Hip Comedy Quotes

When a sex tape gets made a star is born with a publicity agent on speed dial a six figure payout and a line of tacky lingerie in the works ~ Saira Viola

When men were ready to marry, look out.
Their evolution busted out all over. They nabbed the closest female hanging out near their caves, anyone who looked like she would clean his woolly mammoth tunics down by the creek, keep his fires burning, bear his children, and tote his brood around on a fur-clad hip. ~ Gale Martin

I'm doing stand-up comedy. I'm working on a one-woman show about how I don't like my baby. There is a period of time where a baby is born where the next 3 months is harrowing. A lot of people say it's the most wonderful time, but for me it was harrowing. ~ Mary Lynn Rajskub

When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed. ~ John Cleese

Your reign on the top was short like leprechauns,
As I crush so-called Willies, thugs, and rapper-dons. ~ The Notorious B.I.G.

I came back to New York after college like any number of struggling performers, and you just find that niche where you can have some sort of impact. And for me that turned out to be comedy. ~ Billy Eichner

THE DEVIL. As far as I went, yes. But I will now go further, and confess to you that men get tired of everything, of heaven no less than of hell; and that all history is nothing but a record of the oscillations of the world between these two extremes. An epoch is but a swing of the pendulum; and each generation thinks the world is progressing because it is always moving. But when you are as old as I am; when you have a thousand times wearied of heaven, like myself and the Commander, and a thousand times wearied of hell, as you are wearied now, you will no longer imagine that every swing from heaven to hell is an emancipation, every swing from hell to heaven an evolution. Where you now see reform, progress, fulfilment of upward tendency, continual ascent by Man on the stepping stones of his dead selves to higher things, you will see nothing but an infinite comedy of illusion.... ~ George Bernard Shaw

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy. ~ Larry David

Unfortunately there is a standard set for it that precedes hip-hop. It would be great if corporate America didn't do this, but there is a huge market for sex and violence and anti-Black representations in America and the world that doesn't begin or end with hip-hop. ~ Bakari Kitwana

You know, I grew up on romantic comedies, and it's hard to find a new way to tell that story. ~ Rashida Jones

Mr Davis was a middle class tremble of a man worried about an unseemly display and his Jerry Springer moment ~ Saira Viola

I been to many malls from state to state,But I've never been in, say, one this great.I hate to say, about the other shopping centers that's left,But the Albee Square Mall is the doo-doo-def! ~ Biz Markie

I have a stab wound on my left hip and one on my thigh and a slash mark across my right calf. I have a bottle stab wound on my left calf. ~ Jonah Lomu

Some readers took 'Heaven's My Destination' as a satire on Christianity and the Midwest, but today it reads like a loving comedy. ~ Robert Gottlieb

Disasters are funny to me. As a comedian you learn from failure, so I'm always trying to put myself in a situation that does not seem ideal for my comedy and see how it works. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Stand-up is an art but since it's humor and it's funny - a lot of guys that don't think it's art are probably coming from the angle that they don't want to take it so seriously. I've always looked at it as an art but I don't look at it as a pretentious art. I understand it has to be taken lightly because it is just comedy in the end, but the good stand-up comics are someone with something to say. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I moved out to L.A. to be a filmmaker or director. I didn't even think about doing comedy or even acting. I wanted to be like Paul Thomas Anderson or Wes Anderson, but I wasn't going to a lot of comedy. ~ Bill Hader

Outside of hip-hop, it was in comics that I most often found the aesthetics and wisdom of my world reflected. ~ Ta-Nehisi Coates

Nobody really knows, but I got a little comedy in me. ~ Nicole Ari Parker

I think you can tell the human condition better through comedy. ~ Hector Elizondo

We have it on good authority that they might disguise it as a double entendre in a bedroom farce and deliver it up the rear entrance at Comedy. ~ Jasper Fforde

I love comedies. I love watching them. I think I've always been afraid of being on them a little bit. ~ Jeremy Sisto

Comedy is my first love; that's my main goal in life - to keep doing comedy. ~ Lauren Lapkus

I'm comfortable being old ... being black ... being Jewish. ~ Billy Crystal

My comedy is not mine. It's a gift. I'm not that smart. ~ Tim Allen

I guess what I always found funny was the human condition. There is a certain comedy and pathos to trouble and accidents. Like, when a driver has parked his car crookedly and then wonders why he has the bad luck of being hit. ~ John Prine

You can't take the heat, get ya ass out the kitchen
Matter fact, take ya ass back in there and wash the dishes. ~ Ryan Montgomery

Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est.
(Applaud, my friends, the comedy is over.)
[Said on his deathbed] ~ Ludwig Van Beethoven

You can see the weakness of a man right through his iris. ~ RZA

But this month is all about CITY OF JASMINE which I hope you already have in your hot little hands. My favorite review snippet? KIRKUS REVIEWS said it's "part screwball comedy".
I can't tell you how much time I spent with Carole Lombard and William Powell and Irene Dunne when I was writing it. I adore the 30s comedies for their light-hearted take on relationships and adventure - and the glamorous settings and occasional dash of intrigue only heighten the magic. (Did you know that Nicholas Brisbane from my Lady Julia series was named for THE THIN MAN's Nick Charles? And apologies to Dashiell Hammett, but I fell in love with the film long before I read the book and appreciated how much it had been lightened in the adaptation!) So when you're reading CITY OF JASMINE, give some thought to who you'd like to see playing Evie and Gabriel - I'd love to hear who you'd cast in your own production. ~ Deanna Raybourn

Fretting makes us important. Say you're an adult male and you're skipping down the street whistling "Last Train to Clarksville." People will call you a fool. But lean over to the person next to you on a subway and say, "How can you smile when innocents are dying in Tibet?" You'll acquire a reputation for great seriousness and also more room to sit down.
...Being gloomy is easier than being cheerful. Anybody can say "I've got cancer" and get a rise out of a crowd. But how many of us can do five minutes of good stand-up comedy? ~ P. J. O'Rourke

At CBS, I'm in your house. I'm mindful of that. When I do standup, you're in my home and I can say what I want to. ~ Craig Ferguson

There's a certain rhythm to comedy that is almost like you're dancing and you just go on autopilot, so to speak. There's something just beautifully enjoyable about comedy in that respect. It's a joy to be able to do that. Drama, you get to go to depths that you haven't gone to before. ~ James Wolk

I'm no good at anything but comedy, which I think I'm good at. I'm absolutely no good at networking; I'm terrible at acting; I'm terrible at dealing with executives; I'm terrible at collaborating. And I say whatever I want to say. But I think I'm good enough at comedy that I can survive. And I don't really have an ambition for money. ~ Norm MacDonald

There is a strength of conviction that can only come from being 100% wrong. ~ Stephen Schneider

A misunderstanding is a misunderstanding. It's not the truth. ~ Wataru Watari

You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the endzone. ~ John Madden