Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples Quotes

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When I was a kid," Orr replied, "I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek."

... A minute passed. "Why?" [Yossarian] found himself forced to ask finally.

Orr tittered triumphantly. "Because they're better than horse chestnuts... When I couldn't get crab apples," Orr continued, "I used horse chestnuts. Horse chestnuts are about the same size as crab apples and actually have a better shape, although the shape doesn't matter a bit."

"Why did you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks?" Yossarian asked again. "That's what I asked."

"Because they've got a better shape than horse chestnuts," Orr answered. "I just told you that."

"Why," swore Yossarian at him approvingly, "you evil-eyed, mechanically aptituded, disaffiliated son of a bitch, did you walk around with anything in your cheeks?"

"I didn't," Orr said, "walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab applies in my cheeks. When I couldn't get crab apples I walked around with horse chestnuts. In my cheeks. ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.
"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed. ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
'That's some catch, that Catch-22,' he observed.
'It's the best there is,' Doc Daneeka agreed.
Yossarian saw it clearly in all its spinning reasonableness. There was an elliptical precision about its perfect pairs of parts that was graceful and shocking, like good modern art, and at times Yossarian wasn't quite sure he saw it at all, just the way he was never quite sure about good modern art or about the flies Orr saw in Appleby's eyes. he had Orr's word to take for Appleby's eyes. ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
She acts like she don't like you"
"She doesn't like anyone"
"She likes Capitan Black", Orr reminded.
"That's because he treats her like dirt. Anyone can get a girl that way ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
Despite an unfriendly demeanor and shrewd tongue, Sister Hilde's nose was her deadliest weapon. Same as the rest of her, it was long, pointed, and gnarled like an old tree, striking out first in one direction, then shifting midstride to head in quite another, then finally changing its mind again and heading back the way it had gone to begin with. When she was irritated, it twitched back and forth and turned red. When she was mad, it dove down and depressed her nostrils, making them flare out like crab apples. Children claimed she could even point with it, and the last thing a child wanted was to look up and find Sister Hilde's nose pointing at him. Wherever Hilde was, somewhere else was always a better place to be. ~ A.S. Peterson
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by A.S. Peterson
Orr was one of the homeliest freaks Yossarian had ever encountered, and one of the most attractive. ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
With a combination of proper lighting and climate control he managed to achieve a different ecological niche in each gallery. In the African section, where the imbrications of Augustine, Mafouz and Okri lay decomposing, he grew sorghum and Dioscorea yams. In the Chinese gallery where the Tao Te Ching and countless Confucian annotations moldered, he grew rice, crab apples and barley. Over the poems of Neruda and Borges himself, he grew potatoes. Each plant in this new Eden he lovingly tainted with the virus of civilization

- from the short story "Resurrection ~ Victor Fernando R. Ocampo
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Victor Fernando R. Ocampo
She had only to stand in the orchard, to put her hand on a little crab tree and look up at the apples, to make you feel the goodness of planting and tending and harvesting at last. ~ Willa Cather
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Willa Cather
I ran a constant low fever waiting for my ride to come and take me away to something finer. I lay in bed at night, watching the red beacon on top of the water tower, a clear signal to me of the beauty and mystery of a life that waited for me far away, and thought of Housman's poem,
"Loveliest of trees, the cherry now
Is hung with bloom upon the bough.
It stands among the woodland ride,
Wearing white for Eastertide.
Now, of my three-score years and ten,
Twenty will not come again ... "
and would have run away to where people would appreciate me, had I known of such a place, had I thought my parents would understand. But if I had said, "Along the woodland I must go to see the cherry hung with snow," they would have said, "Oh,no, you don't. You're going to stay right here and finish up what I told you to do three hours ago. Besides, those aren't cherry trees, those are crab apples. ~ Garrison Keillor
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Garrison Keillor
But she still had that something which fires the imagination, could still stop one's breath for a moment by a look or gesture that somehow revealed the meaning in common things. She had only to stand in the orchard, to put her hand on a little crab tree and look up at the apples, to make you feel the goodness of planting and tending and harvesting at last. All the strong things of her heart came out in her body, that had been so tireless in serving generous emotions. It was no wonder that her sons stood tall and straight. She was a rich mine of life, like the founders of early races. ~ Willa Cather
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Willa Cather
When I was a kid, I used to walk around all day with crab apples in my cheeks. One in each cheek."

I threw the book down. It was impossible to read anything with a guy like Orr around you.

"Why?" I finally asked.

"Because they're better than horse chestnuts," he answered with a twinge of triumph in his voice.

"Why'd you walk around with crab apples in your cheeks? That's what I asked," I said, glaring at him.

He didn't notice, of course. He was still pacing around the room.

"When I couldn't get crab apples, I used horse chestnuts. They're about the same size and actually have a better shape, though the shape don't matter much. Who belongsa this?" He was holding the hunting knife from the mosquito-net bar by the dead man in our tent. That guy Orr'd pick up anything. I told him it was the dead man's. So he chucked it backwards, and it landed three inches away from the dead man's head. If Old Orr had better aim, it probably woulda killed the guy, if he weren't already dead.

"Why did you walk around with anything in your cheeks?" I was losing my patience now. You always lose your patience when you're talking with a guy like Orr.

"I didn't walk around with anything in my cheeks. I walked around with crab apples in my cheeks, and when I couldn't get crab apples I used horse chestnuts. In my cheeks. One in each cheek."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted… ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
I did it to protect my good reputation in case anyone ever caught me walking around with crab apples in my cheeks. With rubber balls in my hands I could deny there were crab apples in my cheeks. Everytime someone asked me why I was walking around with crab apples in my cheeks, I'd just open my hands and show them it was rubber balls I was walking around with, not crab apples, and that they were in my hands, not my cheeks. It was a good story, but I never knew if it got across or not, since its pretty hard to make people understand you when your talking to them with two crab apples in your cheeks. ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
There was no established procedure for evasive action. All you needed was fear, and Yossarian had plenty of that, more fear than Orr or Hungry Joe, more fear even than Dunbar, who had resigned himself submissively to the idea that he must die someday ~ Joseph Heller
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joseph Heller
Every thought is a seed. If you plant crab apples, don't count on harvesting Golden Delicious. ~ Bill Meyer
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Bill Meyer
I've always felt comfortable amongst the horrors. I married your uncle Gerard, after all. ~ Melika Dannese Lux
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Melika Dannese Lux
Even geniuses could get things wrong-look at Einstein's unfortunate choice of a hairdresser. ~ Joss Stirling
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Joss Stirling
Never be the senior man with a secret. ~ LCDR Leland Shanle
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by LCDR Leland Shanle
Someone once called Lincoln two-faced. "If I am two-faced, would I wear the face that I have now?" Lincoln asked. ~ Judith St. George
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Judith St. George
I started to make harder jokes before anyone else did. And the producers would get anxious. They'd say, 'That's a little bit hard-edged, isn't it?' And I'd say, 'Let's just try it and see how the audience reacts. If they don't like it, let's cut it out.' And the audience roared with laughter, so I learned you could do this harder humor and people loved it. ~ John Cleese
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by John Cleese
Please?" asked the girl.

"I AM BUSY. I AM TRYING TO FIX CONTINENTAL DRIFT."

"I…didn't know it was broken."

Uriel's face became more animated, his speech faster.

"IT HAS BEEN BROKEN FOR FIVE WEEKS AND FIVE DAYS. I THINK IT BROKE WHEN I RELOADED NEW ZEALAND FROM A BACKUP COPY, BUT I DO NOT KNOW WHY. MY SYNCHRONIZATION WAS IMPECCABLE AND THE CHANGE PROPAGATED SIMULTANEOUSLY ACROSS ALL SEPHIROT. I THINK SOMEBODY BOILED A GOAT IN ITS MOTHER'S MILK. IT IS ALWAYS THAT. I KEEP TELLING PEOPLE NOT TO DO IT, BUT NOBODY LISTENS. ~ Scott Alexander
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Scott   Alexander
I want steak," he said, stopping to look at her. "And shrimp. And lobster. And pancakes. And a candy bar".
"I'm sorry, you'll have to settle for a couple of sandwiches".
Thomas sighed."Figures". ~ James Dashner
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by James Dashner
Well, of course. But, we already knew that. I mean ... I am kind of a big deal-Matt Carter ~ Natasha Larry
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Natasha Larry
The real menace in dealing with a 5-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a 5-year-old. ~ Jean Kerr
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Jean Kerr
Life is a Game; More you play, More you learns ~ Harishankar Kaushik Hsk
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Harishankar Kaushik Hsk
I knew Knotcher was trying to push my buttons. Unfortunately, he'd pushed the big red one first. ~ Ernest Cline
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Ernest Cline
You look lovely tonight, my lady," Kellan said for her ears alone as he took her into his arms-not too close, of course.
His flattery pleased her but did not discompose her as Grey's did. Rose smiled sincerely in response. "Thank you, sir. Might I say that you are in very fine looks as well."
"You always know exactly the right thing to say to woo me, Lady Rose." He grinned as they moved through a turn. "Have a care, else you're likely to break my heart."
"If it is so easily broken, perhaps you should hold it a little more dear," she advised archly.
He winced, but it was apparent that he had taken the remark with the humor she intended. "She mocks me."
"You are mistaken, sir. I am merely thinking of your best interests."
They shared a smile and were silent for a turn.
"I am surprised that Ryeton allowed you to come tonight."
Rose raised a brow. "The duke does not dictate where I can and cannot go." Grey might be her benefactor, but he was not her guardian.
"That is good to hear," Kellan replied, ignoring the edge to her tone. "So he cannot prevent you from taking a drive in Hyde Park with me tomorrow afternoon."
She chuckled. "No, I suppose not. But first, you might want to ask me if I care to take a drive with you."
"Do you?"
She did. Did that make her awful? Just a few minutes ago she'd been missing Grey and thinking about how much she cared for him, and now here she was flirting with Kellan and fluttering over the ~ Kathryn Smith
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Kathryn Smith
When you were dying, Edward quickly discovered, people would let you do pretty much whatever you wanted. So he made some new unofficial decrees:
1. The king was allowed to sleep in as long as he wished.
2. The king no longer had to wear seven layers of elaborate, jewel-encrusted clothing. Or silly hats with feathers. Or pants that resembled pumpkins. Or tights. From now on, unless it was a special occasion, he was fine in just a simple shirt and trousers.
3. Dessert was to be served first. Blackberry pie, preferably. With whipped cream.
4. The king would no longer be taking part in any more dreary studies. His fine tutors had filled his head with enough history, politics and philosophy to last him two lifetimes, and as he was unlikely to get even half of one lifetime, there was no need for study. No more lessons, he decided. No more books. No more tutors' dirty looks.
5. The king was now going to reside in the top of the southeast turret, where he could sit in the window ledge and gaze out at the river for as long as he liked.
6. No one at court would be allowed to say the following words or phrases: affliction, illness,
malady, sickness, disease, disorder, ailment, infirmity, convalescence, indisposition, malaise,
plight, plague, poor health, failing health, what's going around, or your condition. Most of all, no one was allowed to say the word dying.
And finally (and perhaps most importantly, for the sake of our story)
7. ~ Cynthia Hand
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Cynthia Hand
Live the message, don't just read about it and preach. ~ Dennis M. Dupuis
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Dennis M. Dupuis
Lots of old guys wore beige trench coats and those flat caps that made them look like boys who sold newspapers a hundred years ago. ~ A.J. Cattapan
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by A.J. Cattapan
As for queueing-up, during the past five or ten years it has become what the psychologists call a conditioned reflex. If you put a dozen English people together, they form themselves into a queue almost instinctively. ~ George Orwell
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by George Orwell
Presidents, whether things are good or bad, get the blame. I understand that. ~ George W. Bush
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by George W. Bush
Cheese, Leon! Go get the cheese! ~ N.D. Wilson
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by N.D. Wilson
It looks as though your shop is doing well," Luka said gazing around, "Could you help me find a gift for a lady friend of mine?"
My heart plunged to my grenn satin slippers, and I had to stare down at Azarte for a minute, petting him hard. Naturally Luka had a "lady friend." She was probably nobly born: the daughter of a count or a duke. I imagined her having thick dark hair and clear skin, and was bitterly jealous. "Of course," I stammered after a time. "What would she like? A gown? A sash?" If she came in for a fitting, I decided to "accidentlly" poke her with every pin. ~ Jessica Day George
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Jessica Day George
What can educators do to foster real intelligence?..We can attempt to teach the things that one might imagine the earth would teach us: silence, humility, holiness, connectedness, courtesy, beauty, celebration, giving, restoration, obligation, and wildness. ~ David W. Orr
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by David W. Orr
I thought the trees down in Lady Zelana's country were about as big as a tree could get," he said, "but the ones around here are so tall that they probably tickle the moon's tummy when she goes by. ~ David Eddings
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by David Eddings
I'm also honored to be here with the speaker of the House - just happens to be from the state of Illinois. I'd like to describe the speaker as a trustworthy man. He's the kind of fellow who says when he gives you his word he means it. Sometimes that doesn't happen all the time in the political process. ~ George W. Bush
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by George W. Bush
I'm right and you're wrong, I'm big and you're small, and there's nothing you can do about it. ~ Roald Dahl
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Roald Dahl
It must be around forty, when you're "over the hill." I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. ~ Ellen DeGeneres
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
Dracula is a morning person compared to me. ~ Kim Dallmeier
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Kim Dallmeier
It doesn't matter what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. ~ Steven Wright
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Steven Wright
The distance had been evaporated by humor ~ Davis Bunn
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Davis Bunn
Sithaer's dark furies," Dakar swore. "Why do I stay with you?"
"For maudlin entertainment, no doubt. ~ Janny Wurts
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Janny Wurts
Other cars on the highway driven by believers will suddenly be out of control and stark pandemonium will occur on ... every highway in the world where Christians are caught away from the drivers wheel. ~ Jerry Falwell
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Jerry Falwell
Temporary Insanity had come a-knocking and I had shouted "Come on in the door is open." Luckily, Reality had come unexpectedly and found Temporary Insanity roaming the corridors of my mind unchecked, going into rooms, opening cupboards, reading my letters, looking in my underwear drawer, that kind of thing. Reality had run and got Sanity. And after a tussle, they both had managed to throw out Temporary Insanity and slam the door in his face. Temporary Insanity now lay on the gravel in the driveway of my mind, panting and furious, shouting, "She invited me in, you know. She asked me in. She wanted me there. ~ Marian Keyes
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Marian Keyes
Currently, it was leading him through a neighborhood that was on the downside of whatever curve you hoped you'd bought your property on the upside of. Graffiti and garbage were everywhere here. They were everywhere in the city, if it came to that, but elsewhere the garbage was better quality, and the graffiti was close to being correctly spelled. The whole area was waiting for something to happen, like a really bad fire. ~ Terry Pratchett
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Terry Pratchett
Henry David Thoreau is my favorite writer of all time, my literary god king, and his essay Wild Apples is my favorite thing to read. ~ Nicholas Trandahl
Humor Orr Yossarian Crab Apples quotes by Nicholas Trandahl
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