Humor Miracles Quotes

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Quotes About Humor Miracles

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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they come from, or how often they should appear. ~ Lemony Snicket
Humor Miracles quotes by Lemony Snicket
I do not want chemistry to degenerate into a religion; I do not want the chemist to believe in the existence of atoms as the Christian believes in the existence of Christ in the communion wafer. ~ Marcellin Berthelot
Humor Miracles quotes by Marcellin Berthelot
[Jem] looked from Will to Tessa and raised his silvery eyebrows. "A miracle," he said. "You got him to speak."
"Just to shout at me, really," said Tessa. "Not quite loaves and fishes. ~ Cassandra Clare
Humor Miracles quotes by Cassandra Clare
You're bullshitting."
"Don't they call it horseshitting down here? ~ Abigail Roux
Humor Miracles quotes by Abigail Roux
A ride on pride is a tide of divide. Who's proud of a proud friend? A haughty friend is a naughty person; his mental faculty is ever faulty. However, do not deride all pride; a pinch of pride is in stride with confidence. ~ Vincent Okay Nwachukwu
Humor Miracles quotes by Vincent Okay Nwachukwu
You'd think people had better things to gossip about," said Ginny as she sat on the common room floor, leaning against Harry's legs and reading the Daily Prophet. "Three Dementor attacks in a week, and all Romilda Vane does is ask me if it's true you've got a Hippogriff tattooed across your chest."
Ron and Hermione both roared with laughter. Harry ignored them.
What did you tell her?"
I told her it's a Hungarian Horntail," said Ginny, turning a page of the newspaper idly. "Much more macho."
Thanks," said Harry, grinning. "And what did you tell her Ron's got?"
A Pygmy Puff, but I didn't say where. ~ J.K. Rowling
Humor Miracles quotes by J.K. Rowling
He is a policeman. It is his job to bully people. ~ M. R. C. Kasasian
Humor Miracles quotes by M. R. C. Kasasian
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. ~ Woody Allen
Humor Miracles quotes by Woody Allen
It has often been said
there's so much to be read,
you never can cram
all those words in your head.
So the writer who breeds
more words than he needs
is making a chore
for the reader who reads.
That's why my belief is
the briefer the brief is,
the greater the sigh
of the reader's relief is.
And that's why your books
have such power and strength.
You publish with shorth!
(Shorth is better than length.) ~ Dr. Seuss
Humor Miracles quotes by Dr. Seuss
For most people, home we represented by four walls and a roof. Not for Noa. She preferred a motherboard to a mother, a keyboard to house keys. Nothing was more comforting than the hum of a spinning hard drive. ~ Michelle Gagnon
Humor Miracles quotes by Michelle Gagnon
Labor is a man crowning glory."
"Not this man's."
"I quote Marx"
I raised my hands. The pickaxe handle had been rough.
"I quote blisters. ~ John Fowles
Humor Miracles quotes by John Fowles
My two older brothers are both molecular biologists and neuroscientists, and I feel like representing them accurately is never done in movies, and I really wanted to at least capture the spirit of a Ph.D. student whose goal and aspiration is to increase the sum total of human knowledge. That is noble. That was really, really important, to capture the three-dimensionality of scientists. Scientists fall in love, scientists have the greatest sense of humor, scientists are passionate. ~ Mike Cahill
Humor Miracles quotes by Mike Cahill
The strangeness of the Barrayaran government system with all its unwritten customs, pressed on Cordelia not so much as first glance but gradually. And yet it seemed to work for them somehow. They made it work, pretending a government into existence.
Perhaps all governments were all consensus fictions at their hearts. ~ Lois McMaster Bujold
Humor Miracles quotes by Lois McMaster Bujold
In the beginning, I was put off by the harshness of German. Someone would order a piece of cake, and it sounded as if it were an actual order, like, 'Cut the cake and lie facedown in that ditch between the cobbler and the little girl'. ~ David Sedaris
Humor Miracles quotes by David Sedaris
Following the eruption [that took the life] of the 106, and for the first time in Solarist studies, there were petitions demanding thermo-nuclear attacks on the ocean. ~ Stanislaw Lem
Humor Miracles quotes by Stanislaw Lem
If I notice it, it's called vanity. But if you don't notice it, it's called stupidity. ~ K.N.R
Humor Miracles quotes by K.N.R
This tiger is sprawled
So still and so flat,
A question arises
When glancing thereat.
Is he asleep? to be
Perfectly frank,
He looks more as if
He was creamed by a tank! ~ Bill Watterson
Humor Miracles quotes by Bill Watterson
In spite of myself, I gave a snort. Just once, I'd like to hear a simple, straightforward prophecy. ~ Cameron Dokey
Humor Miracles quotes by Cameron Dokey
The sun, like a boil on the bright blue ass of day, rolled gradually forward and spread its legs wide to reveal the pubic thatch of night, a hairy darkness in which stars crawled like lice, and the moon crabbed slowly upward like an albino dog tick striving for the anal gulch. ~ Joe R. Lansdale
Humor Miracles quotes by Joe R. Lansdale
Ground Control to Major Spazz. Can you hear me, Major Spazz? ~ Tammy Blackwell
Humor Miracles quotes by Tammy Blackwell
Oscar Wilde: "I wish I had said that." Whistler: "You will, Oscar; you will. ~ James McNeill Whistler
Humor Miracles quotes by James McNeill Whistler
For people who like that sort of thing, that's the sort of thing they like. ~ William F. Buckley, Jr.
Humor Miracles quotes by William F. Buckley, Jr.
Imagine if you will - and you will - a mushroom cloud bigger than anything that you currently see out that window. Imagine jet planes and bombers the size of apartment complexes dropping technological marvels of deconstruction upon this city, this world, all around the epicenter of a blooming death cloud. Imagine that mushroom coming to a head, knowing that it is filled with unimaginable heat and concrete, dust, papers - human faces, eyes, and brains. Gray matter filling the radioactive cloud with electricity as all that is inside us leaves us and becomes one with the mushroom. Glass will melt and connect with steel, and we will melt and connect with each other as everything that made us whole is criminally dissected and rearranged. Everything below us, from the sewer tunnels to the subway line, will be consumed into the cloud and jettisoned into the stratosphere, where it will become nothing but silken ash, hardened to a black substance, and turned back to a black dust, transfixed into a black nothing. A stinking, glowing crater all that remains of where you had your first kiss and told someone that you loved them. A mess of a world where everything you've ever done quickly becomes all that you'll ever do. ~ Michael A. Ferro
Humor Miracles quotes by Michael A. Ferro
Thing is, Mike, ask any woman what she likes most in a man. Compassion, tenderness, sensitivity. Traditionally the female virtues. Perhaps what women secretly desire is a man who is fundamentally a woman. ~ Chiwetel Ejiofor's Character 'Lola' In "Kinky Boots"
Humor Miracles quotes by Chiwetel Ejiofor's Character 'Lola' In
Your as slow as a fat kid on crutches ~ P.C. Cast
Humor Miracles quotes by P.C. Cast
Cervantes is the most important Spanish writer. But he is not the most representative of the Spanish. His irony, his sense of humor - they are too subtle to seem Spanish. ~ Antonio Munoz Molina
Humor Miracles quotes by Antonio Munoz Molina
Fingernails are for opening things and toenails are for storing precious minerals off the ground. ~ Kristen Schaal
Humor Miracles quotes by Kristen Schaal
... zebra crossings were rather like Bosnia's "safe zones": places where, if you die, you may simply die with the knowledge that your killer was in the wrong. ~ Lucy Wadham
Humor Miracles quotes by Lucy Wadham
Love and gratitude can part seas, move mountains, and create miracles. ~ Rhonda Byrne
Humor Miracles quotes by Rhonda Byrne
Don't mind Mallory. She's a sweetheart, once you get past the fact that she's a horrible person. ~ Rick Riordan
Humor Miracles quotes by Rick Riordan
Don't stop at the Ford's because they're at Gerald Flatt's," a short kid says in passing.
"Super dooper!" Granny's dentures clickity-clack. "Don't stomp on the Lord just because it's raining cats." She nods and adjusts her hearing aid. "Those are words to live by, little man! ~ Jenny B. Jones
Humor Miracles quotes by Jenny B. Jones
My Gullah grandfather is bringing a bag of dust to a vampire war. I feel better. ~ Elle Jasper
Humor Miracles quotes by Elle Jasper
Do you work for Starbox? If so, I can't say I dig your new marketing strategy. ~ Jonathan Maberry
Humor Miracles quotes by Jonathan Maberry
What's this "
"A needle."
"What should I do with it " He'd walked right into it. Too easy.
"Please use it to pop your head. It's obscuring my view of the room. ~ Ilona Andrews
Humor Miracles quotes by Ilona Andrews
Lopez patted his arm, closed her eyes with a pained grimace and said, "Then you gotta man the fuck up and go talk about your emotions." She opened her eyes at the muffled groan of protest from Jonah and said sympathetically, "I know, I feel your pain. You want to go shoot something? ~ Taylor Lewis
Humor Miracles quotes by Taylor Lewis
Good, evil, these are human concepts, ways people have for understanding what it means to be alive," Nick said. "Before people came along, this planet was teeming with life, fighting to survive, to live long enough to reproduce, completing the circle of life."

"I'm with you so far," Elphaba said. "The circle of life is an essential Wiccan principle, in spite of The Lion King."

Nick ignored Elphaba's bit of humor as his mood became more serious. "Precisely so. And in this circle of life, you have predators and prey. The predators must kill to eat. If they don't, they starve. Are the predators evil?"

"No, of course not. They're simply acting on their nature."

"What is human nature, then? Are we a species that builds societies of trust and cooperation, or are we a species that seeks power over our fellow man, even if that means fighting wars or otherwise killing him?"

Elphaba frowned, carefully considering her answer. "I'd like to think we are a species of trust and cooperation."

"Our entire history is a story of war, of murder and mayhem, of blood running in the streets," Nick said quietly.

"Yes, yes it is." Elphaba leaned back, grimacing.

"We are both," Nick said. "A species of cooperation, and a species of strife. We fight wars, and we also establish the rule of law to mete out justice to the criminals in our midst. Humans are both good and evil. ~ Abramelin Keldor
Humor Miracles quotes by Abramelin Keldor
A year ago I would've been taken in by his chivalry, but now I knew what laid behind the façade: a frog waiting to bite me where it hurt the most given half the chance. ~ Luella Christie
Humor Miracles quotes by Luella Christie
I think we got some work done, back at the start, because nobody knew us, nobody bothered us - and we had no money. ~ Robert M. Edsel
Humor Miracles quotes by Robert M. Edsel
You'll need to do a better job, Annabelle. No more dates like the first one tonight."
"Agreed. And no more making me sit through your Power Matches introductions, either. As you so wisely pointed out, helping Portia Powers isn't in my best interests."
"Then why are you still trying to talk me into seeing Melanie again?"
"Hunger makes me weird."
"You got rid of the last one in fourteen minutes. Well done. I'm rewarding you by letting you sit in on all the introductions from now on."
She nearly choked on an ice cube. "What are you talking about?"
"Exactly what I said. ~ Susan Elizabeth Phillips
Humor Miracles quotes by Susan Elizabeth Phillips
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. ~ Mark Twain
Humor Miracles quotes by Mark Twain
When you get to a point where there's absolutely nothing you can count on in this world, you're home free. ~ Art Hochberg
Humor Miracles quotes by Art Hochberg
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