Humorous Philosophy Quotes

The better organized the state, the duller its humanity. ~ David Mitchell

She has a particular penchant for mentally noting how much I drink, how much I eat, how much exercise I get, and the like. These specifics all fall within her purview. So in truth, I don't remember how much I drink; it's not my job. ~ Jack Flanagan

Smoking will probably kill me, but so will natural selection. ~ Carroll Bryant

No matter how hot your anger may be, it cannot cook. ~ Lesotho

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win. ~ Jacob M. Appel

And if anyone asks, you're Chinese. The boy had nodded. "Chinese," he whispered. "I'm Chinese." "And I," said the girl, "am the Queen of Spain." "In your dreams," said the boy. "In my dreams," said the girl, "I'm the King. ~ Julie Otsuka

Some people make things happen. Some people watch things happen. And then there are those who wonder, 'What the hell just happened? ~ Carroll Bryant

It's hard to tread lightly when you continue to accumulate. ~ Craig Smedley

You are an old pig!'one of them said to the other. 'And that is worse than being a young one. ~ Ivan Turgenev

Hindsight is usually more tragic than helpful. ~ Linda S. Godfrey

you can't say "if this didn't happen then that would have happened" because you don't know everything that might have happened.You might think something'd be good, but for all you know, it could have turned out horrible. You can't say "If only I'd ..." because you could be wishing for anything. The point is, you'll never know. You've gone past. So there's no use thinking about it. So I don't ~ Terry Pratchett

One acronym to live by: PDADP, meaning Personal Displays of Affection Disturb People. ~ Michelle A. Lammers

It is okay for a child to play with the mother's breasts, but not the father's testicles. ~ Guinea

The life of your body may be sustained by daily bread and rice, but the life of your soul may only be sustained by the fruit of wisdom. ~ Subhan Zein

Nothing was ever in tune. People just blindly grabbed at whatever there was: communism, health foods, zen, surfing, ballet, hypnotism, group encounters, orgies, biking, herbs, Catholicism, weight-lifting, travel, withdrawal, vegetarianism, India, painting, writing, sculpting, composing, conducting, backpacking, yoga, copulating, gambling, drinking, hanging around, frozen yogurt, Beethoven, Back, Buddha, Christ, TM, H, carrot juice, suicide, handmade suits, jet travel, New York City, and then it all evaporated and fell apart. People had to find things to do while waiting to die. I guess it was nice to have a choice. ~ Charles Bukowski

The future belongs to those who enhance their level of consciousness and awareness everyday. ~ Debasish Mridha

If you want to see magic, love someone and see the magical transformation. ~ Debasish Mridha

I agree with Abhijit Naskar that the path of tolerance is the only way - but it must be accompanied by continued pressure to break down barriers to access to information, so that our tolerance isn't exploited to further the ends of totalitarian religious groups. ~ Daniel C. Dennett

I was up all night just to talk to myself about you. ~ Debasish Mridha

Why, you boggle-eyed, flap-tongued, drag-bellied offspring of unmentionable algae! You seething little leprous blotch of bat-nibbled fungus! You cringing parasite on the underside of a dwarfish and ignoble worm! ~ Lewis Padgett

It is not the loss that makes you a loser, but it is how you respond to it. ~ Debasish Mridha

Where would we be without our painful childhoods? ~ Rebecca McNutt

Dear Sirs," Flick began before loudly inhaling, "On account of there being no heat down here in account of the being no electricity on account of the brand-new energy rations so thoughtfully and nobly and honorably imposed on the steerage decks by Sovereign Nicolaeus on account of the blackouts - Aster fell prey to a brief fit of hypothermia-induced delirium de spoke against you in her maddery. She's healed up now so you don't have to worry about it happening again. ~ Rivers Solomon

Forgive everyone. Forgive every misery and misfortune with love. ~ Debasish Mridha

We alays blame the outer world for our failures, unhappiness and frustration. It is time to realise that it is health, harmony and wealth of our inner world that determine the degree of our success, joy, peace and bliss. ~ Vishwas Chavan

Like a rose, life is charming and beautiful. By spreading fragrance, we make it meaningful. ~ Debasish Mridha

To live a worthy life, just love.
Love is the essence of life and it makes the life worthwhile. ~ Debasish Mridha

The Soviet Union at this time was being run by the Communists, a group of men fierce in their dedication to wearing hilariously bad suits. Their leader was Josef Stalin (Russian for "Joey Bananas") ~ Dave Barry

To repeat abstractly, universally, and distinctly in concepts the whole inner nature of the world , and thus to deposit it as a reflected image in permanent concepts always ready for the faculty of reason , this and nothing else is philosophy. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children. ~ Kahlil Gibran

Unicorns aren't magical and beautiful. They're just predatory horses that have horns and love to eat virgins. ~ Delilah S. Dawson

The ancient world was fairly modern for its time. ~ Anthony T. Hincks

Love continues to enhance and enrich my life. ~ Debasish Mridha

Do not commit spiritual suicide through a passion for discussing metaphysical subtleties. ~ Charles Haddon Spurgeon

When I learned how to calculate, I stopped counting. When I learned how to smile, I stopped being afraid. When I learned to understand what my cowardice wants from me, I stopped retreating. ~ Angelos Michalopoulos

Happiness is a state of awareness, which comes from tranquility, service, love, grace, and forgiveness. ~ Debasish Mridha

Your life is your artwork and you are to paint life as a beautiful struggle. With your brush, paint the colors of joy in vibrant shades of red. Color the sky a baby blue, a color as free as your heart. With rich, earthy tones shade the valleys that run deep into the ground where heaven meets hell. Life is as chaotic as the color black, a blend of all colors, and this makes life a beautiful struggle. Be grateful for the green that makes up the beautiful canvas, for nature has given you everything that you need to be happy. Most of all, don't ever feel the need to fill the entire canvas with paint, for the places left blank are the most honest expressions of who you are. ~ Forrest Curran

Great poets are all philosophers too profound to systematize their ideas. Inside every dark visionary is a being of insidious reason waiting patiently for his host to die. From the cleft of the creative arises the categorical flower. ~ Alex Stein

Animal rights activists are actually abolitionists. They do not require larger and more spacious cages, but empty cages. ~ Maja Vučković

Holy hell," Shawn whispered, his eyes glued to Ziang's front. Particularly to what Ziang didn't have between his legs. "Dude, where's your dick? ~ M.A. Church

When you are loving, kind, and true everyone will find astonishing beauty within you. ~ Debasish Mridha

Life is a magical melody. ~ Debasish Mridha

The idea of freedom is valid for all people and in all times. ~ Eraldo Banovac

-"He loved her ... It was noble of him. It was beautiful."
-"It was stupid. ~ Lloyd Alexander

When I was young, most teachers of philosophy in British and American universities were Hegelians, so that, until I read Hegel, I supposed there must be some truth to his system; I was cured, however, by discovering that everything he said on the philosophy of mathematics was plain nonsense. ~ Bertrand Russell

Non-Dualism is the future of all Religions. ~ Abhijit Naskar

No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this; the only right is what is after my constitution; the only wrong is what is against it. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Accept love with love, but never forget to forgive hate with love. ~ Debasish Mridha

Good, then, is indefinable.... ~ G.E. Moore

Feel the kiss of ocean breeze,
Hear the song of dancing wave
Let your soul fly away with seagulls
To fill the heart with the joy of life. ~ Debasish Mridha