Muffin Stumps Seinfeld Quotes

The doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say 'SERENITY NOW!' Are you supposed to yell it? The man on the tape wasn't specific. - Seinfeld ~ Charlie Hoehn

It s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

You don't even really need a place. But you feel like you're doing something. That is what coffee is. And that is one of the geniuses of the new coffee culture. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly." ~ Jerry Seinfeld

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNHAPPY ... SO LAUGH INSANELY, KISS SOFTLY, AND MAKE LOVE PASSIONATELY ... ~ Muffin

A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation. ~ Adlai E. Stevenson II

When my muffin top makes an appearance after a dedicated weekend of pizza indulging, when I feel too tired to write and all my words sound boring, when my students aren't laughing at my jokes, I am still enough. ~ Michelle Elaine Kennedy

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

falafel joint, jazz joint, gyro joint, corner. Schoolyard, creperie, realtor, corner. Tenement, tenement, tenement museum, corner. Pink Pony, Blind Tiger, muffin boutique, corner. Sex shop, tea shop, synagogue, corner. Bollywood, Buddha, botanica, corner. Leather outlet, leather outlet, leather outlet, corner. Bar, school, bar, school. People's Park, corner. Tyson mural, Celia Cruz mural, Ladi Di mural, corner. Bling shop, barbershop, car service corner. ~ Richard Price

You spend so much time in the world of virtual that the actual - which nothing is more actual than stand-up - it's a painful experience for the audience, and the comedian a lot of time - we miss that. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The luge is the only Olympic event where you could have people competing in it against their will, and it would look exactly the same. Take people off the street, Hey, hey, hey, what is this?! I don't wanna be in the luge! Once you put that helmet on them, You're in the luge, buddy! aaaAAAaaaAAAaaaAAA ... aaaAAAAA ... World record. Didn't even wanna do it. I'd like to see that next Olympics, the Involuntary Luge. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Criminals are dumb as stumps. If they were smart they could go be investment bankers. Or judges. ~ Jeff Abbott

In the history of pilot reports, 'Seinfeld' has got to be one of the worst of all time. ~ Warren Littlefield

Keep your head up in failure, and your head down in success. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I'm going out for muffins." "Give me five minutes to get my shoes on." "I don't have five minutes," I said. "I have things to do. I've got the panic button. I'll be fine. I'll bring a muffin back for you. What do you want, zucchini, no fat, no sugar, extra bran?" I turned to go and Ranger scooped me up and carried me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the bed. "Five minutes," he said, lacing his shoes. I lay there spread-eagle, waiting for him. "Very macho," I said. He grabbed my hand and yanked me to my feet. "Sometimes you try my patience. ~ Janet Evanovich

I like definitive things. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

'We Were the Mulvaneys' is perhaps the novel closest to my heart. I think of it as a valentine to a passing way of American life, and to my own particular child - and girlhood in upstate New York. Everyone in the novel is enormously close to me, including Marianne's cat, Muffin, who was in fact my own cat. ~ Joyce Carol Oates

You look at shows like The Simpsons or Larry Sanders or Curb Your Enthusiasm or Seinfeld, they're really sophisticated shows that we all love back home. ~ Simon Pegg

Give me liberty or a bran muffin! ~ Colin Mochrie

Well, I'm going to say goodbye. There's only so much my ego can take. This was a great growth experience but I can't say I'm eager to stand around and marinate in it. Please don't come buy your muffin from me tomorrow. I hope wherever you do buy one, it has raisins in it. ~ Maisey Yates

I remember watching 'Colombo' a lot with my dad. That was one of the first detective shows I remember watching. And I remember my dad turning to me - my dad loves to turn to me and explain why things are funny. He used to do that with 'Seinfeld' all the time. He did it with 'Colombo', too, set the scene. ~ Stephanie Beatriz

You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

You know I have been issued a public urination pass by the city because of my condition. Unfortunately, my little brother ran out of the house with it this morning. Him and his friends are probably peeing all over the city. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

When someone does a small task beautifully, their whole environment is affected by it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Are broken windows a new decorating theme around here?" Archer asked, coming up behind Jenna and me and poking his head into the parlor.
"So it would seem," I said. I was still looking outside when a faint light appeared in the gloom. It took me a minute to realize that it was from Cal's cabin. Was someone out there? Was Cal out there?
But just as quickly as it had appeared, the light went out again. Frowning, I turned from the doorway, and I went to slip my arm through Archer's. Then I remembered what Nausicaa had said earlier. Now wasn't exactly the best time for PDA, probably.
The three of us trailed behind everyone else into the ballroom. Here, at least, things looked more or less the same. Of course, the ballroom had always been one of the more bizarre rooms at Hex Hall, so that didn't say much. Still, I was relieved to see the familiar jumble of tables and chairs and not, like, tree stumps or whatever. ~ Rachel Hawkins

The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

The Conservatives played like England cricketers - too many rash strokes and run-outs, dropped catches and bowling anywhere but the stumps. ~ Norman Tebbit

One gram of moss from the forest floor, a piece about the size of a muffin, would harbour 150,000 protozoa, 132,000 tardigrades, 3,000 springtails, 800 rotifers, 500 nematodes, 400 mites, and 200 fly larvae. These numbers tell us something about the astounding quantity of life in a handful of moss. ~ Robin Wall Kimmerer

You can't numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle. ~ Brene Brown

I think vacations are mostly completely stupid. Going to have coffee with a friend, you're probably going to have more fun than if you go to Aruba. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

I kind of thought that stand-up comedy would suffer from the Internet because people seem to know more about the craft of stand-up than ever before. I thought it would seem trite. Kind of like if you know more about magicians, you wouldn't love them. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Maybe if we lie down our brains will work. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Men like a ref decision because they just want to get back to the game. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

My breakfast consists of two cappuccinos and maybe a toasted English muffin, and that's pretty much it for me unless I decide to go a little more upscale, and then I'll have scrambled eggs. ~ Kyle MacLachlan

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

In terms of 'Seinfeld', I think there's lot of reality in a show that's supposed to be about nothing. ~ Wale

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said - 'Do not attempt to fly!' ~ Jerry Seinfeld

What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet. "Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets. "What is it they think we will do? Turn 'em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes? ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Mud and water and the stumps of trees. In every direction that was all there was. Bodies fell, but the trees died standing up. ~ Josh Ritter

I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you'll hit it. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.' ~ Gilbert Gottfried