Gru Funny Quotes

I've always liked dressing up. And I love a high heel - the higher the better. I just feel funny in flats. ~ Rachel McAdams

I lived with a guy who had OCD and I used to put Rice Krispies in his slippers before I went out. He went mental, but not before he counted them all. ~ Russell Howard

You know you're getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn't hurt doesn't work. ~ Hy Gardner

We are NOT calling it magical death spit!! ~ Glory, Wings Of Fire

There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent. ~ Steve Coogan

Aye! Claiming to be able to keep Mountshannon safe. Funny how religious folks like that say their god will protect them - right up until someone hits them with a club." "Still, ~ John Flanagan

Twenty-five minutes ago, I was blissfully invisible. No laughing. No evil grins. No drama. And now? It couldn't be more dramatic. I've got a stepsister masquerading as Cinderella, the chauvinistic villagers think I'm the ugly stepsister, and the boy coming to my side is more likely to snag a prince than I am. ~ Kelsey Macke

He'd make her work so hard that a job as a cardboard-box presser at the margerine factory would seem like paradise. ~ Jussi Adler-Olsen

Now, my intention was to drink just enough to dull the senses, but intentions should never be mixed with alcohol. ~ Kirt J. Boyd

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead? ~ Steven Wright

I'm also very pleased that we were able to include a full orchestrated score for Dragon's Lair 3D. The 40 different music pieces blend with the action to make you feel more a part of the whole adventure. ~ Don Bluth

The most noteworthy thing about gardeners is that they are always optimistic, always enterprising, and never satisfied. They always look forward to doing something better than they have ever done before. ~ Vita Sackville-West

Edward shot a glare at Davis that held the promise of dismemberment, mayhem, and the apocalypse. ~ Elizabeth Hoyt

All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls. ~ Bo Burnham

It's looks like someone slapped you in the face with a fruit roll-up or something! ~ Daniel Bryan

I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement. ~ Fred Allen

The really destructive feature of their relationship is its inherent quality of boredom. It is quite natural for Peter often to feel bored with Otto - they have scarecely a single interest in common - but Peter, for sentimental reasons, will never admit that this is so. When Otto, who has no such motives for pretending, says, "It's so dull here!" I invariably see Peter wince and looked pained. Yet Otto is actually far less often bored than Peter himself; he finds Peter's company genuinely amusing, and is quite glad to be with him most of the day. Often, when Otto has been chattering rubbish for an hour without stopping, I can see that Peter really longs for him to be quiet and go away. But to admit this would be, in Peter's eyes, a total defeat, so he only laughs and rubs his hands, tacitly appealing to me to support him in his pretense of finding Otto inexhaustibly delightful and funny. ~ Christopher Isherwood

I was of course discussing the book of Leviticus. I don't know why your mind is so filthy these days, Bingley.
~ Marsha Altman

She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

Hysterical in The Mask; funny yet moving in The Truman Show. ~ Jim Carrey

Did you think I was helping you out of the goodness of my heart? Or am I just the only warlock you know?" (Magnus)
…
"No," he said now, "but you are the only warlock we know who happens to be dating a friend of ours." (Jace)
For a moment everyone stared at him-Alec in sheer horror, Magnus un astonished anger, and Clary and Simon in surprise. It was Alec who spoke first, his voice shaking. "Why would you say something like that?"
Jace looked baffled. "Something like what?"
"That I'm dating-that we're-its not true," Alec said, his voice rising and dropping several octaves as he fought to control it.
Jace looked at him steadily. "I didn't say he was dating you," he said, "but funny that you knew just what I meant, isn't it?"
"We're not dating," Alec said again.
"Oh?" Magnus said. "So you're just that friendly with everybody, is that it?"
-pg.241- ~ Cassandra Clare

I like children - fried. ~ W.C. Fields

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution. ~ Andy Borowitz

I'd die for your sins, but I'd probably enjoy them first ~ Josh Stern

Lost time is like a run in a stocking. It always gets worse. ~ Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Python opened his eyes. "What do you want?"
"To sing you songs about my awesomeness!"
"Oh, please. Just kill me now."
"Okay!" Apollo drew his bow and shot the snake between the eyes. Then he sang a song about his awesomeness. ~ Rick Riordan

Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win ~ Vinnie Jones

It's funny, oftentimes the really great roles that I enjoy are in classic plays, and there aren't many theatres in New York who will do them, aside from Roundabout. ~ Laila Robins

Tonight he was a firm adherent to the classic McCloud school of thought; plant bugs first, apologize later. ~ Shannon McKenna

Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Are you overdone yet? ~ Charlotte Henley Babb

Felt my heartbeat falter, hesitate, then stumble awkwardly forward, tripping on the next beat, then the next, faster and faster until each one tumbled into the other like the drumroll of dominoes crashing together. Funny how time stands still when death is imminent. ~ Darynda Jones