Gf Funny Quotes

Funny when you're the only pair of boots in a sandals town. ~ Jeffrey Kosh

Come on let's see the degree."
Katherine unrolled her scroll displaying a long declaration in Latin affixed with a red seal proclaiming her a Master of Art.
"Imagine working for years to obtain a piece of paper we can hardly read " Katherine joked.
"And to officially declare you have talent " Suzy returned. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

Your head is incredibly hard…you'll be fine."
"So much for bedside manner. You didn't think about cushioning my fall before I hit the ground?"
"Please, would you jump in front of an oak tree to stop it falling?"
"You're comparing me to a falling tree? ~ Jane Cousins

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time. ~ Chelsea Handler

I don't know any sad songs. Except for the funny ones. ~ Richard Powers

That's the funny thing about arriving somewhere, Vin," he said with a wink. "Once you're there, the only thing you can really do is leave again. ~ Brandon Sanderson

It's not funny, Kacey!" I hiss. "That guy forced himself on me!"
She rolls her eyes but then, after a long pause, she sighs. "Yeah, you're right." Reaching over, she pinches the guy's arm without hesitation. "Hey, buddy!"
"You do that to her again and I'll sneak into your room and rip your balls off while you sleep, capisce?" she warns with a pointed finger. Most times my sister's threats involve the mutilation of testicles. ~ K.A. Tucker

Pray steal me not, I'm Mrs. Dingley's, Whose heart in this four-footed thing lies. ~ Jonathan Swift

Frankly, the only good people who I know are dogs. ~ Fakeer Ishavardas

I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they. ~ Bill Bailey

Hey, Geekoid!" yelled Duncan Dougal, "Why do you read so much? Don't you know how to watch TV? ~ Bruce Coville

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. ~ Christina Aguilera

Our love was a two-person game. At least until one of us died, and the other became a murderer. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo

I really embrace things that I think people who like music can relate to, they grew up with the same stuff and know the same references so when they hear it being used as a metaphor to something else they'll be like that's unique, or funny or something that's relatable to me. ~ Hoodie Allen

I think women have such rich emotional lives that they are expressive about. I also think they're funny. I like watching strong female characters, and I like writing them. I don't know if it's conscious that I gravitate towards women, but it's certainly evolved that way. ~ Darren Star

A fool and her money are soon courted. ~ Helen Rowland

Appreciation is one of those funny things that you have to just allow it to blend together on its own. Past reveals all as they say. You will indefinitely know when the time comes to leave a crappy relationship. There's just no mistaking it. There comes a time when no more growth can come to a union for many folks. Well then go plant your seeds into your own garden before you come invest your time into another person again. Whatever you need to connect with will come and go as necessary. ~ Sereda Aleta Dailey

That's the trouble with directors. Always biting the hand that lays the golden egg. ~ Samuel Goldwyn

A funny person is funny only for so long, but a wit can sit down and go on being spellbinding forever. One is not meant to laugh. One stays quiet and marvels. Spontaneously witty talk is without question the most fascinating entertainment there is. ~ Diana Vreeland

Funny things, words. Big words, small words; words that are bigger on the inside and packed tight with feeling. They can make us fall in love, and they can break our hearts and we're powerless against them. ~ Maggie Harcourt

If you want breakfast in bed, you have to concider sleeping in the kitchen> ~ Foster "Raul" Mkhabele

Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. ~ George Bernard Shaw

How dare you open a spaceman's helmet on an uncharted planet? My eyeballs could've been sucked from their sockets! ~ Cathy East Dubowski

I would love to interview Michael McKean and his wife, who wrote the songs for 'A Mighty Wind,' which is my favorite Christopher Guest movie. I'm just a sucker for any funny guy that has a wife who is intelligent and that he collaborates with. ~ Julie Klausner

Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT. ~ Dave Barry

Kaylee giggled as he tunneled up inside her sleeve.
Out popped his head for a quick look, then he took leave.
He enjoyed scaling up, down and around her shirt.
What a sweet, funny and adorable flirt. ~ Melinda K. Trotter

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn? ~ Bauvard

I had just put the casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away, when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me - Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick. ~ Ryan O'Neal

I often fake my death and then just show up at people's houses. They say 'that's a good one Thom' but I know maybe they don't really think it's a funny joke. ~ Thom Yorke

A company is known by the people it keeps. ~ Will Rogers

You might not believe this, but there is no one like her at this school."
"Oh I believe it," I said, thinking back to the time Angeline had forgotten her locker's combination and tried to get into it with an axe.
No one was really sure where she'd gotten it from. ~ Richelle Mead

An hour later, a nameless, cold-faced man returned with a tray of fresh pasta, warm bread, and a few bags of brand new comfort clothes: yoga pants, tees, a few sports bras, and ... pink thong underwear? Well, of course. Wouldn't want to be held prisoner and have panty lines. ~ Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime. ~ Will Rogers

Making movies was a real weird kind of adult experience. In a way it was like MIT, in that it was a great education. The big lesson is, people are people. They're smart, funny, creative people, but they're people. ~ Charlie Korsmo

I like the hot-cold, the sugar-salt, being able to play over-the-top and dramatic things - in the same film. Just as in my life, I can be very funny and at other times almost extinguished. ~ Jean Dujardin

What would a pie chart of your malicious to non-malicious thoughts look like? How big a piece of the pie is non-malicious? ~ Emma Mills

Mr. Gorbachev has apparently stumbled onto one of the best-kept secrets in recent Soviet history: Communism doesn't work. ~ Frank Zappa

Being effective at social media, whether for business or personal use, means capturing people who have short attention spans. They're only a click away from a picture of a funny cat, so you have to make your thing more compelling than that cat. And that can be a high bar. ~ Alexis Ohanian

I like to smoke a pipe, because it's the punch line indicator. Whenever I take a hit of the pipe, you should be laughing. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Airline food is not intended for human consumption. It's intended as a form of in-flight entertainment, wherein the object is to guess what it is, starting with broad categories such as "mineral" and "linoleum." ~ Dave Barry

A book is a fragile creature, it suffers the wear of time, it fears rodents, the elements and clumsy hands. so the librarian protects the books not only against mankind but also against nature and devotes his life to this war with the forces of oblivion. ~ Umberto Eco

What a lot of funny people it does take to make a world. ~ Agatha Christie