Funny Mistletoe Quotes

Sierra, it's Christmastime. Put a stupid mistletoe over his head and kiss him already! ~ Jay Asher

Mistletoe. I surmount all obstacles. ~ Vanessa Diffenbaugh

It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly... and other things ending in olly. ~ Terry Pratchett

Mistletoe, the same plant you kiss under at holiday time, may be an effective aid against certain types of cancer. ~ Chris Kilham

Love.Wow.I could feel the hearts and flowers and damn cupids floating over my head. Who would have thought? It was like some weird-ass Hallmark movie. And it was wonderful. ~ ― Eli Easton, Blame It On The Mistletoe

The tradition was that with each kiss a berry was picked off the mistletoe. Once the last berry was gone, then there could be no more kissing," Chris revealed as he leaned closer before whispering, "And that's a total shame. ~ Sarah Stein

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe. ~ Christopher Moore

You might be a redneck if you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by. ~ Jeff Foxworthy

Mistletoe," said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry's head. He jumped out from under it.
"Good thinking," said Luna seriously. "It's often infested with nargles. ~ J.K. Rowling

The day's at end and there's nowhere to go,
Draw to the fire, even this fire is dying;
Get up and once again politely lying
Invite the ladies toward the mistletoe ... ~ Allen Tate

While she could hardly fathom what had just happened to her that night, she reached some conclusions before she fell asleep, certain things now made perfect sense; Moon River didn't sound so syrupy, mistletoe wasn't such a bad idea, and perhaps dating was not such a frivolous waste of time after all. ~ E.A. Bucchianeri

I've got some mistletoe in my back pocket. Why don't you kiss my ass! ~ Anonymous

Oh sweet December,
You bring us Charlie Brown, chestnuts and candy canes,
You add such sweetness to your name
You bring us garland, gingerbread and mistletoe,
You also bring us everything wrapped in a bow
Oh sweet December-you're so good to us,
You always prepare us for The Christmas fuss ~ Charmaine J Forde

Some lucky people can be funny without half trying because they actually look funny, because acting funny is in their bones - fun as funny, not funny as crude slapstick. ~ F. Sionil Jose

There is no mention of mistletoe as a sacred herb. ~ Eleanour Sinclair Rohde

The problem is that we live in an uptight country. Why don't we just laugh at ourselves? We are funny. Gays are funny. Straights are funny. Women are funny. Men are funny. We are all funny, and we all do funny things. Let's laugh about it. ~ Bob Newhart

Money is made at Christmas out of holly and mistletoe, but who save the vendors would greatly care if no green branch were procurable? One symbol, indeed, has obscured all others
the minted round of metal. And one may safely say that, of all the ages since a coin first became the symbol of power, ours is that in which it yields to the majority of its possessors the poorest return in heart's contentment. ~ George Gissing

Dried the flowers myself. Belladonna, oleander, and mistletoe. Three of my favorites. All of them poisonous ... but such lovely colors. ~ Anthony Horowitz

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? ~ Steven Wright

Mama does everything for the baby, who responds by saying Dada first. ~ Mignon McLaughlin

A gleam of humor flickered in those obsidian eyes. I should warn you, Hannah: when we meet at Stony Cross Park, take care to avoid the mistletoe. For both our sakes. ~ Lisa Kleypas

I always was a funny guy, the class clown. I had a very funny dad and an extremely funny grandmother. ~ Charlie Day

Slap-stick comedy is really funny, unless you're the one getting slapped with the stick. ~ Carroll Bryant

It's really easy to be funny. You get a lot of funny people in a room, the show is funny. ~ Jill Soloway

You know, Lincoln was funny. I don't think F.D.R. was very funny. But Lincoln was funny. Lincoln was really funny. But I think you should get elected first, and then show that you're funny. ~ Al Franken

I find Anders very funny and funny lasts forever." Samantha ~ Angela Nicoara

Life before toilet paper was not worth living. ~ Sherrilyn Kenyon

being funny is actually all about thinking "what if ?" in a creative way. ~ Shashankbisht

Inside, the festivities would continue, probably well into the night, with flirtation and merriment and gratuitous use of mistletoe. It was an inexpressibly wearying thought. ~ Lauren Willig

I'm not funny. People assume that because my books are funny, I'll be funny in real life. It's the inevitable disappointment of meeting me. ~ Jonathan Safran Foer

You really do have some pretty fancy words lately."
"Yeah." He put the mistletoe in his pocket and pulled her in closer. "And here's three more ... I love you. ~ Jill Shalvis

The nurses did their best to spruce up the antiseptic corridors but the smell of pine boughs was overpowered by Pine Sol and no one paused beneath the mistletoe on the contagious ward. ~ Robert Zverina

Ish #109 If MapQuest says make a right, go straight. You'll get there quicker. ~ Regina Griffin

We can't against human stupidity. Because they are too many and too dangerous. ~ Nobita Nobi

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. ~ Helen Hayes

I like funny things, but I don't find myself particularly funny. ~ Chris Messina

Ish #21 Stop saying the only meat you eat is chicken. It's still meat! ~ Regina Griffin

Is that mistletoe?"
Jim nodded.
"Cool. We don't have that in Australia."
"So you've never kissed beneath the mistletoe."
She shook her head.
"When in Canada..." His eyes searched hers.
"When in Canada," she repeated softly.
Jim pulled her close, parted his lips slightly, gazed into her eyes and she forgot to breathe. Everything around them fell away. She forgot the people behind her, forgot the crowd in the church, forgot Scumbag Steve. Forgot that it was Christmas and she was in a foreign country about to kiss a stranger. None of it mattered. She gazed into Jim's eyes, losing herself in the soft gray depths.
"May this kiss be the beginning of your Christmas dreams come true," he whispered as he gently pressed his lips into hers. ~ Nicki Edwards

I never know when I am being funny, and the other way too. I don't think you can think about that. I don't think you can try to be funny. Some people are just funny. ~ Christopher Walken

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby. ~ Natalie Wood

Boy, those French! They have a different word for everything. ~ Steve Martin

I've never set out to write a funny movie or be a funny comedian as a woman. I am a woman. I don't really have a choice in the matter. My goal is just to be funny. ~ Maya Rudolph

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself. ~ Chris Rock

As I get older, I just prefer to knit. ~ Tracey Ullman

When you don't have a laugh track, you can make the clothes funny. We can make a sign funny. We can make the way somebody walks funny. The makeup can be funny. ~ Mitchell Hurwitz

I have funny bones. If there's ever any kind of tension, I'll always be the one to try and be funny to loosen things up. ~ Matt LeBlanc

Making modern games funny would be easy as pie if it was anybody's goal to actually make a funny game. ~ Doug TenNapel

I grew up with an extremely funny dad, and my mom is super funny. ~ Paula Pell

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie. ~ Thomas Haden Church

You know ... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time ... husband!!! ~ Bill Maher

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy. ~ Tommy Chong

There are no funny lawyers - only funny people who made a career mistake. ~ Robert J. White

Um, I'm pretty sure mistletoe means give a kiss,
not a blow job," I argue raising my eyebrows at him.
"No, it's a blow job. Santa changed it last year. ~ Carian Cole

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny. ~ Mark Russell

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny. ~ Alan King

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood. ~ Paul O'Grady

I always believe that funny is serious and serious is funny. You don't really need a distinction between them. ~ Trevor Noah

I come from a long line of miserable people. ~ Arlene Schindler

Comedy should never be over-analysed. It's either funny or it isn't. There's a subtle difference between those who say funny things and those who say things funny. ~ Ken Dodd

Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing. ~ Helen Rowland

Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn't like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton. ~ Jay Leno

I think you figure out how to be funny by necessity. It's not a natural thing, being funny in the face of tragedy is kind of demented. ~ Julie Brown

When something is truly funny, it's funny all the time. ~ Cloris Leachman

You think you're funny." "Oh, I know I'm funny. Unappreciated, but funny. ~ Jim Butcher

I wasn't particularly funny in high school, but I grew up with three older brothers who were quite funny. ~ Ryan Stiles

Some actors try to play parts and do things they can't do. Being funny is one of them. Being funny's hard. ~ Tom Sizemore

I'm always more motivated by the pain of a funny character than by what makes him funny. ~ Jason Alexander

You're funny.
Funny peculiar or funny ha-ha?
A bit of both, I think. ~ E.L. James

My parents were funny. My brothers were funny. We just laughed and had a good time. Growing up, it breeds that. It breeds your funny. It breeds your creativity. ~ Kym Whitley

There's only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh. ~ Jeff Garlin

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. ~ Francois De La Rochefoucauld

I'm not a comedian. I don't make things funny if they're not funny. I don't invent funny stuff. ~ Morgan Freeman

Tiny parasites inside you, big parasites outside you, people living from your work even though they stay on the other side of the world, making you do it by the force of laws and guns. Laws like mistletoe! ~ Kim Stanley Robinson

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose. ~ James Patterson

There is no number so unlucky as thirteen. Once, in Valhalla, there was a feast for twelve gods, but Loki, the trickster god, went uninvited and he played his evil games, persuading Hod the Blind to throw a sprig of mistletoe at his brother, Baldur. Baldur was the favorite god, the good one, but he could be killed by mistletoe and so his blind brother threw the sprig and Baldur died and Loki laughed, and ever since we have known that thirteen is the evil number. Thirteen birds in the sky are an omen of disaster, thirteen pebbles in a cooking pot will poison any food placed in the pot, while thirteen at a meal is an invitation to death. Thirteen spears against a fortress could only mean defeat. Even the Christians know thirteen is unlucky. Father Beocca told me that was because there were thirteen men at Christ's last meal, and the thirteenth was Judas. ~ Bernard Cornwell

Although there are many trial marriages ... there is no such thing as a trial child. ~ Gail Sheehy

I am funny. No one else thinks I am funny. But I am funny. ~ Lorraine Bracco

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you. ~ Billy Wilder

I was funny around my family. My family, they're pretty funny, too. ~ Wanda Sykes

The decision as to what's funny and what is not funny shall rest solely with Mr. Freberg. ~ Stan Freberg

Somebody dies and people eat your food. Funny how that works. ~ Sherman Alexie

Chemistry's a funny thing. It can be instantaneous, but it helps when you know someone. ~ David Walton

It's not about trying to be funny all the time. It's more of a document that hopefully is funny. ~ David Cross

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man. ~ Frank Carson

The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny. ~ Greg Giraldo

You know what they say about big hitters ... the woods are full of them. ~ Jimmy Demaret

This many pretty girls in the room, all watching you boys like you're a wedding-reception one-night stand waiting to happen - ~ Cristin Harber

I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know. ~ W.C. Fields

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. ~ Steven Wright

It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me. ~ Auliq Ice

I don't have to be bam, bam, bam, funny when I'm working. I can tell stories, and there's some funny in them. ~ Whoopi Goldberg

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

There is definitely a pressure for funny people to be funny. People want them to perform all the time. ~ Marsha Thomason

I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny. ~ Mila Kunis

Funny is funny is funny. ~ Bob Newhart

I moved to New York to do theater, and I got cast in a play that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. I did a movie that was funny, and then I was the funny guy. ~ Steve Zahn

I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans. ~ Mike Birbiglia

When I was in improv workshops or doing stand-up or writing comedy with others, or just doing comedy, I just laughed. Funny was funny; I loved to laugh. I always liked people I found generally funny. ~ Michael Keaton

Comedy is learning to be funny, and you learn to be funny in small rooms with young audiences. ~ Joan Rivers

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny. ~ Steve Coogan