Gay Humor Quotes

He didn't look anything like the blokes on that gay porn channel Rory had clicked on by mistake when he'd been trying to find out how to make a daisy chain for Leo. ~ J.L. Merrow

Fortunately, Park seemed more bemused than offended. "Do you disapprove of human-werewolf relationships, Agent Dayton?"

"No. Of course not. I - that's not what I meant. I just didn't understand..." Cooper trailed off, thoroughly uncomfortable, and Park took pity on him.

"She's not my type because I'm gay."

The silence was sharp. Vaguely Cooper was aware his mouth was hanging open. He shut it quickly. Then opened it again to say, "Oh, that's nice. ~ Charlie Adhara

What goes in your butthole is your business, all we care about is making sure Chipotle is what comes out of it. - Rodrigo Chipotle ~ Kindle Alexander

Why are you asking me? I'm seventeen and don't know anything about what to do when you're autistic and gay. ~ Claire LaZebnik

He that she is a gay. ~ Ronaldo Mangubat

I was convinced that there was at least a seventy-three percent chance he was gay. I bumped it up from sixty-eight after our third game. Zack showed up wearing a light pink shirt that was tighter than usual. ~ Kyle Adams

So you do know!" I shouted. My phone lay there like a genie's bottle, inanimate and yet containing the ability to grant me wishes and knowledge. "Girl, spill before I come over and dye your hair a natural color. ~ Atom Yang

Unearth marvels as you walk the path,
Stand in awe,
Therein is the joy of life. ~ Barbara Neville

Let me say, on behalf of the entire gay male community, we hate your fucking guts 'cause you landed him. Share, you selfish bastard. ~ Andrea Speed

What would be men without women?
Fucking gay... ~ Arpan Joseph

Evan saw a man across the kitchen, butt leaning against the counter, muscular arms folded over his broad chest. His blond hair was cut very short, and his eyes were bright blue sparks. Evan's gaze locked with Paul's, and a sudden sense of vertigo swam through his head. The conversation in the other room, the back and forth between John and Alden, the startling brilliance of Bill's teeth
all of that faded away as Paul stared back at him. Evan found himself inside a strange bubble that blocked all outside stimuli. He had never experienced a connection this intense before, especially with an initial look, and even though it terrified him in a thrillingly sexual way, he didn't dare pull his gaze away from Paul's for fear of breaking the timeless moment between them. ~ Hank Edwards

I guess I might be bi-curious," Ben said quietly."
"What?"
"I said I could be sorta bi-curious," Ben said loudly. "That's someone who is fundamentally straight but is curious about sex with men."
Joshua grunted his opinion of that. "You've been checking out my ass since you were eleven years old, Ben. That's ain't curious, that's convicted. ~ Eli Easton

He's a he. I mean he's a guy. He's your mate. Oh my God you're gay!" Aleks exclaimed. Liam slapped himself on the forehead. ~ Alanea Alder

Day leveled Ronowski with a stern glare. "Ronowski, you are gay, man. You're tightly closeted. But you are indeed gay, ultra-gay. You're fuckin' Marvin Gay. You crash landed on Earth when your gay planet exploded." Day moved away from God and stood in front of an openmouthed Ronowski. "Come out of the closet already. It's so bright and wonderful out here. Dude, I've seen Brokeback Mountain too, don't believe that bullshit. No one cares who you fuck…ya know…like you tell me every. Single. Day. Of. My. Life," Day said exaggeratedly. ~ A.E. Via

You take a dick and you get it wet and then you put it someplace tight - ~ K.A. Mitchell

She had one of those husky voices that sounded as if she were permanently coming down with a cold. Men seemed to find that sexy in a woman, which Jackson thought was odd because it made women sound less like women and more like men. Maybe it was a gay thing. ~ Kate Atkinson

Who has a house for ten years and doesn't own a drill? - Kerry

A gay man who has the phone number of a really hot carpenter. - Malcolm ~ Jaime Samms

Charlie squinted in the glare of the sun. "Are you a member of the crew?" He stepped forward and shaded his eyes.
"In a manner of speaking," the man replied. "I'm Rock Harding."
"Oh, nice to meet you. ~ Hank Edwards

What's your name, Farm Boy?"
"Charlie Heggensford, ma'am." He stuck out his hand and she smiled as she shook it. ~ Hank Edwards

Will put his hand on Nico's shoulder. "Nico, we need o have another talk about your people skills."
"Hey, I'm just stating the obvious. If this is Apollo, and he dies, we're all in trouble."
Will turned to me. "I apologize for my boyfriend."
Nico rolled his eyes. "Could you not―"
"Would you prefer special guy?" Will asked. "Or significant other?"
"Significant annoyance, in your case," Nico grumbled ~ Rick Riordan

I have a question for you, but it's kind of ... um, personal."
"Yes, I'm gay."
"You really are a fan of saying that, aren't you?"
"Once you start, you just can't stop. ~ Diana Peterfreund

I was so happy to be out of there. "Barabas, if you weren't batting
for the other team, I'd marry you."

He grinned. "If I weren't batting for the other team, I would accept your
proposal. You had me at 'No comment.' If all my clients were this smart, my
life would be much easier. Much, much easier. ~ Ilona Andrews

Hey," Anaxantis protested. "Oh," he added, when the Muktar prince took his member in his mouth. "Oh ... that's what you meant by servicing." He laughed softly.
"Aw, aw, teeth, teeth, no teeth," he hissed suddenly.
"Sowwy," Timishi, mumbled with his mouth full. "Towd you it wouldn't je jood. ~ Andrew Ashling

Sex is not a wizard, whatever magical-seeming properties it might possess in its better forms. If your friend says to you, "You're being mean, you need to get laid," your problem is not sex. Your problems are that you might be acting like an asshole, and your friends are definitely idiots. ~ Katie Heaney

As if anyone in Paris would believe for a second that I was a top. Not only was I made for being manhandled, I was far too lazy to be anything but a bottom. ~ Nicole Castle

Handsome hero wanted.
Brave in the face of certain danger.
Must be willing to get naked with other species.
At least six-inch penis required.
Fee is negotiable. ~ James Cox

'How old were you when you realized you were... different?'

Logan opened his mouth, then smiled slyly, 'What sort of different? Gay different, magic different, or just plain fucked-in-the-head-crazy different?'

Collin bit back a smile at Logan's delivery, 'Magic different.'

'Ah,' Logan said, 'Pity, the other stories are a lot more fun.' ~ Lia Black

Baby, you're so much of a woman, you turn me off when I hold you. ~ Rhys Ford

Hey, maybe you could invite the new guy to your party." Sarah suggested.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Sure, I'll just ask the good-looking stranger if he wants to come round to my Nanna'a and dance naked around a fire." Mark was suddenly aware of the engulfing silence.

"Who'll be naked doing what now? ~ K.S. Marsden

Sweetheart, the baby keeps you up all night , it's definitely a boy. He winks. ~ Samantha Towle

What President of the Airline is doing is, he's urging everyone to give up their frequent flyer miles for sick kids ... But as I was reading this, there were two empty seats next to me. Why can't sick kids sit there? If they're so concerned with sick kids, shouldn't they have like a pen of sick kids next to the gate? ~ David Cross

I hope that gay gentleman will be safe. ~ Jean Rhys

Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity. ~ Jim Butcher

Thank God for imminent doomsday. ~ Jim Butcher

They've always told that when Granville was a boy he woke up one time in the middle of the night and she was settin on the side of the bed watchin him and she was holdin a butcher knife. Said she was watchin him, but it was like shewasn't really seein him. He laid awake the balance of the night waitin to see what she'd do, then he took to sleepin in the woods or in the barn. Just wherever. She'd set up all night like she was studyin about somethin. They took to hidin all the knives. ~ William Gay

When I was a wee little kid," remarked Roic, watching over their shoulders, "there was a time I thought that any skinny old man I saw was my grandfather. It was pretty confusing. ~ Lois McMaster Bujold

You think you're so cool just because you can walk! ~ Jen Lancaster

Since God is silent, man is his own master; he must live in a disenchanted world, submit everything to criticism, and make his own way. ~ Peter Gay

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword. ~ Derek Landy

Please, someone tell me I wouldn't be that annoying if I had girlfriends. ~ Kim Harrington

Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could. ~ Charles J. Sykes

One of the tricks is to have the exposition conveyed in a scene of conflict, so that a character is forced to say things you want the audience to know - as, for example, if he is defending himself against somebody's attack, his words of defense seem Justified even though his words are actually expository words. Something appears to be happening, so the audience believes it is witnessing a scene (which it is), not listening to expository speeches. Humor is another way of getting exposition across. ~ Ernest Lehman

Plus, humor is a good way to hide the pain. - Leo ~ Rick Riordan

We struggled to understand how a contract with the so-called secular state could mandate some kind of spiritual ritual. ~ Maggie Nelson

Everything I am inside is pink and blue. Pastels without, soft clouds above, blue sky everywhere with an occasional rain but from renewal, not anger. My mind has no boundaries. Its floor is poetry, the wallpaper music. The windows are always open to allow the humor to drift in and out. The furniture is made of air, I am forever floating. ~ Kimberly Jo Smith

Security has a report of an unattended fainting goat that is loose in the building as well, sir' 'A, What?' I Snap. 'A fainting goat' 'How do you know it faints?' 'Guests continue to report a dead goat. Surveillance footage shows that it's just fainting' 'What a relief' Dec says. 'Because a fainting goat is so much better than a dead one' he turns to me 'When did your suite become a petting zoo?' 'Shut up ~ Julia Kent

My girlfriend is a party girl angel who can kick some arse and cook. ~ Wendy Higgins

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck. ~ Jackie Mason

As a young gay African, I have been conditioned from an early age to consider my sexuality a dangerous deviation from my true heritage as a Somali by close kin and friends. As a young gay African coming of age in London, there was another whiplash of cultural confusion that one had to recover from again and again: that accepting your sexual identity doesn't necessarily mean that the wider LGBT community, with its own preconceived notions of what constitutes a "valid" queer identity, will embrace you any more welcomingly than your own prejudiced kinsfolk do. ~ Diriye Osman

I don't see how we can allow public dollars to fund programs where spite and hate is the core of the message. Louis Farrakhan preaches hate. ~ George W. Bush

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on the slates. "What are they doing?" Alice whispered to the Gryphon. "They can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun."
"They're putting down their names," the Gryphon whispered in reply, "for fear they should forget them before the end of the trial. ~ Lewis Carroll

It'd take a lot more than a quick fuck to lose me, Lockland."
He smiled and nipped my lower lip.
"Plus," I murmured, pulling back, "your cock is pretty nice. I think my ass would miss it. ~ Shaye Evans

Will had discovered, even before coming to the City, that his muse was, like all muses, an incredibly finicky and temperamental mistress. He'd had several good short stories over the years, a few of them bordering on brilliant, and some of them had even been published; but these gifts from his imaginary goddess of inspiration were, in truth, frustratingly infrequent. She would hang around and whisper in his ears for hours, or days, or weeks, and then suddenly go off on an extended vacation without informing Will of her whereabouts or when she planned to return. ~ Chris Lester

Lebanon is the only country where media kills more than bombs, injures more than guns ... and at last they say freedom of speech ... ~ Hussein S. Hariri

The seventh and eighth grade were for me, and for every single good and interesting person I have ever known, what the writers of the bible meant when they used the words hell and pit...It was all over for any small feeling that one was essentially all right. One wasn't...It was springtime, for Hitler, in Germany.

Anne Lamott ~ David Sheff

Strange, how in all those apocalyptic movies, when their society breaks down into lawlessness and anarchy, Canada is always the haven of safety, the place people want to escape to. ~ Jenifer Mohammed

It's also important to read the newspaper every day to see how the pope is doing. Here in Rome, the pope's health is recorded daily in the newspaper, very much like weather, or the TV schedule. Today the pope is tired. Yesterday, the pope was less tired than he is today. Tomorrow, we expect that the pope will not be so tired as he was today. ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Jeremy, Good luck on your first marriage. ~ David Sedaris

Xylophone is spelled with an X. That's wrong. It should be a Z up front. Next time you spell xylophone, use a Z. If someone says, "That's wrong!", you say, "No, it ain't." If you think that's wrong, then you need to have your head Z-rayed. ~ Mitch Hedberg

I don't think that because you die and move on to somewhere else that you lose your sense of humor. ~ Peter Jackson

I feel much freer now that I am certain the pope is the Antichrist. ~ Martin Luther

A man says to the doctor: "What's the good news?" "You've got 24 hours to live." He says: "What's the bad news?" The doctor says: "We should have told you yesterday." ~ Frank Carson

What are we going to blow up?"
Morgan sighed happily and slapped joss on the back. " Kid ... you just said my seven favorite words. ~ Heather Brewer

It felt wrong to cut him off. But I could only take so much heavy breathing before inappropriate thoughts involving whip cream and a ping pong paddle crept into my mind. ~ Darynda Jones

All love is socioeconomic. It's the gradients in status that make arousal possible. ~ Gary Shteyngart

I don't want to be better than others just I'm trying to be the best with myself only. ~ Manroop Suthar

Hey. Do you want a cracker?" a velvet voice asked me.
I didn't look up, I wasn't sure if he was even talking to me. Why would an attractive senior be talking to me?
"Hey, I'm talking to you," he said, a chuckle in his voice.
I slowly lifted my head peering at him from under my long lashes. His dark brown hair swept across his forehead, and his deep blue eyes made me gasp. He wore the ultimate laid back style, a white t-shirt and jeans. All he needed was a black leather jacket, and he would be the bad boy from my book. The smile on his face was breathtaking and I found myself unable to speak. ~ Felicia Tatum

I've never, ever, ever
in my entire life
fought over a man.
I've fought women who've hit me because of a man, but then I was fighting to bust her ass, not defend his. ~ Karen E. Quinones Miller

Religious ceremonies are of paramount importance in Bali ( an island, don't forget, with seven unpredictable volcanoes on it-you would pray, too). ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent. ~ Mark Twain

Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you ... "
... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible.
"Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile? ~ Eoin Colfer

Then you're aping him. Valentine was one of the most arrogant and disrespectful men I've ever met. I suppose he brought you up to be just like him."
"Yes," Jace said, unable to help himself, "I was trained to be an evil mastermind from a young age. Pulling the wings off flies, poisoning the earth's water supply - I was covering that stuff in kindergarten. I guess we're all just lucky my father faked his own death before he got to the raping and pillaging part of my education, or no one would be safe. ~ Cassandra Clare

It may be true that, if I could con-
vince everyone in the world that I was the King of France, I would in
fact become the King of France; but it would never work if I were to
admit that this was the only basis of my claim. In this sense, politics
is very similar to magic - one reason both politics and magic tend, just
about everywhere, to be surrounded by a certain halo of fraud. ~ David Graeber

Just remember if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English. ~ Rick Riordan

You are Spider-Man!" she exclaimed.
Simon glanced down from his perch halfway up the pillar. "That makes you Mary Jane. She has red
hair, ~ Cassandra Clare

...A legendary leader distinguishes himself as someone who gets ahead of his people from an impasse and futile general consensus, and then finds new grounds that constitute the base from which a unique course of his people's destiny is charted... ~ Janvier Chouteu-Chando

Vortexy.
"Is that even a word?" I ask myself
"You're talking to yourself, so who the hell cares?" I reply ~ Gayle Forman

But this room looked like it had been decorated by the unholy lovechild of Barbie and Strawberry Shortcake. ~ Rachel Hawkins