Humor Autodidact Teacher Quotes

If he was indeed an "autodidact," there's no doubt he had the world's shittiest teacher. ~ Paul Beatty

Tourists - have some fun with New york's hard-boiled cabbies. When you get to your destination, say to your driver, "Pay? I was hitchhiking." ~ David Letterman

Why aren't you at school?" I ask suddenly.
"It's a holiday," he says, a little too quickly.
"Right. What holiday would that be? National Talk Out of Your Ass Day? ~ Gretchen Powell

That will solve nothing, my lord." His wife strode into the kitchen, stiff pride shining in her eyes. "I told you to keep her in hand." Brodick glared at his cousin, wondering just when his life had turned inside out. Druce scowled at the sweet smile Brodrick's wife cast toward him. He lifted his finger and pointed at her. "She bit me. ~ Mary Wine

Shigure: "What's in the camera? Huh? Huh? What is it?"
Hatori: "Quiet, you hack. ~ Natsuki Takaya

I make love like never, only less often. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

People are here because they've got baggage. I'm talking curbside-check-in, pay-the-fine-'cause-it's-over-fifty-pounds kind of baggage. Get it? ~ Lauren Kate

You have a nice day, you hear? ~ Charlaine Harris

What he learned from his favorite teacher was not obedience to authority but delight in the exercise of his mind. ~ Dumas Malone

Oops. Sorry, everybody. This book is not officially endorsed by the proper Muse. If it explodes in your hand, my bad. ~ Rick Riordan

I should think a dead language would be rather boring, socially
speaking. ~ Sol Luckman

For Stephen, London was less a city that never slept, more a city that got a good nine hours. ~ David Nicholls

Margaret Calhoun may not have been a holy roller, but she sure could fry the Hell out of a chicken. ~ Steven Norton

There's something infinitely fascinating or fatal about a woman behind the wheel. ~ Ahmed Mostafa

Of course not," Colby replied. "What's mine is yours, and what's yours is, well . . . yours. ~ Jody Morse

Percy?" Annabeth gripped his arm.
"Oh, bad," he muttered. "Bad. Bad." He looked across the table at Frank and Hazel. "You guys remember Polybotes?"
"The giant who invaded Camp Jupiter," Hazel said. "The anti-Poseidon you whacked in the head with a Terminus statue. Yes, I think I remember ~ Rick Riordan

It's ridiculous if you ask me. I don't know what any of us are doing here. But we're a tribe, a network, cruising the galaxy. We have offices in every loka, in every part of existence. I suppose you make that out to be a unique situation. We're Unique! No, I don't think so. We're enlightenment. ~ Frederick Lenz

Down with tyranny!' Bramble cried. 'Aristocracy! Autocracy! Monocracy! Other ocracy things! You are outnumbered, sir! Surrender! ~ Heather Dixon

From where I'm sitting,
I AM the centre of the Universe! ~ Sebastyne Young

I'm just not a natural teacher. ~ David Benioff

I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children. ~ George W. Bush

Okay. Let's see..." She considered her past, and then smiled wryly and shook her head. "Well, I was a perfume maker, Amaone, concubine, a duchess, a pirate, a madam, and then a hunter."

Harper's eyebrows had slid up his forehead as she rattled of her resume. ~ Lynsay Sands

It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all. ~ Jimmy Carr

John Longridge, the cook at Harley-street, had suffered from low spirits for more than thirty years, and he was quick to welcome Stephen as a newcomer to the freemasonry of melancholy. ~ Susanna Clarke

You'd be surprised how expensive it costs to look this cheap. ~ Steven Tyler

You're a very difficult person to manipulate, you know."
"Nonsense," he said. "You just have to promise me that I won't have to do a thing, and then I'll do anything you want."
"Anything?"
"Anything that doesn't require doing anything."
"That's nothing, then."
"Is it?"
"Yes."
"Well, that's something. ~ Brandon Sanderson

I shall sustain a massive erection, that's what, and I shan't be answerable for the consequences. Some kind of ejaculation is almost bound to ensue and if either of you were to become pregnant I should never forgive myself. ~ Stephen Fry

Our bravest and best lessons are not learned through success, but through misadventure.. ~ Amos Bronson Alcott

In every story I have heard, good teachers share one trait: a strong sense of personal identity infuses their work. ~ Parker J. Palmer

Never underestimate the fury of an angry mother, Caspar. They're the most vicious creatures in the world. ~ Elizabeth Hunter

You have to accept the fact that sometimes you are the pigeon, and sometimes you are the statue. ~ Claude Chabrol

He had existed for a long time and was fluent in many languages - most of them…dead ones. ~ Alan Kinross

'Tell Suzie she's a lucky cat.' Have sexier words ever been spoken? ~ Ally Carter

I suppose longevity requires giving up life's pleasures, one by one, until there's nothing left. ~ Gary Inbinder

Someday," she said in a voice as serene as a high mountain lake, "I'm going to break your neck. Then I'm going to saw it off with a hacksaw so I can take my time." Venom's grin creased his cheeks.
"I knew you had it in you, kitty."
(Venom & Sorrow) ~ Nalini Singh

I've worked in an economy that rewards someone who saves the lives of others on a battlefield with a medal, rewards a great teacher with thank-you notes from parents, but rewards those who can detect the mispricing of securities with sums reaching into the billions. In short, fate's distribution of long straws is wildly capricious. ~ Warren Buffett

In my mind, I'm probably the biggest sex maniac you ever saw. ~ J.D. Salinger

Humor is the most engaging cowardice. ~ Robert Frost

I come from a very sporty background because my mom is a gymnastics teacher. So growing up I was never sitting watching TV in the afternoons. I always played ball outside in the backyard. ~ Gal Gadot

Answering the question 'How would you like to smell?' by saying 'I'd rather I didn't' is also no longer acceptable. It's not playing the game. Men are expected to put some cash into the cosmetic pot too - it's seen as almost un-feminist not to. What a uniquely capitalist response to that gender inequality: women have been forced by convention for generations - millennia - to spend money on expensive clothes and agonising shoes, to daub themselves with reality-concealing slap, to smell expensively inhuman, to self-mutilate in pursuit of eternal youth; and this, quite rightly, has come to be deemed unfair. But how do we end this hell? We make men do it too. Well done everyone. ~ David Mitchell

You walk into the locker room, and you see players with their ripping muscles and stomachs you could wash your clothes in. ~ Jerry Coleman

...she knew from school that that sort of literature was boring: Gorky was correct but somehow ponderous; Mayakovsky was very correct but somehow awkward; Saltykov-Shchedrin was progressive, but you could die yawning if you tried to read him through; Turgenev was limited to his nobleman's ideals; Goncharov was associated with the beginnings of Russian capitalism; Lev Tolstoi came to favor patriarchal peasantry - and their teacher did not recommend reading Tolstoi's novels because they were very long and only confused the clear critical essays written about him. And then they reviewed a batch of writers totally unknown to anyone: Dostoyevsky, Stepnyak-Kravchinsky, and Sukhovo-Kobylin. It was true that one did not even have to remember the titles of their works. In all this long procession, only Pushkin shone like a sun. ~ Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn