Humour Faefever Quotes

I was in Cancun, Mexico, sitting in a disappearing-edge swimming pool, on a bar stool that was actually under the water, watching palm trees sway in a sultry breeze against the unmistakable aqua splendor of the Caribbean Sea; drinking coconut, lime, and tequila from a scooped-out pineapple, with salt spray of breaking surf and sun kissing my skin.
Translation: I'd died and gone to heaven. ~ Karen Marie Moning

... the director explained to him, in that slow, simplified, style of language that one uses for the intellectually underprivileged, ~ Gary Edward Gedall

A lot of the people who live the lives of 'Crazy Rich Asians' don't see the humour of their lives simply because this is just who they are. Even though I'm from that part of the world, I'm no longer part of that world. ~ Kevin Kwan

I need to know, Hannah. Why did you fucking leave?" His brutal tone is clear as his fingers trace their way up my thigh and skim over the silk material of my underwear. I push my pelvis towards him; I need his fingers in me now. He has different ideas, trying to tease an answer out of me, and my invitation for more contact is ignored. If there is any chance of me having what I want, I need to answer him. ~ A.J. Walters

Embarrassing as it was to admit, I was beginning to enjoy the role, thinking there was nothing like packing a pair of cuffs to put some spring into a woman's step. ~ Janet Evanovich

OPIATE, n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard. ~ Ambrose Bierce

As for Phileas Fogg, it seemed just as if the typhoon were a part of his programme ~ Jules Verne

You quoted Oscar Wilde." I smiled.
Hayden laughed. "Yeah, that was, like, the height of geekdom."
"No. It was kind of cool. ~ Jennifer L. Armentrout

I usually balance out autobiography with goofy, amusing stuff to help keep the humour in my more serious work. ~ Jeffrey Brown

Bad habits have brought me this far: why change such a tried-and-true formula? ~ Christopher Hitchens

We can borrow from the moneylenders in York.'
'We burned York two winters ago,' Drogo pointed out. ~ Robert Lyndon

I think if you come from a history of persecution you have to develop a sense of humour. ~ Sacha Baron Cohen

My mortgage isn't getting any cheaper and I can't run that Ferrari on faith alone," Reverend Jones said. "Don't get me wrong, the Big Man upstairs does what he can but I've never once seen him filling up the tank of my car. ~ Mark Jackman

Oh no?" he sneered, pulling a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lighting one up. "Knowing what you're like, the slightest sign of a discarded cigarette butt and you would've been crawling around on your hands and knees trying to figure out how tall the smoker was, how old he was, what zodiac sign he was, whether he'd taken a crap that morning, and Christ knows what else. ~ Tim O'Rourke

The club is too loud to talk, so after a couple of drinks, everyone feels like the centre of attention but completely cut off from participating with anyone else.
You're the corpse in an English murder mystery. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

You shouldn't panic so much," Siris said. "You'll never be a good thief if you panic. ~ Sean F. Hogan

Achieve everything and fail at the rest ~ Benny Bellamacina

It is a fool of a shepherd who culls his dogs. ~ Jefferson Smith

Expats of any country are quick to lose their sense of humour, beaten down by a lifetime of defending the land they no longer live in. ~ Bill Carter

I am aware I sound like a Marxist Victor Meldrew but, guess what, I'm over 50 and I don't give a fuck. ~ Mark Thomas

I was emotionally erect. ~ Sherman Alexie

Trouble can be purchased cheaply, though the refund may be more than you can bear. ~ Roger Zelazny

Is he always like that?' Sandra asked.

'Well, he lives his life courting different girls week and after week and being incredibly successful, so you're pretty much giving him a run for his money,' he said with a wink at Janis.

'Not my cup of tea,' Janis answered.

'And I can't admire you even more,' Jared grinned. ~ Deepika Kumaaraguru

Tell me,' he asked, with some embarassment, as we strolled along: 'you're a bloody German, aren't you?'
'Oh, no. I'm Hungarian.'
'Hungarian?'
'Hungarian.'
'What's that? Is that a country? Or you are just having me on?
'Not at all. On my word of honour, it is a country.'
'And where do you Hungarians live?'
'In Hungary. Between Austria, Romania, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia'.
'Come off it. Those places were made up by Shakespeare. ~ Antal Szerb

Forgive me if I'm uncomfortable around people with the authority to chop my head off. ~ Zoe Reed

Fight Apathy! ... or don't. ~ Fallout New Vegas Graffiti

Her hair was pulled back so severely, it would have won approval from the Spanish Inquisition as a method of torture. ~ Will Thomas

I sense a learning: that much dumber people than you end up in charge. ~ D.B.C. Pierre

I love men. They Taste like Chicken ~ Jill Conner Browne

Idiocy in the modern age isn't an all-encompassing, twenty-four-hour situation for most people. It's a condition that everybody slips into many times a day. Life is just too complicated to be smart all the time. ~ Scott Adams

Throughout time, we, as cats, have been worshipped by lower beings such as humans. Nothing has changed. ~ Rosie Malezer

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. ~ Ambrose Bierce

(on the word "fuck")

'Oh, come on, Mum,' I sighed at her protest. 'It's just an old Anglo-Saxon word for the female organ which has been adopted by an inherently misogynist language as a negative epithet. It's the same as "fuck", it basically means the same as copulate, but the latter is perfectly acceptable. Why? Because copulate has its roots in Latin and Latin reminds us that we are a sophisticated, learned species, not the rutting animals that these prehistoric grunts would have us appear to be, and isn't that really the issue here? We don't want to admit that we are essentially animals? We want to distinguish ourselves from the fauna with grand conceits and elaborate language; become angels worthy of salvation, not dumb creatures consigned to an earthly, terminal end. It's just a word, Mum; a sound meaning a thing; and your disgust is just denial of a greater horror: that our consciousness is not an indication of our specialness but the terrifying key to knowing how truly insignificant we are.'

She told me to got fuck myself. ~ Simon Pegg

Lots of distractions - that's good.
Murderous angels everywhere - that's bad.
That's about as far as my frozen brain will go. ~ Susan Ee

Politicians like to panic. They need activity. It's their substitute for achievement. ~ Sir Humphrey Appleby