Jacci Lawson Quotes

Be yourself, because you are the perfect YOU! ~ Jacci Mendelsohn

I believe in the bible. I believe in the one true God. I believe he is the one true God because he's the only one that loved me enough to actually take action in my life. ~ Jacci Mendelsohn

No one preached to me ... No one had to ... I wouldn't have listened anyway. I became a believer from a direct encounter with an answered prayer. I came face to face with God and all his power in a tiny bathroom in Washington. ~ Jacci Mendelsohn

Helen Lawson: The only hit that comes out of a Helen Lawson show is Helen Lawson, and that's ME, baby, remember? ~ Jacqueline Susann

Lady, you have the wrong number. Our cat isn't even in the hospital. He doesn't want pajamas. ~ Jenny Lawson

We're better than Galileo. Because he's dead. ~ Jenny Lawson

No. You said I looked "okay," which is petty much the same thing as saying, "Well, at least your nipples are covered. ~ Jenny Lawson

I am caught in a Mark Twain shame spiral. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'm made from a lot of unfulfilled arson. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'm always another half day behind in life. ~ Jenny Lawson

If we all get a trophy, the world atrophies. ~ John Lawson

*Spoiler alert: Bambi's mom doesn't make it. ~ Jenny Lawson

Tony," DeMarco said, and Benedetto slowly opened his eyes. ~ Mike Lawson

The dark side always seemed very organized and vaguely Republican. ~ Jenny Lawson

everything in the world either is or isn't pandas ~ Jenny Lawson

No one ever expects vaginal arthritis. (Or the Spanish Inquisition). ~ Jenny Lawson

Decorum is highly overrated and probably causes cancer. ~ Jenny Lawson

Laura, they rub your face off using DIAMONDS. ~ Jenny Lawson

I was in the midst of a medium-sized panic attack. ~ Jenny Lawson

Most people don't have poisonous tap water in their house. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'm pretty sure 'ferral cats' is code for 'vampire cougars. ~ Jenny Lawson

It's called "concoctulary,"2 y'all. ~ Jenny Lawson

Sometimes stunned silence is better than applause. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'm not rewarding unrequested, lazy singers with their aggressive pudding demands. ~ Jenny Lawson

This place is very bushy," I said, using words to describe things. ~ Jenny Lawson

Because money can't buy the happiness of a good and understanding spouse. ~ Jenny Lawson

Pretend you're good at it. ~ Jenny Lawson

Pretend you are good at it. ~ Jenny Lawson

I rented sloths by the hour. ~ Jenny Lawson

Your Pants Are Bragging at Me ~ Jenny Lawson

I want my pockets to be like a TARDIS, or Mary Poppins's carpetbag. ~ Jenny Lawson

Call me 'that-weird-chick-who-says-"fuck"-a-lot'" is probably more accurate, ~ Jenny Lawson

Never fight any progressive moves unless you can move faster to achieve something different. ~ Ferdinard S. Lawson

Just cheer up is almost universally looked at as the most unhelpful depression cure ever. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'd eat a human foot if it was smothered in enough cheese and butter. ~ Jenny Lawson

THERE IS ENOUGH FOR ALL. ~ Robert Lawson

I am not anti-European. ~ Nigel Lawson

On the other side of fear is freedom. And usually fewer fingers than you started with. ~ Jenny Lawson

Don't sabotage yourself. There are plenty of other people willing to do that for free. ~ Jenny Lawson

Like it says in the Bible, being a friend means never having to witness farting belly buttons. Or something. ~ Jenny Lawson

My old e-mail addresses are like bars I've been kicked out of and can never return to. ~ Jenny Lawson

It's how people fish when they've run completely out of bait, dynamite, and any common sense whatsoever. There ~ Jenny Lawson

I have never been normal and I think we both know that. ~ Jenny Lawson

It's dreadfully tiresome to keep one's true self hidden" -Hattie ~ Jessica Lawson

When our brains declare war on our very existence. ~ Jenny Lawson

If I cannot see the moon, I'll make my own. ~ Jenny Lawson

Perfect days are just the world setting you up to rip you down. ~ Sue Lawson

He's so hot that he could melt the batteries in my vibrator ~ Cassandra Lawson

It is impossible to outplay an opponent you can't outthink. ~ Lawson Little

I wish for her to have love, and just enough heartbreak to appreciate it. ~ Jenny Lawson

And whenever I had menstral cramps, I could just pretend that Voldemort was close. ~ Jenny Lawson

None of us can ever humble ourselves too much. ~ Steven J. Lawson

Someone has to be the worst ninja in the class. That's just basic math. ~ Jenny Lawson

Depression is like ... when you don't want cheese anymore. Even though it's cheese. ~ Jenny Lawson

Sometimes the depression is mild enough that I mistake it for the flu or mono, ~ Jenny Lawson

It's because right now? YOU'RE READING. That's what the sexy people do. ~ Jenny Lawson

Weirdly also listening to a lot of Aphex Twin again, I loved Syro. ~ Ralph Lawson

He wore an air of perpetual resignation around him like a fashion accessory. ~ B.V. Lawson

Why would I want to do more when I'm already doing so well at nothing? ~ Jenny Lawson

I heard that misery loves company, but I suspected it would get along with pie, too. ~ Jessica Lawson

Call me Ishmael. I won't answer to it, because it's not my name. ~ Jenny Lawson

I honestly can't think of any drug that has more of a stigma than antipsychotics. Truthfully ~ Jenny Lawson

Every decision and direction must come under this overarching goal of bringing glory to God. ~ Steven J. Lawson

I don't believe in low-fat cooking. ~ Nigella Lawson

Severe depression feels like being a wingless bird in a dark,closed box with no way out. Hopeless!! ~ Michelle Lawson

So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It's like my American Express card. ~ Jenny Lawson

What's not to like about you? Sure, you have more sarcasm per square inch than any other mammal. ~ Piper Lawson

Are asparaguses just artichokes that haven't grown properly? Like they started smoking and got really skinny, like supermodels? * ~ Jenny Lawson

As it is with all stories, fast cars, wild bears, mental illness, and even life, only one truth remains: your mileage may vary. ~ Jenny Lawson

If everything that you do is for the market, it won't work. ~ T. Allen Lawson

Office tends to confer a dreadful plausibility on even the most negligible of those who hold it. ~ Mark Lawson

What I want you to know: Dying is easy. Comedy is hard. Clinical depression is no fucking picnic. ~ Jenny Lawson

In good people I see good things ~ Gladys Lawson

I put the kitch into kitchen. ~ Nigella Lawson

Oh my God, calm down, Darwin. Don't get all crazy just 'cause I threw a vampire monkey wrench in your faulty Jesus-zombie logic. ~ Jenny Lawson

You've overthought this. Well, I have an anxiety disorder. This is what it's like in my head all the time. ~ Jenny Lawson

I'd convinced myself that girls are like small bears: cute to look at, but far too dangerous to have lunch with. ~ Jenny Lawson

This year my doctor prescribed me antipsychotics.
"To ... keep the psychotics away?" I asked, jokingly.
She was not joking. ~ Jenny Lawson

If you'd like to quickly round up a whole lot of assholes all in one spot I suggest going to the airport. ~ Jenny Lawson

I am always surprised when people read double entendres into my innocuous babble. ~ Nigella Lawson

Her aunt was turning out to be a human dynamo as well as a former rebel. ~ Julie Lawson

No preacher, regardless of where he serves, is free to reinvent preaching. ~ Steven J. Lawson

When students practice good classroom listening skills, these also become useful life skills. ~ Michael S. Lawson

If you can have Ed Sheeran on your record, you may as well. ~ Jamie Lawson

Then I realized I hurt too much to use Twitter and that's when I knew I was dying. ~ Jenny Lawson

I had no idea how complicated and solitary it could be to write a simple book. ~ Jenny Lawson

As you preach, stay in the text, give honor to Christ and He will use you ~ Steven J. Lawson

I just realized that men get stiletto knives and women get stiletto shoes. This whole thing is fucked. ~ Jenny Lawson

Worship is not the entertainment of man, but the exaltation of God. ~ Steve Lawson

(In cooking), there is always room for careful tinkering. ~ Nigella Lawson

I don't like conflict. ~ Nigella Lawson

There will be moments when you have to be a grown-up. Those moments are tricks. Do not fall for them. ~ Jenny Lawson

I can feel other people's emotions. Their life force, maybe? Something. It's uncomfortable but in a way that's hard to define. ~ Jenny Lawson

No one ever felt sorry for a banker. ~ Dominic Lawson

Mentally ill. It's a phrase that once scared me, but now I wear it like an old jacket, comfortable but ugly. ~ Jenny Lawson

When life gives you lemons you should freeze them and use them to throw at your enemies using some sort of trebuchet. ~ Jenny Lawson

He was a Super Politician, defender of untruths, injustice and the American power-play. ~ B.V. Lawson

Which sort of shows why my body is an idiot, because forced narcolepsy is pretty much the worst defense ever. ~ Jenny Lawson

The new Squarepusher album as well, although it is proper headf*** industrial. Not one for a pool party in Ibiza! ~ Ralph Lawson

You assume you would be in darkness without light only because you have never been without the sun. ~ Cydney Lawson