Monty Quotes

I've always been more of a nerdy, academic type. I loved 'Star Wars' growing up. I have three older brothers, so they were a big influence on me. We loved 'Danger Mouse,' and we love 'Monty Python'. We loved any kind of British comedy and 'Wallace and Gromit' and all of that stuff. ~ Mara Wilson

A year and a half had indeed made some changes in Veda's appearance. She was still no more than medium height, but her haughty carriage made her seem taller. The hips were as slim as ever, but had taken on some touch of voluptuousness. The legs were Mildred's, to the last graceful contour. But the most noticeable change was what Monty brutally called the Dairy: two round, swelling protuberances that had appeared almost overnight on the high, arching chest. They would have been large, even for a woman: but for a child of thirteen they were positively startling. Mildred had a mystical feeling about them: they made her think tremulously of Love, Motherhood, and similar milky concepts. ~ James M. Cain

Come see the violence inherent in the system, HELP I'm being repressed! ~ Monty Python And The Holy Grail

We took up the offer with the BBC, and that was Monty Python's Flying Circus. I didn't have to submit my ideas to the group. I used to turn up on the days we recorded with a can of film under my arm, and in it went. ~ Terry Gilliam

If a song is funny and absurd, and it sounds great, it's just going to be that much funnier. And there's no better example of that than 'Monty Python.' ~ Seth MacFarlane

Be temperate in your work, but don't carry the patience over into your leisure hours. ~ Monty Woolley

The solution of the Monty Hall problem hinges on the concept of information, and more specifically, on the relationship between added information and probability. ~ Hans Christian Von Baeyer

At the end of Season Four of 'Mr. Show,' instead of doing another season, everyone just thought they wanted to go and do a movie. Kind of like Monty Python. Monty Python went right into 'And Now For Something Completely Different,' and everyone kind of compared 'Mr. Show' to Monty Python. ~ Scott Aukerman

The goal isn't to live on forever; it's to make something that does. ~ Monty Oum

'Monty Python' is now more recognised by the films than by the TV series. ~ Mark Gatiss

Is there a man in the world who suffers as I do from the gross inadequacies of the human race? ~ Monty Woolley

Is God really real?"This is a perennial question for the philosophy of religion. Fortunately, the Pythons have answers to it. Perhaps too many answers. If we asked Arthur, King of the Britons, he would certainly testify that God exists, speaks English, and can't stand people groveling, averting their eyes, ceaselessly apologizing, and deeming themselves unworthy. Yet when we begin inquiring into Monty Python's The Meaning of Life, "there is some doubt" about whether God is really real, or, to put it more philosophically, there is doubt over whether God's existence can be established through a valid argument. There is a long philosophical tradition of constructing rational arguments for the existence and attributes of God, and an equally long skeptical tradition of deconstructing those same arguments. The Pythons have been exemplary participants in the latter tradition, either through parody, or by echoing in a funnier and more succinct way the skeptical arguments of such philosophical predecessors as Scottish philosopher David Hume (1711-1776). ~ George A. Reisch

A good trainer can hear a horse speak to him. A great trainer can hear him whisper. ~ Monty Roberts

As soon as something like Monty Python's 'The Life of Brian' appears with a Muhammad figure as the main lead, directed by an Arabic Theo van Gogh, the controversial late Dutch filmmaker, we will have taken an enormous step forward. ~ Ayaan Hirsi Ali

The middle way is still driving on the wrong side of the road; it still permits the killing of the fox for pleasure. One cannot kill half a fox. Like Monty Python parrot, a fox torn apart by hounds remains dead, deceased and off its perch for ever. Before the fox has been dispatched - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly - it will have suffered the agonies of the pursuit by animals four times its size and four times its strength. The middle way is a compromise that still seriously compromises the welfare of the fox. ~ Lyndon Harrison, Baron Harrison

Once when Monty was in kindergarten, I had read to him and was trying to get him to go to sleep. He said he didn't want to close his eyes because "It's dark in there. ~ Charles M. Schulz

I want to leave the world a better place for horses and people. ~ Monty Roberts

If this were a book written to entertain small children, you would know what would happen next. With the villain's identity and evil plans exposed, the police would arrive on the scene and place him in a jail for the rest of his life, and the plucky youngsters would go out for pizza and live happily ever after. But this book is about the Baudelaire orphans, and you and I know that these three unfortunate children living happily ever after is about as likely as Uncle Monty returning to life. ~ Lemony Snicket

Never let anyone tell you that something is impossible. ~ Monty Oum

If Shane Warne were to become England spin bowling coach I think it would be fantastic for myself and all those learning to bowl spin in England. ~ Monty Panesar

We adored it, and discussed it, and swapped jokes from it, and it made us feel more alive. In some way, it was cathartic: it exhilarated us by lifting us up above our everyday frustrations and boredoms. It gave us a liberating perspective on this odd event unfolding around us, called 'our life.' And when, years later, I became bewildered by the reception of Monty Python by some of our looniest fans, I suddenly realised they were experiencing exactly the combination of emotions that had rendered me such a devotee of the Goons, and so I was able to forgive them. ~ John Cleese

A garden is not a place. It's a journey. ~ Monty Don

I just play to progressive audiences. You know, if they're watching Discovery Channel, History Channel, that kind of thing, "Monty Python" have already laid the groundwork. They're known around the world. People like that kind of surrealist, left-field humor, and that's what I do. And "Saturday Night Live," a lot of American humor. "The Simpsons," above all, the weird, left-field humor, which I love. And sardonic. So that's all I'm doing. I find that audience, and they're in every developed country around the world. ~ Eddie Izzard

My favorite work is The Full Monty because I got an Oscar for it. But it was really hard work at the time. Sometimes comedy is not a bundle of laughs to actually do. ~ Anne Dudley

Would you really want to know the ending before you even started? ~ Monty Oum

Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb you know, most of it's up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply. ~ Graham Chapman

In the future, we will all enjoy our 15 minutes of privacy." SCOTT MONTY, FORD ~ Erik Qualman

Horses are our silent partners. When we learn their language. This partnership grows strong. ~ Monty Roberts

[Monty] talks about Fritz Perls and the Gestalt theory. The here and now is the only time that exists. And being yourself. Not accepting yourself, not taking yourself for granted. Being yourself. Your self. Monty defines 'normality' as a contententment with who you are. ~ Antony Sher

No being has the right to say to another, "Do this, or I will hurt you". ~ Monty Roberts

By the beginning of March, K Company, 333rd Regiment, had reached the Rhine. The men settled down in the village of Krefeld to await Montgomery's Operation Plunder, the crossing of the river; Monty was planning the operation with as much care as he had put into Operation Overlord, so the pause was a long one. By some miracle, the men found an undamaged high-rise apartment building in which everything worked - electricity, hot water, flush toilets, and telephones with dial tones. The had their first hot baths in four months. They found cigars and bottles go cognac. Pvt. Ray Bocarski, fluent in German, lit up, sat down in an easy chair, got a befuddled German operator on the phone, and talked his way through to a military headquarters in Berlin. He told the German officer he could expect K Company within the week. ~ Stephen E. Ambrose

We signed with Roadrunner because, they almost signed us in '97 or something, and we've been wanting to work with Monty Connor, the guy who signed us, for a long time because he's been a huge fan of us since, I mean, in high school, when I was in high school and he was following our band. ~ Jess Margera

I was greatly influenced by 'The Goons' and 'Monty Python' reconstituting what comedy was - it could come from a funny word, not just a set up and a pay-off. I liked the zaniness; they were satirical, slightly saucy and very literary in their references. ~ Sanjeev Bhaskar

If you're about to be obnoxious, please stop. ~ Monty Oum

'Monty Python' and 'The Simpsons' have ruined comedy for writers for the rest of our lives. ~ Scott Adsit

Everybody ought to be given a chance to do whatever they want, but be responsible for their own actions. ~ Monty Roberts

You're rocking the full monty? A fur bikini? A wheezing wildebeest? Well, I'll be your fucking Hairy Plotter. Hold up." Duke waddled around in his homemade nonsense and returned quickly with a tube of what looked like lotion. "This here? I used it on my face. Seven minutes and I was slippery like a nipple in oil. ~ Debra Anastasia

I have gone into town to buy a few last things we need for the expedition: Peruvian wasp repellent, toothbrushes, canned peaches, and a fireproof canoe. It will take a while to find the peaches, so don't expect me back until dinnertime.
Stephano, Gustav's replacement, will arrive today by taxi. Please make him feel welcome. As you know, it is only two days until the expedition, so please work very hard today.
Your giddy uncle,
Monty ~ Lemony Snicket

I like that feeling of discombobulation that comes in creating an absurd world that doesn't make sense. 'Monty Python' does a good job of it; 'Bugs Bunny,' too. ~ Reggie Watts

You're my best mate, Monty," he says suddenly. "And I don't want to ruin that. Especially not now. I didn't tell you I was ill because I didn't want to scare you away, and if I didn't have you - if I hadn't had you for these past few years, I think I'd have lost my mind. So if things can't be the same between us, can they at least not be terrible? You're not permitted to be strange and uncomfortable around me now."
"So long as you don't go falling in love with me." I don't know why I say it. Call it battlements around my helpless heart.
Percy looks away from me fast, shoulders curling up. It almost looks like a flinch. But then he says, "I'll try my best. ~ Mackenzi Lee

What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? ~ Graham Chapman

The third of the biblical Ten Commandments instructs humans never to make wrongful use of the name of God. People tend to understand this in a childish way, as a prohibition on uttering the explicit name of God (as in the famous Monty Python sketch 'If you say Jehovah...'). Perhaps the deeper meaning of this commandment is that we should never use the name of God to justify our political interests, our economic ambitions, or our personal hatreds. As a resident of the Middle East I am keenly aware how often people break this commandment. The world would be a much better place if we followed it more devotedly. You want to wage war on your neighbours and steal their land? Leave God out of it, and find yourself some other excuse. ~ Yuval Noah Harari

Poor Monty, with a father who beats you until you bleed.
Poor Monty, with a fortune to inherit and an estate to run.
Poor Monty, who's useless and embarrassing.
"Good night," Percy says, then rolls over, away from me.
Poor Monty, in love with your best friend. ~ Mackenzi Lee

Now we see the violence inherent in the system! ~ Python Monty

I'm a big fan of Disney's animated movies, or at least of most of them. I don't know what it is, but the songs get stuck in my head. There is a Disney song for every situation you encounter in life. Some people quote The Godfather. Some quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I quote Walt Disney. Those are the true classics. ~ Judah Smith

If you endeavor to achieve, it will happen given enough resolve. It may not be immediate, and often your greater dreams are something you will not achieve within your own lifetime. The effort you put forth to anything transcends yourself, for there is no futility even in death. ~ Monty Oum

That hat is idiotic."
"I know," he says. "Percy made it for me."
"I didn't know Percy knew how to knit."
"He doesn't," Monty replies, and the brim of the hat falls in front of his eyes as though in emphasis. ~ Mackenzi Lee

It's a store full of books, which are objects that can be thrown as well as read," Monty replied blandly. The Crow cocked his head. "I had no idea you humans lived with so much danger." Monty ~ Anne Bishop

I was always a fan of the old-style comics. I loved vaudeville. I loved Milton Berle, Dick Shawn, Phyllis Diller, Don Rickles, Charlie Callas, all those guys. Hilarious. I love the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies, and Abbott & Costello. My television influences were 'Monty Python's Flying Circus,' 'Benny Hill,' and 'Hee Haw.' ~ Larry The Cable Guy

I grew up watching Letterman, 'Seinfeld,' 'SNL,' and Monty Python movies. But nothing made me want to get into comedy more than when 'Mr. Show' started airing. ~ Joe Mande

A tractor-trailer overturned on U.S. 129 in Gainesville, Ga., "the poultry capital of the world," back in January. None of the drivers involved in the accident were hurt, but avian passengers in the trailer were killed, and Sarah Segal has asked the Georgia Department of Transportation for permission to a build a ten-foot-tall tombstone in their honor. The monument would read, "In memory of the dozens of terrified chickens who died as a result of a truck crash. Go Vegan." It would include an image of a chicken. PETA supports her initiative. Monty Python could not be reached for comment. ~ Anonymous

I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away! ~ Graham Chapman

Do any of them realize that Simon Wolfgard is falling in love with Meg Corbyn? Monty wondered. Does Wolfgard understand his own response to the girl? What about Meg? How does she feel? What would the rest of the Others do if one of their kind did fall in love with a human? ~ Anne Bishop

Allowed?' Uncle Monty repeated. 'Of course not! You are implored to come inside here, my boy. ~ Lemony Snicket

I swiftly discovered that there are few things in DIY (and possibly life) that can't be solved with a large mallet, a bag of ten-centimetre nails and some swearing. ~ Monty Halls

I'd grown up loving English films. I was a huge Monty Python fanatic as a kid. ~ Alessandro Nivola

The wonder of Independence is that it encourages open minds and the desire to improve. ~ Monty Roberts

Most 'Monty Python' fans are, of course, baby boomers, who have long been a nostalgic lot and are growing more so as they totter toward old age. ~ Terry Teachout

I have a weird sense of humour. My dad's the same. We love watching 'Monty Python' together. ~ Miranda Kerr

When training young horses "There are many types of bits for many different disciplines, but the severity of ALL bits lies in the hands holding them." ~ Monty Roberts

My dad is into movies, and they let me watch movies. I was obsessed with Monty Python when I was in preschool - I don't know why. ~ Charlie Tahan

Many businessmen fail to understand Python principles
the ultimate absurdity was an offer from America to buy the 'format' of the Python shows, that is, Monty Python without the Pythons
corporate methods do not have the conceptual framework to deal with an anarchist collective, run by intelligent and arrogant comedians who have proved that their method works. ~ Robert Hewison

Run away. Me and Monty Python. ~ Jim Butcher

Growing up, I watched shows such as 'Blackadder' and 'Monty Python' with my parents. ~ Mathew Baynton

Nobody and nothing beats The Simpsons. Even after all this time, it's still the best satire since Monty Python. ~ Alice Cooper

The Full Monty, ah, it's superb. The Full Monty showed how life really is in certain cities of England. ~ Mark Roberts

It was a show that you played at home and you're saying to the contestant do this and do that. When you at home are involved in yelling at the screen, then you know you've got an audience. ~ Monty Hall

Yes, we have quite literally followed you to the end of the earth," Monty replied, "And there was only mild complaining ~ Mackenzi Lee

Monty Python crowd; half of them came from Cambridge, and half of them came from Oxford. But, there seems to be this jewel, this sort of two headed tradition of doing comedy, of doing sketches, and that kind of thing. ~ Rowan Atkinson

What have the Romans ever done for us? ~ John Cleese

There were two types of strong men: those like Uncle Monty and Abe Steinheim, remorseless about their making money, and those like my father, ruthlessly obedient to their idea of fair play. ~ Philip Roth

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. ~ Graham Chapman

Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government ~ Monty Python And The Holy Grail

Are there weapons in a bookstore?'
'It's a store full of books, which are objects that can be thrown as well as read,' Monty replied blandly.
The Crows cocked his head. 'I had no idea you humans lived with so much danger. ~ Anne Bishop

A boy is a long time before he knows his alphabet, longer before he has learned to spell, and perhaps several years before he can read distinctly; and yet there are some people who, as soon as they get on a horse, entirely undressed and untaught, fancy that by beating and spurring they will make him a dressed horse in one morning only. I would fain ask such stupid people whether by beating a boy they would teach him to read without first showing him the alphabet? Sure, they would beat him to death, before they would make him read. ~ Monty Roberts

I had been riding horses before my memory kicked in, so my life with horses had no beginning. It simply appeared from the fog of infancy. I survived a difficult childhood by traveling on the backs of horses, and in adulthood the pattern didn't change. ~ Monty Roberts

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words 'Monty Python' to me. It's not bad. ~ Eric Idle

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!! ~ Michael Palin

I grew up a huge fan of The Three Stooges and Monty Python, so somebody getting slapped in the face with a fish, or falling out of a chair, or running into a door, or tripping over their own feet and eating it, is all stuff I find really, really funny. ~ Thomas Sadoski

Come see the violence inherit in the system!! Help Help I'm being oppressed!! ~ Monty Python And The Holy Grail

Trust is established by working around horses in an utterly predictable manner. ~ Monty Roberts

Monty Python is like catnip for nerds. Once you get them started quoting it, they are constitutionally incapable of feeling depressed. ~ Kevin Hearne

Analytic philosophy has spent the last seventy years engaged in two successive revolts. If you didn't know this, don't feel bad -- philosophers engaged in revolt look pretty much exactly like philosophers not engaged in revolt. They go to the office, teach introduction to philosophy, make a few phone calls, have office hours, work on a rough draft, and head home. There's no storming of the parliament building, ripping up of city streets, or lobbing of Molotov cocktails for your revolting philosopher, or, I should say, the philosopher in revolt.
"Themes in Contemporary Analytic Philosophy as Reflected in the Work of Monty Python ~ Gary L. Hardcastle

Finally one evening somebody suggested Python (a great name for an untrustworthy impresario, I thought), someone else added Monty, which had connotations of our greatest World War II general, there was hysteria, and history was made. A ~ John Cleese

History generally records that Michael Vaughan quit the England captaincy in tearful circumstances following the Test-series defeat to South Africa in 2008. But the Top Spin can reveal this version of events is little more than a smokescreen. For it appears that what actually tipped Vaughan over the edge was a phonecall from a stricken team-mate - a call so harrowing Vaughan decided he could cope no longer.

The ex-skipper was enjoying a barbecue at home with friends two summers ago when he took a rare call from Monty Panesar. 'Hello, Monty.' 'Hello Vaughany. I've got some bad news for you.' 'Oh?' 'Yes, you know I was telling you about my parrot Gary last week?' 'Er...' 'Well, he's gone missing. Just thought you'd like to know.' 'Sorry to hear that Monty.' 'Bye.' 'Bye.'

So aghast was Vaughan that captaincy duty now extended to fielding calls from team-mates about escaped pets that he knew his time was up. Sure, the tears at the farewell press conference left an impression on us all. But it was Monty's ex-parrot that sealed the deal. ~ Lawrence Booth

The great thing about university is that they incline you to get up and do it, from the Classics to modern plays, to the humor that Monty Pythons made popular. ~ Michael York

Then, just as we were to leave on a whirlwind honeymoon in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, a call came from Australia. Steve's friend John Stainton had word that a big croc had been frequenting areas too close to civilization, and someone had been taking potshots at him.
"It's a big one, Stevo, maybe fourteen or fifteen feet," John said over the phone. "I hate to catch you right at this moment, but they're going to kill him unless he gets relocated."
John was one of Australia's award-winning documentary filmmakers. He and Steve had met in the late 1980s, when Steve would help John shoot commercials that required a zoo animal like a lizard or a turtle. But their friendship did not really take off until 1990, when an Australian beer company hired John to film a tricky shot involving a crocodile.
He called Steve. "They want a bloke to toss a coldie to another bloke, but a croc comes out of the water and snatches at it. The guy grabs the beer right in front of the croc's jaws. You think that's doable?"
"Sure, mate, no problem at all," Steve said with his usual confidence. "Only one thing, it has to be my hand in front of the croc."
John agreed. He journeyed up to the zoo to film the commercial. It was the first time he had seen Steve on his own turf, and he was impressed. He was even more impressed when the croc shoot went off flawlessly.
Monty, the saltwater crocodile, lay partially submerged in his pool. An actor fetched a coldie from the esky and ~ Terri Irwin

I miss being the person she went to for everything.
Not having Valor in my life was like having a huge hole in my heart. I didn't realize how much of my life she filled until she left. ~ Monty Jay

Who are you?" Violet asked. It is confusing to fall asleep in the daytime and wake up at night.
"what are you doing with Uncle Monty's reptiles?" Klaus asked. It is also confusing to realize you have been sleeping on stairs, rather than in a bed or sleeping bag.
"Dixnik?" Sunny asked. It is always confusing why anyone would choose to wear a plaid shirt. ~ Lemony Snicket

What are you doing a study on right now?"
"A study on the statistical probablity of love at first sight. ~ Jennifer E. Smith

[Slipped beneath the minnow Pea front door]
Nollopton
Monty No-way 6
Insane woman named Ella:
Retreat is what we want. Go away. Let we alone.
Anonymess ~ Mark Dunn

As he has promised, no harm has come to the Baudelaire orphans in the Reptile Room, but great harm had come to Uncle Monty. ~ Lemony Snicket

Always work to cause your horse to follow the path of least resistance. Then place an opening for him to pass through so that the path of least resistance becomes the direction you want him to go in. ~ Monty Roberts

Sir Bedevere: "Tell me, what do you do with witches?"
Crowd: "Burn, burn them up!"
Sir Bedevere: "And what do you burn apart from witches?"
Villager: "More witches! ~ Monty Python And The Holy Grail

When educating horses there is no greater maxim than slow is fast and fast is slow. ~ Monty Roberts

Horses react appropriately while waiting for the human to get it right. ~ Monty Roberts

Monty Python paid me £20,000 to write, direct and assemble them - the cheapskates! I told them I'd never earned less in a year since leaving Cambridge. The first show sold out in 43 seconds and we ended up performing ten in total. We had no idea there would be such demand. ~ Eric Idle

Now, get in the damn jeep. It is, as you know, very, very rude and usually unnecessary to use profanity, but the Baudelaire orphans were too terrified to point this out to Stephano. Taking one last look at their poor Uncle Monty, the three children followed Stephano to the door of the Reptile Room to get in the damn jeep. ~ Lemony Snicket

When Bruce had used the word "brilliant" about Uncle Monty, he meant "having a reputation for cleverness or intelligence." But when the children used the word - and when they thought of it now, staring at the Reptile Room glowing in the moonlight - it meant more than that. It meant that even in the bleak circumstances of their current situation, even throughout the series of unfortunate events that would happen to them for the rest of their lives, Uncle Monty and his kindness would shine in their memories. Uncle Monty was brilliant, and their time with him was brilliant. Bruce and his men from the Herpetological Society could dismantle Uncle Monty's collection, but nobody could ever dismantle the way the Baudelaires would think of him. ~ Lemony Snicket

As you and I listen to Uncle Monty tell the three Baudelaire orphans that no harm will ever come to them in the Reptile Room, we should be experiencing the strange feeling that accompanies the arrival of dramatic irony. This feeling is not unlike the sinking in one's stomach when one is in an elevator that suddenly goes down, or when you are snug in bed and your closet door suddenly creaks open to reveal the person who has been hiding there. For no matter how safe and happy the three children felt, no matter how comforting Uncle Monty's words were, you and I know that soon Uncle Monty will be dead and the Baudelaires will be miserable once again. ~ Lemony Snicket