Funny Running Quotes

That's Hendrick's 19th home run. One more and he reaches double figures. ~ Jerry Coleman

The fact is that as soon as they reach Baghdad gates, we will besiege them and slaughter them. Until now they have refused to do battle with us. They are just going places. One can describe them as a boa: when it feels threatened, it runs to somewhere else. ~ Mohammed Saeed Al-Sahaf

Coe has smashed the world record, 1:44.92 seconds has never been run easier ~ Ron Pickering

If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final. ~ Cyndi Lauper

If you can't win, make the one ahead of you break the record. ~ John McKeithen

The defense should be expecting a run or a pass here. ~ John Madden

How dare you little jabroni come onto The Rock shows Smackdown and run your mouth about how your the game, well The Rock says, if you are the game then you quite frankly you need to go back to the drawing board cause your game absolutely sucks! ~ Dwayne Johnson

Truth gets well if she is run over by a locomotive, while error dies of lockjaw if she scratches her finger. ~ William C. Bryant

He can run anytime he wants. I'm giving him the red light. ~ Yogi Berra

I didn't train all that time just to come here and get it over with as fast as I can ~ John Bingham

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks. ~ Emo Philips

When I was five years old I was on a merry go round. There was a gunshot nearby. The horses stampeded. There I was running down the street on a purple wooden horse. ~ Steven Wright

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war. Just a greater emphasis on military apparel. ~ Roseanne Barr

Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not. ~ Vaclav Havel

Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid. ~ George Carlin

Bob Gibson is the luckiest pitcher I ever saw. He always pitches when the other team doesn't score any runs. ~ Tim McCarver

And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child. ~ Jim Norton

If you're watching a parade, don't follow it. It never changes. If the parade is boring, run in the opposite direction. You will fast-forward the parade. ~ Mitch Hedberg

Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none. ~ Jerry Coleman

The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything. ~ Bob Hope

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frowned. I thought a true Tigress never backed down from a fight. Don't you know anything? When she's in heat, she avoids everything male. Now run! ~ Gena Showalter

Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do. ~ Doug Stanhope

He was by no means opposed to hard labour on principle, for he would work away at a cricket-match by the day together, - running, and catching, and batting, and bowling, and revelling in toil which would exhaust a galley-slave. ~ Charles Dickens

I had a three year relationship end. Ever have somebody just freak out on you in a relationship? Things are going great. After three years she wants to run out and find a guy that doesn't hit her. ~ Jim Norton

That home run ties it up, 1-0. ~ Jerry Coleman

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys. ~ Woody Allen

Ingrid Kristiansen then has smashed the world record, running the 5000 metres in 14:58.89. Truly amazing. Incidentally, this is a personal best for Ingrid Kristiansen. ~ David Coleman

It's hard for a man to turn down sex ... if they chase us, we can't run that fast. ~ Chris Rock

I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people's doors and running away. God that was a good game. ~ Bill Bailey

That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record ~ David Coleman

When we were on acid, we would go into the woods, because there was less chance that you would run into an authority figure. But we ran into a bear. My friend Duane was there, raising his right hand, swearing to help prevent forest fires. He told me, "Mitchell, Smokey is way more intense in person!" ~ Mitch Hedberg

I knew the President would run for reelection in 1984. Why not? Actors love sequels ... and returns. ~ Bob Hope

Heat radiated off Henry's face. Salty snot ran down his upper lip. A majestic fart propelled him to the top of Section 12, just at the springing of the stadium's curve. He slapped the sign as if high-fiving a teamate. It gave back a game shudder. He was crusing now, darkness be damned, stripping off his sweatshirt and his long underwear top without breaking stride. ~ Chad Harbach

Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you. ~ Francois Rabelais

The Spanish government, having run completely out of money, secretly sold the Pyrenees to China, and is now separated from France only by traffic cones. ~ Dave Barry

Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot! ~ Rodney Dangerfield

A lot of people think that Jesus is coming back. That's fine, it's your right. But you know, I live in New York, and I think he's running a little late. I'm asking myself, 'Alright, what happens if Jesus comes back tomorrow? What - does he make rounds to churches?' 'OK, everyone who's been good, buses leave in 10 minutes. I'll meet you in front of the post office. I gotta go. Oh, don't tell the Jews I'm back.' ~ Marc Maron

The more Discovery Channel you watch, the less chance you have of ever meeting a woman. Because it fills your head with odd facts that can come out at any moment. "Hello. Did you know Hitler was ticklish? That sea otters have four nipples? Wait - don't run away!" ~ Dave Attell

I have a problem with the strip that runs along the bottom of the news programs. Don't these idiots who run the news programs know we don't want to read? That's why we're watching TV. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

Running is special. We've all done it: well, poorly, focused, in fear, being pursued, toward a goal. It's just elemental. Running is like fire. ~ Rob Delaney

Don't call 'em dogs. Dogs are loyal and they run after balls. ~ Louise Brown

I don't think drugs should be illegal. I'm not an advocate of everybody running out and using drugs, but I think the drug wars are not working, there's millions and millions of dollars being spent on the drug war that we're never going to win. ~ Sonny Barger

It is a wise child that knows its own father, and an unusual one that unreservedly approves of him. ~ Mark Twain

Funny," [Antryg] said, "if you're a mage, they always ask you to read the future, as if knowing it will help. I think three-fourths of all prayers prayed are for two and two not to equal four. ~ Barbara Hambly

Gansey had no idea how old Blue was. He knew she'd just finished eleventh grade. Maybe she was sixteen. Maybe she was eighteen. Maybe she was twenty-two and just very short and remedial. ~ Maggie Stiefvater

Without Prayer nothing good is done. God's works are done with our hands joined, and on our knees. Even when we run, we must remain spiritually kneeling before Him. ~ Luigi Orione

.. 1 in 7 American children will run away from home, and within 48 hours of running, 1 out of every 3 will be asked, as I was, to "take care" of someone in exchange for food, money, clothes, and at times just affection...

In the US alone, the average age at which children are brought and sold for purposes of sex is between 12 and 14; some are as young as 5. These children are not prostitutes; what they are engaged in is not prostitution. It is rape, abuse, slavery, and torture. ~ Carissa Phelps

Why is it so important to have fun? Because if you love your work (or your activism or your family time), then you'll want to do more of it. You'll think about it before you go to sleep and as soon as you wake up; your mind is always in gear. When you're that engaged, you'll run circles around other people even if they are more naturally talented. From what we've seen personally, the best predictor of success among young economists and journalists is whether they absolutely love what they do. If they approach their job like - well, a job - they aren't likely to thrive. But if they've somehow convinced themselves that running regressions or interviewing strangers is the funnest thing in the world, you know they have a shot. ~ Steven D. Levitt

The heavy eyelids snapped open. Jack froze.
A huge gold-and-amber eye, as big as a dinner plater, stared at him. The dark pupil shrank, focusing.
Jack stood very still.
The colossal head turned, the scaled lip only three feet from Jack. The golden eyes gazed at him, wirling with fiery color.
Jack breathed in tiny, shallow breaths.
Dont blink. Don't blink ...
Two gusts of wind erutped from the wyvern's nostrils Jack jumped straight up, bounced off the ground into another jump, and scrambled up the nearest tree.
In the clearing, Gaston bent over, guffawing like an idiot.
'It's not funny! ~ Ilona Andrews

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator ~ Josh Stern

That kind of monotony that running generates - the one soundtracked by heavy breathing and the steady rhythm of feet on pavements - became a kind of metaphor for depression. ~ Matt Haig

I'm usually not the straight guy. I'm sometimes more the funny guy, depending on the situation. ~ John Kapelos

You can go to the doctor a million times if you're feeling down, and get nowhere, but if you go for a run it makes you feel really good. ~ Gail Porter

Kyra." Fred caught Kyra's eyes. "I'm not in love with Ariana and I don't want half the kingdom."
"You don't?"
He shook his head. "But I might stick around for a little while longer. There are some interesting things in the Kingdom of Mohr."
"Like what?"
"Like a certain funny and extremely talented potioner."
Kyra took a breath. "I have to warn you, Hal isn't that great as a boyfriend. He's pretty self absorbed. ~ Bridget Zinn

The trouble with children is that they're not returnable. ~ Quentin Crisp

By the light of the hominy fire Sixo straightens. He is through with his song. He laughs. A rippling sound like Sethe's sons
make when they tumble in hay or splash in rainwater. His feet are cooking; the cloth of his trousers smokes. He laughs.
Something is funny. Paul D guesses what it is when Sixo interrupts his laughter to call out, Seven-O! Seven-O! ~ Toni Morrison

For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here". ~ Ashleigh Brilliant

Life is a crowded superhighway with bewildering cloverleaf exits on which a man is liable to find himself speeding back in the direction he came. ~ Peter De Vries

Running through things because you are familiar with them, breeds routine and this is the seed of boredom. ~ James Galway

Water for me is so essential, like swimming. ~ Nastassja Kinski

I won't let my best friends do silly,stupid,annoying,funny things
-WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!! ~ Azhly Antenor

Results for "It's funny. You can live your whole life and then suddenly know that you didn't do it right at all ~ Justin Cronin

Management OS should be nothing but a Management OS for Hyper-V. Don't make it a domain controller, don't install SQL Server, don't turn it into a Remote Desktop Services session host; Microsoft's support services won't like it. Instead, install those applications in virtual machines that are running on the host. ~ Aidan Finn

While I was travelling and I kind of had the classic realisation - that I guess most teenagers have at some point - that time's gonna run out and that's not in my power to change that. ~ George Ezra

He kissed the top of her head. "How did you meet him?"
She curled up against Chase. "I was running a cougar in the Palo Duro Canyon and he saw me and chased after me."
"Sounds like you have a penchant for that.... ~ Terry Spear

Demons do not cry. You became a demon, because you couldn't cry anymore right? Humans cry and when their tears finally run dry, there's nothing left, not a demon nor a monster and one final prayer for death. So, laugh demon. Laugh that arrogant laugh of your and remember I beat you to it. ~ Alexander Anderson

Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness, long suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys, - these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily, - these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart. ~ J.C. Ryle

Shut. Up," June squealed. "You have a date with that guy?" She giggled and covered her mouth. "Shut up, shut up, shut up! Tell me everything."
"I can't do both," I pointed out. ~ Robin Benway

I wouldn't be able to do anything with my vampire horde except make it run around in a herd, but it would be a very impressive herd. ~ Ilona Andrews

Bob had a dog buscuit stuck to his head. "How does he always get food stuck to him?" I asked Morelli.
"I don't know," Morelli said. "It's a Bob mystery. I think stuff falls out of his mouth and he rolls in it. I'm not sure."
-Morelli And Stephanie ~ Janet Evanovich

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours. ~ Adam Ferrara

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. ~ Henny Youngman

I didn't do anything," Scott protested. "Breaking and entering is nothing?" Detective Basso echoed. "Funny, the law disagrees. ~ Becca Fitzpatrick

On the ice, if I slow down, I can coast behind somebody for a couple of laps. If I slow down on the run, it'll turn into a walk. ~ Apolo Ohno

Who is sitting in that empty chair? ~ Eugene Ormandy