Goranson Of Roseanne Quotes

Sometimes for me not throwing a tantrum is what running a marathon or swimming the English Channel must be like for others of a less-challenging emotional nature ... ~ Roseanne Barr

A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego. ~ Roseanne Barr

I wish I'd done a tenth year of the 'Roseanne' show. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm on the mirror diet. You eat all your food in front of a mirror in the nude. It works pretty good, though some of the fancier restaurants don't go for it. ~ Roseanne Barr

Many of the network television shows have done takeoffs on 'Family Circus,' including 'David Letterman,' 'Friends,' 'Roseanne,' and others, and, in my estimation the use of them is a compliment to the popularity of the feature, which just by mentioning it's name sets up the image of a warm, loving family-type feature. ~ Bil Keane

Finding a calm place inside myself through meditation kind of helped me to get over a lot of mental illness ... it's just been a really great thing in my life. ~ Roseanne Barr

Honestly, a lot of the human etiquette I learned in life I learned from, like, thank-you notes and dating Jimmy Kimmel. ~ Roseanne Barr

There is no scarier chasm of darkness than the human mind. ~ Roseanne Barr

Patriarchy is impotent and qualitatively unable to solve even the most simple problems in the cosmos such as picking up their own socks or placing a carton of milk back in the refrigerator after drinking from it. ~ Roseanne Barr

The end of my addiction to fame happened at the exact moment 'Roseanne' dropped out of the top ten, in the seventh of our nine seasons. It was mysteriously instantaneous! ~ Roseanne Barr

The American people are sick and tired of this 'lesser evil' garbage they get fed every election year. Both the Democrats and the Republicans do the same evils once they're in office. ~ Roseanne Barr

Meditation state is a place of deep relaxation where you can pinpoint the things you do and to set a paradigm switch from effect to cause. So how to be a cause in your own life. ~ Roseanne Barr

I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice. ~ Roseanne Barr

I like to get people talking. I am a provocateur, and I do like getting on Twitter and riling people up. You know what, after a while some sane dialogue and sane conclusions come of that kind of thing. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world. ~ Roseanne Barr

I used to play Barbies with my Mormon neighbor friend; it was always, "Oh, we're going to go on a date. Ken's taking us out, and we're going with Ken on a date." And I was like, "We're parachuting behind enemy lines to save the Jews." That's how I played Barbies. I was told when I was a girl that every Jewish woman has to have five children to replace three fifths of our people that were killed. That's how I was raised. ~ Roseanne Barr

We had no religion at all, but we were Jews in New Hampshire, and my sister - who is now a rabbi - said it best: We were, like, the only Jews in Bedford, New Hampshire, as well as the only Democrats, so we just kind of associated those two things together. My dad raised us to believe that paying taxes is an honor. ~ Roseanne Barr

As Joss showed up to start work on the new season, Barr gathered everyone on staff and made a speech about how the tabloids were obsessed with her and had sources among the crew feeding them details of her personal life. Joss, who had heard about tabloid drama and the staff conflicts, anticipated a speech that would bring everybody closer: "It's us against the world, and dammit, we've got good work to do here, let's all get it done." Instead, Roseanne told the writers they had better keep their mouths shut or they would all be fired. It was a plot twist that he wasn't expecting. "It made me realize … that every time somebody opens their mouth they have an opportunity to do one of two things - connect or divide. Some people inherently divide, and some people inherently connect," Joss said. "Connecting is the most important thing, and actually an easy thing to do. I try to make a connection with someone every time I talk to them, even if I'm firing them…. People can be treated with respect. That is one of the most important things a show runner can do, is make everybody understand that we're all involved, that we're all on the same level. ~ Amy Pascale

I want to be the girl in Indiana Jones. I would love to do an adventure movie where I was saving the world. It might be cool if I used a lot of kitchen tools to fight off the enemy. ~ Roseanne Barr

Everything that's written about me has such a negative taint. It just has a life of its own, like an avalanche, and I don't think there's anything I can do to stop it. ~ Roseanne Barr

You know, I'm blessed. 'Blessed' is a better way of saying 'rich.' ~ Roseanne Barr

School yourself in all occasions to keep perfectly cool; maintain a perfect control of temper, come what will: one that can govern himself can govern others. ~ Roseanne Montillo

I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. ~ Roseanne Barr

The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians. ~ Roseanne Barr

A lot of people in television who've had successful shows claim the 'Roseanne' show as their starting place, and I'm really proud of that. ~ Roseanne Barr

I do kabbalistic meditation. It's not unlike time travel; it can change the past and not just the future. You can look at what was lost and go beyond the grief of what was lost. ~ Roseanne Barr

Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. ~ Roseanne Barr

I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty. ~ Roseanne Barr

My best friend Linda is leaving her husband just because he is unfaithful to her. That is no reason to leave the person. I feel like after that, you should stay with them and make sure that the rest of their life is sheer hell. ~ Roseanne Barr

Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men. ~ Roseanne Barr

I always had a dissociative disorder. But I healed from it over the course of 14 years of big-time therapy. But, you know, I mean, everybody's kind of loony now. So I was kind of a pioneer in the mental illness thing, too. ~ Roseanne Barr

Both the Democratic and Republican parties are bought and paid for by corporate America and cater to the needs of the highest bidder as opposed to the people they claim to represent. I cannot be bought. ~ Roseanne Barr

Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.. ~ Roseanne Barr

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa. ~ Roseanne Barr

I'm funnier now because I'm braver and less full of hate, so everything is even more ridiculous than it was before. ~ Roseanne Barr

As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape. ~ Roseanne Barr

I avoided reality for most of my life. But once you deal with it, it's kind of cool. ~ Roseanne Barr

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are. ~ Roseanne Barr

I grew up with 'Roseanne'; I kind of adore her and stuff like' Home Improvement', really traditional American stuff. ~ Jessie Cave

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?' ~ Roseanne Barr

This producer was a woman, a type I became acquainted with at the beginning of my stand-up career in Denver. I cared little for them: blondes in high heels who were so anxious to reach the professional level of the men they worshipped, fawned over, served, built up, and flattered that they would stab other women in the back. They are the ultimate weapon used by men against actual feminists who try to work in media, and they are never friends to other women, you can trust me on that. ~ Roseanne Barr

TV is a language all its own, a land of one dimensional stereotypes that destroys culture, not adds to it. TV is anti-art, a reflection of consumerism that serves the power structure. TV is about demographics. ~ Roseanne Barr

Just ten of the Jewish billionaires on this Earth have more than enough to transform the occupied territories into heaven. We can put the 'pal' back in Palestinian. ~ Roseanne Barr

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house. ~ Roseanne Barr

Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. ~ Roseanne Barr

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job. ~ Roseanne Barr

Pot enables you to think clearly without any fear or any limits. It's a mind-expander, which is part of why it's illegal and why drugs like Vicodin are legal. ~ Roseanne Barr

It is puzzling why anyone would want to (become governor of California). It's like vying to become Roseanne Barr's next husband. Sure you'd get your name in the paper, but look at the mess you'd be getting yourself into. ~ Ann Coulter

Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey. ~ Roseanne Barr