List Of Funny Disney Quotes

This past Christmas, I told my girlfriend for months in advance that all I wanted was an Xbox. That's it. Beginning and end of list, Xbox. You know what she got me? A homemade frame with a picture of us from our first date together. Which was fine. Because I got her an Xbox. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Okay, gang," I said, "according to blueprints, there's an elevator access panel on the east side of the building. We may get a little dirty, but - "
"I thought we'd just go through the doors," Liz said, flashing three beautifully engraved invitations and some wonderfully authentic fake IDs.
The tickets were $20,000 each. The Secret Service had been vetting the guest list for weeks, so Bex and I stopped beneath a streetlamp and studied Liz.
"Do I even want to know where you got those?" I asked.
Liz seemed to ponder it, and then she said, "No. ~ Ally Carter

Susan was a tough-minded romantic. She wanted to fall in love with a book. She always had reasons for her devotions, as an astute reader would, but she was, to her credit, probably the most emotional one among us. Susan could fall in love with a book in more or less the way one falls in love with a person. Yes, you can provide, if asked, a list of your loved one's lovable qualities: he's kind and funny and smart and generous and he knows the names of trees.
But he's also more than amalgamation of qualities. You love him, the entirety of him, which can't be wholly explained by even the most exhaustive explication of his virtues. And you love him no less for his failings. O.K., he's bad with money, he can be moody sometimes, and he snores. His marvels so outshine the little complaints as to render them ridiculous. ~ Michael Cunningham

The black volhv pivoted to me. "I have questions."
"Can it wait?"
"No. Your wedding is in two weeks. Have you prepared your guest list?"
"Why do I need a list? I kind of figured that whoever wanted to show up would show up."
"You need a list so you know how many people you are feeding. Do you have a caterer?"
"No."
"But you did order the cake?"
"Umm…"
"Florist?"
"Florist?"
"The person who delivers expensive flowers and sets them up in pretty arrangements everyone ignores?"
"No."
Roman blinked. "I'm almost afraid to ask. Do you at least have the dress?"
"Yes."
"Is it white?"
"Yes."
He squinted at me. "Is it a wedding dress?"
"It's a white dress."
"Have you worn it before?"
"Maybe."
Ascanio snickered."
"The ring, Kate?"
Oh crap.
Roman heaved a sigh. "What do you think this is, a party where you get to show up, say 'I do,' and go home?"
"Yes?" That's kind of how it went in my head. ~ Ilona Andrews

Scroll through a list of books online, and you will find page after page after page of book covers with shirtless guys and titles that scream BILLIONAIRE ROMANCE! or ALPHA-MALE PARANORMAL WEREWOLF ROMANCE! or something equally ridiculous. All these shitty books look like clones of each other. There's not an original thought in sight. ~ Oliver Markus Malloy

Disney cartoons are all rated G. It's really funny. There are kids all over the world who still have complexes over Bambi's father getting shot by the hunter and Bambi's mother getting crisped. But that's the way it's always been. This is the sort of material that appeals to kids. Kids understand it instinctively. They grip it. ~ Stephen King

I'm sorry, I don't understand. Could you tell me more about this 'profanity'?"
Mrs. Miller nodded at my dictionary. "I'll assume you don't need a definition. Perhaps you'd prefer an example?"
"That would be so helpful, thank you very much."
Without missing a beat, Mrs. Miller rattled off a stream of obscenities so fully and completely unexpected that I fell off my chair. Mothers were defiled, their male and female children, as well as any and all offspring who just happened to be born out of wedlock. AS for the sacred union that produced these innocent babes, the pertinent bodily appendages were catalogued by a list of names so profoundly scurrilous that a grizzled marine, conceived in a brothel and dying of a disease he contracted in one, would've wished he'd been born as smooth as a Ken doll. The act itself was invoked with such a verity of incestuous, scatological, bestial, and just plain bizarre variations that that same marine would've given up on the Ken doll fantasy, and wished instead that all life had been confined to a single-cell stage, forever free of taint of mitosis, let alone procreation.
Somewhere during the course of all this I noticed I'd snapped my pencil in half, and now I used the two ends to gouge out my brain.
"Guhhhhhh guhhhhh guhhhhhh guhhhhh guhhhhh," I said, by which I meant: "You have shattered whatever tattered remnants of pedagogical propriety I still possessed, and my tender young mind has broken beneath the strain." N ~ Dale Peck

All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. ~ Rita Rudner

We have a game we play when we're waiting for tables in restaurants, where you have to write the five things that describe yourself on a piece of paper. When I was [in my twenties], I would have put: ambitious, Wellesley graduate, daughter, Democrat, single. Ten years later not one of those five things turned up on my list. I was: journalist, feminist, New Yorker, divorced, funny. Today not one of those five things turns up in my list: writer, director, mother, sister, happy. ~ Nora Ephron

1429 was a whole year long, and Paris is a big city. When in 1429, and where in Paris are two very big questions on a long list of big questions that we don't know the answers to." Funny, for a second there, I actually sounded rational and careful. As if leaping head-first into bad plans wasn't my specialty. Ringo ~ April White

I have salt and sugar at home, but I'm paying eighty bucks to have ya'll rub it on my feet. If I want to yell at my sister-in-law about that fact that I just found out I am pregnant, and how my boyfriend, the recovering alcoholic, is still fragile and I don't know if he'll make it, whether I'm going to miscarry like I did before, and a whole other list of shit, like, hell, I don't know, what I'm going to be when I grow up, then I will! And maybe, just maybe, for the eighty bucks you're charging me, I can yell a bit."

The woman only blinked as Lacey snickered beside her. "Keep it down and congratulations."

"Thanks, and I'll try," Kacey said as the woman walked away. She then turned to Lacey, who was fully laughing at this point. "Really> This is not funny."

"Oh, I'm cracking up because if you're already this emotional and bitchy, God help us all once you reach the third Trimester. ~ Toni Aleo

I can embarrass myself very easily on guitar. It's funny because people say to me I can play anything; I'm God on the guitar. But I could make a big list of everything I can't play ... I'm grateful that people don't notice that. ~ Joe Satriani

When Indian women begin the search for an Indian man, they carry a huge list of qualifications. He has to have a job. He has to be kind, intelligent, and funny. He has to dance and sing. He should know how to iron his own clothes. Braids would be nice. But as the screwed-up Indian men stagger through their lives, Indian women are forced to amend their list of qualifications. Eventually, Indian men need only to have their own teeth to get snagged. ~ Sherman Alexie

I've just read that I am dead. Don't forget to delete me from your list of subscribers. ~ Rudyard Kipling

I'm the one who's dating the craft-service guy instead of the producer. Plus, if a producer is going to date a hot young thing, I'm probably not the first person on their list - the weird, quirky, funny girl. ~ Whitney Cummings

The following is a list of statements made many years ago by experts in their fields. At the time they were said they sounded intelligent. With the passing of time, they sound idiotic. ~ Sean Covey

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Don't get me wrong. I like Disney World. The rest rooms are clean enough for neurosurgery, and the employees say things like "Howdy, folks!" and actually seem to mean it. You wonder: Where do they get these people? My guess: 1952. I think old Walt realized, way back then, that there would eventually be a shortage of cheerful people, so he put all the residents of south western Nebraska into a giant freezer with a huge picture of Jiminy Cricket on the outside, and the corporation has been thawing them out as needed ever since. ~ Dave Barry

You know when you go into a restaurant, and it gets busy and they start a waiting list, and they start calling out names, "DuFresnes, party of two." They say again, "DuFresnes, party of two." But then if no one answers, they'll just go to the next name, "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the DuFresnes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! And they're hungry! That's a double whammy! "Bush, search party of three!" You can eat once you find the DuFresnes! ~ Mitch Hedberg

You just punched a prince, Alina. I guess we can add one more act of treason to our list."
I shook out my sore hand. My knuckles smarted. "First of all, are we so sure he really is a prince? And second, you're just jealous."
"Of course I'm jealous. I thought I was going to get to punch him. That isn't the point. ~ Leigh Bardugo

Trees are corrupting our parks. They should be arrested for loitering. For deciduous trees, add littering and indecent exposure to that list of offenses. ~ Bauvard

There is no list of rules. There is one rule. The rule is: there are no rules. Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you to. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be. Being traditional is not traditional anymore. It's funny that we still think of it that way. Normalize your lives, people. You don't want a baby? Don't have one. I don't want to get married? I won't. You want to live alone? Enjoy it. You want to love someone? Love someone. Don't apologize. Don't explain. Don't ever feel less than. When you feel the need to apologize or explain who you are, it means the voice in your head is telling you the wrong story. Wipe the slate clean. And rewrite it. No fairy tales. Be your own narrator. And go for a happy ending. One foot in front of the other. You will make it. ~ Shonda Rhimes

He shook his head in exasperation. "Are you sure you're not a Succubus? You seem really obsessed with the sin of lust."

"It's a good sin. I like gluttony an awful lot, too. Sloth has its moments, but I just don't understand acedia at all. I mean, what the f**k is that anyway? Oh, and greed is good, to quote Gordon Gekko. Anger, envy and pride," I ticked them off on my fingers. "I don't often have much use for them. It's a shortcoming that I'm hoping to correct in the next millennium or two. I'm not very old; I can't be expected to have mastered them all yet."

"I think you've worked too hard on some of those," he said dryly. "Maybe you should switch over to virtues instead. Give yourself a much needed break."

Virtues? Yeah, right.

"Virtues are too difficult," I told him, shaking my head. "Look how old you are and you've hardly made a dent in them. I'll admit, you seem to have zeal nailed, as well as faith and temperance. Self control? I've got my doubts based on your recent actions. I'm not seeing the kindness, love or generosity, either. That humility thing seems to be pretty far beyond your reach, too. Really, really far. I'm sorry to tell you this, but from what I can see, the sin of pride is a major component of your character. Dude, you're f**king old. You should have these things pretty well ticked off your shopping list by now. I'm seriously disappointed. Seriously. ~ Debra Dunbar

You're a goddam funny kid, Clivey," he said. "I got sixteen grandchildren, and there's only two of em that I think is gonna amount to duckshit, and you ain't one of em - although you're on the runner-up list - but you're the only one that can make me laugh until my balls ache. ~ Stephen King

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny. ~ Ilona Andrews

We have no way of knowing what words you are going to misuse, so we cannot offer you a list. What we can offer, though, is a test that you yourself can apply to any word, whenever you are in doubt.
A Test: Do I Know This Word?
Ask yourself: 'Do I know this word?'
If the answer is no, then you do not know it. ~ Howard Mittelmark

The dreams fresh on her mind, she wrote about the Ada she remembered. The obituary wasn't the sad, plodding list of mother and father, dead children, and surviving family. It honored a strong, funny woman. She proofed it a second time with a smile on her face. Ada would have slapped her knee and crowed along with her. ~ Laura Trentham

Julia had been very very good for a very long time, and the funny thing about that was, if you're too good too much of the time, people start to forget about you. You're not a problem, so people can strike you off their list of things to worry about. Nobody makes a fuss over you. They make a fuss over the bad girls. ~ Lev Grossman

I want to have fun," I said. "I'm tired of not having fun. Think about it: For five days all we'll have to do is have fun. That will be our job. No cultural sites, no cultural experiences, no foreign languages, no churches or museums or hikes or beaches, nothing but fun. I've been stressed out since September and I think going to Disney World will be the cure. ~ Scott Haas

His eyes had that hooded quality that brought a flush to my cheeks. "That's a great list."
"What about you?" I asked. "What do you want to do when this is all over?"
"For real?" When I nodded, he lowered his head, dropping a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "I can't believe you even have to ask that. I plan to be wherever you are."
My lips immediately curved into one of those big, funny-looking smiles as my heart swelled in my chest like an old-school cartoon character's. I was waiting for my eyes to turn into exaggerated hearts that popped out. "That is...that is the perfect answer."
"That's because I am perfect."
"Well, that wasn't the perfect answer," I said drily. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

What do you mean 'speaking of fairy tales'? Since when do fairy tales include gigolos?" Annie asked.
"Well, since most fairy-tale princes are either gay or weirdly attached to their mommies, I think Walt Disney should seriously consider their inclusion," Sophie answered. ~ Elle Aycart

At the end of each year I make a list of my mistakes and it's pretty friggin long. ~ Dean Lombardi

Fame is a funny thing. I like doing normal things. I like going to fairs. I like going to ball games. I like going to Disney World or a big field on the Fourth of July and having picnics with friends. The problem is you're either worried you're going to be recognized, or you're thankful you're not. It's always there. ~ Chris Evans

At Epcot Center the Disney corporation has focused its attention on two things greatly in need of Disneyfication: the tedious future and the annoying whole wide world. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

I mean, drink driving is bad, drug driving is bad, but what is driving whilst under the influence of a fuc%ing nymphomaniac in your lap? How many years will this get me, if I do manage to keep my eyes on the road and not drive us off it first? ~ Jimmy Tudeski

Climbers seem to forget that we said in our introduction that there were simply '50 classic routes', not 'the 50 classics'. We chose 50 from a list of about 120. Only a torturer will ever pry loose from our lips the names of those other 70 classics ... ~ Steve Roper

As a writer, I've never limited myself to a specific genre or topic. A person is never just one thing. Like multi-faced dice, there are so many sides to a person; Funny, dramatic, romantic...the list goes on. When I write horror, I do it to my best. When I write comedy, I do that to my best. But, I'm a jack of all trades. It's fun to challenge yourself, breaking the limits of a genre. ~ M. A. Levi

I've always just loved drawing and loved cartoons. Growing up, I loved Disney films, I loved The Simpsons, and I was a big fan of the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes and the way that they would have weird fantasy and then down-to-earth funny character comedy. ~ Alex Hirsch

While we're at it, why don't we add a third emotion to this list: lust. You are probably unaware that Linnaeus lumped the tomato into the same genus as the potato, a food with a reputation for its widespread availability and easy satisfaction of oral needs. ~ Benson Bruno

So!" Jack said, clapping his hands and grinning at me. "We ready to go? What's the transportation plan?"
"I guess I'll go with Reth, and - "
Lend shouted, "No, you're not going anywhere alone with Reth."
"Fine, I'll go with Jack, and - "
"That doesn't work for me either."
I laughed drily. "Okay then, I'll click my heels together three times and say, 'There's no place like the Center, there's no place like the Center,' and then magically appear there!"
He was quiet for a few seconds. "You'll probably be safer with Reth." It sounded like he was speaking through clenched teeth. "And I can keep a better eye on Jack."
"Well, I for one am thrilled to spend more time with Lend. That's the top of my Fun Things to Do list. We should come up with a secret handshake!" Jack said, pushing me to the side and throwing the door open, which resulted in Lend falling to the floor immediately unconscious. "Oh, whoops." Jack smiled, his eyes gleaming. "Too bad, I like him so much when he's talking."
"Very funny. Keep him safe, okay? I don't Raquel's in the Iron Wing - she would have heard me shouting. Look anywhere you can think of. They might have her in a random room somewhere. We'll meet in Raquel's old office in two hours, whether we've found anything or not."
He nodded, not looking at me as he poked Lend repeatedly with his foot.
"And, Jack? That threat Reth made about your hands? I'm going to apply it to Lend, too. Keep him safe. Or else. ~ Kiersten White

Think good thoughts. Or maybe conjure up your perfect guy, I try to list all of the things I want in a guy. Smart. Funny. Chivalrous. What? Mr. Darcy is hot. Great, now I'm thinking about Colin Firth and he's like my dad's age. So wrong. ~ Daisy Prescott