Horror Humor Quotes

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Quotes About Horror Humor

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Just as the door opens, I look intently at the screen and act like I'm still chatting with her mother. '--And she stuck her finger in my ass when she was blowing me, which was fucking incredible. I never thought I'd enjoy having anything up there, but--'
Grace screams in horror. ~ Elle Kennedy
Horror Humor quotes by Elle Kennedy
I was nearly unnerved at my proximity to a nameless thing at the bottom of a pit. ~ H.P. Lovecraft
Horror Humor quotes by H.P. Lovecraft
You are fifty different kinds of twisted."
"Only fifty? Val, you wound me. ~ Nenia Campbell
Horror Humor quotes by Nenia Campbell
I get diarrhea more often than the average Muslim. ~ Magnus Wilton
Horror Humor quotes by Magnus Wilton
Franklin Fletcher dreamed of luxury in the form of tiger-skins and beautiful women. He was prepared, at a pinch, to forgo the tiger-skins. Unfortunately the beautiful women seemed equally rare and inaccessible. At his office and at his boarding-house the girls were mere mice, or cattish, or kittenish, or had insufficiently read the advertisements. ~ John Collier
Horror Humor quotes by John Collier
This is my favorite part of the hunting. Getting to know them . Hearing their legends. I want them to be as large in my mind as they can possibly be, and when I see them I don't want to be disappointed. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
A flat screen television lowered into view. It showed an animated Islamic documentary that focused mostly on the importance of wearing the proper attire. The final prophet was quoted often, yet absent from the feature.
"If this Mohammed guy is so great, why wouldn't they put him in the cartoon?" Kira wondered. ~ Magnus Wilton
Horror Humor quotes by Magnus Wilton
Norris didn't cry, but he was apt to puke on them, the way he had puked on homer gamache that time he had found homer sprawled in a ditch out by homeland cemetary, beaten to death with his own artificial arm. ~ Stephen King
Horror Humor quotes by Stephen King
Host: For those of you just tuning in, our guests tonight are the amazing Murder Magician, and his lovely minion, The Assistant ...
Assistant: Charmed, I'm sure
Host: Who recently killed The Rumor. And you were awarded the Oppenheimer prize for villainy at last week's annual summit for dastardly deeds
what are you going to do with all that money?
Murder Magician: Well, I'm so glad you asked that
because I spent all the money on this giant MURDERBOT, and I've been dying to show it off!
Assistant: It's true ... every penny.
Host: Wow! That's impressive! So what does it do?
Murder Magician: Well, Mr. Clark ... it murders people.
Laughter.
Murder Magician: I'm serious.
Assistant: He is. ~ Gerard Way
Horror Humor quotes by Gerard Way
If you were to tell the thing down at the bottom of that pit it had napped through forty-two presidential inaugurations, eight British coronations, sixteen popes and three number ones by the Danish pop group, Aqua, it would have told you to stop talking nonsense and shut the fuck up. It had slept, somewhat peacefully, through Emmet's Insurrection, World War I and II, Vietnam, and even the Great War of Blur Vs. Oasis. ~ Adam Millard
Horror Humor quotes by Adam Millard
Oh, I love you, June, I really do. It's just that you sounded so ... twat-ish just then. ~ Red Tash
Horror Humor quotes by Red Tash
Keep driving," said a soft voice in my ear. "She will not bite if you keep driving."
Fuck that. Fuck that idea like the fucking Captain of the Thai Fuck Team fucking at the fucking Tour de Fuck. ~ David Wong
Horror Humor quotes by David Wong
I make my way to her table, seeing her eyes growing wider as I do. Ten or so other girls probably just developed instantaneous crushes on me, because they see Carmel likes me. Or so the sociologist in my brain says. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
His eyes burned with intensity. I wondered briefly if someone
he knew was being held in that cold room that smelled like death. Someone he loved? ~ Jaye Wells
Horror Humor quotes by Jaye Wells
Justin vomited in his mouth a little as he gazed upon a sea of black outfits and sidelocks. They looked like they were ready for a heavy metal concert, a funeral, or the hell that is a Brit Milah. Fuck, they looked ridiculous. ~ Magnus Wilton
Horror Humor quotes by Magnus Wilton
Who knew death could lead to an eating disorder? ~ Corey Redekop
Horror Humor quotes by Corey Redekop
I always said I acted like a twelve-year old, so I decided to write like a twelve-year old. ~ Terri Bertha
Horror Humor quotes by Terri Bertha
Good luck is just bad luck with its hair combed. ~ Stephen King
Horror Humor quotes by Stephen King
Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone. ~ Eric Garner
Horror Humor quotes by Eric Garner
Maybe that's why the best laughs tend to break free on the edge of lightless horror. Only then can they gives wings to a drooping spirit. ~ Roshani Chokshi
Horror Humor quotes by Roshani Chokshi
I think horror is a good genre for exploring anything, because everything is pretty horrifying. And I think the most effective horror things, and even maybe the most ineffective ones, are pretty absurd, and usually pretty funny. ~ Pete Toms
Horror Humor quotes by Pete Toms
The smell slaps me sideways. Like when Mom grabs a container she forgot about from the back of the fridge and she says, "Here Mickey, smell this and see if it's still good," and I open it and take a whiff before noticing the fuzz. Like that. ~ Mick Bogerman
Horror Humor quotes by Mick Bogerman
The northern star changes its position every ten thousand years, but friendships can last for all eternity.
- RJPeters ~ R.J. Peters
Horror Humor quotes by R.J. Peters
What are you going to fill it with?" she asks. "Holy water or something?"
"Probably Dasani," Thomas replies. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
In comparison to cannibalism and grave robbing, he reckoned lying to the dead was pretty mild on his growing list of sins. ~ E.V. Iverson
Horror Humor quotes by E.V. Iverson
I wish this knife was good for something besides death, that I could cut through time and walk into that house, into that kitchen where he trapped her, and get her out of there. I would make sure she had the future she should have had. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
Growing up? Gavriel, that was last week watching her recover from crashing out of that office window. She fell out of her wheelchair and broke her other arm." Caspian laughed along with his mate.
Gavriel pulled the phone back and stared at it in horror. ~ Alanea Alder
Horror Humor quotes by Alanea Alder
I don't remember ever signing up for weird. It just sort of happened. ~ Justin Alcala
Horror Humor quotes by Justin Alcala
Sing a song of suspense in which the players die.
Four and twenty ravens in an Edgar Allan Pie.
When the pie was broken, the ravens couldn't sing.
Their throats had been sliced open by Stephen, the new King.
The King was in his writing house, stifling a laugh
While his queen was in a tizzy of her bloody Lovecraft.
When the dead maid got the garden for her rank as royal whore,
King's shovel made it double and he married nevermore. ~ Jessica McHugh
Horror Humor quotes by Jessica McHugh
Nothing says you care like sending someone a kitten. ~ Brian South
Horror Humor quotes by Brian South
I have seen many cases like N. during the five years I've been in practice. I sometimes picture these unfortunates as men and women being pecked to death by predatory birds. The birds are invisible - at least until a psychiatrist who is good, or lucky, or both, sprays them with his version of Luminol and shines the right light on them - but they are nevertheless very real. The wonder is that so many OCDs manage to live productive lives, just the same. They work, they eat (often not enough or too much, it's true), they go to movies, they make love to their girlfriends and boyfriends, their wives and husbands ... and all the time those birds are there, clinging to them and pecking away little bits of flesh. ~ Stephen King
Horror Humor quotes by Stephen King
If there's anything in life that's an undisputed fact, it's this: Buildings with strange symbols carved in their lintels are bad news. You rarely find symbols leading to unicorns and fields of candy - and even that's bad news if you're diabetic. ~ Daniel Younger
Horror Humor quotes by Daniel Younger
Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year. ~ Derek The Ghost
Horror Humor quotes by Derek The Ghost
Hey, Tracy you army brat, I think it's for you! ~ Mark Mackey
Horror Humor quotes by Mark Mackey
...Don't be surprised, and I say it darkly, do not be surprised if you lose your Luke in this cause; perhaps Mrs. Dudley has not yet had her own mid morning snack, and she is perfectly capable of a filet de Luke á la meuniére, or perhaps dieppoise, depending upon her mood; if I do not return" -and he shook his finger warningly under the doctor's nose- "I entreat you to regard your lunch with the gravest suspicion." Bowing extravagantly, as befitted one off to slay a giant, he closed the door behind him. ~ Shirley Jackson
Horror Humor quotes by Shirley Jackson
I can't believe that she's questioning the existence of magic when she's standing before me dead and talking. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
Nonsense! I have merely come to terms with the fact that I am perfect, and I have decided life must go on, and I must learn to live with myself ... ~ C.N. Faust
Horror Humor quotes by C.N. Faust
The world's full of wonder, he said. Or at least horror that looks wondrous from afar. ~ Luke Scull
Horror Humor quotes by Luke Scull
She seemed glad to see me. In fact, she actually said she was glad to see me – a statement no other aunt on the list would have committed herself to, the customary reaction of these near and dear ones to the spectacle of Bertram arriving for a visit being a sort of sick horror ~ P.G. Wodehouse
Horror Humor quotes by P.G. Wodehouse
Clear skin, a manicure, a couple dead zombies, and then fame! ~ Faith McKay
Horror Humor quotes by Faith McKay
When am I going to learn to stop questioning authority and just eat the Soylent Green? ~ Red Tash
Horror Humor quotes by Red Tash
Way I look at it, you get to a point in your life when you turn a corner and realise that's about all you're gonna get. If you can face down that knowledge and not crack open a bottle, well, you're a better person than I am. If I make it to eighty I intend to start smoking again. ~ Andrew Cull
Horror Humor quotes by Andrew Cull
Using for a noble purpose is still using. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
No matter how dire a situation may be, I can always find the humor in it somewhere. If I was ever in a horror movie I would be the goofy one who doesn't seem to know quite what's going on but survives to the end with witty one-liners. ~ A.J. Rose
Horror Humor quotes by A.J. Rose
You'd have been scared too if that big troglodyte had put his hands on you. He smelled like dirty socks and store brand cola. Chet Andrews ~ Aaron Crabill
Horror Humor quotes by Aaron Crabill
Yuki: "What can I learn from a stupid cat like you? You didn't even know that Jason isn't really a bear. He's a character in a horror film."
Kyo: "Yeah? So what if I didn't? Like I'd waste my time watching some movie about a bear!"
Yuki: You truly are an idiot. ~ Natsuki Takaya
Horror Humor quotes by Natsuki Takaya
Rockwood didn't have a movie theater or an IHOP or a strip mall. But it did have two churches, a ramshackle bar, and last (but certainly not least) Wacky Willie's Deluxe Goofy Golf, a barren landscape of wilted ferns and plastic flamingos with peeling paint. Wacky Willie had added the 'Deluxe' when finally ridding the thirteenth hole windmill of a stubborn family of bats after a great and terrible struggle that would forever be known as 'The Fearsome Bat War of Rockwood County' by Willie, but was usually referred to as 'That Time Willie Had to Get Rabies Shots' by everyone else. ~ A. Lee Martinez
Horror Humor quotes by A. Lee Martinez
This was it. Finally, everyone was working together. ~ Wildbow
Horror Humor quotes by Wildbow
So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid. ~ Seth Grahame-Smith
Horror Humor quotes by Seth Grahame-Smith
Spooky Twisties:

All things Spooky, here begin
They lay and wait, in books within.
They sometimes pass, in open space.
Then leave and go, without a trace.
Some appear on the spot.
Some we know, others not.
Sometimes we are afraid to say,
"leave us now", or beg to stay.
At times they leave a sign beyond,
A gentle breeze, or note from song.
Be not afraid, to read story's close.
For in the dark, your spirit goes. ~ Terri Bertha
Horror Humor quotes by Terri Bertha
This is why it is important never to pick or smell flowers, and to always wear headgear when admiring them. ~ Brian South
Horror Humor quotes by Brian South
You wouldn't think that people would believe that we all got so incredibly beat up - in so many interesting ways - from a bear attack. Especially not when Carmel is sporting a bite mark that is a spot-on match for wounds found at one of the most horrifying crime scenes in recent history. But I never fail to be surprised by what people will believe. ~ Kendare Blake
Horror Humor quotes by Kendare Blake
Such frankness, even over good tidings, was a further offense to Mr. Fremlin. He felt that it was casual and indecent. Like most countrymen, he had a great respect for traditional mysteries. A little skill decently wrapped up impressed him far more than twice the amount flung nakedly at his feet. Old Dr. Milsom had satisfied his sense of propriety. Never, never would he have told a patient whether or not she was going to live or die; the temperature was his secret, even the name of the complain transpired only in dark hints. Standing by the bedside he would shake his head and purse his lips and consult his gold turnip-watch, so that you felt you were getting the benefit of a rare and esoteric wisdom. ~ Dennis Parry
Horror Humor quotes by Dennis Parry
Lo!" cried the demon. "I am here! What dost thou seek of me? Why dost thou disturb my repose? Smite me no more with that dread rod!" He looked at Cabal. "Where's your dread rod?"
"I left it at home," replied Cabal. "Didn't think I really needed it."
"You can't summon me without a dread rod!" said Lucifuge, appalled.
"You're here, aren't you?"
"Well, yes, but under false pretences. You haven't got a goatskin or two vervain crowns or two candles of virgin wax made by a virgin girl and duly blessed. Have you got the stone called Ematille?"
"I don't even know what Ematille is."
Neither did the demon. He dropped the subject and moved on. "Four nails from the coffin of a dead child?"
"Don't be fatuous."
"Half a bottle of brandy?"
"I don't drink brandy."
"It's not for you."
"I have a hip flask," said Cabal, and threw it to him. The demon caught it and took a dram.
"Cheers," said Lucifuge, and threw it back. They regarded each other for a long moment. "This really is a shambles," the demon added finally. "What did you summon me for, anyway? ~ Jonathan L. Howard
Horror Humor quotes by Jonathan L. Howard
There was a naked jock on my bed and a thing with tentacles coming out of my toilet. One of these things did not belong, and if you tell me that it was the naked jock, you shouldn't be reading this story. ~ Johnny Murdoc
Horror Humor quotes by Johnny Murdoc
How happy I might be, if only she was less greedy, better tempered, not addicted to raking up old grudges, more affectionate, with slightly yellower hair, slimmer, and about twenty years younger! But what is the good of expecting such a woman to reform? ~ John Collier
Horror Humor quotes by John Collier
When asked what profession they like least, most people will give the obvious answer: clowns. ~ Brian South
Horror Humor quotes by Brian South
Hardly had the light been extinguished, when a peculiar trembling began
to affect the netting under which the three children lay.

It consisted of a multitude of dull scratches which produced a metallic
sound, as if claws and teeth were gnawing at the copper wire. This was
accompanied by all sorts of little piercing cries.

The little five-year-old boy, on hearing this hubbub overhead, and
chilled with terror, jogged his brother's elbow; but the elder brother
had already shut his peepers, as Gavroche had ordered. Then the little
one, who could no longer control his terror, questioned Gavroche, but in
a very low tone, and with bated breath:--

"Sir?"

"Hey?" said Gavroche, who had just closed his eyes.

"What is that?"

"It's the rats," replied Gavroche.

And he laid his head down on the mat again.

The rats, in fact, who swarmed by thousands in the carcass of the
elephant, and who were the living black spots which we have already
mentioned, had been held in awe by the flame of the candle, so long as
it had been lighted; but as soon as the cavern, which was the same
as their city, had returned to darkness, scenting what the good
story-teller Perrault calls "fresh meat," they had hurled themselves in
throngs on Gavroche's tent, had climbed to the top of it, and had begun
to bite the meshes as though seeking to pierce this new-fang ~ Victor Hugo
Horror Humor quotes by Victor Hugo
Their laughter was like the stridulation of the ghosts of grasshoppers. ~ John Collier
Horror Humor quotes by John Collier
I never saw a dollar bill cry at anyone's funeral. ~ J. Lincoln Fenn
Horror Humor quotes by J. Lincoln Fenn
Julian tried to keep a pleasant smile on his face, though already it felt strained. He was uncomfortable with people who used the word blessed as a part of their everyday speech. The implication was that God was intervening in the minutiae of their lives, hanging around and helping them with their jobs or children or household chores as though He had nothing better to do.
Maybe it was true, Julian thought wryly. Maybe that was why there were wars and murders and earthquakes and hurricanes. God was too busy helping real estate agents find new listings to deal with those other issues. ~ Bentley Little
Horror Humor quotes by Bentley Little
Pünd remembered their first case together when Fraser had failed to notice that his travelling companion, on the three-fifty train from Paddington, was actually dead. ~ Anthony Horowitz
Horror Humor quotes by Anthony Horowitz
The beginning of love is a horror of emptiness. ~ Robert Bly
Horror Humor quotes by Robert Bly
The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor. ~ Candace Bushnell
Horror Humor quotes by Candace Bushnell
It's that I think Will is angry with me," Tessa explained. "So whatever he told you - "
He laughed. "Will is angry with everyone," he said. "I don't let it color my judgment. ~ Cassandra Clare
Horror Humor quotes by Cassandra Clare
And then there's its hair," Justin said, pushing the vegetables across to me. "Don't forget the hair. It's horrible."
"It's wearing a dead person's hair," Rafe informed me. "If you stick a pin in the doll, you can hear screaming coming from the graveyard. Try it."
"See what I mean?" Abby said, to me. "Wusses. It's got real hair. Why he thinks it's from a dead person - "
"Because your poppet was made in about 1890 and I can do subtraction. ~ Tana French
Horror Humor quotes by Tana French
I poo poo the chit.'
The attendant looked stunned. 'You cannot poo-poo the chit!'
I do.' Kate said solemnly. 'I do poo-poo.'
We'll walk. ~ Kenneth Oppel
Horror Humor quotes by Kenneth Oppel
The easiest emotions for an author to evoke from readers are boredom and confusion. ~ Raul Ramos Y Sanchez
Horror Humor quotes by Raul Ramos Y Sanchez
I wish I were rich enough to endow a prize for the sensible traveler: £10,000 for the first man to over Marco Polo's outward route, reading three fresh books a week, and another £10,000 if he a drinks a bottle of wine a day as well. That man might tell one something about the journey. He might or might not be naturally observant. But at least he would use what eyes he had, and would not think it necessary to dress up the result in thrills that never happened and science no deeper than its own jargon. ~ Robert Byron
Horror Humor quotes by Robert Byron
Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell. ~ Will Cuppy
Horror Humor quotes by Will Cuppy
Ah, sahib. I know you just come to comfort a old man left to live by hisself. Soomintra say I too old-fashion. And Leela, she always by you. Why you don't sit down, sahib? It ain't dirty. Is just how it does look.'
Ganesh didn't sit down. 'Ramlogan, I come to buy over your taxis. ~ V.S. Naipaul
Horror Humor quotes by V.S. Naipaul
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
Horror Humor quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I encourage employers to permit their workers time off during the lunch hour to attend the noontime services to pray for our land. ~ George W. Bush
Horror Humor quotes by George W. Bush
I have some extra costumes-"
"No!" Ephialtes snapped, and for once Percy was in agreement. ~ Rick Riordan
Horror Humor quotes by Rick Riordan
My stories are very somber, so I think I need the comic ingredient. Besides, life has so much humor. ~ Manuel Puig
Horror Humor quotes by Manuel Puig
Establishing dominance early in the relationship is key. Vampire children are like human children in that they can sense weakness. They will wait for you to be busy or too distracted to realize that you've given them permission to feed on the pizza guy.
- Siring for the Stupid: A Beginner's Guide to Raising Newborn Vampires ~ Molly Harper
Horror Humor quotes by Molly Harper
When people tell you, "don't worry," it means you're already screwed. They just don't want you to worry about it... ~ John Bailey Denton
Horror Humor quotes by John Bailey Denton
Emotional states are fairly quick bursts of neuronal gossip. Traits, on the other hand, are more like the neuronal equivalent of committed relationships. ~ Yongey Mingyur
Horror Humor quotes by Yongey Mingyur
I am so glad Todd and I eloped," she said sincerely. "There was no way to salvage the wreckage. But I think that you deserved this, and I'm very happy for you." She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. Then she whispered, "He is really, really a hottie. How did you mange that?"
"Brat," I told her, and gave her a hug. "Todd's not exactly chopped liver."
She smiled smugly and took another sip. "No he's not."
"He could be," said Ben from behind me, his British accent giving him a civilized air that he didn't deserve. "Do you want him to be chopped liver, darling?"
I turned, making sure I was between Ben and Nan, "My sisters are off-limits," I reminded him.
A flash of hurt came and went on his face. With Ben, it was even odds whether the emotion was genuine or not -but my instincts told me they had been. So I continued in a mock-chiding tone, "Ruthie is too young for you, and Nan is married to a very nice man. So be good."
Nan had caught the flash of hurt, too, I thought. She was softer than our mother, more like her father in temperament as well as looks. She couldn't stand to have anyone hurting and not do anything about it.
She sighed dramatically. "All the pretty men, and I'm tied to just one."
Ben smiled at her. "Anytime you want to change that…"
I poked him in the side-he could have slipped out of the way, but he didn't bother.
"Okay," he said, backing away with exaggerated fear. "Ill be good, I promise. Just don't hurt me ~ Patricia Briggs
Horror Humor quotes by Patricia Briggs
Such is the vastness of his genius that he can outwit even himself. ~ Steven Erikson
Horror Humor quotes by Steven Erikson
No new horror can be more terrible than the daily torture of the commonplace. ~ H.P. Lovecraft
Horror Humor quotes by H.P. Lovecraft
And he was introduced to Loki, the family's hairless cat.

"The kids wanted another pet," Becky explained as Felix stared in horror at the creature beside him. "But with Polly's allergies . . ."

"You are lying to me. You borrowed this creature from a zoo to play a prank on me. This isn't even really a cat, is it? This is some sort of rat and opossum hybrid. This is a lifelike Japanese robot that can dance to disco music."

"Funny. They're called sphinx cats. Come on, feel her skin. Like peach fuzz, right? Isn't she sweet? Give her a good rub. She's very affectionate."

"Ah-ha, yes, isn't that just . . . er, what is coating my hands?"

"It's . . . it's like a body wax. I should've bathed her before you came. The hairless cats, they ooze this waxy stuff to protect their skin. 'Cause they don't have hair. To protect them. So the waxy ooze helps. You see."

Felix stared at her for several seconds, his hands held up like a doctor about to perform surgery.

"I'm going to wash my hands now. And I'm going to try very hard not to run out of this house screaming. ~ Shannon Hale
Horror Humor quotes by Shannon Hale
It me birthday and nobody came ... Bigfoot decide do something nice for self for big day and sneak in they house at night and pick out own present and blow out flickering candle of life in they brains. Make a wish, jerks.
~ Graham Roumieu
Horror Humor quotes by Graham Roumieu
I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they? ~ Jess C. Scott
Horror Humor quotes by Jess C. Scott
But I have always been persuaded that someday, when I grow up, I am destined for great things. And then I wonder when, exactly, I expect that will be. ~ Ruth Reichl
Horror Humor quotes by Ruth Reichl
Herr Kafka, essen Sie keine Eier." (As one and only piece of dialog K recalls from his meeting with Rudolf Steiner - "Mr. Kafka don't eat eggs. ~ Franz Kafka
Horror Humor quotes by Franz Kafka
I am Nikolai Wroth."
Why did that name sound so familiar? She squinted up at him. "You are a friend of my aunts?" she said, her voice sounding faint.
"With one. And it seems only one." A short laugh with no humor. "Myst is my wife."
"Myst married?" Was that where she'd been? No, no way. "That's funny."
"The jest's on me, I'm afraid." As they reached the manor, he bellowed, "Annika, call off the goddamn wraiths and let me in."
Emma stared up at the sky, seeing swirling red swaths of ragged cloth circling the house. Occasionally she spied a gaunt, skeletal face, but it would change to beauty if you met its eyes.
The price for their protection was hair from each of the Valkyrie within. The wraiths wove each lock into a massive braid, and when it grew long enough, they bent all living Valkyrie to their will for a time.
"Myst hasn't returned yet," someone called from the house. "But you know that, or else you'd both be naked and fornicating on the front lawn."
"The night's young. Give us time." To himself, he murmured, "And it was a field a mile away."
"Don't you have an appointment to go to, vampire?"
Emma stiffened. Vampire? But his eyes weren't red. "Did you follow me?"
"No, I was awaiting Myst's return from shopping and sensed you trace into the woods."
A vampire waiting for Myst? He'd said she was his wife. She sucked in a breath. "You're the general, aren't you," she whispered. "The one Myst had to be pried from."Kresley Cole
Horror Humor quotes by Kresley Cole
We who have witnessed the obscenity of war and experienced its horror and terrible consequences have an obligation to rise above our pain and suffering and turn the tragedy of our lives into a triumph. ~ Ron Kovic
Horror Humor quotes by Ron Kovic
The notion, a debatable one, is that the man who knows the problems necessarily knows the answers.

This book has not been successful if it has not suggested some big-league problems, such as:

(1) Should our financial machinery be scrapped?
(2) Should it be further tinkered with, and if so, how much further?
(3) Is capitalism doomed?
(4) What active stock selling under five dollars looks hot just now for a quick turn to pay for the Buick the wife just bought?


There isn't an assistant instructor in economics in any faculty who can't answer these and similar questions rapidly and categorically, and if that is not enough there are a million laymen eager to do so. So I don't feel that my vote is much needed. ~ Fred Schwed Jr.
Horror Humor quotes by Fred Schwed Jr.
I can't be yours forever, Mab," I told her, the words flying into my mouth as if by magic. "I already belong to someone else. I belong to Alice! ~ Joseph Delaney
Horror Humor quotes by Joseph Delaney
The statement serves as the basis for what is commonly called the Doctrine of Discovery, the teaching that whatever Christians "discover," they can take and use as they wish. It is breathtaking in its theological horror. Muslims (then called Saracens) and all other non-Christians are reduced to "enemies of Christ." Christians, even as they plunder, enslave, and kill, count themselves friends of Christ by contrast. Christian global mission is defined as to "invade, search out, capture, vanquish, and subdue" non-Christians around the world, and to steal "all movable and immovable goods" and to "reduce their persons to perpetual slavery" - and not only them, but their descendants. And notice the stunning use of the word convert: "to convert them to his and their use and profit. ~ Brian D. McLaren
Horror Humor quotes by Brian D. McLaren
Sad-looking brown eyes, they wrenched his heart like a gut punch. Worse – hell, worse – a bloke could punch him in the head but he'd stay up, and grin through the bloody split lip, intimidating his attacker; but there was no honour in wounds inside, wounds that only you could deal with. ~ Karl Drinkwater
Horror Humor quotes by Karl Drinkwater
But, I still can't totally forgive Dave for blowing my world apart. DO YOU HEAR THAT, DAVE?! ~ K.M. Shea
Horror Humor quotes by K.M. Shea
A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game. ~ Tina Fey
Horror Humor quotes by Tina Fey
I want to see the front of you."
"That's what all the girls say."
"Do you expect me to roll you over? 'Cuz I will."
"Your mate's not going to like this."
"As if that's going to bother you?"
"True. It actually makes it worth the effort."
With a groan, he shoved his palms into the shimmering silver pool of blood beneath him, and flopped over like the side of beef he was.
"Wow," she breathed.
"I know, right? Hung like a horse."
"If you're really nice - and you live through this - I'll promise not to tell V."
"About my size."
She laughed a little. "No, that you assumed I'd look at you in any fashion other than professionally. ~ J.R. Ward
Horror Humor quotes by J.R. Ward
I'm going to eviscerate you and leave your organs on a pike in the yard as a warning to those who wear large jewelry. ~ Libba Bray
Horror Humor quotes by Libba Bray
Ayame: "Yuki, let's deepen the bond between us brothers!"
Yuki: "Before you can do that I'll drown you in the deepest part of that lake."
Ayame: "As long as we spend time together."
Yuki: "On second thought, go drown yourself. ~ Natsuki Takaya
Horror Humor quotes by Natsuki Takaya
True love can blossom in unexpected places. This is Jaden pretending not to notice. ~ Katie Klein
Horror Humor quotes by Katie Klein
Ty plopped down in the seat next to Kelly and peered over at his friends. "What the hell happened to you two this morning?"
Nick began to snicker and Kelly rolled his eyes as he took a sip of coffee. "I fell out of the bed."
"Fell?" Zane asked. "Or you were pushed?"
"Legit fell. Rolled right out of that thing and took the covers with me. I dreamt I was being attacked by a giant squid and woke up thinking I was drowning."
"I woke up cold and very confused," Nick added. ~ Abigail Roux
Horror Humor quotes by Abigail Roux
Texas sharpshooter fallacy: Imagine that you are driving down a country road in Texas. You see a barn that has six targets painted on it, and a bullet hole at the very center of each target. "Yes sir," says the owner of the barn, "I never miss." "That's right," says his spouse, "there ain't a man in the state of Texas who's more accurate with a paint brush." Got it? He fired the six shots, and then painted the targets around them. ~ John V. Guttag
Horror Humor quotes by John V. Guttag
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