Herpes Quotes

I'm kinda like herpes, I just keep coming back. ~ George Carlin

I lean forward and grab the bowl of ice cream she didn't finish and pull it to my, then take a bite. She watches me as I close my lips around the spoon and pull it out of my mouth. She scrunches up her nose staring at the spoon. "I could have herpes, you know," she says. I grin at her and wink. "You somehow just made herpes sound appealing. ~ Colleen Hoover

Well, listen, sweetheart. Boys only want one thing, of course, and guess what that means for you? Heartbreak. Pregnancy. Chlamydia, herpes, syphilis, crabs.
That's beautiful, Dad. You should set it to music. ~ Kristan Higgins

Mental imbalance is about as acceptable as herpes. It's never going to be accepted. But really, it's a disease just like cancer. It just happens, and eats away all the good parts of your brain, like judgment and happiness and perception and memory and life. And you can die from depression just like any other disease. And it's not as if people choose it. So why is it still a joke of medicine? "She died of cancer." is a lot more socially acceptable to people than "She committed suicide. ~ Sarahbeth Purcell

I imagined the lies the valedictorian was telling them right now. About the exciting future that lies ahead. I wish she'd tell them the truth: Half of you have gone as far in life as you're ever going to. Look around. It's all downhill from here. The rest of us will go a bit further, a steady job, a trip to Hawaii, or a move to Phoenix, Arizona, but out of fifteen hundred how many will do anything truly worthwhile, write a play, paint a painting that will hang in a gallery, find a cure for herpes? Two of us, maybe three? And how many will find true love? About the same. And enlightenment? Maybe one. The rest of us will make compromises, find excuses, someone or something to blame, and hold that over our hearts like a pendant on a chain. ~ Janet Fitch

It was a newsflash to me that dating as a pre-thirty divorcette was as bad as having herpes. ~ Stephanie Klein

Do you have a boyfriend?" he asked.
"Huh?" Why would he ask her that?
"A big, mean-as-fuck, jealous guy who will break my neck with his bare hands if he knew I touched you?"
Toni shook her head.
"A raging case of herpes?"
"Of course not!"
"You're not making this any easier on me. ~ Olivia Cunning

Kissing's no fun when you have herpes ~ John O'Callaghan

Herpes B is a very rare infection in humans but a nasty one, with a case fatality rate of almost 70 percent among those few dozen people infected during the twentieth century (before recent breakthroughs in antiviral pharmaceutics) and almost 50 percent even since then. When ~ David Quammen

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it. ~ Dov Davidoff

She's out of my league, but if she has herpes ...
That puts us in the same league!
The herpes league! ~ Rick Remender

Whenever I'm about to have sex with a girl, I play it smart and just automatically assume she has herpes; because that way I don't have to tell her about my herpes. ~ Anthony Jeselnik

Alcoholism is a disease," she said. "Like athlete's foot. Or herpes. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Luker and I have lots of friends who are alcoholics. And speed freaks too." "Well, ~ Michael McDowell

Pretty much everyone hates high school. It's a measure of your humanity, I suspect. If you enjoyed high school, you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both. Those things aren't mutually exclusive, you know. I've tried to block out the memory of my high school years, but no matter how hard you try, it's always with you, like an unwanted hitchhiker. Or herpes. I assume ... ~ Jenny Lawson

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get. ~ Doug Stanhope

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies. ~ Demetri Martin

Of the Poet's Youth"

When the man behind the counter said, "You pay
by the orifice," what could we do but purchase them all?

Ah, Sandy, vou were clearly the deluxe doll, modish and pert
in your plastic nurse whites, official hostess to our halcyon days,

where you bobbed in the doorway of our dishabille apartment,
a block downwind from the stockyards. Holding court on

the corroded balcony, K. and I passed hash brownies, collecting
change for the building's monthly pool to predict which balcony

would fall off next. That's when K. was fucking M. and M. was
fucking J., and even B. and I threw down once on the glass-speckled

lawn, adrift in the headlights of his El Camino. Those were immortal
times, Sandy! Coke wasn't addictive yet, condoms prevented herpes

and men were only a form of practice for the Russian novel
we foolishly hoped our lives would become. Now it's a Friday night,

sixteen years from there. Don't the best characters know better
than to live too long? My estranged husband house-sits for a spoiled
cockatoo while saving to buy his own place. My lover's gone back
to his gin and the farm-team fiancée he keeps in New York.

What else to do but read Frank O'Hara to my tired three-year-old?
When I put him to bed, he mutters "more sorry" as he turns into sleep.

Tonight, I find you in a box I once marked ~ Erin Belieu

Your like herpes you show up when shit gets tense, and never fully go away! - (Cooper to Violet) ~ Ann Charles

She covered her body with a feather, reached under her legs, and threw her panties into the audience. A flying herpes rag. A hipster with mutton-chop sideburns caught it. He crumpled it in his fist and thrust it into the air excitedly. His little venereal prize. A ~ Neil Strauss

With reference to viral infections," the Librarian says, "if I may make a fairly blunt, spontaneous cross-reference - something I am coded to do at opportune moments - you may wish to examine herpes simplex, a virus that takes up residence in the nervous system and never leaves. It is capable of carrying new genes into existing neurons and genetically reengineering them. Modern gene therapists use it for this purpose. Lagos thought that herpes simplex might be a modern, benign descendant of Asherah. ~ Neal Stephenson

Why is it beautiful that humanity keeps coming back? So does herpes. ~ Isaac Marion

All I could think about was throwing something at her - something made of glass. Or spikes. Or a viral disease. They really should invent Herpes In A Jar for moments like these ~ Robin Mellom

So you never really tried to solve the problem.
Oh, c'mon. Can you ever "solve" poverty? Can you ever "solve" crime? Can you ever "solve" disease, unemployment, war, or any other societal herpes? Hell no. All you can hope for is to make them manageable enough to allow people to get on with their lives. That's not cynicism, that's maturity. You can't stop the rain. All you can do is just build a roof that you hope won't leak, or at least won't leak on the people who are gonna vote for you.
What does that mean?
C'mon ...
Seriously. What does that mean?
Fine, whatever, "Mister Smith goes to motherfuckin' Washington," it means that, in politics, you focus on the needs of your power base. Keep them happy, and they keep you in office. ~ Max Brooks

The virus of irony is as widespread in California as herpes, and once you're infected with it, it lives in your brain forever. ~ Neal Stephenson

At twenty years old, I was the youngest one at the dungeon, but not by much. No one was over thirty. The head bitch in charge was Mistress Rox. She had been there for eight years, and was known in the city as one of the meanest, baddest, yet most sensual masters. I've seen her shit on a guy. Like, right on his face. There's no way he didn't get pinkeye from that. You can't erase things like that from your memory, no matter how much you want to. It's like herpes in your brain. It's forever. ~ Asa Akira

It is important to go into work you would like to do. Then it doesn't seem like work. You sometimes feel it's almost too good to be true that someone will pay you for enjoying yourself. I've been very fortunate that my work led to useful drugs for a variety of serious illnesses. The thrill of seeing people get well who might otherwise have died of diseases like leukemia, kidney failure, and herpes virus encephalitis cannot be described in words. ~ Gertrude B. Elion

It's all over you when you say his name. Like glitter or something. You can't ever get that shit off. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world. ~ Leta Blake

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Except for tattoos and STDs. ~ D.D. Barant

... it seemed appropriate that I should develop some kind of illness. This is a good idea when you are at a loose end because everything, up to and including herpes, is better than being bored. ~ Jeremy Clarkson

Harpies, n. A disease transmitted to humans by birds with human faces. ~ Ron Brackin

All That You Can Be'?" I said. "I don't know. That was the slogan for me, growing up. And then it was 'Army of One,' which I never understood, and then it was 'Army Strong,' which is about as good a slogan as 'Fire Hot' or 'Snickers Tasty' or 'Herpes Bad.' A better slogan would be, 'You Can't Afford College Without Us. ~ Phil Klay

Leo turned to me, his upper lip curved in that way it does when he's confused. "What exactly is your problem? You broke it off with me, remember?"
The bitch wasn't backing down. Now she had control of my hands. She wagged a finger at Leo. "And you just couldn't wait to climb aboard that silicone-stuffed herpes ride, could you? ~ Barbra Annino

If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

I think the philosophy in our public schools, and many other institutions today, is that a dose of God is more hazardous to your health than a dose of herpes or drugs. ~ Cal Thomas

Even though I grew up two hours south, I had rarely ventured to Los Angeles. I soon learned that my dad wasn't totally off base when he said, "Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes." ... "Remember. Family," he said. "Also, how do I get back to I-5? I hate this fucking city. ~ Justin Halpern

Gave a girl herpes in exchange for syphilis, put my LP on your Christmas gift list. ~ Eminem

It must be some book," she said as she knelt down next to the bed ... "Did that boy give it to you?" She asked out of nowhere.
"By 'it' do you mean herpes?"
"You are too much," Mom said, "The book, Hazel. I mean the book. ~ John Green

I am a player in life, not an observer. I look at herpes the way you look at a scraped knee. ~ Doug Stanhope

Sex can lead to nasty things like herpes, gonorrhea, and something called relationships. ~ Sacha Baron Cohen

That fucking guy. He's like a bad case of herpes. ~ V. Theia

Britain's Advisory Committee on Dangerous Pathogens had lately reclassified herpes B into biohazard level 4, placing it in the elite company of Ebola, Marburg, and the virus that causes Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever. National ~ David Quammen

Wendy warmed my heart, earned my trust, touched my soul, and then touched me in a lot of other places. And right after we'd slept together for the very first time she looked up at me with her chocolate-brown, trustworthy doe eyes and said, I've got herpes. I thought you should know. ~ Caprice Crane

I find love is more of a bacterium than a virus unless you are comparing it to herpes. ~ Amanda Mosher

Los Angeles is like San Diego's older, uglier sister that has herpes. ~ Justin Halpern

You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees. ~ Dov Davidoff

A simple hello could lead to a million things. "Yeah," Gus said. "Like herpes or getting fisted. ~ T.J. Klune

In addition to these physical problems, sexually transmitted diseases are rampant among the homosexual population. 75% of homosexual men carry one or more sexually transmitted diseases, wholly apart from AIDS. These include all sorts of non-viral infections like gonorrhea, syphilis, bacterial infections, and parasites. Also common among homosexuals are viral infections like herpes and hepatitis B (which afflicts 65% of homosexual men), both of which are incurable, as well as hepatitis A and anal warts, which afflict 40% of homosexual men. And I haven't even included AIDS. Perhaps the most shocking and frightening statistic is that, leaving aside those who die from AIDS, the life expectancy for a homosexual male is about 45 years of age. That compares to a life expectancy of around 70 for men in general. If you include those who die of AIDS, which now infects 30% of homosexual men, the life expectancy drops to 39 years of age.

So I think a very good case can be made out on the basis of generally accepted moral principles that homosexual behavior is wrong. It is horribly self-destructive and injurious to another person. Thus, wholly apart from the Bible's prohibition, there are sound, sensible reasons to regard homosexual activity as wrong. ~ William Lane Craig

E-mails are the new herpes: You never get rid of them. ~ Christopher Buckley

Natural selection shaped the human brain to be drawn toward aspects of nature that enhance our survival and reproduction, like verdant landscapes and docile creatures. There is no payoff to getting the warm fuzzies in the presence of rats, snakes, mosquitoes, cockroaches, herpes simplex and the rabies virus. ~ Paul Bloom

My daddy, or papa as Ilike to call him is always healthy. Sure, he had the herpes but he managed it very well! ~ Santino Marella

That circular loop was fatal. Patsy giving them their Latin name, herpes zoster, describing how the pain attacked the line of the nerves, something Dilly knew beyond the Latin words when she had wept night after night, as they oozed and bled, when nothing, no tablet, no prayer, no interceding, could do anything for her, a punishment so acute that she often felt one half of her body was in mutiny against ~ Edna O'Brien

Why does everybody say 'feminist' that way?" "What way?" "The way Dooney kept saying 'herpes' after health class last year. Like it's this terrible, unspeakable thing. ~ Aaron Hartzler

Do people talk about the war?" Miller asked. "Often," the missionary said. "Anyone make sense of it?" "No. I don't believe war ever does. It's a madness that's in our nature. Sometimes it recurs; sometimes it subsides." "Sounds like a disease." "The herpes simplex of the species?" the missionary said with a laugh. "I suppose there are worse ways to think of it. I'm afraid that as long as we're human, it will be with us. ~ James S.A. Corey

Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation. ~ Christopher Titus

Viruses like symmetrical shapes because symmetry provides a very simple means for them to multiply, and that is what makes viral diseases so infectious - in fact, that's what 'virulent' means. Traditionally, symmetry has been something people have found aesthetically appealing, whether it is seen in a diamond, a flower or the face of a supermodel. But symmetry isn't always so desirable. Some of the most deadly viruses on the biological books, from influenza to herpes, from polio to the AIDS virus, are constructed using the shape of an icosahedron. Is ~ Marcus Du Sautoy