Maths Funny Quotes

The man ignorant of mathematics will be increasingly limited in his grasp of the main forces of civilization. ~ John G. Kemeny

Arithmetic is numbers you squeeze from your head to your hand to your pencil to your paper till you get the answer. ~ Carl Sandburg

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ~ Fran Lebowitz

I used to binge-eat and make myself throw up. I was a fat kid. Obviously I didn't quite master the bulimia. ~ Russell Brand

What has officially been declared as the basis of theological studies in the Roman Catholic Church has been enormously influenced by Islam and Muslim beliefs.

Funny old world, isn't it? ~ Karl Wiggins

I'm so into you, it's not even funny. (Naomi & Ely's No Kiss List) ~ Rachel Cohn

What do you say when your friends come to visit and the dog starts humping their leg. Well, if it's a pit bull, you say, "You better let him finish." ~ Robert Schimmel

Somehow she had climbed halfway up his body before he managed to grasp her waist. He plucked her off and set her on her feet.
She started to climb up his body again.
"Are you having fun?" he asked suspiciously.
"We're on the fucking moon!" she shouted. "There's nothing here!"
He stared at her. "I don't think you're having fun."
"No air!"
He shook his head. "Think about that logically. Could you have possibly said those words if there truly was no air? Of course
there's no air or atmosphere outside this bubble - "
"Ofcoursethere'snofuckingairhereorfuckingatmosphereonthefuckinggoddamnMOONyouGODDAMNFUCKINGCRAZYMORONICDJINN ... "
"Grace," he roared in her face. ~ Thea Harrison

Julie crossed her arms. "I'm serious. Flat Finn can't possibly go to school with her, right?"
"He already went to Brandeis so, no, he doesn't need to repeat seventh grade. Although they did make him take a bunch of tests in order to qualify out. He barely passed the oral exams, though, because the instructors found him withholding and tight-lipped. It's a terribly biased system, but at least he passed and won't have to suffer through the school's annual reenactment of the first Thanksgiving. He has a pilgrim phobia."
"Funny. Really, what's the deal with Flat Finn?"
"After an unfortunate incident involving Wile E. Coyote and an anvil, Three Dimensional Finn had to change his name. ~ Jessica Park

I don't really hashtag things. Unless I'm talking to somebody and I'm being funny and I say something mean but then I'm like, Hashtag ... something that's funny. I like to only hashtag funny things, not real stuff. ~ Bella Thorne

You can dress a pig up in satin and lace and its still a pig."
Francis smiled hazily. "Are you calling my intended a pig, Charles?"
Charles raised a dark eyebrow. "Intended what, Francis? You surely cant be having respectable inclinations towards this girl. The bullet hit your arm, not your head. ~ Anne Stuart

I have had a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. ~ Gavin De Becker

I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter. ~ Al Jolson

That's the funny thing about writing your life story. You start out trying to remember dates and times and names. You think it's about facts, your life; that what you'll look back on and remember are the successes and failures, the time line of your youth and middle age, but that isn't it at all. Love. Family. Laughter. That's what I remember when it's all said and done. ~ Kristin Hannah

It's a good plan, Mr. Snicket."

"Oh sure," I said, "like juggling dynamite, or kicking a polar bear. ~ Lemony Snicket

I did Scottish footballer of the year this year, attempted to do some comedy at that. Not the brightest people in the world. There were seven O-Levels in that room, and they were all mine. ~ Frankie Boyle

Life isn't a cabaret. It's a dive bar. ~ Woody Paige

Love is funny. Even though you don't have that person anymore, you still have the feeling. You didn't lose your LOVE. You lost the tangible, tactile, sense-sational ability to experience the person or animal you lost. ~ Karen Marie Moning

There's a very apt saying in show business: "If you don't go over budget in Paris, you're either very rich or very sick. " ~ Bob Hope

I told them a thousand times if I told them once:
Stop fooling around, I said, with straw and sticks;
They won't hold up; you're taking an awful chance.
Brick is the stuff to build with, solid bricks.
You want to be impractical, go ahead.
But just remember, I told them; wait and see.
You're making a big mistake. Awright, I said,
But when the wolf comes, don't come running to me.
The funny thing is, they didn't. There they sat,
One in his crummy yellow shack, and one
Under his roof of twigs, and the wolf ate
Them, hair and hide. Well, what is done is done.
But I'd been willing to help them, all along,
If only they'd once admitted they were wrong. ~ Sarah Henderson Hay

I knelt and started to pray and prayed for everybody I thought of, Brett and Mike and Bill and Robert Cohn and myself, and all the bullfighters, separately for the ones I liked, and lumping all the rest, then I prayed for myself again, and while i was praying for myself I found I was getting sleepy, so I prayed that the bull-fights would be good, and that it would be a fine fiesta, and that we would get some fishing. I wondered if there was anything else I might pray for, and I thought I would like to have some money, so I prayed that I would make a lot of money, and then I started to think how I would make it and thinking of making money reminded me of the count, and I started wondering about where he was, and regretting I hadn't seen him since that night in Montmartre, and about something funny Brett told me about him, and as all the time I was kneeling with my forehead on the wood in front of me, and was thinking of myself praying, I was a little ashamed, and regretted that I was such a rotten Catholic, but realized there was nothing I could do about it, at least for a while, and maybe never, but that anyway it was a grand religion, and I only wished I felt religious and maybe I would the next time; and then I was out in the hot sun on the steps of the cathedral, and the forefingers and the thumb of my right hand were still damp, and I felt them dry in the sun. ~ Ernest Hemingway

I know I'm not funny. I mean, let's face it, I'm no Groucho Marx. But if you're a guy, and you're watching late night television, are you gonna start jacking off to Groucho? I don't think so! ~ Sarah Silverman

Most often when I stammer
That's my brain
Correcting my grammer. ~ Joyce Rachelle

Men are just like a book - with a beginning, middle and an end. ~ Pamela Anderson

I started rubbing my temples and she suggested I don't really get headaches. It just hurts me to think. ~ Kelley Armstrong

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a doctor, I suggest a dermatologist. Good hours, free Retin-A. ~ Rita Rudner

I occasionally laugh and tell him that his imperturbability is worth three hundred milligrams of lithium a day to me, and it is probably true. ~ Kay Redfield Jamison

Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are. ~ Oliver Markus

I basically try not to waste any lines in any of my songs, and I think the witty phrases and funny lyrics I have bring a smarter sound to college hip-hop. ~ Mike Stud

Secret 3963. It's only a sucking chest wound if you're not the shooter. ~ The Covert Comic

It's funny because when you're a child, you believe you can be anything you want to be, go wherever you want to go. There's no limit to what you can dream. You expect the unexpected, you believe in magic, in fairy tales, and in possibilities. Then you grow older and that innocence is shattered and somewhere along the way the reality of life gets in the way and you're hit by the realization that you can't be all you wanted to be, you just might have to settle for a little bit less.
Or perhaps a variation of what you once wanted.
Why do we stop believing in ourselves? Why do we let facts and figures and anything but dreams rule our lives? ~ Cecelia Ahern

Olympus has been a much welcomed return to my Shakespearean roots. King Aegeus demanded a much greater range and depth that I've yet had the opportunity to tap on camera. Lab Rats was a wonderful opportunity for me to just go be a goofy buffoon, which I love. It was exhilarating to listen to all the funny lines the writers would come up with on the spot and then get to play them immediately. ~ Graham Shiels

Supposedly, I was trying to re-create the one time in my fucked-up life when I had felt truly happy - before it all went to shit.

Funny because, even though my life had sucked before Evie, ultimately, she was the sole reason it went down the path straight to hell.

I should've known from the moment I met her that, eventually, she'd be my downfall. I mean, I am Adam, and she's my fucking Eve. It had been written in the cards. ~ Samantha Towle

Sex in marriage is like medicine. Three times a day for the first week. Then once a day for another week. Then once every three or four days till the condition clears up. ~ Peter De Vries

When we don't have the words chocolate can speak volumes. ~ Joan Bauer

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me! ~ Herge

Society is funny. They ask you to be yourself and yet they judge you ~ Random

Who says you only get one? If you're lucky, you will meet The One, The Two, The Three ... and so on.
Nesta ~ Cathy Hopkins

Those lips had curved into a knowing half smile that did funny things to her insides. And like a match tossed to gasoline, her body sparked alive and flames licked every inch of her. ~ J. Lynn

For years I used to bore my wife over lunch with stories about funny incidents. ~ James Herriot

It find it funny how people from Boston and New York hate each other because of pro teams. ~ Julian Casablancas

At the end of each year I make a list of my mistakes and it's pretty friggin long. ~ Dean Lombardi

You know, it's funny, no matter what I do - I mean, you're always going to have negatives and positives. ~ Khloe Kardashian

You've been popping into the fire every hour?' Harry said, half laughing.
'Just for a few seconds to check if the coast was clear. ~ J.K. Rowling

But ... that doesn't make any sense ... !'
'It does if you're a goat. ~ Linda Medley

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff. ~ M. Beth Bloom

I predict that I'll be breaking out the 'right to a trial defense' again," I said, trying to not act any weirder than I already was.

"You don't think he'll be willing to plead guilty?"

"Probably not. He firmly believes that claiming to be a complete idiot will get him off."

"You're very funny," he said, leaning against the defense table right next to me again.

"Mr. Pierce, in my line of work, one either laughs or cries and I would rather laugh." Oh Jesus H. Christ! I sounded like a country western song. ~ N.M. Silber

Life. It's a funny thing. Some want it, some throw it away. Some cling, some have it stolen from them. It's terrifying ... which is maybe why I was drawn to Fear in the first place. ~ Kelsey Sutton

You swing your best when you have the fewest things to think about. ~ Bobby Jones