Funny Professors Quotes

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Quotes About Funny Professors

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OH NO YOU DON'T, LADDIE!
Harry spun around. Professor Moody was limping down the marble staircase. His wand was out and it was pointing right at a pure white ferret, which was shivering on the stone-flagged floor, exactly where Malfoy had been standing. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Professors quotes by J.K. Rowling
As a youth I got my jollies by confronting my professors with facts that ran completely contrary to what they were trying to ram into our thick skulls. His expressions of bafflement and anger had never failed to amuse me. ~ Lia Habel
Funny Professors quotes by Lia Habel
It's a queer thing is a man's soul. It is the whole of him. Which means it is the unknown him, as well as the known. It seems to me just funny, professors and Benjamins fixing the functions of the soul. Why, the soul of man is a vast forest, and all Benjamin intended was a neat back garden. And we've all got to fit into his kitchen garden scheme of things. Hail Columbia !

The soul of man is a dark forest. The Hercynian Wood that scared the Romans so, and out of which came the white- skinned hordes of the next civilization.

Who knows what will come out of the soul of man? The soul of man is a dark vast forest, with wild life in it. Think of Benjamin fencing it off!

Oh, but Benjamin fenced a little tract that he called the soul of man, and proceeded to get it into cultivation. Providence, forsooth! And they think that bit of barbed wire is going to keep us in pound for ever? More fools they.

...

Man is a moral animal. All right. I am a moral animal. And I'm going to remain such. I'm not going to be turned into a virtuous little automaton as Benjamin would have me. 'This is good, that is bad. Turn the little handle and let the good tap flow,' saith Benjamin, and all America with him. 'But first of all extirpate those savages who are always turning on the bad tap.'

I am a moral animal. But I am not a moral machine. I don't work with a little set of handles or levers. The Temperance- silence-order- resolution-f ~ D.H. Lawrence
Funny Professors quotes by D.H. Lawrence
I went to the University of San Francisco on an athletic scholarship. I didn't study in high school. I was just there to get by and to play basketball. But a funny thing happened to me when I got to college. I got challenged by the work and the professors. ~ Michael Franti
Funny Professors quotes by Michael Franti
What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret, so, naturally the whole school knows. ~ J.K. Rowling
Funny Professors quotes by J.K. Rowling
It's funny, because when I was in college, all my professors said, 'You should do comedy.' And I was like, 'No! No!' But I was able to get my foot in the door through comedy. I'm so grateful to have the opportunity to do it. ~ Rachael Harris
Funny Professors quotes by Rachael Harris
Some full professors could more accurately be described as empty professors. ~ Thomas Sowell
Funny Professors quotes by Thomas Sowell
"Law professors were never like economics professors," a Harvard Law professor told me. "If you disagreed with someone, you didn't call him a fool." ~ Calvin Trillin
Funny Professors quotes by Calvin Trillin
Old professors never die, they just lose their faculties. ~ Stephen Fry
Funny Professors quotes by Stephen Fry
Professors of classics - not even a professor of English - professors of classics, they're something sacred; it's almost like being a priest. ~ Erich Segal
Funny Professors quotes by Erich Segal
Fewer than half of all university professors publish as much as one article per year. ~ Derek Bok
Funny Professors quotes by Derek Bok
There is no greater way to ensure that universities remain a hotbed of leftist thought than to guarantee that professors knight their own successors. But that's basically how the Ph.D. system works, with sitting professors approving the work of would-be professors. ~ Ben Shapiro
Funny Professors quotes by Ben Shapiro
I like university professors, but you know, we shouldn't hold them up as the high-water mark of all human achievement. They're just a form of life, another form of life. ~ Ken Robinson
Funny Professors quotes by Ken Robinson
After all manner of professors have done their best for us, the place we are to get knowledge is in books. ~ Thomas Carlyle
Funny Professors quotes by Thomas Carlyle
Even professors of economics, to say nothing of the public, do not generally have scientific minds. ~ Frank Knight
Funny Professors quotes by Frank Knight
My grandfather would live to see his children become doctors and ministers, accounts and professors. ~ Rand Paul
Funny Professors quotes by Rand Paul
With sixty professors there are roughly eighteen hundred pairs of professors. Out of that many pairs it was not surprising that there were some whose members did not like one another. ~ Stanislaw Ulam
Funny Professors quotes by Stanislaw Ulam
Many professors are Marxists or other varieties of radicals who hate America. ~ Phyllis Schlafly
Funny Professors quotes by Phyllis Schlafly
Abyss-mongering makes professors and poets feel daring. ~ Mason Cooley
Funny Professors quotes by Mason Cooley
I always thought it was both impious and unnatural that such immanity and bloody strife should reign among professors of one faith. ~ William Shakespeare
Funny Professors quotes by William Shakespeare
Politics is not a science, as the professors are apt to suppose. It is an art. ~ Otto Von Bismarck
Funny Professors quotes by Otto Von Bismarck
We had two grand antique professors who had been teaching at Lombard since before I was born. ~ Carl Sandburg
Funny Professors quotes by Carl Sandburg
Professors simply can't discuss a thing. Habit compels them to deliver a lecture. ~ Hal Boyle
Funny Professors quotes by Hal Boyle
I was taught by professors who had done their schooling in the 1930s. Most of them were scornful of, even hated, big business. ~ Stephen Ambrose
Funny Professors quotes by Stephen Ambrose
If there weren't so many professors, medicine would be much easier. ~ August Bier
Funny Professors quotes by August Bier
There are abundantly more English professors in the world than there are authors. ~ Vanna Bonta
Funny Professors quotes by Vanna Bonta
The colleges, while they provide us with libraries, furnish no professors of books; and I think no chair is so much needed. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Funny Professors quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing exposes religion more to the reproach of its enemies than the worldliness and half-heartedness of the professors of it. ~ Matthew Henry
Funny Professors quotes by Matthew Henry
It was always embarrassing when professors assigned their own books. Even Madeleine, who found all the reading hard going, could tell that Zipperstein's contribution to the field was reformulative and second-tier. ~ Jeffrey Eugenides
Funny Professors quotes by Jeffrey Eugenides
There's something melancholy about professors because they're chronically abandoned. They form these lovely relationships with students and then the students leave and the professors stay the same. It's like they're chronically abandoned. ~ Josh Radnor
Funny Professors quotes by Josh Radnor
I'm not one of those professors whose office is encased floor-to-ceiling with books. By the way, I think academics do this to intimidate their visitors. ~ Gary Hamel
Funny Professors quotes by Gary Hamel
I am one of the scums of this earth, a creature rejected and ridiculed by university professors, professors who later came sneaking into my home seeking the very information that they ridiculed me for revealing. ~ Credo Mutwa
Funny Professors quotes by Credo Mutwa
Leftist university professors in Western Europe and the United States have also been agitated about one other country's wars - Israel's. Hence the numerous attempts by Leftist professors at Western universities to boycott Israeli professors and universities. But, of course, Chinese professors and universities are not only exempt from boycotts; they are enthusiastically sought after despite the lack of elementary freedoms in China, the Chinese government's incarceration of dissidents in psychiatric wards, the decimation of much of Tibetan culture, and the increasing Chinese occupation of that ancient country. ~ Dennis Prager
Funny Professors quotes by Dennis Prager
I try not to deal with people's hostility, though I must if they have something I need from them, as the professors did at Columbia or my landlord did. ~ George Weinberg
Funny Professors quotes by George Weinberg
One thing I point out is, a lot of people tooting the horn of amateurism, actually, these people were professionals. Some are professors who are employed full time. Others are marketers or business consultants. ~ Astra Taylor
Funny Professors quotes by Astra Taylor
You must treat the days respectfully, you must be a day yourself, and not interrogate it like a college professor. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Funny Professors quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson
We have always preferred to be operated on by the assistants of famous surgeons who are also always famous medical professors, and not by those surgeons and professors themselves. ~ Thomas Bernhard
Funny Professors quotes by Thomas Bernhard
Misquotation is quotology's swamp. Amateur quoters mix and mangle Shakespeare and Scripture. Professors gaffe and printers bungle. It's a mess we must wade into. ~ Willis Regier
Funny Professors quotes by Willis Regier
Philosophical concepts nurtured in the stillness of a professor's study could destroy a civilization ... but if professors can truly wield this fatal power, may it not be that only other professors, or, at least, other thinkers can alone disarm them? ~ Isaiah Berlin
Funny Professors quotes by Isaiah Berlin
Professors go batty too, perhaps more often than other people, although owing to their profession, their madness is less often remarked. ~ Michael Gruber
Funny Professors quotes by Michael Gruber
Political scientists and professors are the new clergy; the clergy of oppression. ~ A.E. Samaan
Funny Professors quotes by A.E. Samaan
The presence of irony does not necessarily mean that the earnestness is excluded. Only assistant professors assume that. ~ Soren Kierkegaard
Funny Professors quotes by Soren Kierkegaard
Philosophers write for professors; thinkers for writers. ~ Emile M. Cioran
Funny Professors quotes by Emile M. Cioran
When you get your powers, you learn a lot about yourself. My professors called me mad. It was time for me to stop punishing myself, and start punishing everybody else. ~ Austin Grossman
Funny Professors quotes by Austin Grossman
Antiquity was perhaps created to provide professors with their bread and butter. ~ Jules De Goncourt
Funny Professors quotes by Jules De Goncourt
If God had meant Harvard professors to appear in People magazine, She wouldn't have invented The New York Review of Books. ~ Anna Quindlen
Funny Professors quotes by Anna Quindlen
Rarest of the real poets are born poets. They are the oddballs, not the professors. ~ James Broughton
Funny Professors quotes by James Broughton
You must develop the habit of skepticism, not swallow every piece of superstition you are told by witch-doctors and professors. ~ Chinua Achebe
Funny Professors quotes by Chinua Achebe
One of my graduate school professors, to whom I started sending poems when I started writing again after a 10-year hiatus, suggested I prepare a book manuscript which he could send to publishers for me. ~ Marilyn Nelson
Funny Professors quotes by Marilyn Nelson
It always takes a man that never made much at any thing to tell you how to run your business, though. Like these college professors without a whole pair of socks to his name, telling you how to make a million in ten years, and a woman that couldn't even get a husband can always tell you how to raise a family. ~ William Faulkner
Funny Professors quotes by William Faulkner
After I did 'Orchids,' I enrolled back in film school and did a million and a half workshops and worked with great professors and people, trying to hopefully get better. ~ Bryce Dallas Howard
Funny Professors quotes by Bryce Dallas Howard
Princeton is quite integrated. Women are professors at Princeton. Women are students at Princeton. That began in the 1970s. ~ Joyce Carol Oates
Funny Professors quotes by Joyce Carol Oates
I'm a minister, and I serve as a minister in addition to being a university professor. ~ Tony Campolo
Funny Professors quotes by Tony Campolo
Bad books on writing tell you to "WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW", a solemn and totally false adage that is the reason there exist so many mediocre novels about English professors contemplating adultery. ~ Joe Haldeman
Funny Professors quotes by Joe Haldeman
A well regulated commerce is not, like law, physic, or divinity, to be overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by multitudes, and gives employment to all its professors. ~ Joseph Addison
Funny Professors quotes by Joseph Addison
When eras die, their legacies Are left to strange police. Professors in New England guard The glory that was Greece. ~ Clarence Day
Funny Professors quotes by Clarence Day
Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose
Funny Professors quotes by F. Sionil Jose
There are only two things in which the false professors of all religions have agreed
to persecute all other sects and to plunder their own. ~ Charles Caleb Colton
Funny Professors quotes by Charles Caleb Colton
The rest, called literature, is a dossier of human imbecility for the guidance of future professors. ~ Tristan Tzara
Funny Professors quotes by Tristan Tzara
In those days [the 1790s],the students paid their professors directly for the lectures-typically about three guineas a class (a guinea was worth slightly more than a pound). ~ Joshua Kendall
Funny Professors quotes by Joshua Kendall
Jean Valentine and Jane Cooper were my professors at Sarah Lawrence College - and they were uncompromised in their art. They gave me models of how to live one's life as a poet. ~ Denise Duhamel
Funny Professors quotes by Denise Duhamel
Persons, with big wigs many of them and austere aspect, whom I take to be Professors of the Dismal Science ...
Coining "Dismal Science" as a nickname for Political Economy ~ Thomas Carlyle
Funny Professors quotes by Thomas Carlyle
I've learned so much from my professors and have been fortunate to have had so many good ones, including Frederick and Steven Barthelme, Edward Carey, Jim Magnuson, and Elizabeth McCracken. ~ Mary J. Miller
Funny Professors quotes by Mary J. Miller
The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart
Funny Professors quotes by Bob Newhart
I had studied history at Brown and didn't feel like doing anything with it. What does one do with a history degree besides become a historian? And the professors in school, it seemed like they were just writing books for other professors to comment on, and vice versa - it was the most self-referential, boring world you could ever imagine. ~ Elizabeth Neel
Funny Professors quotes by Elizabeth Neel
His students were hardly in a position to tell him when he was getting windy, and he had recently noticed, as most professors did after a while, that his lectures mysteriously seemed to be getting longer with time. ~ Aaron Elkins
Funny Professors quotes by Aaron Elkins
For the purpose of acquiring gain, everything else is pushed aside or thrown overboard, for example, as is philosophy by the professors of philosophy. ~ Arthur Schopenhauer
Funny Professors quotes by Arthur Schopenhauer
Theology is not a private subject for theologians only. Nor is it a private subject for professors. Fortunately, there have always been pastors who have understood more about theology than most professors. Nor is theology a private subject of study for pastors. Fortunately, there have repeatedly been congregation members, and often whole congregations, who have pursued theology energetically while their pastors were theological infants or barbarians. Theology is a matter for the Church. ~ Karl Barth
Funny Professors quotes by Karl Barth
As our friend Zach has often noted, in our days those who do the best for astronomy are not the salaried university professors, but so-called dillettanti, physicians, jurists, and so forth.Lamenting the fragmentary time left to a professor has remaining after fulfilling his teaching duties. ~ Carl Friedrich Gauss
Funny Professors quotes by Carl Friedrich Gauss
Black professors make more than white professors. That's because we are in demand. I'll tell you, give me two blacks in institutions of higher learning, one has a Ph.D. from an elite institution and has a certain publication record. You give me a white scholar with the same credentials, and I will take that black scholar. ~ William Julius Wilson
Funny Professors quotes by William Julius Wilson
Both of my parents are professors and everyone in my family has some fabulous degree of something or another and I couldn't get into college because I didn't know a language. ~ Camryn Manheim
Funny Professors quotes by Camryn Manheim
It's generally sort of sociologically observed that the better educated people are, the more liberal they tend to be, which would suggest that professors are going to be more liberal than the general public. ~ Louis Menand
Funny Professors quotes by Louis Menand
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright
Funny Professors quotes by Steven Wright
There are so many reasons, but a big reason is that the literary world is simply too white. When there are more professors of color being employed by these institutions maybe there will be some change in the student populations. ~ Porochista Khakpour
Funny Professors quotes by Porochista Khakpour
I served the famous professors and scholars, and eventually they learned that the Reverend Moon is superior to them. Even Nobel laureate academics who thought they were at the center of knowledge are as nothing in front of me. ~ Sun Myung Moon
Funny Professors quotes by Sun Myung Moon
Religion and science both profess peace (and the sincerity of the professors is not being doubted), but each always turns out to have a dominant part in any war that is going or contemplated. ~ Howard Nemerov
Funny Professors quotes by Howard Nemerov
Though knowledge itself increasingly ignores boundaries between fields, professors are apt to organize their pedagogy around the methods and history of their academic subculture rather than some coherent topic in the world. ~ Steven Pinker
Funny Professors quotes by Steven Pinker
Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin
Funny Professors quotes by Mignon McLaughlin
Under the school's disclosure rules, about 1,600 of 8,900 professors and lecturers at Harvard Medical School have reported to the dean that they or a family member had a financial interest in a business related to their teaching, research, or clinical care.2 When professors publicly pass drug recommendations off as academic knowledge, we have a serious problem. ~ Dan Ariely
Funny Professors quotes by Dan Ariely
To command their professors of astronomy to refute their own observations is to command them not to see what they do see and not to understand what they do understand. ~ Galileo Galilei
Funny Professors quotes by Galileo Galilei
The emptiness and folly of retaliation are apparent from every example which can be brought forward. Not only Jesus Christ, but the most eminent professors of every sect of philosophy, have reasoned against this futile superstition. ~ Percy Bysshe Shelley
Funny Professors quotes by Percy Bysshe Shelley
There's a real difference of what one believed was one's chief responsibility between American professors and Chinese professors. This was vividly revealed to me when I compared what I could learn in Chicago and what I could learn in China. ~ Chen-Ning Yang
Funny Professors quotes by Chen-Ning Yang
I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day
Funny Professors quotes by Charlie Day
Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant
Funny Professors quotes by Carroll Bryant
It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway
Funny Professors quotes by Jill Soloway
For I must not measure the speech of a statesman to his people by the impression which it leaves in a university professor, but by the effect it exerts on the people. And this alone gives the standard for the speaker's genius. ~ Adolf Hitler
Funny Professors quotes by Adolf Hitler
It is not the absence of sin but the grieving over it which distinguishes the child of God from empty professors ~ Arthur W. Pink
Funny Professors quotes by Arthur W. Pink
Let the professors of Christianity recommend their religion by deeds of benevolence - by Christian meekness - by lives of temperance and holiness. ~ Richard Mentor Johnson
Funny Professors quotes by Richard Mentor Johnson
You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken
Funny Professors quotes by Al Franken
In marked contrast to the University of Wisconsin, Biochemistry was hardly visible at Stanford in 1945, consisting of only two professors in the chemistry department. ~ Paul D. Boyer
Funny Professors quotes by Paul D. Boyer
I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara
Funny Professors quotes by Angela Nicoara
Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon
Funny Professors quotes by Sherrilyn Kenyon
being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht
Funny Professors quotes by Shashankbisht
Autism's an important part of who I am, but I'm a college professor and an animal scientist first. And I wouldn't want to change 'cause I like the logical way I think. ~ Temple Grandin
Funny Professors quotes by Temple Grandin
Besides numerous science courses, I had the opportunity to study philosophy, the history of architecture, economics, and Russian history in courses taught by extraordinarily knowledgeable professors. ~ Stanley B. Prusiner
Funny Professors quotes by Stanley B. Prusiner
I was a university professor, I could talk on and on and on. Give me a podium and you have to drag me off with a hook. ~ Kathy Reichs
Funny Professors quotes by Kathy Reichs
Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one [Macbeth] in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors. ~ Richard Armour
Funny Professors quotes by Richard Armour
I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer
Funny Professors quotes by Jonathan Safran Foer
On another occasion, Amos and I wondered about the rate of divorce among professors in our university. We noticed that the question triggered a search of memory for divorced professors we knew or knew about, and that we judged the size of categories by the ease with which instances came to mind. We called this reliance on the ease of memory search the availability heuristic. ~ Daniel Kahneman
Funny Professors quotes by Daniel Kahneman
Take the teacher not the course. Find out who the great professors are - the great teachers - and take their courses because a subject that you may not think you're interested in may turn out to be infinitely fascinating because of the way it's taught. ~ David McCullough
Funny Professors quotes by David McCullough
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