Medical Humor Quotes

Collection of famous quotes and sayings about Medical Humor.

Quotes About Medical Humor

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If you live on Statin Island, cholesterol is not a problem. ~ Jon Obermeyer
Medical Humor quotes by Jon Obermeyer
Dear patient (first name, last name)! You are presently located in our experimental state hospital. The measures taken to save your life were drastic, extremely drastic (circle one). Our finest surgeons, availing themselves of the very latest achievements of modern medicine, performed one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten operations (circle one) on you. They were forced, acting wholly in your interest to replace certain parts of your organism with parts obtained from other persons, in strict accordance with Federal Law (Rev. Stat. Comm. 1-989/0-001/89/1). The notice you are now reading was thoughtfully prepared in order to help you make the best possible adjustment to these new if somewhat unexpected circumstances in your life, which, we hasten to remind you, we have saved. Although it was found necessary to remove your arms, legs, spine, skill, lungs, stomach, kidneys, liver, other (circle one or more), rest assured that these mortal remains were disposed of in a manner fully in keeping with the dictates of your religion; they were, with the proper ritual, interred, embalmed, mummified, buried at sea, cremated with the ashes scattered in the wind - preserved in an urn - thrown in the garbage (circle one). The new form in which you will henceforth lead a happy and healthy existence may possibly occasion you some surprise, but we promise that in time you will become, as indeed all our dear patients do, quite accustomed to it We have supplemented your organi ~ Stanisław Lem
Medical Humor quotes by Stanisław Lem
You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster! ~ Stephenie Meyer
Medical Humor quotes by Stephenie Meyer
Each time we had a visiting writer, I asked what she thought of women and humor. By the end of the year, I had perfected my question and asked Adrienne Rich why there was so little written about women and humor. She looked at me right in the eye and said, 'You write it.' I took that as an order. ~ Kate Clinton
Medical Humor quotes by Kate Clinton
It's not who you know, it's who you sleep with. ~ Lois Greiman
Medical Humor quotes by Lois Greiman
You poor lonely boy,' she cried, 'it's so dreadful for you to have no parents.'
Well, as my mother was a whore, and my father a drunk, I daresay I don't miss much. ~ W. Somerset Maugham
Medical Humor quotes by W. Somerset Maugham
Well, I've almost got the problem licked. I'm eighty now, and in a few more years, I think I'll have it completely under control. (referring to his love of coffee) ~ J. Golden Kimball
Medical Humor quotes by J. Golden Kimball
Either way, I'm still very [...] and wanting," said Elbryn with a sad laugh.
"So take care of it."
"With a lady present? That would be unthinkably rude."
"You've been rude to me before," Holonie pointed out.
"But I like you now," Elbryn said. ~ Ash Gray
Medical Humor quotes by Ash Gray
Something tells me you were never a Girl Scout. ~ Gwenda Bond
Medical Humor quotes by Gwenda Bond
I cross my legs beneath me and trace a finger along the laces of my boot. "That dress I had on was pretty. It's a pity I had to rip it apart."

"Yeah. It was entertaining to watch though."

"To watch?" I fold my arms over my chest. "Weren't you wrestling on the floor at the time?"

A grin lifts one side of Ryn's mouth. "I can multitask, remember? And girls tearing their clothes off is something I try not to miss."

I glare at him. "Have I told you before that you're gross?"

"On multiple occasions."

(from The Faerie Guardian by Rachel Morgan) ~ Rachel Morgan
Medical Humor quotes by Rachel Morgan
He looked at Atropos who was tall and blond and who absolutely hated him with a passion he'd never understood. In that moment, he allowed her to see every ounce of fury inside him. "You ever sever the thread for Soteria's life again and there's no power in existence that will keep me from tearing your throat out. The three of you have screwed me over for the last time. In all these centuries, I've left you alone. Now, I'm warning you to return the favor because the next time you tamper with my fate, I will end yours."

The fear on their faces told him that they understood and had taken his point to heart. Good. He was through playing games. When it came to Soteria, he had no sense of humor whatsoever. Anyone who threatened her, ended their own life.

It was that simple.

She'd taught him to finally embrace who and what he was. Woe to the rest of them. Because he was now the Harbinger not just for his mother, but for a slip of a woman who held his heart.

For her, he'd do anything.

Even end the world. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Medical Humor quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
So you actually need spectacles," Leo finally said.
"Of course I do," Marks said crossly. "Why would I wear spectacles if I didn't need them?"
"I thought they might be part of your disguise."
"My disguise?"
"Yes, Marks, disguise. A noun describing a means of concealing someone's identity. Often used by clowns and spies. And now apparently governesses. Good God, can anything be ordinary for my family? ~ Lisa Kleypas
Medical Humor quotes by Lisa Kleypas
In South Africa today, black is the new black, bra. ~ Zukiswa Wanner
Medical Humor quotes by Zukiswa Wanner
It's easy then we're just doing what's in front of us – without judging the hell out of ourselves. ~ Art Hochberg
Medical Humor quotes by Art Hochberg
The next week she withheld my paycheck until I signed a document (drafted by David) in which I promised not to marry Connor. Ever. I signed the document, took the check, and had David draft another document forbidding all Spellmans to practice any form of blackmail. David tried to explain to me that a contract in which you promise not to break the law is ultimately redundant, but I didn't care. ~ Lisa Lutz
Medical Humor quotes by Lisa Lutz
Few Westerners understand the post-Soviet soul like Lawrence Sheets. Whether it is his hair-raising stories of the region's myriad armed conflicts or the black humor with which he captures the moral and physical impoverishment of a collapsing empire, Sheets brilliantly condenses twenty tumultuous years into an eminently readable tale. ~ Matthew Brzezinski
Medical Humor quotes by Matthew Brzezinski
I read the fuck out of every book I can get my hands on. ~ Nick Hornby
Medical Humor quotes by Nick Hornby
He did a very good impression of a stone column. ~ Shannon Hale
Medical Humor quotes by Shannon Hale
What would you suggest?" one of the Italian officials asked.
"We do have a highly-advanced biological device called the Illuminator," Joseph chimed in ~ Laura Kreitzer
Medical Humor quotes by Laura Kreitzer
Sam told me as we were hanging up our coats that Bob was "baked like a fucking
cake." I really had to quote that one even though it has a swear. ~ Stephen Chbosky
Medical Humor quotes by Stephen Chbosky
Are you thinking about tomorrow? There really is no tomorrow – not today. Everything exists within the right now and if there is a tomorrow, then that will be right now. ~ Art Hochberg
Medical Humor quotes by Art Hochberg
Watch over Honoria, will you? See that she doesn't marry an idiot. ~ Julia Quinn
Medical Humor quotes by Julia Quinn
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. ~ Rita Rudner
Medical Humor quotes by Rita Rudner
KitKat 13:18:45: Who would your ideal prince be? Your childhood friend, Prince Charming, or a strong warrior?

Gallows Humor 13:19:10: I don't want to know which Disney Princess I am. I've told you before, stop doing online quizzes. Leave it.

Gallows Humor 13:22:19: He would love me for myself.

KitKat 13:22:57: Tell me about your dress. ~ Lauren James
Medical Humor quotes by Lauren James
What is there," Owain wondered aloud, to the sky above him and the soil below, "persuades this man still that my words do not mean what they seem to mean in sane men's ears? ~ Edith Pargeter
Medical Humor quotes by Edith Pargeter
The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing. ~ Woody Allen
Medical Humor quotes by Woody Allen
Birds that cannot fly high into the sky rejoice exceedingly and sing sweet melodies when they get to the top of the tallest tree on the highest mountain! ~ Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
Medical Humor quotes by Ernest Agyemang Yeboah
Did he just rip out the engine?" I asked.
"Yes", Saiman said. "And now he is demolishing the Maserati with it."
Ten seconds later Curran hurled the twisted wreck of black and orange that used to be the Maserati into the wall.
The first melodic notes of an old song came from the computer. I glanced at Saiman.
He shrugged. "It begged for a soundtrack. ~ Ilona Andrews
Medical Humor quotes by Ilona Andrews
When we were sprung fro the hos[ital, we waited at the elevator with two other couples, who seemed as dazed and clueless as we were. We were all being set free to care for the tiny creatures and just figure this out on our own. Looking at our faces, I wondered how the human race continues to survive. ~ Rachel Dratch
Medical Humor quotes by Rachel Dratch
Dip your halo in sincerity and glow with integrity. ~ Tim Rees
Medical Humor quotes by Tim Rees
Parker fixated on the envelope's precise penmanship as she lifted it. Her grandmother rarely took the time to write her own name in the return address, let alone give it the aesthetic attention that this one so seemed to demand. Once, when Parker questioned her on this, her grandmother casually asserted that she "didn't quite believe in envelopes" as if this were a debatable concept like Socialism or wearing white after Labor Day. ~ Abby Slovin
Medical Humor quotes by Abby Slovin
If you feel that you can solve others problems, then please, work little more on your own problems and solve them first. ~ Honeya
Medical Humor quotes by Honeya
It was pretty miserable wretches that minded at all whether they were wet or dry. He could not understand why such people had been born. "It's nothing but damned eccentricity to want to be dry" he would say. "I've been wet more than half my life and never been a whit the worse for it. ~ Halldor Laxness
Medical Humor quotes by Halldor Laxness
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