Funny Nurses Week Quotes

Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea. ~ Terry Pratchett

When I play discos in Belfast or freshers' week in Oxford, there are 1,800 kids dressed as me. It's odd, it's funny, and it pays really well. ~ David Hasselhoff

I would say 80% of the scripts I get are dramas and not comedies or romantic comedies, which is funny because that's what I do every week. ~ Eva Longoria

There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week. ~ Jeff Daniels

I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week. ~ Eric Idle

Grand Slams are funny things. You have to try to find a way to get through the first week and put yourself in a position in the second week. A lot of strange things happen. ~ Lleyton Hewitt

For the hearts of nurses are solid gold, / But their heels are flat and their hands are cold, / And their voices lilt with a lilt that's falser / Than the smile of an exhibition waltzer. / Yes, nurses can cure you, nurses restore you, / But nurses are bound that they do things for you. ~ Phyllis McGinley

I'm moving to Mars next week, so if you have any boxes ... ~ Steven Wright

In preschool, I would plan out my show-and-tell every week to be funny and exciting. Then in first grade I wrote a play, and my classmates and I performed it as a puppet show. ~ Maxim Knight

I feel upsettingly de-natured. If Penelope Cruz were one of my nurses, I wouldn't even notice. ~ Christopher Hitchens

Find a job you like and you add five days to every week. ~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

The nurses were all angels in my eyes. ~ Randy Castillo

I feel passionate about nurses. I would do anything for nurses. Anything. ~ Eve Ensler

For the last 3 years, we have celebrated National Nurses Week. Beginning on May 6, we will once again have the opportunity to truly commend the nursing community for their contributions to our national health delivery system. ~ Nathan Deal

I received $100 per week when I started working at the Globe after graduation. ~ Will McDonough

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. ~ Joe E. Lewis

I never liked apples. In fact, when I was a little girl, my mom wanted to give me apples in my lunch box and I would ask for green peppers. So bizarre ... It's funny - I don't have an apple a day, but I can say that I have a few a week. ~ Lana Parrilla

It's so funny because if you tweet your lyrics and then you hear it in a song next week, you're like, 'Hey I had that same idea.' I'm very secretive with my music. We have to send emails password protected. Because once that song gets out, you aren't selling that thing. ~ Ester Dean

The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week? ~ Terry Pratchett

Business, like life, is funny. We all go through difficult times, and we all have to face curve balls and challenges, each and every week. And we need to laugh when things are funny. ~ Ronnie Apteker

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week. ~ Henny Youngman

Detroit's so bad this year they might lose their bye week. ~ Dennis Miller

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?" ~ Frank Carson

I'm actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white. ~ Billy Connolly

(Florence) Nightingale's passion for statistics enabled her to persuade the government of the importance of a whole series of health reforms. for example, many people had argued that training nurses was a waste of time, because patients cared for by trained nurses actually had a higher mortality rate than those treated by untrained staff. Nightingale, however, pointed out that this was only because more serious cases were being sent to those wards with trained nurses. If the intention is to compare the results from two groups, then it is essential to assign patients randomly to the two groups. Sure enough, when Nightingale set up trials in which patients were randomly assigned to trained and untrained nurses, it became clear that the cohort of patients treated by trained nurses fared much better than their counterparts in wards with untrained nurses. ~ Simon Singh

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under. ~ Henny Youngman

I used to buy lottery tickets every week until I realised you could watch it on TV for nothing. ~ Jimmy Carr

Three weeks ago, she learned how to drive. Last week she learned how to aim it. ~ Henny Youngman

I think it's funny because on 'Glee Project,' there's that added pressure, but with 'Glee,' there's no element of competition. No one's trying to dance better than anyone. But there's that added pressure of, 'So many people are going to watch 'Glee' this week. If I don't nail this dance, I look like an idiot.' ~ Samuel Larsen

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder. ~ Matt Groening

Last week I got a flu that I caught, 'cause my daughter coughed ... into my mouth. ~ Louis C.K.

For too long nurses have been undervalued, restricted in what they could do, with too few career opportunities in clinical practice. For far too long, nurses have endured a pay system that has held them back - both professionally as well as financially. ~ John Hutton

Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial. ~ Allen Klein

Nobody's ever satisfied until they've been dead a good week. ~ Lucille Kallen

Nurses are an integral component of the health care system, and it is important that we recognize the over 2.7 million registered nurses for the significant work that they do. ~ Nathan Deal

I was a weirdo to want to be in show business. Most kids wanted to be teachers or nurses. ~ Nell Carter

Her unique observations are about how the war
impacted people - from the thrill-seekers going to battlefields for fun, to the nurses working among the wounded in darkness, and London society women venturing into foreign lands to work near dangerous enemy lines. ~ Noel Marie Fletcher

How can anybody hate nurses? Nobody hates nurses. The only time you hate a nurse is when they're giving you an enema. ~ Warren Beatty

You're right. Many nurses nowadays don't like doing the things that nurses used to have to do. Changing sheets and collecting bedpans - that sort of thing. Nursing has moved on, Bertie.'
Bertie was puzzled. 'But if they don't do that,' he said, 'then who does? Do people have to tuck themselves into bed when they're in hospital?'
Irene was amused by this and raised her eyes again. 'Dear Bertie, no, not at all. They have other people now to do that sort of thing. There are other wome ... people who do that.' 'So they aren't nurses, Mummy?' asked Bertie. Irene waved a hand vaguely. 'No. They call them care assistants, or something like that. It's very important work.' 'So what do the nurses do then, Mummy? If they have somebody else to take the bedpans to the patients, what's left for the nurses to do? Do they do the things that doctors do? Can nurses take your tonsils out?' 'I think they'd like to,' said Irene. ~ Alexander McCall Smith

About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like, 'Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert. ~ Demetri Martin

Addiction is a disease of exposure. Doctors and nurses, for instance, have a high addiction rate. ~ William S. Burroughs

It's very trying on a marriage when you're doing a one hour show, week after week after week. You don't have enough time for people that maybe you should have top priority. ~ Gavin MacLeod

This is the Middle East, where every week you have something new; so whatever you talk about this week will not be valuable next week. ~ Bashar Al-Assad

Anything being perceived as being superior takes the noun. And everything that isn't, that's judged to be inferior, requires an adjective. So there are black novelists and novelists. There are women physicians and physicians. Male nurses and nurses. ~ Gloria Steinem

The only choice permitted us is either to be servants for $7 a week or to portray them for $700 per week. ~ Hattie McDaniel

Nurses are on the front lines of our care. And they need to be at the foundation of health care reform. Let's get health care done - and done right - by ensuring the amount of nurses we need to provide quality care for all. ~ Kirsten Gillibrand

I think your average fan probably just assumes that the same person directs every episode of their favorite series, week in and week out. ~ Michael Spiller

Sex in marriage is like medicine. Three times a day for the first week. Then once a day for another week. Then once every three or four days till the condition clears up. ~ Peter De Vries

Lots of cops married nurses, Tallow knew. Nurses understood the life: murderous shiftwork, long stretches of boredom, sudden adrenaline spikes, blood everywhere. Tallow almost smiled as he followed his wincing partner into the apartment building. He made sure the door closed as silently as possible, and only then did he draw his firearm. ~ Warren Ellis

This week, penny collector Gene Sukie went to the bank and cashed in 10,000 pounds of pennies he had collected over 34 years, which were worth over 14,000 dollars. And, of course, I was in line behind him. ~ Tina Fey

Well, you have your regular classes, like three hours every other day, three times a week. You get twice a week to have an ice practice. Once a week you have weight lifting. It was great. ~ Peter Forsberg

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

I never really write the jokes. I just sit down over a week or two and try to figure out what I want to talk about. Once I narrow that down, then I start working on the material, like "How do I make this stuff funny?" ~ Chris Rock

That BIDMC did not bother to apply to the American Nurses Credentialing Center for recognition as a magnet hospital - one of Beth Israel's distinguishing features - demonstrates just how susceptible to disruption these arrangements are. Such fluctuations and changes could have ramifications not just for individual nurses' satisfaction and burnout rate but also for the quality of care patients receive. ~ Dana Beth Weinberg

I shave my body probably once a week, maybe twice a week on the arms, just to keep it fresh. ~ Ryan Sheckler

I do find myself surprised by the comedy shows that seem to have the same joke week in week out. ~ Clive Anderson

Week by week my orders grew, and the flat of the old mill soon assumed a very busy aspect. ~ James Nasmyth

That really is my trademark. Day to day, week in, week out. If something happens and the crowd roars, I shut up. ~ Vin Scully

The station put us on staff at $35 a week ... and I mean every week. ~ Roy Rogers

The British government has urged its citizens to abstain from alcohol at least two days a week. Or to make it easier to remember, whenever they brush their teeth. ~ Conan O'Brien

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? ~ Woody Allen

Every week I preach justification by faith to my people, because every week they forget it. ~ Martin Luther

Masters runners fare best when they designate every third week as a recovery week. ~ Matt Fitzgerald

Having the security of being in a series week in, week out gives you great flexibility; you can experience with yourself, try a different scene different ways. If you make a mistake one week, you can look at it and say, 'Well, I won't do that again,' and you're still on the air next week. ~ Clint Eastwood

Last week in the Homeland Security Committee, Republicans were against port security; and today, one week after Democrats unveiled our Real Security Agenda, they're for it. ~ Jim Clyburn

We had all week to rehearse. An audience would come in at the end of the week and we'd our little show. Most of the ad- libbing happened during the week on the show. ~ Dick Van Dyke

Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week? ~ Pawan Mishra

Traveling is definitely something that your average 17-year-old doesn't get to do. One week we're in Japan, one week we're in Australia, one week we're back home going to football games. ~ Solange Knowles

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

I wasn't really living anywhere ... I was just kinda hanging out. I would live from week to week in places. ~ Bob Livingston

You can't be a full tranny every day of the week that's an exaggerated part of my personality. ~ Katy Perry

When windows shatter through a bomb, we will repair it next week because we are Afghans. That's the spirit. ~ Ashraf Ghani

I should think you could be gladder on Monday mornin' than any other day in the week, because 'twould be a whole week before you'd have another one! ~ Eleanor Porter

Don't be silly. I'll write you twice a week. ~ Groucho Marx

I lift weights four times a week, usually run five days a week. ~ Jimmie Johnson

I'm at the age where I just want to experiment. You know, play a crime investigator one week, a pregnant girl one week, an angel of darkness another week. I don't want to define myself by any category, or age, or role. ~ Leven Rambin

The scientific evidence of how serious this climate crisis is becoming continues to amass week after week after week. ~ Al Gore

Even books are nurses, medicines are nurses. But we must work to bring about the time when man shall recognise his mastery over his own body. Herbs and medicines have power over us as long as we allow them; when we become strong, these external methods are no more necessary. ~ Swami Vivekananda

My life feels, week to week, incomplete to the level of being pointless if I am not in preparation for the next play or, ideally, into it. ~ Tom Stoppard

Lifetime called. They want their movie of the week back. ~ Kelly Moran

Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there. ~ Bill Madlock

With episodic, kind of one-hour directing, they always have guest directors come in, so they don't have the same person week after week. You get a break. ~ Melanie Mayron

America's doctors, nurses and medical researchers are the best in the world, but our health care system is broken. ~ Mike Ferguson

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" ~ Henny Youngman

Nowadays, to be frank, every week is a good week for freakshow television. we might start asking, Why are there so many freaks? And why do they all want to be on television? ~ Caitlin Moran

I remember the early 1980s, when I first got one of these fabulous film critic jobs. The downside was sitting through 'Splatteria III: The Dismembering of the Clampett Clan' or 'The Oklahoma Meatgrinder Massacre' or some such. The headaches unleashed by watching attractive kids die week after week after week cannot be imagined. ~ Stephen Hunter

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

I work free-weights and do circuit training with my trainer 4-5 times a week. I also train in Brazilian Ju Jitsu several times a week. ~ Jonathan Lipnicki

One week I'll get pancakes at Bongo Room, the next week I go to Kuma's Corner. But I always end up at Coldstone. I love ice cream. ~ CM Punk

The End of a long week with Viking Leader AKA DJ Virgo AKA Avicii! So many great songs! #icantwait #revolution ~ Madonna Ciccone

Nurses are there when the last breath is taken and nurses are there when the first breath is taken. Although it is more enjoyable to celebrate the birth, it is just as important to comfort in death. ~ Christine Bell

But a week must pass; only a week, in Anne's reckoning, and then, she supposed, they must meet; and soon she began to wish that she could feel secure even for a week. ~ Jane Austen

One week, you can have a real heavy romance 'Chuck' episode, and the next week it can be some kind of murdery mystery. It's not like doing a procedural. ~ Robert Duncan McNeill

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago. ~ David Coleman

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels. ~ Dennis Miller

I think we are trying to improve for next week. Period. I do not think anybody is thinking about anything else. ~ Les Miles

Over in the UK, the music press can be brutal. They can say wonderful things about you one week, and the next week, you're in the can. ~ Enya

If I have one thing on in a week, I find it very difficult to get back to work that week. I need a lot of dreaming time. ~ Kate Thompson

Fashion Week is surprisingly very short. At least the actual runway shows are. ~ Tinie Tempah