Funny Procrastination Quotes

Tomorrow is the only day in the year that appeals to a lazy man. ~ Jimmy Lyons

I think of myself as something of a connoisseur of procrastination, creative and dogged in my approach to not getting things done. ~ Susan Orlean

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it in. ~ Lord Chesterfield

Procrastination always gives you something to look forward to. ~ Joan Konner

Don't fool yourself that important things can be put off till tomorrow; they can be put off forever, or not at all ~ Mignon McLaughlin

After all is said and done, more is said than done. ~ Aesop

Procrastination is like a credit card: it's a lot of fun until you get the bill. ~ Christopher Parker

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. ~ Milan Kundera

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday ~ Don Marquis

If you ask me, reincarnation is just another way to procrastinate. ~ Chuck Palahniuk

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. It is the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast. Listen to the music. Whoa whoa, listen to the music. Because music makes the people come together, it makes the bourgeois and the rebel. So come on people now, smile on your brother, everybody try to love one another. Because what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And I know that love is a battlefield, but boogie on reggae woman because you're gonna make it after all. So celebrate good times, come on. I've gotta stop I've gotta come to my senses, I've been out riding fences for so long ... oops I did it again ... um ... What I'm trying to say is, if you leave tonight and you don't remember anything else that I've said, leave here and remember this: Procrastinate now, don't put it off. ~ Ellen DeGeneres

Nothing says work efficiency like panic mode. ~ Don Roff

I liked Lady Gaga's meat dress. It was funny. ~ Alejandro Jodorowsky

Megan was able to get me the single most important item in this entire house."
"She got you that new vibrator?"
"Jesus ... "
"Oh, the cookbook, right," he said, remembering.
Megan used to work for the Food Network, and was able to secure me a signed copy of the original Barefoot Contessa cookbook. ~ Alice Clayton

Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks. ~ William Orlando Darby

It had seemed a funny story as she told it, both that morning by the waterfall and later at dinner, when she repeated it to the photographer and the agency man and the fashion coordinator for the client. Maria tried now to put what happened in Encino into the same spirited perspective, but Ceci Delano's situation seemed not to apply. In the end it was just a New York story. ~ Joan Didion

'Married with Children' was racy. It was sexist. It was a lot of things, but mostly it was funny. ~ Katey Sagal

It's funny because I've resisted acting as a career for most of my life. But both my parents told me if I ever want to direct, I should act first because no director should direct until they know what it's like to be in the actor's shoes. ~ Dylan Penn

It's funny: I kinda still float under the radar. I'm not tall like a New York Knick; I'm not a heavy, strong New York Giant or New York Jet. I blend in pretty well. A lot of people don't recognize me too many places. More men recognize me than women. ~ Curtis Granderson

Pickup lines never work ... I think someone clever, witty and funny is very attractive. ~ Kate Upton

The funny thing for me is, I have never lived in a network world. ~ Matt Nix

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back ~ Rodney Dangerfield

And in repose one might have admired so fine a specimen of English manhood, until the foppish ways, the affected movements, the perpetual inane laugh, brought one's admiration of Sir Percy Blakeney to an abrupt close. ~ Emmuska Orczy

Children are wise in a funny kind of way. They haven't developed so many vested interests of self. There is a wisdom, a lack of self-consciousness, that is innocence. ~ Frederick Lenz

It's funny how you call me a celebrity. Oh man. ~ Steven Hill

A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?" "Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist. "No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife." ~ Frank Carson

Addictive behavior is kind of the inverse of procrastination: procrastination is about not being able to do what you want to do, addiction about not being able to not do what you don't want to do (drink, use drugs, etc.) ~ James Surowiecki

Choices are funny things-ask a native tribe that's eaten grubs and roots forever if they're unhappy, and they'll shrug. But give them filet mignon and truffle sauce and then ask them to go back to living off the land, and they will always be thinking of that gourmet meal. If you don't know there's an alternative, you can't miss it. ~ Jodi Picoult

Percy yelled. "What's going- Gah! Shrimpzilla! ~ Rick Riordan

The average age (longevity) of a meat eater is 63. I am on the verge of 85 and still work as hard as ever. I have lived quite long enough and am trying to die; but I simply cannot do it. A single beef-steak would finish me; but I cannot bring myself to swallow it. I am oppressed with a dread of living forever. That is the only disadvantage of vegetarianism. ~ George Bernard Shaw

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen." ~ Henny Youngman

The funny thing about prayers is you can absolutely make up your own if you want to. ~ Art Hochberg

Or perhaps it was the crying woman's mention of the unread library books, because truly there was nothing sadder, except a gift that a person has hand made for you, a scarf or a poncho, that, try as you might, you cannot ever see your way into wearing. This is when the cold indifference of the world envelops you, and makes you feel invigorated by emotion but also acutely alone. ~ Heidi Julavits

To a large extent: it's about economy of space. You have so little real estate when you're writing a half hour show. It's really twenty minutes. So you have to with a pilot introduce all your characters, set up the premise in a way that shows the potential for a series and make it funny and do it all in about thirty-five or forty pages. It's very hard. ~ Jonathan M. Goldstein

I got more than I bargained for with him, too. Much more. I know he's completely different now, but he was really nice and funny when he was human. But apparently his manners didn't survive the transition."
Marc smiled. "Yeah, well , yours didn't survive puberty, so you can't really talk. ~ Rachel Vincent

He's all right. His hair is cute."
Jonas froze, his lobster fork halfway to his mouth. " Oh my God, you're in love."
"I'm not in love."
"'his hair is cute'? You never say anything nice about anyone. Coming from you, cute hair is a mating call."
" I talked to the guy for thirty seconds. And then he waved at me while i was in the tank."
"Holy fuck, you're getting married, aren't you!"
" Will you simmer. I certainly am not. ~ MaryJanice Davidson

Seriously, Jack, I think you might be the only guy in this city who hasn't read his stuff. Collin McCann is like the Carrie Bradshaw of Chicago men."
"You mean Terry Bradshaw," Jack corrected.
"No, Carrie," Wilkins repeated. "You know, Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex and the City."
A silence fell over the room as Collin and Jack stared at Wilkins, seriously fearing for the fate of men. ~ Julie James

People are just funny sometimes if you find the right character. ~ Natalie Portman

. . .Tell me, Clare: why on earth would a lovely girl like you want to marry Henry?'

Everything in the room seems to hold its breath. Henry stiffens but doesn't say anything. I lean forward and smile at Mr. DeTamble and say, with enthusiasm, as though he has asked me what flavor of ice cream I like best: 'Because he's really, really good in bed.' In the kitchen there's a howl of laughter. Mr. DeTamble glances at Henry, who raises his eyebrows and grins, and finally even Mr. DeTamble smiles, and says 'Touché, my dear. ~ Audrey Niffenegger

I wouldn't mind dying for France, but not for Air France. ~ Charles De Gaulle

I didn't start talk radio until '95 in L.A. The show was very successful, and they actually tried to syndicate it nationally, but I couldn't get stations. It was like, "We don't care that she's funny and she's got great ratings. She's liberal!" ~ Stephanie Miller

Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day. ~ Samuel Goldwyn

It can take twenty years to create an overnight success but what you don't hear is that that is the exact same amount of time it takes to create a bitter failure. ~ Marc Maron

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. ~ Robert Benchley

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. ~ Albert Einstein

Not that it isn't great to see you. But it's not so great for you. What'd you do wrong? Laugh at his dick? ~ Margaret Atwood