Humor Dark Humor Police Cops Nyc Quotes

Don't love the job kid. The Job is a whore, and she won't love you back. ~ James J. Kavanaugh

There is sometimes a fine line between a cop and a criminal. What drives their personality may be the same, and they have simply chosen different roles and professions to call their own."

Dr. ML Rapier PhD, Clinical Psychologist. ~ M.L Rapier

He is a policeman. It is his job to bully people. ~ M. R. C. Kasasian

Police work can grind a man down, mentally, more than physically. I sensed that it is because of the hours of tedium and boredom, interrupted by moments of sheer terror. ~ James J. Kavanaugh

Misa: I can't even imagine a world without light!
L: Well yes, that would be quite dark. ~ Takeshi Obata

Thomas had a depressing - and scary - thought. 'Am I ... replacing someone? Did somebody get killed?'
Minho shook his head. 'No, we're just training you - someone'll want a break. Don't worry, it's been a while since a Runner was killed.'
For some reason that last statement worried Thomas, though he hoped it didn't show on his face. ~ James Dashner

A man's greatest treasures are his illusions - Durzo Blint ~ Brent Weeks

Mr. Bingley observed the desserts his poor servants had been attending to at the time of their demise - a delightful array of tarts, exotic fruits and pies, sadly soiled by blood and brains, and thus unusable. ~ Seth Grahame-Smith

I don't think you should be an Auror, Harry," said Luna unexpectedly. Everybody looked at her. "The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They're working to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a mixture of dark magic and gum disease. ~ J.K. Rowling

Heart condition? That's rich. I guess you can call a heart not beating a condition.-PJ ~ Nessie Strange

A good friend will help you plant your tulips. A great friend will help you plant a gun on the unarmed intruder you just shot. ~ Brian P. Cleary

I get diarrhea more often than the average Muslim. ~ Magnus Wilton

Holly had married him: well, well. I wished I were under the wheels of the train. ~ Truman Capote

Dorothy's coming up. I think she's tight."
"That's great." I picked up my bathrobe. "I was afraid I was going to have to get some sleep."
She was bending over looking for her slippers. "Don't be such an old fluff. You can sleep all day." She found her slippers and stood up in them. "Is she really as afraid of her mother as she says?"
"If she's got any sense. Mimi's poison."
Nora screwed up her dark eyes at me and asked slowly: "What are you holding out on me?"
"Oh, dear," I said, " I was hoping I wouldn't have to tell you. Dorothy is really my daughter. I didn't know what I was doing, Nora. It was spring in Venice and I was so young and there was a moon over the ... "
"Be funny. Don't you want something to eat? ~ Dashiell Hammett

Daddy is jive talking
and showering the stripper
Mommy is sleepwalking
while changing baby's diaper ~ Casey Renee Kiser

But I think I want to become part of Scotland when I die. In a coffin, you just turn to dust, so I would prefer to be buried in a wicker casket, or in a sheet like the Africans do, so that I actually become part of the earth. I would like a tree to be planted on top of me.

And I told my wife Pamela a long time ago the epitaph that I want on my gravestone: Jesus Christ, is that the time already?
Failing that, I would like an epitaph in writing so tiny that visitors would have to inch right next to my gravestone to read it. It would say: You're standing on my balls. ~ Billy Connolly

I took the Nuban's bow. I didn't trust the midget to be able to run down any thieves, and besides, I might want to shoot a circus clown or two. Just for laughs. ~ Mark Lawrence

Although this scouting gig sounded like a financial hit, it made Nonie extremely nervous. She feared someone slip--that someone being Buggy--and others would find out Nonie's secret. And if the wrong person caught wind that she could see and speak to the dead, word would spread through Clay Point like ants at a picnic. ~ Deborah Leblanc

It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time. ~ Gasmaskman

Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels
it's time to head up and move on out. ~ David Sedaris

It had been only natural that as she developed into a young woman, she would become physically attracted to him. Certainly every other female in Hampshire was. McKenna had grown into a tall, big-boned male with striking looks, his features strong if not precisely chiseled, his nose long and bold, his mouth wide. His black hair hung over his forehead in a perpetual spill, while those singular turquoise eyes were shadowed by extravagant dark lashes. To compound his appeal, he possessed a relaxed charm and a sly sense of humor that had made him a favorite on the estate and in the village beyond. ~ Lisa Kleypas

He slouches,' DeeDee contributes.
'True--he needs to work on his posture,' Thelma says.
'You guys,' I say.
'I'm serious,' Thelma says. 'What if you get married? Don't you want to go to fancy dinners with him and be proud?'
'You guys. We are not getting married!'
'I love his eyes,' Jolene says. 'If your kids get his blue eyes and your dark hair--wouldn't that be fabulous?'
'The thing is,' Thelma says, 'and yes, I know, this is the tricky part--but I'm thinking Bliss has to actually talk to him. Am I right? Before they have their brood of brown-haired, blue-eyed children?'
I swat her. "I'm not having Mitchell's children!'
'I'm sorry--what?' Thelma says.
Jolene is shaking her head and pressing back laughter. Her expressing says, Shhh, you crazy girl!
But I don't care. If they're going to embarrass me, then I'll embarrass them right back.
'I said'--I raise my voice--'I am not having Mitchell Truman's children!'
Jolene turns beet red, and she and DeeDee dissolve into mad giggles.
'Um, Bliss?' Thelma says. Her gaze travels upward to someone behind me. The way she sucks on her lip makes me nervous.
'Okaaay, I think maybe I won't turn around,' I announce.
A person of the male persuasion clears his throat.
'Definitely not turning around,' I say. My cheeks are burning. It's freaky and alarming how much heat is radiating from one little me.
'If you change your mind, we might be able to work something o ~ Lauren Myracle

I still get scared at night. Every tiny creak, every little noise, I open my eyes real wide and listen with them. Have you noticed that? When it's dark and you can't see a thing, you open your eyes really wide and glance back and force, like your eyes become your ears? ~ Ellen DeGeneres

He gave a dark chuckle. "But you're not, so you had absolutely no qualms about kneeing me in the groin, right?"
"I hit your thigh!"
"Oh, please. A man doesn't need that long to recover from a knee to the thigh," he replied, his voice full of skepticism. ~ Kiera Cass

Lastly, say to me, if you can, with feelings as tender as mine for you: my dear Beelzebub, I adore you... ~ Jacques Cazotte

At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really its coming on very dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'
Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up into it.
'No, I don't think it is,' he said: 'at least - not under here. Nohow.'
'But it may rain outside?'
'It may - if it chooses,' said Tweedledee: 'we've got no objection. Contrariwise. ~ Lewis Carroll

The main hallway of the Sternwood place was two stories high. Over the entrance doors, which would have let in a troop of Indian elephants, there was a broad stained-glass panel showing a knight in dark armor rescuing a lady who was tied to a tree and didn't have any clothes on but some very long and convenient hair. The knight had pushed the vizor of his helmet back to be sociable, and he was fiddling with the knots on the ropes that tied the lady to the tree and not getting anywhere. I stood there and thought that if I lived in the house, I would sooner or later have to climb up there and help him. He didn't seem to be really trying. ~ Raymond Chandler

My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to tell me to do comedy before I even tried it. She was always up for any gag. ~ Doug Stanhope

The three women laughing over there? Dark wavy hair, coffee skin, and beautiful matching sets of big, lovely - "
I slapped him on the arm.
"Hey. Eyes. I was going to say eyes. What were you thinking? ~ Devon Monk

Now they are empty, Ramon replied with a shrug of broad, muscled shoulders on his six-foot-three-inch frame ... For the first time, a glint of humor touched Ramon Galverra's finely sculpted mouth and arrogant dark eyes. ~ Judith McNaught

The worst thing I've done on a date? Ask who her favorite serial killer is. Under a bridge. In the dark. ~ Anyta Sunday

Where is Simus?" Keir asked.

As if at his command, the flaps of the main entrance opened, and there was a commotion as Simus was borne aloft on a cot by four men, like the roast pig at the mid-winter festival. I had to smile, and saw that others in the crowd were not immune to the humor of the image.

"Make way!" Simus boomed out, his voice filled with laughter. "Make way!" He grinned like a fool, white teeth gleaming in his dark face, carried aloft over everyone's head, propped up with brightly colored pillows. But his joy changed to a yell of panic when one of his bearers stumbled slightly. This caused an outbreak of laughter in the crowd, as Simus berated his bearers for their clumsiness. ~ Elizabeth Vaughan

Claudette Colbert was not Hollywood's greatest beauty, but her trim little figure, round, kitten-like face, and obviously intelligent good humor made her a bit of a sex symbol, much to her own surprise. By 1934 she'd adopted the hairstyle she kept for life: a short, auburn bob with a fringe of bangs. Although a partygoer and social animal, Claudette was also known as a tough-as-nails professional, overseeing her lighting and camera angles. Her right profile was known as "the dark side of the moon," and scenes had to be staged so as not to show it. She was also self-conscious about her short neck - directing her in a 1956 TV show, Noël Coward reportedly snapped, "If only Claudette Colbert had a neck, I'd wring it!" "When it comes to details, I'm a horror," she admitted cheerfully, though downplaying the profile story. "Why not have your good side showing? ~ Eve Golden

It kills me. The way he trusted. LIke the way we trusted before they came and blue the whole goddamned world apart. Trusted that when it got dark there would be light. Trusted that when you wanted a fucking strawberry Frappuccino you could plop your ass in the car, drive down the streed, and get yourself a fucking strawberry Frappuccino! ~ Rick Yancey

And-he was ashamed to admit
he had been known to carry off the occasional roll of duct tape. That stuff could be used for everything. ~ Sharon Ashwood

When I was growing up I used to think that the best thing about coming from Des Moines was that it meant you didn't come from anywhere else in Iowa. By Iowa standards, Des Moines is a mecca of cosmopolitanism ~ Bill Bryson