Hilarious Stoner Quotes

I'm in it for the metaphor. ~ Barbara Stoner

(Stoner lowered the gun to Carlos's crotch.)
Should we continue splitting hairs? (Stoner) ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I've always known there's more to life than just racing for a long time. ~ Casey Stoner

Infidels: Repent of Mohammedanism or burn in hell forever, throughout eternity. ~ J. B. Stoner

I'm not always going to keep waiting for a fairytale ending. ~ Casey Stoner

I have broken my collarbone twice in a year. ~ Casey Stoner

People follow leaders by choice. Without trust, at best you get compliance. ~ Jesse Lyn Stoner

People are telling me I might be going back to MotoGP, but a rumour is a rumour. ~ Casey Stoner

Honestly, what keeps me grounded is my faith and my value system. ~ Alyson Stoner

I'm very thoughtful, and when I make a decision I usually stick to it. ~ Casey Stoner

Everyone seems quite good at stories and making them up. ~ Casey Stoner

The money doesn't interest me. I'm not enjoying MotoGP, and I'm retiring. ~ Casey Stoner

I started dancing when I was 3 in Toledo, Ohio, and started hip-hop dancing at the age of 7. ~ Alyson Stoner

Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, far from being unreliable historians or merely clever inventors of myth and legend, reveal themselves to be the type of witnesses a lawyer dreams of. ~ Timothy J. Stoner

Being married has helped my racing. ~ Casey Stoner

Even now with the operation, with the damage done, my ankle probably is never going to be back to 100 per cent. ~ Casey Stoner

I'm a hip-hop dancer, but when I'm in my room it turns into this lyrical nonsense, and I listen to Phil Wickham and India Arie, who has the most precious songs. ~ Alyson Stoner

I like to aim for significance over success because rarely can you be significant and also successful, but many people can be successful and not significant. ~ Alyson Stoner

I like to take risks as long as they're healthy, you know. They're good, smart risks. ~ Alyson Stoner

I want to learn how to play an instrument. I want to break a world record. I'm just a very determined, motivated type of person. ~ Alyson Stoner

Your ambition outweighed your talent ~ Casey Stoner

I'm very serious about what I write and who I allow to produce the music, because I want to make sure it's a true album, and not just something pushed out there to create hype and more fame for myself. ~ Alyson Stoner

I think my favorite role was playing Sarah Baker in 'Cheaper by the Dozen 1.' It was my first movie, and I worked with amazing professionals who had such strong work ethics that I immediately learned how to work in this industry. ~ Alyson Stoner

The best shows to tweet about are the ones that are hilarious, but they might not necessarily be trying to be hilarious. Those are the easiest and the funniest because you're like 'come onnnn.' ~ Retta

I love what I do, and I just remember that every breath and every moment is a gift and it can be taken away at any time, so I want to appreciate it and be grateful for it while it's here. ~ Alyson Stoner

I've said many times in the past that my career's not going to go on much longer; I'm not going to keep going and riding until I'm in my 30s and things like this. ~ Casey Stoner

But don't you know, Mr. Stoner?" Sloane asked. "Don't you understand about yourself yet? You're going to be a teacher."
Suddenly Sloane seemed very distant, and the walls of the office receded. Stoner felt himself suspended in the wide air, and he heard his voice ask, "Are you sure?"
"I'm sure," Sloane said softly.
"How can you tell? How can you be sure?"
"It's love, Mr. Stoner," Sloane said cheerfully. "You are in love. It's as simple as that. ~ John Williams

I personally find that each instalment has a different director, cast and crew, and I've also been in a different season in my life for each of them, so I feel like each movie is a unique experience that centres around my undying passion for music and dance. ~ Alyson Stoner

I enjoy going to the Y. I take all the fitness classes that my dad takes; that's sort of our bonding - anything athletic, anything sports related. ~ Alyson Stoner

I'll watch Ricky Gervais in anything he does. The guy's hilarious. ~ Danny DeVito

Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them. ~ Joan Rivers

Why not try thinking of your life as hilarious rather than nightmarish? ~ Julia Sweeney

My son thinks I'm hilarious, but he's only 1. ~ Mackenzie Crook

The Marx Brothers isn't subtle, and that's hilarious. ~ Martin Freeman

I am a pet person. My dog actually lives in Georgia now. But I work with animal trainers and pets quite often. I also volunteer at different places like animal shelters. It's good to be around pets. They kind of put things into perspective. They're easygoing, loyal, and they seem to get it, even when humans don't. ~ Alyson Stoner

My favorite people are the ones that can make any unfunny joke hilarious by just laughing. ~ Ziad K. Abdelnour

I'm completely obsessed with Andrew Smith's 'Winger.' A great, hilarious, and moving story. ~ John Corey Whaley

Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph - when they speak, everyone listens. Because they're freaking hilarious. ~ Casey Wilson

It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert. ~ Adam Mansbach

One person I haven't worked with yet, who I find hilarious, is Chad Coleman. ~ Josh McDermitt

I think that the success of the franchise is helpful for launching different aspects of my career. It's sort of the reliable cousin that you can always count on for every family reunion. Because of 'Step Up' I've been able to really take my career to the next level. I have them to thank for a lot of my success. ~ Alyson Stoner

Nothing compares to being in a room full of politicians screaming abuse at each other all night. It's hilarious but also a bit terrifying. ~ Peter Capaldi

Writing 'We Are Never Getting Back Together' was one of the most hilarious experiences I have ever had in the studio because it just happened so naturally. ~ Taylor Swift

A lot of people don't think of my work as being all that funny, but I think it's hilarious! ~ Fred Tomaselli

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious. ~ J. B. Smoove

Sometimes I get a little confused because with dancing I can express my emotions with my body. With acting you have to do it with your face and your expressions, and then with animated shows you have to use your voice and use your inflections. So it's definitely a challenge to transfer from each genre of entertainment. ~ Alyson Stoner

'Chappie' would be like 'RoboCop,' but hilarious. If you mixed 'Robocop' with 'E.T.' and it was ... funny, that's what it is. ~ Neill Blomkamp

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners. ~ Arthur Smith

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself. ~ Zach Galifianakis

In my personal life, I'm hilarious! I was always a bit of a jokester. ~ Alison Brie

People will send me tweets or texts, 'Yo, I'm at Red Lobster now and they're playing Mayer Hawthorne,' more of that kind of stuff, which is hilarious. ~ Mayer Hawthorne

I think Carrot Top is hilarious. ~ Craig Robinson

Daddy was hilarious. He could take the most mundane event and tell it so that we all on the floor laughing. He trained me in the joys of humor. ~ Karen DeCrow

Stoner caravan from deep space arrives ~ Sleep

If anybody is a master at improvisation, it would be Ken Jeong. He is hilarious. ~ Anneliese Van Der Pol

There are only so many hilarious actors so when they cross-pollinate, people assume it's always the same actors and directors. ~ Judd Apatow

Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv. ~ Steve Carell

At the risk of appearing disingenuous, I don't really think of myself as 'writing humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world I observe, which is frequently hilarious. ~ Richard Russo

Super Troopers is hilarious. Everybody always thought we somehow - we did Reno way, way before any of us had seen Super Troopers. It sat on the shelf for a couple years. ~ Thomas Lennon

I did a shoot for 'Sports Illustrated,' and my grandpa called me and asked when my issue of 'Playboy' was coming out. It was hilarious as well as embarrassing. ~ Jasmine Tookes

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious. ~ Zach Galifianakis

By shattering my preconceptions and cultural stereotypes, what materialized was a massive personality who was astonishingly winsome yet gravely terrifying. A man whose breathtaking compassion would draw you in, but whose ferocious honesty could cut and slice like a razor. Someone who was the most controversial, confrontational, divisive, yet compellingly beautiful man who has ever lived. Which is precisely what we would expect if the Creator of the universe happened to invade our world. ~ Timothy J. Stoner

I love tiny, plastic realistic food magnets. I don't know why. They're hilarious. ~ Amy Lee

I would love to work with Kristin Wiig one day. I find her hilarious, and I totally idolize her. ~ Kelli Berglund

My relationship with God is what gives me a moral compass on what decisions to make and that stuff. I'm thankful that I have the people around me that I do, and they remind me each day of who I am and what I stand for. ~ Alyson Stoner

I'm good at separating my personal life from racing. When I'm at track, it's race time; when I'm away from it, other than the fact I'm training to be fit for it, there is nothing at home that makes me even want to think about racing. I just want to enjoy my life, and by the time the next race comes around, I'm ready and excited for it. ~ Casey Stoner

I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious. ~ J. B. Smoove

Sketchy: I'm no stranger to stoner logic. ~ Joss Whedon

Also, with acting and dancing I portray a predetermined character and story for the most part, with music I have the creative freedom to create a song on a whim with whomever I choose and at whatever time I choose to do it. It's more liberating artistically and that's why I've stuck with it. It's a good balance to be able to portray a character and also be myself in avenues that I'm passionate about. ~ Alyson Stoner

Working for Master Mischief? This would be an act of sheer rebellion. Her parents would be livid if they ever found out. And it would be hilarious. ~ C.B. Lee

If I can surround myself with hilarious people every day, I will always want to go to work. ~ Rashida Jones

What's great is we actually have friends who belong or have previously belonged to the Amish community, so we got first hand stories and I was able to talk with them about visitors and visiting the Amish country. It was very enlightening to think this is very much going on as we speak. What was really interesting was that the upcoming Amish generation is actually closer to average American teenager in their use of the English language because of the use of technology. ~ Alyson Stoner

Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether. ~ Jo Brand

A token of bathroom stoner etiquette. ~ Libba Bray

I have never liked Morrissey, and I still don't. I think it's hilarious, actually, what things I've heard about him, what he's really like, and his public persona is so different. He's such an actor. ~ Robert Smith

I have a really great show jacket from Lavalliere that's really well made, and I have a great pair of Gucci jodhpurs, which is hilarious. ~ Edie Campbell

And of course Marc Cherry heightens it and makes it hilarious. But there's so many universal themes in the show, and he made it so funny. We knew he was onto something if he could keep it up and, thankfully, he did. ~ James Denton

It's often hilarious to me that I'm writing about Tonga or some tropical place and there's a blizzard outside and the cows are on their backs with their hooves in the air. ~ Tim Cahill

I was a huge fan of 'Arrested Development,' and there's just something it tickles in me and it's bright and it's hilarious. ~ Keri Russell

...everything you say is a fact, but none of it is true ~ John Williams

Stoner saw them through a haze, as if he were an audience. ~ John Edward Williams

Looking at her, Stoner was assailed by a consciousness of his own heavy clumsiness. ~ John Edward Williams

For me it's a new experience every single time, because - The dance community has a great strength in synergizing immediately. So we recognize that opposed to being competition, which we are in the audition process, once we're on the job is about cohesion, it's about striving to highlight each individual in their own element, while also creating something that is visually tantalizing to the audience. While the ingredients of each movie has been different, the recipe for success is the same, which is to click immediately and make the best possible movie. ~ Alyson Stoner

The good thing is in my case I'm all about love and communications, so there was no hard feelings, it was like ok we reached the end of this season and I wish you well and it's time to move on. As a pop song it's definitely open to many different interpretations, I received a call from a cousin saying that it helped her heal after an abusive relationship and another friend said it represented her of a summer fling. We tried to write carefully so that it can be relatable to cover a wide audience. ~ Alyson Stoner

You can stump any stoner with one question: What were we just talking about? ~ Jim Breuer

I'll never forget my 24th birthday when my tooth got punched out. And for a second I was like, it would be really hilarious if I sold it on eBay. But I can't, that's just too creepy. I don't think I can go there. ~ Evan Rachel Wood

William Stoner entered the University of Missouri as a freshman in the year 1910, at the age of nineteen. Eight years later, during the height of World War I, he received his Doctor of Philosophy degree and accepted an instructorship at the same University, where he taught until his death in 1956. He did not rise above the rank of assistant professor, and few students remembered him with any sharpness after they had taken his courses. When he died his colleagues made a memorial contribution of a medieval manuscript to the University library. This manuscript may still be found in the Rare Books Collection, bearing the inscription: 'Presented to the Library of the University of Missouri, in memory of William Stoner, Department of English. By his colleagues.'

An occasional student who comes upon the name may wonder idly who William Stoner was, but he seldom pursues his curiosity beyond a casual questions. Stoner's colleagues, who held him in no particular esteem when he was alive, speak of him rarely now; to the older ones, his name is a reminder of the end that awaits them all, and to the younger ones it is merely a sound which evokes no sense of the past and no identity with which they can associate themselves or their careers. ~ John Williams

a quotation from the Spanish philosopher Ortega y Gasset as an epigraph for Stoner: "A hero is one who wants to be himself." In ~ John Williams

The greater the injury, the greater the fun. ~ Leinad Eibam, A Celebration Of Poets, Summer 2015

Connor and Cameron look wide-eyed at the carnage. Cameron slowed the speedboat down to a crawl. She and Connor looked at Jason.
"Oops," Jason said meekly. Nothing else seemed appropriate.
"Oops?" Connor shouted. "You blew up half the town. ~ Mark A. Cooper

I thought he was a mutant cannibal sasquatch, and he took me down like a bag of chips at a stoner party. ~ Mimi Strong

Hard rock, heavy metal, stoner rock, doom metal-it all dragged itself up out of the swamp called the blues. ~ Grady Hendrix

Any authority you may have is lessened by the unwashed stoner following you around, staring at my tits. ~ C.D. Gallant-King

There's been lots of theater that uses hip-hop in it, but more often than not, it's used as a joke - isn't it hilarious that these characters are rapping. I treat it as a musical form, and a musical form that allows you to pack in a ton of lyric. ~ Lin-Manuel Miranda

Those jeans are comfortable, and for those of you who want your president to look great in his tight jeans, I'm sorry I'm not the guy. It just doesn't fit me. I'm not 20. ~ Barack Obama

A WEEK BEFORE commencement, at which Stoner was to receive his doctorate, Archer Sloane offered him a full-time instructorship at the University. ~ John Edward Williams

Where did you get your tat?"
"Aaron's shop. You want to get a tat?" he asked, grinning as if this was hilarious.
"I have one," I said, rolling the ball into the gutter. "It's not finished though."
"How come?"
"My brother interrupted the tattoo and I never had the money to get it done again."
"No, I meant how come you're such a bad bowler? Is it genetic?" he asked. "Like do you come from a long line of people who can't make a ball roll in a straight line?"
"You're hilarious."
"I try, Pixie Dust. ~ Bijou Hunter

No, sir, Stoner said, and the decisiveness of his voice surprised him. He thought with some wonder of the decision he had suddenly made. ~ John Edward Williams

John Williams is best known for his novels, Nothing But the Night, Stoner, Butcher's Crossing, and Augustus, for which he won the National Book Award in 1973. ~ John Edward Williams

Goat screaming videos are hilarious. ~ Miguel