl with it, but the chick was a bisexual pain slut so it only made things worse. ~ Tiffany Reisz

I've spent a lot on clothes. I'm not kidding when I say I could have bought several country homes with the money. I've also given a lot away over time. I had a lovely Yves Saint Laurent jacket that I'd only worn once or twice, but I'm one for spring cleaning rather than storing my clothes. ~ Donna Air

Did you know that a lot of Emily Dickinson's poems can be sung to the theme from Gilligan's Island? Not kidding, this is totally legit. ~ Chris Bohjalian

P.S. I'm going to throw an absolutely mind-blowing fact your way. I'm not kidding, either. The country of Uganda is obsessed with Celine Dion. They dedicate entire days to broadcasting her music. They love her that much. Five words. My. Heart. Will. Go. On. Yeah. ~ Fisher Amelie

Quit that." Lisa jabbed an elbow at my ribs.
"Quit what?"
"Quit looking at him like that," she warned in a hushed tone. "I'm not kidding, Amelie. He's dangerous. He boils kittens in ritual sacrifice."
Katie wrinkled her nose. "He does not, Lisa."
"You don't know that. ~ Cecily White

All of my friends went to college and I got a job at Circle Pizza, where I worked for 24 hours. I had to call my mother four times to ask her how to spell Parmesan. I'm not kidding. I was a terrible speller. I think I was really nervous that I somehow didn't feel right out in the world in that way. ~ Sarah Paulson

I later found a bookstore on the Calle de Gravina - Libros, I believe it was called. (I'm not kidding, a bookstore called "Books.") ~ John Irving

Come with me if you want to live."
Neva stared at the enormous hand the stranger extended her. Her gaze followed the black leather-clad arm up to the massive shoulders, the strong jaw, and the thick lock of wavy blonde hair hanging over his dark glasses. "You have so got to be kidding me," she said.
He shrugged. "I always wanted to say that line. Except I'm not kidding. ~ Dani Harper

How can I grieve what is still in motion?" I ask her. "Shoes are still dropping all over the place. I´m not kidding," I say. "It´s Normandy out there. ~ Suzanne Finnamore

My friends are very rich. Elizabeth Taylor sends flowers the size of the bathtub. I'm not kidding. ~ Charles Nelson Reilly

When I first started going to Portland, people told me about Stumptown. They were like 'Oh, it's the best coffee,' and I thought, 'How good could it really be?' I'm like, 'Sure, great, uh ... I'd love to see it.' But then when I went, it truly, I am not kidding, is the best coffee I have ever had. ~ Fred Armisen

We were surrounded by thirty-foot-tall giants who were about to kill us. Then the sky opened up, and the gods descended."
"Grandad," the kids said, "you are full of schist."
"I'm not kidding!" he protested. ~ Rick Riordan

Playtime was over. I grabbed her by the shoulders and threw her down on the bed. ~ Matt Abrams

Evan, what's your sign?'
'Right about now, I'm thinking Proceed with Caution." I'm not kidding. ~ S.E. Hall

Yeah?" Stradlater said. That really interested him. About the booze hound running around the house naked, with Jane around. Stradlater was a very sexy bastard.
"She had a lousy childhood. I'm not kidding."
That didn't interest Stradlater, though. Only very sexy stuff interested him. ~ J.D. Salinger

An umeboshi plum is a little Japensese salt plum. The best thing for motion sickness is to take one of these plums ... and tape it to your belly button. I'm not kidding you. This really, really works. ~ Marilu Henner

If you want to really hurt you parents, and you don't have the nerve to be gay, the least you can do is go into the arts. I'm not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven's sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possible can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

I eat excellent bread, clean meat, good crisp veggies, organic fruits and nice wine and cheese. It is one of the things I am truly grateful for. I'm not kidding. You can't ask a single mother of three working two jobs for minimum wage to eat that way. I am lucky. ~ Rachael Taylor

"Where the hell are you?" he snapped when I answered.
"You're back? Good. So how was - ?"
"You're not here."
"Because I'm supposed to be waiting by the gate?"
"You know what I mean. Simon said you went to talk to Tori, but you're not on the property, so I'm really hoping you're with her."
I glanced at Tori's back, a half mile away. "Kind of."
"She took off, didn't she? And you went after her, knowing you aren't supposed to leave the property unaccompanied."
"Tori needs - "
"Tori can look after herself."
"And I can't?"
A growl. He knew better than to answer. Despite my lack of defensive superpowers, I'd gotten myself - and Tori - out of plenty of scrapes. Sometimes, knowing you don't have the skills to fight can be a bonus. With Tori, overconfidence equals lack of caution and, yes, as Derek would say, common sense.
"I'm just going to talk to her," I said. "I'll bring her home - "
"No, you'll come back. Right now. That's an order."
"Well, in that case . . . no."
A louder growl.
"Seriously?" I said. "An order? Has that ever worked?"
He grumbled something I couldn't hear and probably didn't want to.
"I'm not kidding, Chloe. Stop running, turn around, and - "
"I'll be back as soon as I catch her. 'Kay? Bye." ~ Kelley Armstrong

Career mothers are not kidding anybody. Being a mom is the hardest job of all. You got to work to rest. ~ Sandy Duncan

Turn right up ahead," he directed. "It'll take us directly to my cottage."
She did as he asked. "Does your cottage have a name?"
"My Cottage."
"I might have known," she muttered.
He smirked. Quite a feat, in her opinion, since he looked sick as a dog. "I'm not kidding," he said.
Sure enough, in another minute they pulled up in front of an elegant country house, complete with a small, unobtrusive sign in front reading, MY COTTAGE ~ Julia Quinn

It feels like you dropped your nightstick down your pants.'

'Oh, so that's where that went.'

'I'm not kidding. Is this all you? Because if so, I think I may need to rethink a few things. I may need to rethink the shape and depth of my vagina. ~ Charlotte Stein

If I say I'm the best actor for the part, I mean it and I'm not kidding. ~ James Woods

I love eating at Sonic with my family in Oklahoma. And no, I'm not kidding. ~ Kristin Chenoweth

I'm not kidding myself. My voice alone is just an ordinary voice. What people come to see is how I use it. If I stand still while I'm singing, I'm dead, man. I might as well go back to driving a truck. ~ Elvis Presley

I need my warriors whole. You made each other bleed." I ignored Ren's bewildered expression. "Now undo the damage."
"You've got to be kidding me." Shay grimaced.
"I can't begin to tell you how much I'm not kidding." I stepped back, folding my arms over my chest. "Until I choose a mate, I'm the only alpha here; I've made it clear that I'm not making a choice right now. You two answer to me. Prove your loyalty. Heal each other. ~ Andrea Cremer

PANOTII LOOKS PUT OUT ABOUT BEING LEFT BEHIND AND dogs my steps as I stow his tack under the deep overhang on the south side of the wizard's hovel. There's plenty of grass here, water at the lake, and it's not that cold yet, despite the shift in seasons. If the rains start before we get back, the horses can take shelter under the overhang. I'm not worried about them wandering off. Not one of them has stepped outside of the large makeshift corral of God Bolt pits since we got here.

"You can't come with us," I tell him. "It'll be cold and slippery. And big monsters will want to eat you." He tosses his head, snorting. "Really big monsters. There might be Dragons. And the Hydra. And I can't vouch for the friendliness of the Ipotane toward regular horses." I blow gently into his nose. Panotii chuffs back. "You'll be safe here, and if anyone tries to steal you, Grandpa Zeus will throw down a thunderbolt. Boom! No more horse thief."

"Zeus may have better things to do than babysit our horses," Flynn says, stowing his own equine gear next to mine.

I glance northward toward the Gods' mountain home and speak loudly. "In that case, I'm announcing right now that I'll make an Olympian stink if anything happens to my horse." Flynn looks nervous and moves away from me like he's expecting a God Bolt to come thundering down.

"She's not kidding." Sunlight glints off Griffin's windblown hair. Thick black stubble darkens his jaw. He flashes me a smi ~ Amanda Bouchet

The goddam movies. They can ruin you. I'm not kidding ~ J.D. Salinger

You should leave your wife more time." "She has all day available." "I'm not kidding. If you don't, you're guilty not only on a human level but also on a political one." "What's the crime?" "The waste of intelligence. A community that finds it natural to suffocate with the care of home and children so many women's intellectual energies is its own enemy and doesn't realize it." I waited in silence for Pietro to respond. My husband reacted with sarcasm. "Elena can cultivate her intelligence when and how she likes, the essential thing is that she not take time from me." "If she doesn't take it from you, then who can she take it from?" Pietro frowned. "When the task we give ourselves has the urgency of passion, there's nothing that can keep us from completing it." I felt wounded, I whispered with a false smile: "My husband is saying that I have no true interest. ~ Elena Ferrante

I keep saying that the sexy job in the next 10 years will be statisticians, and I'm not kidding. ~ Hal Varian

And now please note that I have raised my right hand. And that means that I'm not kidding, that whatever I say next I believe to be true. So here it goes: The most spiritually splendid American phenomenon of my lifetime wasn't our contribution to the defeat of the Nazis, in which I played such a large part, or Ronald Reagan's overthrow of Godless Communism, in Russia at least.
The most spiritually splendid American phenomenon of my lifetime is how African-American citizens have maintained their dignity and self-respect, despite their having been treated by white Americans, both in and out of government, and simply because of their skin color, as though they were contemptible and loathsome, and even diseased."
"If this isn't nice, I don't know what is. ~ Kurt Vonnegut

My grandmother looks at me and shakes her head. "He got one of those intelligent phones. Now he's trying to twit the president." "Smart phones," I correct her. "And it's tweet, not twit." "He follows me," my grandfather says defensively. "I'm not kidding, he really does! ~ Colleen Hoover

Personally, I like to mix and match
I prefer to get a couple of milk shakes, a banana split ... a sundae or two. Then I top it off with a mocha chip in a cone. I don't know why. I guess that's like the dinner mint at the end of a meal to me. Know what I mean?"
Mary had to turn around again. Bitty was looking forward, her brows super-high, her little face the picture of surprise.
"He's not kidding," Mary murmured. "Even if you're not into the ice cream, watching him eat all that is something to see. ~ J.R. Ward

They are not kidding when they say that mothers are strong women. We need to be strong in more ways than our children will ever know. ~ M. B Antevasin

He had to clear his throat before he could say, "You know, I always thought it would be cool to have a kid sister."
"Be careful what you wish for." Adne looked up at him and grinned. "I'm kind of a brat."
Ren laughed.
I couldn't help myself. "She's not kidding."
"Thanks, Lily." Adne glared at me, but she was laughing too. "What do you say we continue trading insults where we're less likely to be in mortal peril?"
"She calls you Lily?" Ren was gazing at her, astonished.
I groaned. "She does."
"Great minds." He flashed a wicked smile at me before winking at her. ~ Andrea Cremer

I steal, Winkle said, with a smile that said I'm joking and a glint in his eye that said I'm not. ~ Orson Scott Card

I'm glad you brought it up. I wasn't sure how to approach you about it, but this makes it easier for both of us, don't you think? And if you keep cooperating, I'm sure I can get you leniency."
I gulp. "Leniency?"
"Yes, Emma. Of course you realize I could arrest you right now. You understand that, right?"
Ohmysweetgoodness, he came all this way to press assault charges against me! Is he going to sue me, sue my family? I'm eighteen now. I could legally be sued. The heat on my cheeks is part kill-me-now embarrassment and part where's-a-knife-when-you-need-one rage. "But it was an accident!" I hiss.
"An accident? You've got to be kidding me." He pinches the bridge of his nose.
"No, I am not kidding. Why would I ram into you on purpose? I don't even know you! And anyways, how do I know you didn't run into me, huh?" The idea is preposterous, but it leaves room for reasonable doubt. I can see by his expression he didn't think of that.
"What?" He is struggling to follow, but what did I expect? He can't even find his class in a school with only three halls. That he found me clear across the country seems more miraculous than a push-up bra.
"I said, you'll have to prove that I ran into you on purpose. That I meant to cause you harm. And besides, I checked with you at the time-"
"Emma."
"-and you said you didn't have injuries-"
"Emma."
"-but the only witness I have on my side is dead-"
"EM-MA."
"Did you hear me, Galen?" I ~ Anna Banks

She has eyes that shine like a night-hunting cat, and she's so lethal she can kill somebody with just her pinky. I'm not kidding about that. ~ Ann Aguirre

When I get back to my dorm room, there it is, staring at me from above my bed. The Vladimir Putin calendar. Ha! I guess Katerina got a copy of it for me after my drunken rant at the secret supper club about how I had to ironically have one.
This is a girl after my own heart.
You have to see this calendar.
July: Vladimir Putin fly-fishing topless. March: Vladimir Putin smelling a flower. November: Vladimir Putin holding a puppy. I'm not kidding. Holding a puppy!
I laugh to myself. Katerina sure has my number. Maybe she will be my BFF even after I go back to the States. ~ Andrea Portes

This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before. ~ Rachel Caine

He threw back his shoulders, a hunter preparing to stalk his prey across the night ... and pulled an iPhone out of his pocket.
"You are kidding me." I watched as he tapped through screens with practiced swipes. "There's an app for that? ~ Helen Keeble

So, what do you think? Better than four years with Byron?"

"Are you kidding?" I kept a straight face. "Those were the best days of life. ~ Rachel E. Carter

Oh, who was she kidding? She wasn't fucking lucky. But hope sprang eternal, for whatever stupid reason. ~ Stacia Kane

I'm Level Eighty on Warcraft."
The clerk was stunned. "You're Level Eighty?! Are you Horde, or Alliance?"
"What, are you kidding me? I'm Horde, of course! I'm a Level Eighty Undead Priestess. What Guild are you in?"
"I'm a Horde Blood Elf Paladin. Level 30. I'm in the Blood Roses Guild."
"Have you ever seen a 'Spectral Tiger' loot card? I bet you never have."
The museum clerk thought about her situation. The psychic pressure was mounting on her. She was in a state of moral anguish. "Look, Signora, I'd love to help your American clients there ... But if my director knew I was Warcrafting here at work, she'd kill me! Besides, you don't have any 'Spectral Tiger' in your purse, I bet. ~ Bruce Sterling

I palmed his face and mushed him away from me before I got too angry and started really wailing on him. "Grab Alex's guitar then and see if you can even remember how to hold it."We all watched in horror as Tucker drunkenly tried to strap Alex's precious guitar on,banging it into the speakers and amps, stumbling and struggling with it as he tried to stand up straight.
"You have got you be kidding me," Ethan growled when Tucker finally got the guitar strapped
to him. Backwards. Then his legs seemed to buckle under him and he dropped heavily to his knees on
the floor. Alex's eyes widened and his jaw flew open. "Get my guitar! Get it away from him! Get it!
Geeeeet Ittttttttt!" he yelled. ~ Christine Zolendz

No one but me will touch you." His tone was even but implacable.
She cocked an impervious brow at him. "Oh? And why, pray tell, is that?"
"For the same reason I asked you to be safe for me. You're my mate, Makenna."
Her mind went blank for a moment. He was kidding, right? He had to be. Only…he didn't look like he was. She cleared her suddenly dry throat. "Why would you think that?"
"I don't think it, I know it. The facts are there."
"What facts?"
"Since day one, all I've thought about is being balls deep in you. Your scent drives me insane. My wolf hates being apart from you. You're an outsider, a loner, but I'd fucking kill to protect you. And I'd kill to possess you. ~ Suzanne Wright

Stop,' he grumbled, 'or you'll get a spanking instead of an apology.'

'Are you kidding me? Thanks to you I almost OD'd on orgasms. ~ C.C. Gibbs

People are totally overusing LOL and a wink - and I'm very guilty of using the wink - that's probably my favourite emoticon to use because 'I'm being sarcastic, don't misinterpret; don't misconstrue; I'm just kidding.' Again, for as many benefits as it has, also picking up the phone and having a conversation speaks volumes. ~ Carly Pope

Who the hell was I kidding? I was already on fire for her. My heart had screamed out mine the moment I carried her from the water, and hadn't quit since. ~ Rebecca Yarros

Adding 'just kidding' doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal. ~ Nancy Cartwright

I know you're still awake." "Good for you. Shut up and go to sleep." Another snicker. "What you have to ask yourself," he continued, "is whether I'm the type who would stay awake long enough to kill you after you fall asleep, or if I'm an early riser who would kill you before you wake up." "If you want your head to stay on your neck, you'd better be neither," I growled, though his words sent a cold spear of dread through my stomach. My hands tightened on my sword hilt, and Jackal laughed somewhere in the darkness, unseen. "I'm just kidding, sis," he said. "Or am I? Something to think about, before you fall asleep. Nighty-night, then. Sleep tight. ~ Julie Kagawa

It was like that class at school where the teacher talks about Realization, about how you could realize something big in a commonplace thing. The example he gave
and the liar said it really happened
was that once while drinking orange juice, he'd realized he would be dead someday. He wondered if we, his students, had had similar 'realizations.'
Is he kidding? I thought.
Once I cashed a paycheck and I realized it wasn't enough.
Once I had food poisoning, and realized I was trapped inside my body. ~ Amy Hempel

The things that scare me are real life situations. Real life is much more scary than anything you can put on the movie screen. Which is why I get very upset when people try to blame the movies for the violence in this world. I'm like 'Are you kidding me?'. There is more violence in a four hour period on CNN than any movie I have in my massive collection. ~ Corey Taylor

A cell phone rang from the end table to my right and Kristen bolted up straight. She put her beer on the coffee table and dove across my lap for her phone, sprawling over me.

My eyes flew wide. I'd never been that close to her before. I'd only ever touched her hand.

If I pushed her down across my knees, I could spank her ass.

She grabbed her phone and whirled off my lap. "It's Sloan. I've been waiting for this call all day." She put a finger to her lips for me to be quiet, hit the Talk button, and put her on speaker. "Hey, Sloan, what's up?"

"Did you send me a potato?"

Kristen covered her mouth with her hand and I had to stifle a snort. "Why? Did you get an anonymous potato in the mail?"

"Something is seriously wrong with you," Sloan said. "Congratulations, he put a ring on it. PotatoParcel.com." She seemed to be reading a message. "You found a company that mails potatoes with messages on them? Where do you find this stuff?"

Kristen's eyes danced. "I don't know what you're talking about. Do you have the other thing though?"

"Yeeeess. The note says to call you before I open it. Why am I afraid?"

Kristen giggled. "Open it now. Is Brandon with you?"

"Yes, he's with me. He's shaking his head."

I could picture his face, that easy smile on his lips.

"Okay, I'm opening it. It looks like a paper towel tube. There's tape on the - AHHHHHH! Are you kidding ~ Abby Jimenez

With Iraq plunging into chaos and gas prices at record highs President Bush took time out this weekend for a ride on his bicycle, but unfortunately he fell off and sustained cuts to his face and hands. Apparently Bush was distracted by the enormous responsibilities of the presidency. I'm just kidding. He hit some gravel or something. ~ Craig Kilborn

I know how this feels: the tightening of the chest, the panic, the what-have-I-done-wait-I-was-kidding. Eating disorders linger so long undetected, eroding the body in silence, and then they strike. The secret is out. You're dying. ~ Marya Hornbacher

Science is a method to keep yourself from kidding yourself. ~ Edwin Land

You're only kidding yourself if you put creativity before craft. ~ Twyla Tharp

Actual message in letter I mailed: Congrats on getting married! Here's a hundred-dollar gift certificate to Amazon.com. You could buy something practical, or you could buy 101 copies of my .99 cents ebook. Just kidding - I didn't mean to imply that buying 101 copies of my book was impractical. ~ Jarod Kintz

I study the little creature in front of me. What is it about these dwarfish little humans? They lack smarts, lack skills and they never seem to have much money. Yet they are powerful little monsters – adults dance to the tunes played by their chubby little fingers. Is it the disproportionately big head? Or the eyes too big for that head? Did I have this effect on my own mother? Was that why she believed in my goodness, despite all evidence to the contrary?
Suddenly the lower lip pokes out and the eyes grow even bigger. I feel a tug in the region where my heart should be… I want to give it things…
Ahhhhhh! Look away! Look away! Evil, ensnaring, hypnotic monster.
Just kidding, but it is kind of cute. I feed it a cracker. ~ Eliza Crewe

I'm going out," I said.
I loved the way that sounded. It was just like what the heroes say in war movies right before they hurl themselves out of the plane. I felt like I should wink and say something like, "See you around, guys" and be really cool about it – but who was I kidding? I wasn't cool. I'd just sound like an idiot. ~ Vicki Grant

When I was asked if I wanted to perform on the Grand Ole Opry, I yelled, 'Are you kidding me?' I've been waiting for that my whole life. To be invited where so many of the greatest country artists have performed is an honor, and I still can't believe it has been bestowed on me. Just to stand in the circle where so many greats have stood-Hank Williams, Kitty Wells, I just couldn't believe it. ~ Darius Rucker

I'd be kidding if I said that I predicted the financial collapse. ~ Fareed Zakaria

I didn't believe you when you said there was a red statue that read "LOVE," with the LO stacked on top of the VE. LO VE It sounded like something out of one of the old fairy tales you used to tell me when I was a little girl. I thought you were kidding when you said people in the past believed in love so much that they made statues to celebrate it, so they wouldn't forget to LOVE ... well, that seemed kind of ridiculous - but when we dove down and you shined the thermal lantern, and it turned out to be true, I felt like there were so many possibilities in the world - like I'm only beginning to discover what's achievable. Maybe I will find a pure love - like what you and Mom have. ~ Matthew Quick

She gave me a hard look. "No one likes a wiseass, Harry."
"Are you kidding? As long as the wiseass is talking to someone else, people love 'em. ~ Jim Butcher

No one should ever take them self or others too seriously."

~R. Alan Woods [2012] ~ R. Alan Woods

Like most others, I was a seeker, a mover, a malcontent, and at times a stupid hell-raiser. I was never idle long enough to do much thinking, but I felt somehow that some of us were making real progress, that we had taken an honest road, and that the best of us would inevitably make it over the top. At the same time, I shared a dark suspicion that the life we were leading was a lost cause, that we were all actors, kidding ourselves along on a senseless odyssey. It was the tension between these two poles - a restless idealism on one hand and a sense of impending doom on the other - that kept me going. ~ Hunter S. Thompson

Forgiveness and acceptance, I thought as we found a spot near the largest tree in the lobby. Although I'd been kidding with Georgia, I was pretty sure those were the keys to relationships. Everything else was just ego and hurt feelings. ~ Megan Crane

Are you kidding me? It's insane that civil rights are being denied people in this day and age. It's embarrassing, and it's heartbreaking. It goes without saying that I'm completely in support of gay marriage. In 10 years we'll be ashamed that this was an issue. ~ Chris Evans

Woodward said that he had told no one the name of Deep Throat.
Mrs. Graham paused. 'Tell me,' she said.
Woodward froze. He said he would give her the name if she wanted. He was praying she wouldn't press it. Mrs. Graham laughed, touched his arm and said she was only kidding, she didn't really want to carry that burden around with her. Woodward took a bite of his eggs, which were cold.
Carl Bernstein, Bob Woodward ~ Carl Bernstein

Let's start with how you don't feel sexually attractive."
I gulped. "All right."
"Are you fucking kidding me? ~ Samantha Young

You're kidding," Shane said. "Do you think I want to visit Crazy McTeeth in his lair of insanity?"
"No," Claire said, "but I'm pretty sure you won't like it if I go alone when I just kind of promised to be with you. So ... ?"
"Right. I've been missing Nutty McFang anyway."
"Stop making up names for him."
"What about Count Crackula?"
"Just stop. ~ Rachel Caine

There is a gay agenda?" he asked. "Naturally. Although marriage is the second item. Draw two." "So what's the first?" Jackson asked, grinning. He seemed to be the only person at the table besides Levi who realized Jaime was kidding. Everybody else was staring at Jaime with open-mouthed shock. "Recruitment. Especially of children. That's why I'm here, in fact. We're having a membership drive this month, and whoever recruits the most minors wins two free tickets to see Kathy Griffin live. ~ Marie Sexton

Kristy sat up very straight in the director's chair. She adjusted her visor.

"As you know," she said, "today we are going to induct two new members into the club."

Jessi and Mal grinned at each other, but I thought, "Induct?" Who's Kristy kidding?

First she comes up with this fancy word, which just means to introduce them into the club officially. ~ Ann M. Martin

I want to play James Bond - are you kidding me? I'm putting my name in the ring! ~ Orlando Bloom