Grandma Mazur Quotes

I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant." -Grandma Mazur ~ Janet Evanovich

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy.
Grandma Mazur ~ Janet Evanovich

When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said:
She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank. ~ Janet Evanovich

If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead! ~ Janet Evanovich

I met a real looker. He picked me up at the two dollar slot machines, so you know he's no cheapskate.
Grandma Mazur ~ Janet Evanovich

We better hurry," Grandma said. "I don't want to be late for the viewing. I want to get a good seat right up front, and there'll probably be a crowd, being that the deceased was shot. You know how some people are nosy about that sort of thing."
There was silence at the table, no one daring to make a comment.
"Well, I guess I might be a little nosy," Grandma finally said. ~ Janet Evanovich

You sure you don't want to go?" Grandma Mazur asked my mother.
"I didn't know Moogey Bues," my mother told her. "I've got better things to do than to go to a viewing of a perfect stranger."
"I wouldn't go either," Grandma Mazur said, "but I'm helping Stephanie with this here manhunt. Maybe Kenny Mancuso will show up, and Stephanie will need some extra muscle. I was watching Television, and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down."
"She's your responsibility," my mother said to me. "She sticks her fingers in anybody's eyes I'm holding you accountable. ~ Janet Evanovich

Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?"
It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army."
I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant."
My father's mouth dropped open and a piece of ham fell out.
My mother froze, her fork poised in midair.
That's sort of a joke," I told Grandma. "Rangers don't get dogs pregnant in real life."
I looked at Ranger for corroboration and got another smile. ~ Janet Evanovich

The dog ran into the kitchen, stuck his nose in Grandma's crotch, and snuffled.
Dang," Grandma said. "Guess my new perfume really works. I'm gonna have to try it out at the seniors meeting. ~ Janet Evanovich

I went to the beauty salon today and got spruced up," Grandma said. "Ever since Mildred Frick called me a slut my phone hasn't stopped ringing. I got two dates for the weekend."
"It might not be such a good thing to have men calling you because they think you're a slut," I said. "They're only going to be after one thing."
"I hope that's true. I don't want to find out I went blond and bought all them thongs for nothing. ~ Janet Evanovich

Grandma Mazur stood two feet back from my mother. "I gotta get me a pair if those," she said, eyeballing my shorts. "I've still got pretty good legs, you know." She raised her skirt and looked down at her knees. "What do you think? You think I'd look good in them biker things?" Grandma Mazur had knees like doorknobs. ~ Janet Evanovich

That shooting gave me an appetite," she said. "Somebody pass
me the potatoes."
Grandma Mazur ~ Janet Evanovich

I was watching television and I saw how you stick your fingers in a person's eyes to slow them down.
Grandma Mazur ~ Janet Evanovich

[Stephanie Plum]Jeez. No True Love
[Grandma Mazur] There's always been true love, but in my day, you either talked yourself into thinking you had it, or you talked yourself into thinking you didn't need it. ~ Janet Evanovich

Where did you meet?" he pressed on.
I shrugged and considered a little rephrasing. "I was out for a run."
"From who?"
I leaned back to take a long, very long, slow sip of that beer.
Knox leaned forward. "I think we're both bullsh*tting here, you ever play that card game?"
"With my grandma, every Sunday after church. ~ Dannika Dark

Netscape brought the Internet alive with the browser. They made the Internet so that Grandma could use it, and her grandchildren could use it. The second thing that Netscape did was commercialize a set of open transmission protocols so that no company could own the Net. ~ Thomas Friedman

And after I told my six-year-old, grandma died in the accident, after tears and questions she suggested, maybe now is a good time to explain what the man has to do with babies. So i chose one perfect lily from that vase and with the tip of a paring knife slit open the pistil to trace the passage pollen makes to the egg cell- the eggs i then slipped out and dotted on her fingertips, their greenish-white translucent as the air in this blizzard that cannot cool the unbearable heart. ~ Kimiko Hahn

Quinn starts to laugh as he gets out of the car. I follow, locking it behind us. "It's not so bad. Grandma always bought me ice cream though." He looks up at me and bats his eyes.

I shake my head. "Of course she did," I say as I throw my arm around him. We walk toward the lion's den, the James men, brave… and incredibly stupid. ~ Heidi McLaughlin

He tunneled into stories where weak men changed into strong half-animals or used eye beams or magic hammers to power through steel or climb up the sides of skyscrapers. He was the Hulk when angry and Spidey the rest of the time. When he felt his heart hurt he turned into something stronger than a little boy, and he grew up this way. A heart that flashed from heart to stone, heart to stone. As I watched I thought of what Grandma Lynn liked to say when Lindsey and I rolled our eyes or grimaced behind her back. Watch out what faces you make. You'll freeze that way. ~ Alice Sebold

The next day I picked up my electric guitar and amp at a tag sale. Grandma Dotty loves tag sales, and somehow she managed to bargain with the guy who was selling them, until we paid just three dollars ~ James Patterson

A teenage boy with a Mohawk sat across from me, sneering. I'd seen that look before. Why was it a problem to knit in public?
"My grandma knits."
I ignored him.
"So what are you making, Grandma?" Mohawk's voice was ugly.
I arched my eyebrow. "A cashmere cock ring. Your grandma ever knit one of those?"
The kid's eyes grew wide, and he suddenly became very interested in a four-year-old issue of Teen Vogue. ~ Leslie Langtry

I used to get a lot of people saying 'Oh, you are such a lucky granny.' But the fact of the matter is you can be a grandma at 35 these days. ~ Jo Brand

Thanksgiving was always a favorite holiday for me. The preparation was fun! My grandma and I would walk to the butcher on Jamaica Avenue in Queens, order the bird, and buy all the fixings at the market. ~ Debi Mazar

Do you have a girlfriend?" Grandma Frida asked. I put my hand over my face. "No," Mad Rogan said. "A boyfriend?" Grandma Frida asked. "No." "What about ... " "No," Mom and I said in unison. "But you don't even know what I wanted to ask!" "No," we said again together. "Party poopers." Grandma shrugged. ~ Ilona Andrews

He was smiling. It was one of those sincere smiles grown-ups give kids when they're trying to get them in arm's reach for something bad. Doctors smile that way right before they give you a shot; teachers look the same just before they tell you they found out what you did. The Big Bad Wolf probably smiled at Red Riding Hood like that when he was pretending to be her grandma. Despite all my mother's flaws including her mean streak, I never once saw that travesty of an expression on her face. ~ Pat Cadigan

My granddad used to say, If everybody liked the same thing, they'd all be after your grandma. ~ Gary Mule Deer

She paused as she realized he was looking at her. 'Am I doing something wrong?' 'No. I was just thinking how incredibly beautiful you are.' That didn't seem to please her as her gaze danced around in obvious discomfort. 'You're still drunk, aren't you?' He laughed. 'No. The hangover is starting to kick in. Head hammering like a mother.' 'Ah, that explains it.' 'What does?' 'Your eyesight's screwed up. I could probably take you into a retirement home and you'd be trying to score with Grandma right now.'
- Shahara & Syn ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

I love my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, but I'd take a bullet for my parents or my sister without a second thought."
"Dude," Greg whispered,"you wouldn't take one for your granny?"
"No one's going to shoot my grandma," Jace said dismissively. ~ Jay Bell

Someone has asked me to paint Biblical pictures, and I say no, I'll not paint something that we know nothing about, might just as well paint something that will happen two thousand years hence. ~ Grandma Moses

Looked around for Grandma, spotting her and Dougie hiding behind a car on the opposite side of the street. They were wearing Super Suits and they had bath towels pinned around their necks like capes. ~ Janet Evanovich

Here we go then," Dad says. "Motoring towards our dreams, Bridge."
"You shouldn't follow dreams," Grandma announces.
"Why?" I ask her.
"Because it's a road paved with disappointments, that's why. People should get on with what they've blinking well got at home."
"You can't tell people what their dreams are meant to be."
"I can. But they never listen, do they? ~ Joanna Campbell

Remember our Red scares and our Catholic scares, when all well-informed people knew that the O.G.P.U. were hiding out in Oskaloosa, and the Republicans campaigning against Al Smith told the Carolina mountaineers that if Al won the Pope would illegitimatize their children? Remember Tom Heflin and Tom Dixon? Remember when the hick legislators in certain states, in obedience to William Jennings Bryan, who learned his biology from his pious old grandma, set up shop as scientific experts and made the whole world laugh itself sick by forbidding the teaching of evolution?. . .Remember the Kentucky night-riders? Remember how trainloads of people have gone to enjoy lynchings? Not happen here? Prohibition - shooting down people just because they might be transporting liquor - no, that couldn't happen in America! Why, where in all history has there ever been a people so ripe for a dictatorship as ours! ~ Sinclair Lewis

I went home and tried to sleep, but couldn't, so I stared up at the moon, watching how it's trailing edge faded into darkness, so close to being full, but not quite there. A pregnant moon, Grandma called it. Full almost to bursting, and ready to give birth to something unthinkable. ~ Neal Shusterman

A strange thing is memory, and hope; one looks backward, and the other forward; one is of today, the other of tomorrow. Memory is history recorded in our brain, memory is a painter, it paints pictures of the past and of the day. ~ Grandma Moses

President Obama says he will not support a healthcare plan where the government gets to decide whether to, quote, 'pull the plug on Grandma.' Apparently, Obama's plan calls for the much quicker pillow option. ~ Conan O'Brien

In swimming, everyone calls me grandma, because I'm the oldest there. Then with my friends, I'm the youngest and I'm the baby. It's definitely bizarre. ~ Amanda Beard

We have all felt those emotions in these last few days. So what I say to you now, as your queen and as a grandmother, I say from my heart. ~ Queen Elizabeth II

I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma. ~ Kami Garcia

Theodore- Hello, Grandmother. You're looking more beautiful than ever.
His grandma- You did have to inherit your looks from someone. ~ Jen Turano

You'll see a movie about someone you hate or someone you love. Will you see a movie about grandma making apple pies? No, you won't. Only if grandma has poisoned the neighbor or is suspected of poisoning the neighbor through her apple pies. ~ John McAfee

Just think of them as your little pets. ~ Renata Suerth

Lecture is the transfer of the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the student without passing through either. ~ Eric Mazur

Did I at least look kick ass?" "In your baggy tee, grandma bathing suit and ripped shorts?" he grimaced. "Oh yeah. Totally kick ass. ~ Alessandra Torre

I was just thinking about me having children. Or being a grandma!" She giggled. "Think I'll be fat and have gray hair?"

"I sure hope so," her father said, laughing himself. ~ Sharon M. Draper

I'm a nice middle-class girl in real life, and I'm a mom and a grandma, and I usually play sweet characters. ~ Jacki Weaver

You be as angry as you need to be," she said. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Not your grandma, not your dad, no one. And if you need to break things, then by God, you break them good and hard. ~ Patrick Ness

There are two dedications. The first is Jessica's. To my precious children, Madalina, Ashur, Isabelle, and Grace, No mother could love her children more than I love you. Each of you is truly a gift from God that I cherish more than anything else in this world. And to Amy Sarah, my Beloved Princess. I only held you once, but you live on forever in my heart. Even you have a story." Kayne paused and bussed her temple before continuing. "The second dedication is from Darcy's kids. I may call you Mom, Grandma, Aunt, or some other name, the title doesn't matter to my heart. It only knows that it loves you. Happy Mother's Day. ~ Julieanne Reeves

Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you're just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric. ~ Pam Brown

Your grandma used to always tell me that just because something is over doesn't mean it wasn't successful. All things end at some point. ~ Justina Ireland

We should not have a government program that determines if you're going to pull the plug on grandma. ~ Chuck Grassley