Quotes About Funny Stuff
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Last semester was intense," I said to Dad.
"Intense?" he echoed, picking up my file. "Let's see. On your first day at Hecate, you were attacked by a werewolf. You insulted a teacher, which resulted in semester-long cellar duty with one Archer Cross. According to the notes, the two of you became 'close.' Apparently close enough for you to see the mark of L'Occhio di Dio on his chest.
I flushed at that, and felt Mom's arm tighten around me. Over the past six months, I'd filled her in on a lot of the story with Archer, but not all of it.
Specifically, the whole me-making-out-in-the-cellar-with-a-murderous-warlock-working-with-the-Eye-part. ~ Rachel Hawkins
Religion is funny stuff, and it has unpredictable effects on those who use it. ~ Richard K. Morgan
You'll see a lot of funny stuff, you'll see a lot of daddy-knows-best stuff, you'll see a lot of me and my wife trying to hold the family together. ~ Russell Simmons
To go from working with a group of people in a sketch-comedy show on a small network, where it was all about just creating funny stuff, to being on a network show, and the pressures of that, and getting to know the new people who were involved in it. There was a learning curve for me. But it was an education. ~ Ken Marino
You're kidding, right?" Ezra barked. "We're not just going to wait." "I suppose we could help people clean up a bit," "Girl!" Ezra called out. "Big eyes!" Winter turned from what she was looking at. "Are you talking to me? ~ Obert Skye
I started finding humor in everything. I used to watch a lot of TV, and I finally figured I didn't need to watch TV to find funny stuff. I just watch the commercials. I mean, the commercials just blew my mind. ~ Andy Andrews
No funny stuff in here tonight, you understand?"
Dash said, "I assure you I could not contemplate any of your so-called funny stuff seeing as how I have no idea why I'm even here."
Mark scoffed. "You bookish little pervert."
"Thank you, sir!" Dash said brightly. ~ David Levithan
I listened to my first comedy album in 6th grade. It was Bill Cosby. My brother and I would play it over and over on a Fisher Price record player. A friend in high school also introduced me to Richard Pryor. I wasn't writing material back then, but I would say funny stuff. I was good at making fun of people's moms. If I knew something personal about you, it would be used against you. ~ Felipe Esparza
I haven't been offered a lot of comedy. In theater, I've done quite a bit of comedy or dramas that included a lot of funny stuff. But in my TV work, those aren't the roles that I've been offered. ~ Mireille Enos
We would write scripts, like for 'Shutterbugs.' Then when we shot it, everyone just came up with new stuff. We've definitely learned how to do it better as we've gotten along. So basically, that's how it went. We just go in with ideas and try to figure out funny stuff while we're there. ~ Jason Woliner
I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff. ~ Morgan Freeman
I have seen and heard comedians who had really funny 'stuff' but yet could not make the people laugh; then, again - I have seen others whose stuff was anything but humorous, and the audience would howl with laughter. ~ Al Jolson
Discipline allows magic. To be a writer is to be the very best of assassins. You do not sit down and write every day to force the Muse to show up. You get into the habit of writing every day so that when she shows up, you have the maximum chance of catching her, bashing her on the head, and squeezing every last drop out of that bitch. ~ Lili St. Crow
We [me and my husband] both had our things. Seth was the artist, I was the singer. We were like "You do your thing, I'll do my thing and never the two shall meet." I think we had a healthy competition going through our childhood. But I sort of left the funny stuff to him, I said "You're the comedian, you're the jokester, you do that I'll be the more serious one." You need that kind of balance in the family. ~ Rachael MacFarlane
I allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff. I always feel planned. ~ Michael Bay
We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff. ~ Matt Groening
Lucas knows, yeah. The last seven, eight years, there's been funny stuff out there, out on the console cowboy circuit. The new jockeys, they make deals with things, don't they, Lucas? Yeah, you bet I know; they still need the hard and the soft, and they still gotta be faster than snakes on ice, but all of 'em, all the ones who really know how to cut it, they got allies, don't they, Lucas? ~ William Gibson
Isn't it weird," I said, "the way you remember things, when someone's gone?"
What do you mean?"
I ate another piece of waffle. "When my dad first died, all I could think about was that day. It's taken me so long to be able to think back to before that, to everything else."
Wes was nodding before I even finished. "It's even worse when someone's sick for a long time," he said. "You forget they were ever healthy, ever okay. It's like there was never a time when you weren't waiting for something awful to happen."
But there was," I said. "I mean, it's only been in the last few months that I've started remembering all this good stuff, funny stuff about my dad. I can't believe I ever forgot it in the first place."
You didn't forget," Wes said, taking a sip of his water. "You just couldn't remember right then. But now you're ready to, so you can."
I thought about this as I finished off my waffle. ~ Sarah Dessen
Boys, welcome to the wonderful world of talking to women about their feelings. As a handy primer, here are a few things you should know:
1) Women have feelings.
2) You will spend the next seventy years or so trying to guess what they're feeling and why.
3) You will be wrong most of the time.
4) I like French Fries. ~ Brandon Sanderson
Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial. ~ Allen Klein
You never think of films being really creepy that you're in because you just remember the funny stuff. ~ Pell James
This is New York, a combat zone, and everyone has to have an angle or they're not allowed over the bridges or through the tunnels. Let them have their angles, it's what they live for. You've got better things to worry about, like making sure the people that actually matter don't try any funny stuff. ~ Cynthia Heimel
Champagne's funny stuff. I'm used to whiskey. Whiskey is a slap on the back, and champagne's a heavy mist before my eyes. ~ James Stewart
They won't really shoot us, will they?" Faith whispered as they started forward.
"I'll pretend I'm in labor if they do any funny stuff," Angelina said in a low voice. "Pregnant women always scare the shit out of men. ~ Maya Banks
No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff. ~ Tucker Max
Why don't you two take a little walk?" Eleni suggested. "The moon is beautiful tonight."
"That's a great idea." Robby stood, releasing Olivia's hand. "Will ye walk with me, lass?"
"Yes." She grabbed her sweater, pulled it over her head, then fixed the clip that held her hair in place on
the back of her head.
"No funny stuff," Eleni warned. "I'll be watching with the telescope. ~ Kerrelyn Sparks
Ninety-eight per cent of laughter is nothing to do with jokes, which do not deserve to bear the weight of all the funny stuff in the world. ~ Arthur Smith
Improv is more than just spitting out a bunch of funny stuff that's unrelated to the material. You have to stay in character, you have to react and respond as the character you're trying to play. You have to service the story, and I think improv training has helped with my listening, responding, and my audition technique. It's sounds so silly, but it's true. Because not only do you improvise during the audition, but once you get the part, they'll say, "Throw away everything. Just improv this scene. Do whatever you want." Someone could panic if they're not used to doing something like that. ~ Wendi McLendon-Covey
You asked what is the secret of a really good sketch. And it is a sketch is a small play. It's got a beginning, and a middle and an end. It should have a plot; it should have the characters, conflict. It is a little play. And in it, will be funny stuff. ~ Harvey Korman
You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in that movie; there's a lot of funny stuff. It's definitely amusing, and paying 99 cents for a samurai sword is amazing. ~ Al Madrigal
Destiny was funny stuff, he knew. You couldn't trust it. Often you couldn't even see it. Just when you knew you had it cornered, it turned out to be something else - coincidence, maybe, or providence. You barred the door against it, and it was standing behind you. Then just when you thought you had it nailed down it walked away with the hammer. ~ Terry Pratchett
People often can't separate, or can't understand, that to be funny is to be serious; it's a way of pulling people in and not scaring them off. I think a lot of the funny stuff, underneath it, there's a deep anxiety going on. ~ Nick Cave
I want to be known for my performances and doing my craft well, not for funny stuff I post on Twitter or whatever. ~ Billy Magnussen
Right now my favorite TV show - because it's too close to home - is 'My Name Is Earl.' That show kills me. There's some funny stuff in there. ~ Rodney Atkins
I used to comb my hair back and do stupid stuff. ~ Shane West
When I was in New York, I got to see Joan Rivers do an hour of material, and it blew my mind. I don't remember how old she was at the time, but she just had this edgy hour that had so much funny stuff in it, and she was so fearless. If you only watch her on the red carpet, you don't get a sense of what a legendary standup comedian she is. ~ Chelsea Peretti
It's a very appropriate show to be doing around Halloween because it's very dark and mysterious. There are some great chorus scenes and some dark stuff and funny stuff as well. It's a really perfect balanced show in many regards. ~ James Marvel
Eric: But you already know...
Greta: Well, yeah, but I still want us to have The Talk. All daughters get to have The Talk.
Eric: Fine. You remember the book "If you give a Mouse a Cookie"?
Greta: Ye-es.
Eric: It's like that.
Greta: No it isn't.
Eric: No. It absolutely is...
Eric: If you give a boy a kiss, he'll want to touch your cookies. If you let him touch your cookies, he'll want to unwrap them. If you let him unwrap them, he'll want to put them in his mouth. And THEN, if you let him put them in his mouth, the boy will want to pet your kitty. But if you let him pet your kitty, he'll want to see your kitty. And of course, if you let him see your kitty, then he'll want to feed it. And if you let him kiss you, touch your cookies, unwrap your cookies, put them in his mouth, pet your kitty, see your kitty, and feed your kitty, you'll get pregnant unless you make him wear a raincoat on his banana. So it's better if you just kick the boy in the nuts and run over him with the car.
Greta: I don't think that's how The Talk usually goes.
Eric: No?
Greta: No, but it's okay, Dad. I like your version, too. ~ J.F. Lewis
Is everything all right? Is everything all right? Hmm, hold on a minute, let me see ... my mom is going out with my Algebra teacher, a subject I'm flunking, by the way; my best friend hates me; I'm fourteen years old and I've never been asked out; I don't have any breasts; and oh, I just found out I'm the princess of Genovia. ~ Meg Cabot
As long as the wrong feels right - it's like I'm in flight. ~ Eminem
That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller. ~ Cassandra Clare
Somebody that comes and dumps a brand-new album on me and doesn't play the old stuff, I'm pissed! ~ Garth Brooks
But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie. ~ Thomas Haden Church
It's funny because when Jason [Statham] was drowning I was filming with an iPhone. It may have been a bit insensitive but I just thought, "you know what, this was a magic moment". And I couldn't help him anyway because I didn't want to drown. ~ Sylvester Stallone
The poor Americans are so busy defending the rights of Hindus in Pakistan, Moslems in India, Jews in Palestine, Koreans in Japan, Italians in Yugoslavia and Hungarians in Czechoslovakia that they simply cannot give a thought to Negroes in the United States. ~ George Mikes
When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else. ~ Louis C.K.
The world wants to define me by my mammary glands and melanin. It is just fascinating that Michael Mann has never been asked what it is like to be a white male filmmaker. ~ Victoria Mahoney
Let's go get dressed."
I looked down at him and saw that he was in his underwear still. I couldn't help but smile, but then we heard a door open. Gran came out of her room, stopping dead in her tracks at seeing her grandson in his skivvies.
I waited for her to blush, or something, anything, but she just stood there. Caleb coughed uncomfortably and pulled me in front of him. It was the first time he'd ever put me in front of him. Usually it was the other way around. And then Gran's cackle started. She laughed so hard and pointed, even doubling over as she did so.
"Gran, come on," Caleb complained to her and then bent his head to look at me when I started laughing too.
"I'm sorry," I said,"but its funny!" "Caleb," Gran laughed and gasped for breath, "just tell me you didn't walk all the way from your cell that way and I'll be fine. ~ Shelly Crane
It's funny, because athletes want to be rockers and vice versa. ~ Matt Willig
Mom actually said that?" Cassie's face shown with happiness. "She always hated my math!"
"Nah," Martin said. "She was just being that way for you. She thought it was what you needed to hear. If parents told us what they really think about stuff, we could figure them out like regular people. ~ Clare B. Dunkle
If Romney would go ideological in explaining Obama, it would help. We gotta stop the, 'He's a nice guy' stuff. Nice guys don't do what Obama is doing. Nice guys don't say and do and act the way Obama is saying, doing, and acting. ~ Rush Limbaugh
So hologram means
" I finally said.
"It means non-corporeal, yeah. Which sucks seeing as how there are a lot of very corporeal things I'd like to do with you right now. ~ Rachel Hawkins
I'd try to stuff myself into one of these scenarios, but it's like wearing a size five sneaker when your foot is a seven
you can get by for a few steps, and then you sit down and pull off the shoe because it just plain hurts too much. ~ Jodi Picoult
There's never any graffiti in the hotel. Although in the Gents a couple of weeks ago I did see someone had drawn a lady's part. Quite detailed. The guy obviously had talent. ~ Steve Coogan
I didn't realize how much harm I was doing back then and I think a lot of rap artists probably don't realize it now. I said a lot of stuff fooling around back then, and I saw it do a lot of harm. ~ Adam Yauch
Temperance pursed her lips, her eyes firmly fixed on the growing mound of chopped turnip roots. "Do you think anyone really likes turnips?"
"Temperance…"
Temperance poked the tip of her knife into a white cube and held it up. "They are very filling, of course, but really, when was the last time you heard someone say, 'Oh, I'm so very fond of turnips'? ~ Elizabeth Hoyt
I always knew Gordon Lightfoot was a really great songwriter, but his stuff even sounds better and better all the time. It's just so really good to me. It's just like that's what should be in a dictionary, you know, next to a really good contempory folk song, is a Gordon Lightfoot song. ~ John Prine
Didn't expect to see you here," Jordan said.
My eyes cut to Rachel, and I smiled sweetly. "Obviously. Hey, Rachel. Good to see you again."
Hopefully, Jordan would know what I really meant, which was I'd cut a bitch if I could. ~ S.E. Harmon
It's a mass agitation of ambitious cocks! ~ David Anthony Durham
We are always making more and more stuff in the world. You know; big buildings, big planes, big boats and that. Will we ever get to a point where all this is too heavy for the world to handle? ~ Karl Pilkington
In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?' ~ Carrot Top
It's funny, isn't it? While we were distracted by the silly scraps that make up human history, you and I became eternal, impervious to rot, infinity itself. ~ Daniel Kraus
Look I accept Adam because you love him. And I assume he accepts me because you love me ... your love binds us.' ... The funny thing was, I never really bought into Kim's notion that they were somehow bound together through me- until just now when I saw her half carrying him down the hospital corridor. ~ Gayle Forman
The point here is ... to be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded. ~ David Foster Wallace
Love isn't two matching unicycles. Love is a bicycle - and mine just got stolen. ~ Dark Jar Tin Zoo
I'm really interested in how you create a whole new economy of recycling. It's literally the 'underground economy.' All this stuff that on the surface creates growth and profit, ends up with waste, junk, and CO2. So how do you make it economic to bring new players into the ball game? ~ Peter Senge
Hope you got your things together.'" I sang, stabbing a pillow with my spear. Feathers exploded into the air. "'Hope you are quite prepared to die!'" I spun in a dazzling whirl of lights, landed a killer back-kick on a phantom Shade, and simultaneously punched the magazine rack. "'Looks like we're in for nasty weather!'" I took a swan dive at a short, imaginary Shade, lunged up at a taller one -
- and froze.
Barrons stood inside the front door, dripping cool-world elegance.
I hadn't heard him come in over the music. He was leaning, shoulder against the wall, arms folded, watching me.
"'One eye is taken for an eye . . .'" I trailed off, deflating. I didn't need a mirror to know how stupid I looked. I regarded him sourly for a moment, then moved for the sound dock to turn it off. When I heard a choked sound behind me I spun, and shot him a hostile glare. He wore his usual expression of arrogance and boredom. I resumed my path for the sound dock, and heard it again. This time when I turned back, the corners of his mouth were twitching. I stared at him until they stopped.
I'd reached the sound dock, and just turned it off, when he exploded.
I whirled. "I didn't look that funny," I snapped.
His shoulders shook.
"Oh, come on! Stop it!"
He cleared his throat and stopped laughing. Then his gaze took a quick dart upward, fixed on my blazing MacHalo, and he lost it again. I don't know, maybe it was the brackets sticking out from the sides. ~ Karen Marie Moning
When I do the roles, when I'm in the room and auditioning, I'll ask the director if they're cool with me adding stuff, or just improvising while we're doing it. And I would say, like, 90 percent of the time, they say, 'Absolutely.' ~ Ben Schwartz
I've done lots of songs for film soundtracks and things like that - stuff I'm not ashamed of, but that doesn't represent my legacy with the Pretenders. ~ Chrissie Hynde
Being broke is a joke, I never found it funny / That's why I count my blessings / As much as I count my money ... ~ Fabolous
As if fixing the little errors would made the big stuff manageable. ~ Melissa Marr
Tell me something, Mari - do you believe in reincarnation?"
Mari shakes her head. "No, I don't think so," she says.
"So you don't think there's a life to come?"
"I haven't thought much about it. But it seems to me there's no reason to believe in a life after this one."
"So once you're dead there's just nothing?"
"Basically."
"Well, I think there has to be something like reincarnation. Or maybe I should say I'm scared to think there isn't. I can't understand nothingness. I can't understand it and I can't imagine it."
"Nothingness means there's absolutely nothing, so maybe there's no need to understand it or imagine it."
"Yeah, but what if nothingness is not like that? What if it's the kind of thing that demands that you understand it or imagine it? I mean, you don't know what it's like to die, Mari. Maybe a person really has to die to understand what it's like."
"Well, yeah…," says Mari.
"I get so scared when I start thinking about this stuff," Korogi says. "I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner. It's so much easier to just believe in reincarnation. You might be reborn as something awful, but at least you can imagine what you'd look like - a horse, say, or a snail. And even if it was something bad, you might be luckier next time. ~ Haruki Murakami
My second hit was a flop. ~ Shakin' Stevens
The only furniture in the dank space was a flimsy cot. Water dripped steadily in one corner. A hole in the floor appeared to serve as a latrine. What most caught Kendra's eye were the messages scratched on the wall. She roamed the cell, reading the crudely inscribed phrases.
"Seth rules!
Welcome to Seth's House.
Seth rocks!
Seth was here. Now it's your turn.
Seth Sorenson forever.
Enjoy the food!
If you're reading this, you can read.
All roads lead to Seth.
Is it still dripping?
Seth haunts these halls.
You're in a Turkish prison!
Seth is the man!
Use the meal mats as toilet paper." And so forth.
Cold, hopeless, and alone, Kendra found herself giggling at the messages her brother had scrawled. He must have been so bored! ~ Brandon Mull
Xavier would be such a great burger. He's all covered in spread ... ~ Robert Pattinson
I'm sure there are people who think I only do music, people who think I only do theater, and people who think I only do dramatic stuff. I do things that interest me. ~ Michael Lindsay-Hogg
And there's no "I love you" message because Steve Ovett has married the girl ~ David Coleman
High in a turret of a great castle rising on a black crag above snowy plains, besieged and grand, crammed full of an empire's treasure, and he sitting by a log fire with a sad and lovely princess ... I used to dream about such things, he thought. I used to long for them, ache for them. They seemed the very stuff of life, its essence. So why does all this taste of ashes? ~ Iain M. Banks
There's a funny thing about light and darkness
like hope, you can never blot out either one completely. They always exist, side by side, bright light making shadows darker, darkness making the light more beautiful, a tempting siren call. I can't hate the dark parts of myself. They are the things that showed me how special and rare the bright flames of trust, loyalty, friendship, and love were. My darkness showed me how to love Rob. But now I choose light and fire and love. No I choose freedom. ~ A.C. Gaughen